Familiar Gatherings
by HM Grayson
Summary: Starting a new relationship is always tricky, but getting to know Embry Call and his very tall friends is going to be a lot more complicated than Angela Weber ever thought. When everyone has secrets how can you trust the one you love?
1. Prologue: Are You Ten Years Ago

Familiar Gatherings

* * *

Prologue: Are You Ten Years Ago

* * *

"Truth or dare?"

"Gimme a second." All of us turned to stare at Mike. "I'm having a high school flashback."

"That's the point." When Jessica had first announced we were going to play truth or dare she hadn't been able to keep the smile off of her face. Thirty minutes later and we had yet to start—and her smile was wearing thin. "Ask again, Tyler."

"Lauren: truth or dare?"

"Dare."

Lauren didn't need to say anything; we all knew what she would pick. The best thing about being friends with the same people for thirty years was that you started thinking you had ESP because you could read their minds. Since Tyler was going first he was going to ask Lauren and she would pick dare. It was just the way things went.

"I dare you to go skinny dipping!"

Giggles erupted around the fire, just like they had when we were in high school. Like Jess had said, that was the point of this weekend.

"Too easy," Lauren complained. "Anyone takes my clothes and they die."

We had played this game far too many times over the years not to know what would happen next. But that was back when we were teenagers. Now that we were adults, mature and responsible, with families and mortgages and a list of household chores a mile long…

It took the guys two minutes instead of one to work up the nerve to take her clothes.

I brought a blanket to the water so Lauren wouldn't be too upset when she got out as the rest tried to muffle their laughter. Just because Lauren knew it was coming didn't mean she wasn't going to tell us how upset she was about it. At least she was calmer than she would have been fifteen years ago. Age had made us mellow—or maybe just desensitized us to each other's nakedness.

"Perverts," Lauren declared. "I'm going to tell on you all."

"Oh no," Eric dead-panned. "Not my mother, anyone but my mother."

"Just your wife."

The circle grew quiet as Lauren's threat became all too real to everyone.

"You're breaking the rules," Jessica snapped. She was still the shortest one of us by far, but when she stamped her foot her hair bounced so much you could be forgiven for thinking she was the tallest. "Forty-eight hours. No wives. No husbands. No children. It's very simple."

"I should go call the girls," Ben said, rising suddenly. "They won't be able to sleep if they don't hear from me."

"Sit down," Jessica insisted. "If anyone here should be worried about their children, it's me. But I don't care that the only thing between them and certain death is the brain-dead stoner from next door because I am not allowed to think about my children this weekend because anything that didn't exist in high school is not allowed in the circle. As we _all_ agreed before!"

There were small murmurs from around the fire (I think Connor took Ben's cell) as Jessica regained control of the night. She was in charge this weekend because it had been her idea. Hers and Mike's, the way most ideas in our little group had been since kindergarten. Planning wasn't always their strong suit (though I had to do less planning than usual this time because Mike was a big camper) but they always had the best ideas.

"Where were we?"

Lauren spoke up: "Jessica: truth or dare?"

Without thinking, I mouthed the word along with Jessica.

"Dare."

* * *

"I hate my life."

"Don't say that," I begged Jessica. "It's not that bad."

"Yes it is."

The two of us turned to glare at Lauren, who didn't look guilty but put her drink down anyway. "I'm going to go now."

"Mike'll be back with something for the pain soon," I assured Jessica again. Outside the tent I could hear low murmurs as the others joked about our terrible, terrible luck. I think I heard Samantha mention they had marshmallows and then the voices grew fainter as everyone drifted away.

"You can go," Jessica said. "No point in both of us sitting here. Alone. And miserable."

"I don't mind staying."

"You're too nice, Ang."

We shared a smile. Jessica was my oldest friend—I sometimes said best to simplify things for other people even if that didn't begin to capture everything. I had other friends that I had more in common with and other friends I got along better with but Jessica had been my friend since the first day of kindergarten. No matter what happened to me, she was there. We had an understanding that went beyond just being friends. So when she said I was too nice I knew she was just saying thank you.

"I'm not abandoning you. What happens if I leave and your ankle just keeps swelling up and then explodes on us all?"

"Ew." But she was laughing. "You need to get away from your boys."

"Never. Now is there anything else I can get you? The ice should help the pain, but tell me if I can do anything else. "

Jessica considered for a moment. There wasn't much I could do for her in the middle of nowhere and she knew it. She settled for something ridiculous.

"Tell me a story."

"What?"

"A story. Come on, Ang. My ankle is killing me."

I relented quickly. "What kind of story?"

"Anything."

"Anything?"

"As long as I haven't heard it already."

"Is there anything you haven't heard?"

"You'll think of something." Trying to make herself more comfortable on the cold ground, Jessica continued with her list of demands. "Make sure it has some romance in it. You need a little romance in a good story."

"Romance. Okay. I can do that."

"And there should be some mystery, too. Something exciting."

"I can't promise exciting, but I think I might be able to do something you might not expect."

"And maybe throw in some dwarves or elves or something."

"What?"

"Katie got me hooked on these books about rings and I'm in the mood for some more. They're kind of neat."

"Um...fantastical. Got it. Anything else?"

"Try to be funny, Angela. I know you have a bit of trouble with that but..."

"Ouch."

She laughed. "Sorry, sorry. Okay, I'm done being a diva. Ready?"

"Well, there is one story I could tell..."

I probably shouldn't tell her; I knew I shouldn't tell her. Almost forty years of friendship meant that Jessica had earned my trust a hundred times over but not all secrets were mine to tell. Then again, after forty years the idea of not telling Jessica felt rather sacrilegious. Jessica knew everything about everybody in Forks but she didn't know all about me?

"Now, I'm pretty sure I told you about the time I hurt my ankle and met two shirtless men in the forest, but I don't think I ever told you the _full_ story of how I got from that day to my wedding day."

Jessica settled down to listen as I began to talk.


	2. Ch 1: The Boogie Monster

A/N: There's a lot of people (and werewolves and vampires…and others) in this story, even if my main focus is on the werewolves and how they would look to outsiders. That's your warning, folks. I tried to get as many characters from the series in here as I could; there are a lot of tangents.

* * *

Chapter 1: The Boogie Monster

* * *

I was not an outdoors person.

There was no false modesty in that claim. I didn't like trees (or mud) the way deer didn't like loud noise; usually when someone mentioned hiking I took off in the opposite direction because I was sure that the great outdoors was going to lead to my doom. It wasn't that I disliked getting dirty. I wanted to be a kindergarten teacher—getting dirty was my life. And it wasn't that I was lazy. I wasn't the most physically fit person you could meet but I could walk up a hill without breaking a sweat. Hiking simply did not appeal to me.

But that day I went hiking.

School started the next day. It was my very first year teaching in Forks. The only time I had been away from the town I had been born in was to get the degree that would let me stay there for the rest of my life. So there was no pressure, or anything, but my first day of teaching had to go well because it was what I was going to do for the rest of forever. Sitting around all day had seemed like a silly thing to do, just giving the fear in my belly time to grow into a monstrous creature that I couldn't keep down.

Most of my friends were busy, so when Rina suggested—

"_Hold up. Who's Rina?"_

"_Sabrina? My college roommate. Remember? Blonde, tattooed—"_

_Jessica always knew who everyone was. It took her a second, but she remembered quickly enough._

"_The man-hating hippie?"_

"_Jess…" I rolled my eyes, but had to admit, "Yes. That one."_

"_You're telling me a story about her? Ew."_

"_I'm not. She's barely in the story. She just happened to be there that day. She had come down for the weekend before school started, to keep me distracted. That's why I did want she wanted to do. So everything that happens is sort of her fault, even if she's not important. Except for—you're going to ruin the story if you keep interrupting."_

"_Sorry. Go on. Just not about her."_

Most of my friends were busy, so when Rina suggested going for a hike I agreed. She was from the city (Salem, then Seattle) so she didn't usually have the opportunity to go exploring in a forest and she was looking forward to it. Since I had promised her a weekend of fun and had for the most part failed to deliver I agreed without protest.

That's how I ended up in the forest. I ended up on the forest floor because while all mud looks the same it isn't actually. Sometimes when you step in it your foot gets stuck. Other times your foot kind of slips off of it like there was some kind of natural force field around the earth, forcing your leg in a direction you didn't expect it to go. And when your foot isn't underneath you like you expect you end up toppling over, especially if you're a giant like I am.

And if you're really unlucky as you stumble around the first thing you step on is a branch that breaks underneath your weight so your ankle comes down with a sickening crack.

I didn't cry; I wanted to but I didn't. I just fell over instead.

"If you don't keep it down, you'll scare all the animals away," Rina called over her shoulder. She was crouched down, examining some plant I struggled to identify, not seeming to have noticed my failed battle with the less than great outdoors.

"Sorry."

"Just next time…why are you sitting in the mud?" It was around then that she saw my foot and the unnatural angle it was at. "Are you okay?"

"Not really. No."

Handing me the plant, with instructions not to lose any of it, she set about pulling off my shoe. After wrapping her hands tentatively around my ankle, she began muttering under her breath, trying to figure out how to help me. But no sooner had she made sure it wasn't broken than she was interrupted by the sound of cracking branches.

I looked up and there they were.

At first I thought I was in more pain than I realized, since I was seeing double. But there really were two of them. Though they were both larger than I thought human beings could be—as the tallest woman in every room I entered I was qualified to pass judgment—one was taller than the other. And their jean cutoffs were in slightly different shades and covered in slightly different coloured mud. Two extremely large men from the reservation stood above me with the same broad shoulders, the same dark hair and the same bare feet.

Not that I was looking at their feet. Even with a broken ankle, I was going to take advantage of having working eyesight. Neither seemed to have heard of a shirt, which…thank you Jesus Christ.

Wow.

I didn't think it was possible to paint on muscles like that, let alone actually have them. They were so cut I didn't even feel bad about objectifying them. It would have been a crime not to. Something inside me sat up and howled. Angela Weber had hormones. Who knew? Not me.

"Everything okay here?" the one in the darker jeans said.

"Fine," Rina snapped. "We're fine."

"She doesn't look fine," the other one said. "She looks like she just fell and broke her ankle in the middle of nowhere with no one to help her."

"We're fine," she repeated. She didn't like being questioned, especially when she could help me better than they could.

The taller one seemed to realize things were escalating too quickly because he put his hands up and took a step back. The smile on his face was hard to resist as he talked Rina down. "Hey, we didn't mean any harm. We just wanted to make sure everyone was okay because it sounded like your friend was hurt. We're just here to help."

"Please let us help?" The other man sighed. "Seth won't let us leave until we do."

"Shut up, Embry."

"What? It's true."

"Rina?" I said softly to the woman who hadn't moved. "Rina, we might as well let them help."

She nodded; she could tell their intentions were genuine even if their presence was throwing her off balance.

"What can you do?"

"Just let us check it out, see if it's broken. Then we'll help you get of here," the one called Seth answered.

"They always appreciate Nurse Seth's excellent bedside manner."

Seth rolled his eyes at his friend before taking Rina's place, crouching by my ankle. He was even bigger up close, the biggest man I had ever seen and the fear I hadn't felt before began to creep up on me. I tried to keep it at bay—it wasn't fair, after all—and his reassuring smile helped a bit.

"Are you really a nurse?" I asked as he pulled off my sock. Despite how large his hands were his touch was gentle. It surprised me and I didn't like how it surprised me. I wasn't usually so judgmental.

"Barely," he said with a shrug. "But I'm really good with broken-slash-sprained-slash-bruised ankles-slash-wrists-slash-arms etcetera etcetera. Kind of my specialty."

He said it all without taking a breath. It was impressive, it you liked that sort of thing.

"And he pops dislocated limbs in like an expert," the other one said. When I glanced up, it was to see him smiling at his friend, the first smile I had seen on him. It made him look a lot friendlier. Much nicer. The kind of nice that made me relax just a fraction more. And maybe smile back.

"Well?" Rina demanded. "How bad is it?"

"I'm Seth Clearwater," was all the first said. To me. "And that's Embry. By the way."

"Angela Weber." Since she wouldn't have appreciated it, I didn't volunteer Rina's name. "So how is it?"

"Just sprained. You got lucky—a few days of hobbling and you'll be back to normal. You don't even really need to go to a doctor, if you don't want. I just don't recommend walking out of here."

"Darn. I knew I should have brought my broom with me. Guess I'm stuck teleporting."

Both of them laughed. When they laughed you could tell they did it often. When they laughed I stopped being scared of them, all at once, even if their voices were deep and their laughter boomed through the quiet forest.

"Seth'll carry you," Embry promised.

"I carried the last five," Seth said as he handed me my shoe and sock.

"You're taller."

"You don't think you can lift her?" Being tall meant I was heavy, even if they had the muscles of guys who cared about nothing besides how much they could lift. "Or you just scared of the injured chick?"

The things that determine your fate are surprising in how ordinary they are.

"Shut up, Seth."

But I think he blushed. It was kind of endearing. That's why I was smiling when he glanced at me. He was still looking at me when Seth just took off.

"Kid—! Stupid brat," Embry muttered. But he ignored the laughter coming from the trees and came over to me. "Sorry about that. He's got all the manners of an untrained dog."

"He got me my very own escort out of here. I'm not too mad."

He coughed nervously then crouched right beside me. Rina was glaring, disinclined to humour people, but I didn't mind keeping him around for a moment longer. "Put your arm around my neck and hang onto the shoe, okay?"

Whatever he was doing in the forest, it must have been exhausting because he was radiating heat. It was a bit like touching fire. Or like being in a sauna. There was something relaxing about the heat of him.

"Sure. Are you—eek!"

As I dangled in his arms, he started laughing. "What was that noise?"

"You startled me. I didn't…"

He picked me up like I was nothing. No one would ever describe me as petite, but Embry didn't even seem to notice, cradling me in his arms like I was a child. They were very nice arms, bigger than both my fists put together—which would have been a very like childlike observation, if my next thought hadn't been about how nice they felt wrapped around me and how much nicer they would feel if I could just run my hands over them for a while.

"Sorry. But I did warn you."

"You did," I agreed, leaning my head against his shoulder. It was little too intimate considering I had just met him but he was warmer than anything I had ever felt. It was kind of putting me to sleep. It also helped me to ignore the throbbing in my ankle. He didn't seem to mind. "Thank you. If I get too heavy—"

"You won't. This is pretty easy for us. So where am I heading?"

We told him where her car was and he took off through the trees.

"This isn't the way we came," Rina spat. Her frustration was understandable because Embry wasn't sticking to the path, just charging through the forest. And since she didn't have her very own half-naked manservant, she was struggling along in his wake.

"This is faster. Trust me."

"Are you a park ranger or something?" I asked.

I swear he blushed.

"Nah. We just…"

Rina volunteered: "Are having an illicit affair? Is that why the two of you were so sweaty?"

Considering how many hours Rina could complain for when someone made judgments about her sexuality just because of the way she dressed (and the lifestyle she lived), she was awfully cavalier about making judgments about other people.

"_Just call her a bitch and get it over with, Ang."_

"_She's not a…I thought you were going to be quiet?"_

"_I am. I didn't even say anything about you playing down the whole having Prince Charming sweep you off your feet thing."_

"_Because—you're ruining the story, Jess."_

"_Sorry."_

Embry was more diplomatic, though he didn't make much sense. "I'm not pale or tortured enough for the kid. Though the last guy Seth carried out of here might give Eddie some competition—he was a little too grateful."

"So you guys carry people out of here often?"

"It's better than having someone coming around to pick up the bodies."

"I knew I didn't like the forest."

He laughed and I was pretty sure he was staring down my shirt (which was not very Prince Charming like behaviour, if you asked me). There was nothing I could do to cover up, not without letting go of his neck and I didn't want to risk it, in case it set him off balance and I ended up falling down again, breaking my other ankle. Also, I liked having my arms around his neck.

"So why were you out here?" Rina asked.

"We were…" He sighed, then said, like a child trying desperately to recall the speech he had only memorized moments before at an assembly he didn't want to go to in the first place, "It's a Quileute thing. Not something we feel comfortable discussing with outsiders."

Now I was sure he was blushing.

"If you won't tell us, we won't tell you," I just said.

"Please. Next time you want herbal medicine, just go to the drug store."

"I could help her ten times faster than any pharmacy," Rina boasted.

Though if she was too angry at me for trying to make friends I would be starting my very new job chasing around little children while unable to run around. It was like a nightmare come to life.

"How bad do you think my ankle will be?"

"I have no idea how long a hu—people heal differently. If Seth said it's just sprained you'll be able to walk on it. Just wrap it up tight, take some drugs and you'll be fine."

"Good idea," Rina agreed. Her sarcasm was unwelcome. "Talk to four year olds while stoned."

"I meant Tylenol. You've got kids?"

It was kind of flattering how disappointed he sounded just then.

"I teach. Or I was supposed to before I ended up maimed for life."

"Oh." But the smile was back and his eyes were yet again not on the path. If I hadn't been so comfortable I might have objected. "Cool."

"Yeah. Listen," I whispered, "She doesn't mean—"

"Yes, I do," Rina interrupted.

"Relax," Embry assured me. "My boss, well, one of them, she eats little wannabes like your friend for breakfast. I put up with a real bitch all the time—your friend doesn't even come close. Not that—sorry. Your friend isn't—ignore me."

"She really likes hiking. She's just disappointed we didn't get to go further."

"Probably a good idea you guys didn't get any further. You never know what you're going to find in the woods."

We spent the rest of the disappointingly short hike back to my car discussing all the things that could be lurking behind trees that might get me. Devising ways to escape the lions and tigers and bears made the time pass far too quickly. Suddenly Rina was telling him to put me in the front seat of her car.

"Thank you," I made sure to say. "Hold on. After everything you did—"

"Just thank me. This is a community service. No payment required."

"Are you sure there's nothing I can give you?"

I was making myself blush, gazing up at him from the front seat as he stood beside the open door.

"Well, if you really wanted, buy a souvenir of your trip on your way out. Otherwise, just make sure you don't let the monsters get you next time you're helpless in the forest."

"I wasn't helpless," I insisted as he shut the door.

"Sure."

"I wasn't. I could have fought off everyone, from dragons to the Big Bad Wolf himself."

His teeth were almost blindingly white against his dark skin when he smiled, the sort of predatory smile I wasn't used to having directed at me. My heart was hammering a little bit more than it should have as he warned me: "He'd eat you alive."

But that didn't sound so bad.


	3. Ch 2: See You Again

Chapter 2: See You Again

* * *

When I arrived home—to the small hovel I was renting just to prove my independence—after my first day of class, it was to find my phone already ringing and Didi (short for Diana the Wonder Dog) barking in joy at my return. It was a little too much noise all at once. After a long day of being overwhelmed by people less than a fifth of my age, I just wanted to sit in the bathtub and soak for a good long while. Instead, I hurriedly patted my baby girl and then tripped over my uneven floor in my rush to grab the phone.

Clutching my stubbed toe, I answered as cheerfully as I could: "Hello?"

"How was your day?" Jessica Stanley chirped from the other side of the line.

Jessica had been my friend since kindergarten—most of my friends had been with me since then—but I hadn't expected her to be so prompt in calling me. Then again, she did have a sixth sense when it came to news.

"Shouldn't you be working?" I asked. There was a bit of a struggle to get out of my flats, but I managed to take them off and then my feet were free of the patent leather prison. Rina had come through—she was an extraordinary healer.

"I'm taking a well-deserved break. And my boss is in a meeting. So how was your first day?"

"Okay. One girl cried all day—but she gave me a hug at the end, so I hope that I made it a bit better for her. I've been hugged so often today. But they're so cute, Jess. They all so adorable."

"Even if they weren't you'd never admit kids can be ugly."

"There is no such thing as an ugly kid."

"Yes, there is. Have you seen pictures of Lee as a kid? Boy was ugly."

"_Hey! I remember that conversation."_

"_Jess."_

"_Sorry, continue. Get to the part where I get to be all brilliant and Sherlock Holmes-y."_

"We're going to have to agree to disagree on this," I said, giving my feet a massage. I was a little overeager, punishing the poor feet that had already put up with so much. "Ow."

"You okay?"

"My feet hurt. I went hiking yesterday."

"What? Since when do you go hiking?"

"I don't even know. It was awful."

"You don't sound that upset. Angela? What aren't you telling me?"

I cursed the twenty years I had been Jessica's friend. She knew me far too well.

"Nothing."

"Angela, for the sake of my poor over-worked boss do not make me come over there to make you tell me. Why are you not upset about going hiking?"

"I am upset. It just wasn't as horrific as it could have been."

"Spill."

There was no other option. Her order was firm.

"Someone helped me escape the forest. Okay? That's all. Actually, two someones."

"Two male someones?"

"As a matter of fact…"

"You slut!" Jessica was delighted. "Were they cute?"

"Cute isn't really the right word." Actually, it did sort of describe the taller one, even though he had been probably the biggest man I had ever seen. "But they were very nice."

"Angela?" Jessica's voice rose upwards. "What is that tone? How nice is nice?"

"Just nice. There was no tone."

"There was. There was a tone."

"It's just—they were—I think they might be on steroids down in La Push."

"One of _those_ guys?"

"Those guys?"

"Have you not noticed that some of the guys in La Push are just a little bit insanely built? How do you not notice? Watching them is the best thing to do when you go to the beach."

"I've barely been back. I haven't had time to go to the beach. So it's normal for them to have biceps that are bigger than my head?"

"Oh yeah. It's not normal for them to talk to people though. They're usually pretty standoffish." Then the words she was listening to caught up with her brain. "You noticed their very nice arms?"

"I occasionally have impure thoughts, yes, Jess."

"I knew it!" She cackled like a maniac, reminding me why I loved her. "Awesome. Tell me you got a number out of this."

"I barely got a name."

"Tell."

Jessica knew everyone in Washington, or at least tried to.

"I'm not—they didn't say they were brothers, but I think—"

"They all look the same," she interrupted. "Doesn't mean anything. So you have no last name?"

"I didn't say that. One of them was Seth—oh. Um…wait. I know this. I swear I know this. Something water. Cr…ch…Chucklewater? Um…chr…chris…chr…cl…Clamwater?"

"You sound like you're having a fit."

"Sorry. It'll come to me. And the other one didn't even tell me his last name. Or maybe it was his last name. Embry."

"At least that's weird enough that it should be easy to track down. Hey! What was the name of that guy from the rez Katie was seeing a while back?"

"I can't remember. I was in Seattle."

"I swear his name was Seth." A sigh came across the line. "What the hell was—Clearwater!"

"Clearwater," I repeated. "That was it!"

"Told you I'm brilliant." Again, it took a second for Jessica to realize what was going on. "Tell me you're not going to date Katie's castoffs. I mean, it was just a couple of dates, but really, Ang, you could—"

"Katie has dated some really wonderful guys."

"And you're interested in the other one," Jessica pulled out of nowhere. I don't know where she got it from, but she knew everything.

"_Comes from being brilliant, Ang."_

"_I know, Jess."_

Jessica continued, "So all we have to go on is his first name?"

"Pretty much. I guess we're going to have to comb the whole reservation."

"You want to stalk him? Awesome. I guess he must be really _nice_."

"Stop it," I ordered. Not that it helped. The two of us dissolved into giggles. "Don't tease, it's not nice."

Collapsing onto the couch, I alternately ignored Jessica's advice on why nice should never be used in a sentence and told her endless stories about my day. I thought she had let it go—but I should have known better. Jessica Stanley was not a quitter.

* * *

My parents had been against the idea of me moving out from the start. I was too young, too poor and too careless for that kind of responsibility. I agreed with them—which is why I went through with it. If I wasn't ready to be on my own, how could I learn in my father's house?

Besides, after spending the past couple of years free from parental supervision while I was off at school meant that the two months it took me to find my own place were torture. My parents were wonderful people; they were also very sure they knew how I should live my life.

The only place I could afford was the first floor of a house that had once been the scene of a meth bust and was now rented out with just as little care. It was falling apart and I didn't know how to fix it. The windows simply wouldn't open and the floor was crooked. Some of the walls had gaping holes in them and the coats of paint I used to cover up the walls didn't quite hide the cracks. All that and the smell of the rotting 70s carpet that covered my bedroom floor was everywhere.

But it was mine. So I did the best I could and didn't complain.

At least the lock worked. Instead of showing herself in, Jessica sprang out of the bushes when I tried opening my door.

"Oh my god!"

The groceries survived the impact with the ground. Mostly.

"You gave me a heart attack," Jessica said.

"Sorry."

"Aren't you going to ask what I'm doing here?" she asked as we gathered up the food and headed inside.

"I'm waiting until I'm sure my heart is all right."

"We're going on a field trip."

"Jess, I have lesson plans."

"For five year olds?"

"Yes, actually. And a lot of construction paper flowers to make."

"It'll be a short trip," she promised. "And then I will help you cut as many stupid shapes out of construction paper as you want. I will even use a glue stick, if you need."

"It won't come to that. Okay, I give. Where do you want to go?"

"It's a surprise."

In order to heighten the suspense—there wasn't a lot to do in Forks, so we had learned long ago to make our own fun—Jessica made me wait until we were in the car before she offered an explanation.

"I talked to Katie."

"Oh."

"His name was Seth Clearwater, but apparently they dated even less than I remember because all she remembered about him that can be repeated to a minister's daughter was that he knew Edward Cullen—" even after all these years, Jessica scowled at the thought of the boy from high school—

"_That's because the Cullens suck."_

"_Jess—"_

"_They were snobs and jerks and they turned anyone who hung around them long enough into jerks, too."_

"_I hung around Edward and Alice all of senior year."_

"_Please. Awkward conversations at lunch does not make you friends. They never hung out with you after class. And exactly how many times have they talked to you since graduation?"_

_I would get to that later, so I just continued on._

Even after all these years, Jessica scowled at the thought of the boy from high school—"And that other guy Bella was in love with."

"Jacob?"

"Whatever." I was sure Jessica knew—she remembered everything—but Bella Swan was a little bit of a sore point with her. Not that it had anything to do with Mike.

"_It doesn't."_

"_Isn't that what I just said?"_

"_Just making sure we're clear on that."_

"The point," Jessica continued, "Is that Katie is useless. However, I sent Mike down to La Push and he found out that the woman who owns the souvenir shop by the beach is Tiffany Call and her son, Embry, works there on weekends. And today."

"Jess…you didn't."

She rolled her eyes. "What? I'm being helpful."

"Yeah. Thanks for coming."

"My pleasure."

It would be. Watching me trying to be remotely flirty was always entertaining as my friends often reminded me. Not that I tried all that often. Usually I just waited until I was friends with a guy and then I waited for him to make the first move. When Jessica did devise some sort of crazy scheme, I usually begged off.

But this time I didn't.

"_I never did understand that."_

"_Understand what?"_

"_I mean, once I saw I assumed I got it," she continued, "But you were never that shallow before. You knew Ben how long before you guys went out? And this guy you met once and all of a sudden you were all over him?"_

_A smile stole across my face. "It was magic."_

"_Be serious."_

"_You're right. It was weird of me, but if I explain now…I'm not going to explain now. Just let it go for now."_

Maybe getting carried around had effected my brain (maybe if Rina hadn't been so against them).

The shop was just as ostentatious as tourist shops usually were. The windows were covered in the sort of 'Native American art' that most of towns around here sold. Some of the carvings were actually really interesting, but those weren't the ones that were prominently featured. Instead, the ones out of the movies were front and center. As were the key chains and post cards that every store in Washington seemed to carry.

"You want me to come in?" Jessica offered.

"Keep the car running in case we have to make a quick getaway."

"You're not that embarrassing. And your boobs look glorious in that shirt. You just should have worn a skirt. I'd kill for your legs."

"Thank you. I try."

"No, you don't. I hate you."

Then Jessica kicked me out of the car, abandoning me to this crazy scheme of hers. So I took a deep breath, clutched my purse closer to my body and pushed open the door.

The store wasn't empty—the tourists still came in pretty large numbers until it got a lot colder—but it was easy to see who was local and who was not and not just because of the cameras far too many carried on their persons. Being tall had its advantages because I could survey the whole store quickly, bypassing the different displays of mass produced t-shirts and snow globes (that was one tourist fetish I never understood) and heading towards the cash.

There were two men behind the cash register though neither noticed me. Embry was leaning against the counter, back to me, talking to another man who was too small to be Seth—I felt stupid thinking a man who was taller than me was too small, but there it was. I should have turned around and walked out then, but I didn't.

So that was that, really.

The other man saw me slowly walking over, trying to get up my nerve. He nudged Embry and nodded in my direction (I assumed they wanted to sell something to the naïve tourist). Embry looked up, saw me, gave me such a quick smile that I might have missed it if I hadn't been staring obsessively and then turned to say something to the man behind him. Whatever it was the other man just burst out laughing, which Embry didn't seem to like.

"Hey," I said. I had to say something now that I had finally reached the counter even if running away seemed like the smarter plan every second I was there.

"How's the ankle?"

"Good. Your friend was right. I wrapped it up, it hurt, I got over it. You were right about the Tylenol. Thanks."

"We're here to help."

His friend spoke up: "We're practically running a charity service."

"No, you're just sitting around doing nothing and calling it being in charge." Embry glared at his friend. "Don't you have a pregnant wife you should be trying not to annoy?"

"You want me around Rachel right now? That hurts, Embry. I didn't think you wanted me dead."

"That's because you don't listen."

"You're going to scare away the customers." Then he leaned back in his seat and gestured for us to continue our conversation as if he weren't there. The hand Embry placed on the counter was shaking, just a little bit, as if he couldn't decide whether or not to bodily remove the other man or not, but he tried his best to ignore him.

"So what brings you into this hell hole? I thought you were from around here."

"From Forks. I was told the souvenirs here are totally worth the drive."

"Someone's been lying to you. But since you're here, would you be interested in a two dollar magnet shaped like a wolf?"

"Wow. How did you know I've been searching for one my whole life?"

"I'm just that good."

"Any chance you also have a two dollar magnet shaped like Washington state? In case I forget where I live?"

"As a matter of fact I have them in blue, green and pink. What's your poison?"

He leaned over—his arm seemed to extend forever, but I was pretty sure I didn't stare—and pulled three magnets off a display. His hands dwarfed all three magnets, making them look like pennies at the bottom of a well. The offering was placed before me so I had no choice but to take them from his hand. And if I let my fingers linger…well, I tried not to make it too obvious. It was impossible not to notice how warm his hands were.

"The green matches all the mud I got on me the other day. I think I'll take that one."

If anything, his smile got wider. "Mud's good for you. Revitalizes the skin or something."

"I'll try and remember that next time. Maybe I won't become as helpless."

"I thought you were pretending you weren't helpless?"

"You really need to work on your chivalry. You're supposed to assure me that I wasn't helpless without you even if I was."

"And not call her friend a bitch," the man behind the counter offered.

The two of us turned to stare at him, while he just grinned. It was the silent laughter that set Embry off, I think.

"Out," Embry ordered. "Now."

"Em—"

"Now, Paul. Or I'll call Rachel."

"You wouldn't." Evidently Paul realized Embry _would_ call the feared Rachel because he stood up. "Fine. See you around."

Despite everything the two men hugged goodbye. For a little longer than was necessary, actually. When they pulled apart their faces were serious. After Paul left the store Embry stared at the door he had walked through.

"Everything okay?" I had to ask.

"Yeah." It was a pathetic lie.

"I knew you didn't mean to insult Rina."

"And you're understanding about the foot in mouth?" He laughed ruefully. "Maybe Paul was right—you must secretly be a spy. Otherwise, you're just too good to be real."

"I always thought all those fake ids would just confuse me to pieces."

It made him laugh again. He was quick to laugh—I think that's what I liked most about him, even more than the muscles. Bringing his hand to his hair, he sighed. "Can I get you anything else?"

"I don't know." I had never been any good at the first move; it was hard to change all your habits at once. When he didn't say anything, I just finished, "I'm good."

The magnets came out to around five dollars, but he threw in the pink Washington, too. "There you go. Be safe."

"You too," I said mindlessly. I guess I had expected him to tell me to have a good day. When I realized what he had said, I turned back to the counter. Maybe I wanted an explanation—maybe I just wanted to give him one last chance. "Be safe?"

"Watch your ankle. Stay out of the forest." Talking somewhere over my shoulder, he added, "Hell, probably safer if you just stayed out of La Push entirely."

Then he went to stop two kids from taking any of the crappy t-shirts. I was left to make my way out of the store with magnets I didn't want and a bit of a headache. It wasn't a threat. Somehow I knew that.

It was a warning.


	4. Ch 3: Have a Drink on Me

Chapter 3: Have a Drink on Me

* * *

After the first week, school settled down into something less terrifying. I now knew all the children's names in my sleep; there was no longer any more lucky guesswork and deductive reasoning. Their schedule was becoming second nature. And the majority of the kids had stopped crying all the time for someone who wasn't me. So I was feeling good about life as I walked out of the school

Into a brick wall.

Only it wasn't a brick wall I discovered as hands grabbed my arms before I even registered I was falling backwards. When the world stopped moving out from under me, I looked up to find myself staring at a vaguely familiar man.

"Sorry about that." The smile looked like it was about to dance off his face, it was so energized. "Do you remember me?"

"Seth, right?"

"Yeah. You need a hand with those bags?"

I looked down at the overflowing bags, filled with the scrapbooks I needed to finish making tonight so the kids could start destroying them tomorrow.

"I'm good, actually. It's nice to see you again."

"Good." Despite being the most enormous man I had ever seen when he grinned I wanted to pat him on the head. "I saw you walking, thought I'd ask how you were doing. Maybe buy you coffee. Or whatever it is you drink. I like everything."

"My ankle's better now, thanks. And I'm doing fine."

"Good. So how do you feel about coffee?"

"I like coffee."

"And coffee with me?"

After a day of chasing children with running noses I was not looking my best. I smelt a little if you got too close and my hair was a mess. Men tended not to go out of their way to invite me to coffee on a good day. But my hesitation didn't seem to offend him, just set him off laughing.

"So we can become friends," he explained. "If you're going to be exploring the forest, you're going to need a friendly Quileute guide and I'm one of the best."

"I've been kind of put off the forest."

"Then in case you change your mind, you should come. Keep your options open."

"Seth—"

"Trust me, Angela. You won't regret it. How bad can one coffee be?"

It was startling how dark his eyes were, but I wasn't frightened. There had always been a pull to the strange men of the coast, but it wasn't as exciting as before. It simply was. Jessica always said I was too trusting, but he looked so open just then, so sincerely excited about just getting to know me that I don't think anyone could have refused.

"Okay." I even handed the bags over. They weighed a ton, but it didn't surprise me to see him lift them as if they were nothing.

"Excellent."

"So do you live around here?" I asked. "Or are you just here checking out the exciting...well, I'm sure Forks has something exciting in it."

He laughed again. If Embry laughed easily, then Seth was just always laughing. And talking a mile a minute.

"I'm sort of visiting, sort of...I am Quileute. I just don't _technically_ live there any more, I guess. Or maybe I technically live there I just untechnically live other places? I'm not that sure how it works. It's a little weird. The police chief? Charlie? He's married to my mom. Sort of. So I have a room at his place, which is technically Forks. And then there's Leah and she lives in Seattle, so I stay with her sometimes. Though technically she's living in my place. I think. And then there's Jacob and he lets me live with him, so that's in La Push. And I'm there for the most part. But I'm not sure where that exactly puts me."

"Wow. It must be hard to track you down."

"No. I always come when I'm called."

It was a strange thing to say, something I would say about my dog, but I kept it to myself. It wasn't as if I cared about tracking Seth down. I wasn't even sure about having a friendly cup of coffee with him.

But something he said had reassured me, so I offered some information about myself. "It's funny that your mother's married to Chief Swan. I went to high school with his daughter, Bella."

"You're Bella's friend?" He smile grew. "Aren't her and Edward great? He offered to get me a car but Mom said I had to refuse. But he bought me tickets to this car show and it was the greatest thing ever. Even Leah admitted the leeches weren't so bad because it was that amazing."

Was I supposed to follow any of that? I didn't think so. I hadn't known the Cullens had been friends with anyone down on the reservation; I couldn't ever recall them going to La Push.

"I haven't talked to Bella since she moved away after she got married, I'm afraid. I always regretted not keeping in touch, but I couldn't seem to track her down. I'm glad you managed." A thought suddenly occurred to me. "When you said Jacob were you talking about Jacob Black?"

"Yeah. Do you know him?"

"No." This might not be the most appropriate topic considering it had been years since high school, but it was still funny and he seemed to enjoy laughing. "The entire senior class had bets on whether Bella would pick Jacob or Edward. Because when you're a teenager you have nothing better to do than talk about other people."

"Don't worry about it. All of us took bets too. Jake never really forgave us for betting against him, but what were we going to do? Eternal love, right?"

"Right."

"_Oh, don't make me puke. Eternal love? He knocked her up!"_

"_We don't know that for sure, Jess."_

"_Uh, yeah we do." After their honeymoon, everyone in town had heard the rumours—and then the Cullens had left town. It looked black against Edward and Bella. And small town that Forks was, they weren't about to give the outsiders the benefit of the doubt. "And how come you never told me Seth tried to make a move on you?"_

It was funny that I was thinking about Bella and Edward after all this time. When I got home I would have to call Jessica—or maybe not. She had never been that crazy about Bella; Mike's crush on Bella still made her upset even if he was clearly in the palm of her hand now.

"_You couldn't have just told me to shut up like a normal person?"_

"_I don't want you to shut up, Jess. I just want you to trust I'll get there eventually. And Seth wasn't hitting on me. Or he wasn't trying to. Later on I found out he had broken up with his girlfriend, like, _minutes _before. Honestly, I think that's why he just didn't care about disobeying orders. He had to find some way to cheer himself up and Embry was it."_

"_I don't follow."_

"_Which is why I'm going to continue."_

The coffee shop was fairly empty, since the tourists were not going to ruin their dinner. If I still lived at home, Mom would have been ordering me to set the table. It was hard without her. Only a week and I had fallen into the bad habit of cooking my own dinner well after eight.

We wandered inside and stood in line, arguing about drinks. He teased me about all the directions I gave for my tea, but he was drinking plain black coffee and that was just too boring.

It was when we were sitting down, steaming cups in front of us, that he said: "So I know you don't like the forest and you don't have a boyfriend. Tell me something else about you."

As I blushed, I clarified, "I never said I didn't have a boyfriend."

It just set him off laughing again. "Okay."

"Okay?"

"We can pretend. Serves him right, anyway."

"Serves who right?"

"Embry." The nervousness I probably should have felt seemed out of place beside Seth's complete ease, so I didn't bother being embarrassed. "He deserves it. Idiot. He wanted to ask for your number; I still don't understand why he didn't. He's been kicking himself for days. Don't worry."

Oh.

"That still doesn't explain how you know I don't have a boyfriend."

"Would you have come with me if you had?"

"This isn't a date."

"But you still wouldn't have come with me." Again there was that grin. "I've been friends with the guy since I was born and I still haven't bought anything from that store."

"I could be some kind of guy chasing harlot."

"People who use the word harlot don't cheat on their boyfriends."

"Is that a fact?"

"I think it might be."

Seth tossed back his coffee, not seeming to notice the steam coming off the top and I stopped being able to keep a straight face. When I stopped laughing (and blushing), I asked, "Was I that obvious?"

So obvious that he had told his friends?

"It's a good thing," Seth assured me. "He probably wouldn't have noticed if you'd been any more subtle. Women are not Embry's forte."

"And I suppose they're yours?"

"Not at all. We've got a lot in common that way. I actually just broke up with my girlfriend."

"Oh. I'm sorry. Are you okay?"

He laughed again. "Embry was right. You are too good to be true. Yeah. I'm okay. You're not really allowed to be upset when you do the dumping, are you?"

"Sure you are. You're even allowed to talk to people about it if you need to."

"I don't really. I know what goes wrong. I didn't treat her very well." With one easy toss he got his empty cup in the garbage. "I never treat them well. At least Gloria's okay with being friends. It's nice when that happens."

"The best," I agreed. "Though it can be hard, too, when you look at each other and both know it's over. That you're already friends, you just haven't wanted to admit it."

It had been almost impossible with Ben, my first boyfriend. He had been my first _everything_ and we were both still so young that admitting that we had changed too much to be together anymore was hard. There were tears at the end of that relationship. But time had managed to pull us back together and now I could count him among my closest friends. I had even offered to host an engagement party for him, just as soon as he worked up the nerve to ask his girlfriend to marry him. He already had the ring, he just had to ask.

The others that I had dated throughout college had been easier. As deeply as I cared for them, there always seemed to come a point when I took that next step or let them go and I had never felt the urge to try to turn one of those relationships into forever.

"That what happens to you?"

"I guess. My friends say it's because I'm too nice. That I—I get boring. So everything ends."

Why was I telling a virtual stranger this? I don't know, but I couldn't stop talking. It was like someone had slipped veritaserum in my tea. Or maybe I just knew a kindred spirit when I met one.

"Your friends sound like mine—kind of like assholes." Then he laughed. "We'd give anything for boring."

"Embry didn't seem that interested in boring." Then I had to say: "Did you just roll your eyes at me?"

"Sorry," he said sincerely. "Habit."

"Excuse me?"

"No feeling sorry for yourself," he told me. "The thing with Embry, well...the thing you have to remember about Embry is...Sam."

The teasing light faded from his eyes and he grew quite serious. It was a little startling to see; it was the first time I had seen him not smiling.

"This isn't going to make sense to you, but I think you deserve to hear it. There's a story we have, about how you discover the one person you are meant to be with, suddenly, without warning. One look is all it takes and the two of you just know. The two of you belong together. Forever. Strange, but true. We believe it—hell, I've seen it happen."

I was shaking, but I couldn't have said why; the words he said were almost too simple, but he had a way of saying them…there was a power in the words that made me tremble, the way you were always supposed to tremble at a power so much greater than your own.

"Knowing that it could happen, that it _will_ happen—you didn't do anything wrong, Angela. Embry is just a coward—it wasn't perfect right away and so he didn't want to risk it."

"He wanted the close-up with the blinding spotlight and the violins?"

"Pretty much. Though you shouldn't blame him too much. It can get bad, when it goes wrong. He hates what it did to Leah—it really sucked what it did to Leah. And I can't really talk since Gloria—but don't we deserve to be happy? We deserve more than just waiting around, even if we haven't—"

Even though I wasn't following much of what he was saying, there was no time for me to come up with a response. He just kept going: "That was a little longer than I expected. Oh well. What matters is that it worked." Then he kissed my cheek with a smile that made him look slightly demonic.

"Leah wants you."

Embry stood beside the table, arms folded, shaking a little. I hadn't even heard him come in. Not that he looked at me at all. He and Seth were having an impromptu staring contest.

"Sure thing," Seth said with a smile. "We should do this again sometime, Ang."

It almost sounded like Embry growled—the way an animal might. I didn't imagine the way he watched Seth until the other man left the coffee shop. It was only when the door closed that Embry turned his attention to me.

"Seth falls in love every half hour or so. Don't take it personally."

"Who's Leah?"

"What?"

"Leah is…?"

"A bitch." The word came out so mindlessly I was sure he hadn't meant to say it. It was why he hurried to add, "Technically speaking, of course."

"And Seth occasionally lives with her because…?"

"She's his big sister," he said. Since it seemed we were having a conversation, he sat down in the empty chair. "She always looks out for him. In her way."

"And how do you know her?"

"We're…friends, I guess. Friends with the same people, anyway."

"But you still worry about what happens to her?"

"Of course." Then he frowned. "I shouldn't have said that. She's never going to let me live it down. You are far too easy to talk to."

"I won't tell her."

"Thanks, Angela. Leah's also sort of my boss."

"The scary evil boss lady that eats wannabes for breakfast?"

"And lunch. And dinner. And for a midnight snack." His smile was shy. "You paid attention."

"I try."

"Whatever Seth said—" He sighed. "I'm sure it was true. It might not have made sense..."

"Not really, no." I couldn't help laughing. "Is he—he's a very energetic sort of person."

Strangely enough the older man reminded me of my kids. I bet he would have liked finger painting.

"Yeah. Kid's special. In the world according to Seth...well, I think people would like living there."

"Is it such an impossible place to live in?"

"Sometimes." I wasn't quite sure what to make of the expression on his face. I know it made me blush, but I wasn't quite sure why. But just then I didn't doubt Seth had been right when he said Embry had been kicking himself for not asking me out. I just didn't know what to do with that knowledge.

"I see. Well, I guess I should—"

"Leah's on my side," he blurted out. He didn't touch me, but somehow I felt like I couldn't move. His eyes were too pleading too look away. There was none of Seth's incessant laughter, nothing simple about the way Embry looked at me.

"What?"

"She's on my side. She's going to be furious, when she finds out what he did. Because she knows—we know—it doesn't work. It's not fair." His chuckle was rather bitter. "It should have been a sign. If Leah's on my side, then I must be wrong."

"What does—I don't follow, Embry."

"I'm sorry. Really sorry I acted like—Cullen, I guess. Ugh. I'm very, very sorry. Let me make it up to you. Let me—I can't promise I won't accidentally put my foot in my mouth, but I'll try really hard."

"It's not a crime not to be interested."

That made him laugh. "How could someone not be interested in you?"

I kind of liked how he made it sound impossible.

"Is that your way of saying you are?"

"Yeah. Even if—I can't believe I let Paul tell me what to do."

He looked so physically pained at the thought, I couldn't help but laugh.

"That's okay."

"No. No, it's not. But I will make it up to you. If you'll let me. Um, that was my totally smooth way of asking you out, by the way."

"I got it," I promised. "And I'd like that."

"Dinner on Saturday?"

"I have dinner with my parents every week. Lunch?"

"I have lunch with my mom. Friday then?"

"Friday is good. Though a simple dinner never made up for anything."

"A dinner and a movie? And the possibility of being serenaded?"

"That might work. No guarantees."

But I had a good feeling about it.


	5. Ch 4: Is She Really Going Out With Him?

Chapter 4: Is She Really Going Out With Him?

* * *

"Who are you and what have you done with the real Angela Webber?"

"I've had dates before, Jess."

"Usually _after_ you've started dating."

"That doesn't even make sense."

"Neither did you. I'm so glad that you've decided to give dating a chance."

"You're making me sound like a recluse. Or a nun," I said as I pulled yet another dress out of my closest. This one showed off enough cleavage that it made my chest look like it deserved its own geographical name. Not quite the impression I wanted to make. "I go on dates. I have fun. I just usually happen to know the guy better."

"The whole point is to get to know the guy," Jessica explained with that air of wisdom that I knew was just for show. When it came to matters of the heart Jessica tended to know about as much as one of my kids. She had decided on Mike Newton in kindergarten and she may have pretended to change her mind over the years, but we both knew that in the end she would be Mrs. Jessica Newton. With the wedding fast approaching it just reinforced the idea that Jessica was not the person to help me with this.

"_Hey. I totally waited until first grade before I started liking Mike the first time."_

"_Sure, Jess. I believe you."_

"But that means he has to get to know me. Which means I need a dress. What about that white one I bought—"

"You don't wear white on the first date, Ang. Minster's daughter is already freaky enough without the white."

Not only did I tend to tower over most men, but they thought my father had control over their immortal souls. Embry wasn't shorter than me, but there was nothing I could do about my father.

"What am I doing?" I asked. "I don't even like werewolves."

"The movie's supposed to be a romance. And if you wear that black dress you wore to Tyler's house last month I'm sure he'd agree to pick another one."

Reaching into my closet, I pulled out the dress she was referring to. Holding the phone to me ear, I pushed the dress against me and gazed into the mirror. I looked good in it. Too good?

"Wear it," Jessica ordered.

"Fine," I said, almost panicking. "I'm going to wear it. I need to get ready."

"You better call me tomorrow."

"Promise. Thanks, Jess. Remind me again why I'm doing this?"

"Because he's enormous and we're hoping he's proportioned."

"Jess!" But I was too busy giggling to care that she had picked out a dress I wasn't sure I could sit down in while in public. A few more goodbyes and then I was hurrying to fix my makeup and hair before I had to leave.

The black dress was just as high as I remembered. Jessica had a short girl's blindness when it came to legs. Since they were long, her reasoning went, they must be nice. My legs weren't that nice. But the dress fit and was actually almost decent on top and that decided me in the end. I would look almost like me when I was sitting down.

Still, I was nervous. I told myself it was just because Jessica was right. Before I went on dates, I usually had a good idea of the guy's background. What did I know about Embry, really?

That's why I grabbed the necklace. The thick black string looked all right with my dress and I tied it low enough to attract attention. It was the pendant that was the most important. The old stone had been in my family for generations and as soon as the necklace was around my neck I felt safe and protected. Nothing could happen to me while I wore this.

The last thing I grabbed were my shoes. I was reaching for my first date flats when I realized—for the first time ever—I didn't have to wear them. I wouldn't look ridiculous when I towered over him because I wouldn't tower over him. If I wore the heels, we'd be about the same size. The nerves transformed to excitement. Not that I was that shallow, but it was exciting thinking about the heels.

And how different it would be with someone who was bigger than me.

We had decided to meet outside the restaurant since I could walk there easily and he said he didn't mind coming to Forks. I hoped he wasn't just saying that to make up for the fact we should have done this last week. While I still didn't understand why he had been hesitant, I was no longer hurt by it. He was taking me out. It was good enough.

I was five minutes early to the restaurant, but he was already waiting there, leaning against a lamppost, watching the people on the other side of the street, clad in a green shirt that clung to him so that my stomach did a very uncharacteristic flip. It only served to make me feel more self-conscious; he was wearing jeans and I thought maybe I had dressed up too much.

There was a moment when our eyes met and then he glanced downward and I watched as the corners of his mouth turned upwards until I began blushing like crazy. His smile seemed almost…well, wolfish, and it made me shiver because being prey suddenly didn't seem so bad. Who cared if my dress was too fancy? Not me. Only if overdressed referred to having too many clothes on was I upset—bad Angela.

"You look great," he said, bounding up to me. "Amazing. You hungry?"

"Starving. Don't judge me too harshly if I out-eat you."

He laughed, taking my hand so easily I almost didn't realize he done it except for the warmth that seemed to engulf my whole arm when he touched me.

"That's not going to happen. Unless you had maybe ten clones helping you out."

"You doubt my eating prowess?"

"I'm just very secure in my own."

Inside the restaurant—not that Forks had too many and this one was kind of a tourist trap, even if the food was decent—he offered me his arm as we followed the waiter and I took it. It was like he had just been tanning in the sun and I couldn't help asking: "Are you feeling all right, Embry? You feel kind of warm."

"I'm fine." He sort of chuckled. "It's sort of Quileute thing. We just feel hot all the time."

"That—" Didn't quite make sense. "Okay," I said with a laugh. "I'll pretend that's true."

Then we sat down and started this whole date thing properly. There were the polite questions and formal responses as we felt out what we were willing to share with one another and what we might one day be willing to share. Fortunately, there were not that many awkward silences.

In fact the only problem I would say we had wasn't so much a problem as a bit of a shock to me. Embry really did eat like he threatened. I don't know how he did it. When we first sat down and I listened to him order I thought he was just trying to be funny or trying to prove a point or…something. It wasn't possible for someone to wolf down all that food.

But he did. Somehow Embry managed to eat both pizzas and the pasta dish and the leftovers from my pizza as well. As he wiped the crumbs from his chin, I couldn't help but stare.

"Sorry," he said. "But I did warn you."

"That was impressive. Are you sure you're not going to be sick?"

"It's working all day," he tried to explain. "It builds up an appetite."

"I guess dealing with all the tourists could be tiring."

"I only work for my mom when she needs a break. I'm an electrician, actually. Not that there's a lot of work around here, but I can travel fast and they like being able to cheat and use me as a forklift sometimes."

"Do you like it?"

"It's money. My boss is all right—and I've always liked fiddling with wires. Maybe that's why I came out like I did. Fried my brain."

"I thought you had some issues with your boss."

"No. He's okay, most of the time. Pays me on time, which is more than the last guy did."

"Oh. I thought—wasn't Leah your boss?"

"She's—sort of. But not—I'm also part of this Quileute thing. It's stupid, really, but it's kind of an unofficial public service. And Leah's kind of in charge of that. Not really in charge but—she outranks me, so I have to listen to her when she opens her big mouth."

"Okay. I'm following. Electrician, cashier, forest ranger, public servant—where do you find time for all of that?"

"I have no idea," he admitted. "But I'd starve to death if I didn't work all the time, so it's a good thing."

"I bet." I couldn't help laughing, a little. "I am so impressed with you right now."

"Well, impressing you was the point, so good."

"So you can carry distressed damsels for miles and eat out an entire restaurant. What other superpowers do you have?"

"I don't recommend you hitting me ever. You'd break your hand."

"Hit you? Who does that?"

For some reason that made him laugh. "But while I'm indestructible, I don't have x-ray vision."

"Darn." And I was not thinking about the new bra I was wearing because that would make the blush on my cheek even worse. "I was hoping to get my very own Superman to take me flying."

His mouth opened, closed, and the he smiled. "We should get going. We don't want to miss the movie."

I don't think that's what he meant to say at all.

* * *

"You could have at least _tried_ to share the popcorn with me," I teased Embry as we walked home. Despite the cold I was toasty, which might have had something to do with the arm around my waist.

The heat seemed to be radiating from my companion and I told myself not to call Jessica tonight because my brain was being devoured by her torrid romance books. Embry was not a fire, drawing me towards him in the crisp fall air. And I'm blushing again, I thought to myself with a sigh.

"That was me trying. You got a whole two handfuls, didn't you?"

I laughed and shook my head. I had never seen anybody eat quite so much in my life. "I suppose you deserve it, for sitting through that."

"I liked it," he lied. Despite being about werewolves, the movie had been a (bad) chick flick—a movie so romantically cliché that I felt my IQ dropping just watching it. "I might have liked to see someone get torn to shreds, but it was okay."

"Thank you for pretending."

"You know, I could find a much better werewolf movie for next time."

"That won't be hard. Does that mean you're going to ask me out again?"

"Only if you'll say yes."

"I think I would."

"Good." With a poorly hidden grin, he changed the subject. "So what was your favourite part?"

"When the head wolf declared his love for the tiny one." He could barely contain his disgust as I giggled. "What? It was romantic. Comparing her to a dead piece of meat was hot. Mostly."

"He'd have lasted two days as Alpha. Moron. Diplomacy's all well and good but he couldn't fight for shit."

"Alpha?"

"What? You've never heard of that? Clearly you need to watch more werewolf movies. That's what they call the head guy usually."

"I didn't know that. But I kind of liked how he managed to solve everyone's problems by just making really loud speeches."

"Only because he couldn't do anything but talk. You ever been around a pack of wolves terrified they're about to die? They need to know they can fight their way out of there. Otherwise—strength is what saves you."

"And you have given this entirely too much thought," I decided.

"Not as much as my plan for surviving the zombie apocalypse."

"Not you too." I couldn't help complaining. Ben had actually written his down. "My brothers once spent a whole year obsessed with making sure our house was stocked with everything they thought we would need in case the zombies attacked. They started trying to learn how to make Molotov cocktails. My dad kind of freaked."

"Your brothers sound awesome." Embry would think that. "Are they older? Younger?"

"I'm the oldest. They're eighteen now, twins—about your height, actually."

It was impossibly hot, but I was getting used to it. Embry insisted he wasn't suffering from a fever and even if I suspected it was an Embry thing much more than a Quileute thing, I wasn't going to complain. It felt nice. So I burrowed against him further, even if it meant the walk would take even longer. I didn't mind.

"The three of you close?"

"As close as we can be, despite the age difference and the fact they're...my brothers are a little crazier than my students. They're actually…you'd probably get along with them really well. They're athletic, but they're more into crazy stunts than actual sports. Their goal in life is to go sky diving without a parachute."

"They should go cliff jumping," he said without missing a beat. "It's the best feeling in the world. It's like you're floating in the air and then you hit the water and—bam!—you're sucked into this whirling vortex. It's the greatest thing ever."

"I am not letting my little brothers jump off of a cliff. That sounds incredibly dangerous."

"I've done it hundreds of times."

"Maybe it wasn't the wires that fried your brain."

"Cute." He laughed. "But seriously, if they do ever want to try, call me up. I'll make sure they're all right."

"I'd say that was very generous of you if I didn't think you were just saying that so you could go yourself."

"Got me," he teased. "I guess I'm just jealous. I'm an only child."

"It must be nice having your parents to yourself."

"It's just my mom."

Something in his voice let me know that he would appreciate it if we dropped this subject, so I let it go.

"We only have a couple of minutes until my house comes up. If you're going to ask me out again, you might want to do it now."

"And ruin the surprise?"

We were actually closer than I had thought. My front door was coming up awfully quickly.

As he walked me to my door, I almost asked him to come in. It was strange; I supposed it had to do with him being so close. But sleeping together on the first date was not something I had ever done—I had once thought I was going to save myself for marriage and so just sleeping around had never appealed to me, no matter how warm Embry felt or how good he smelled or how big his hands were…

The dress wasn't that thick and he fairly radiated heat. It shouldn't have been that much of a surprise that I could feel him so clearly beside me as I turned around to face him, my hand on the doorknob. All I could think about suddenly was the muscles I had seen in the forest that were just waiting for me to touch under that too tight shirt...and my thoughts were turning my face into a furnace that could rival him.

"Last chance," I made myself whisper.

He stepped forward then, just like I had hoped, until I was very firmly pressed against that solid expanse of chest. In an almost tentative gesture, his arms encircled my waist, giving me time to dart away if I wanted, I supposed. Not that I was going to do that. I was too busy putting my arms around his neck, drawing his head down, watching in anticipation as his lips descended on mine.

Heat. It almost blew me away it was so powerful. It engulfed my lips and then seemed to curl around my lower belly, making my whole body tremble, before snaking its way all down to my toes.

I decided I liked being kissed on the first date by Embry, as his tongue darted ever so lightly against my lips and I opened my mouth and then—oh!—my brain decided it was taking the rest of the night off.

It was only when he pulled back that I remembered there was a whole world out there with noises and smells. Even though I thought time had stopped, I had been mistaken because there were cars still driving by and wolves howling in the distance and laughter from people coming home from other places.

"Come over this week and watch a real werewolf movie with me," he said

"Okay. Call me?"

"Sounds good." I felt the vibrations all down my spine. His hand was playing with my hair, seemingly reluctant to let go. I didn't want him to stop. "We can do dinner, too, if you want?"

"Sure."

He kissed me again, another soul searching kiss that made it difficult for me to stay upright.

"Bye."

"Bye."

Was that really me that sounded so breathless? Apparently.

Embry nodded and then turned on his heel and walked off quickly into the night. I hadn't asked where his car was before—probably by the movie theater. I should have thought to go back there. Having him walk in the dark wasn't safe; then I realized no one would be crazy enough to attack him.

The air-conditioned hall made me shiver. Just because Embry was dying of a rare fever didn't mean the rest of us came with our own heating systems. Though I suppose I could have had my own personal heating blanket if—very, very bad Angela.


	6. Ch 5: Welcome to the Monkey House

Chapter 5: Welcome to the Monkey House

After Jessica, Didi was my favourite confidant. Being the world's cutest Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, brown and white like a hot chocolate with marshmallows, she agreed that everything with Embry was very exciting. Embarking on something completely new was making it hard to concentrate. I was a calm, steady sort of person. But I danced around my home singing to my dog because I was excited.

A girl likes to be swept off her feet, sometimes.

Embry seemed determined to show off a new superpower every time we went out. He had super hearing—we postponed the werewolf movie so he could take me to a coffee shop in Port Angeles I absentmindedly mentioned was my favourite. He was invulnerable—we went to an all you could eat buffet that had me throwing up the rest of the night and not only did he not get sick he didn't run away screaming when I started spewing, just held my hair back. He had the strength of ten thousand men—we went shoe shopping together and he never once complained. He could out eat every person on the planet. I hoped. I don't think I ever wanted to meet someone who could out eat Embry.

And all those superpowers were nothing to the kisses that made it difficult for me to remain upright.

Hence the singing.

Things were going so well we decided to get around to watching the movie at his place. Now I just had to get ready before he showed up.

Without Jessica's advice (she and Mike had date night tonight) it took me longer, but I had known her so long that when I got really stuck her voice would magically appear inside my head. I was just straightening my shirt when there was a knock on the door.

"Hey you."

"Hey back," he said. I tried not to take it personally that Embry was so quickly distracted from my legs once he had come through the door. "Every time I leave I forget how much of a dump this place is. You might not hate my place, after all."

"Did you just call my home a dump?"

"A very nice dump," he hurried to correct himself. "I mean—yeah. It's nice."

"No, it's not," I admitted.

He seemed relieved. "It's not. But it's nicer than my place."

"I don't think that's possible."

"You need to hang around the rez more. And our place—it's kind of an unofficial headquarters, since Jake hates bugging his dad. So it's put up with a lot of abuse."

"Our place?" I hadn't even thought to ask. I did then, as I climbed into the passenger seat of one of the most beat up pickups I had ever seen. Still, the pickup got us around so I was growing very fond of it. "Who do you live with?"

"Oh. Me and Quil. My mom—it was too tough on her, having me coming and going at all hours without an explanation. It was easier for everyone if I moved out. And she can have a life if I'm not there."

For some reason I felt like taking his hand just then.

"At least you keep in touch."

"Every Saturday," he confirmed.

"My parents prefer weekly dinner. That way they can try stopping me from doing anything too crazy on Saturday night."

"Yeah, my mom gave up on that years ago."

Sensing the conversation was near an end, I switched topics. "So who is Quil and is that his real name?"

He burst out laughing. "Family name. Everyone thinks his whatever great-grandparents couldn't come up with a name and just called their son 'Quil' after the tribe. Ever since all the sons want to pass on the punishment to their kids. Not that a guy named Embry should talk."

"It's a nice name. Unique."

"It was from some soap my mother watched. Which is embarrassing on so many levels."

"Is that why you're so eager to look for your evil twin?"

"Evil twins are real," he assured me. "One day when I'm acting all strange you will know to suspect my evil twin."

"Maybe the day you stop acting strange I'll start suspecting your evil twin."

"Maybe I am the evil twin," he realized suddenly. "That would be pretty cool."

We spent the rest of the trip discussing all the evil plots he might enact if he was the evil twin. Having lived with evil twins my whole life, I had lots of knowledge to impart that he seemed to appreciate. My stomach hurt from laughing, so he had no choice but to help me down from the car. And if my arms slipped around his neck and I pressed against him (and all those muscles under his shirt) he didn't mind at all.

I still hadn't gotten used to kissing him, not the keep me up at night wishing I wasn't my father's daughter kisses, or the this is how I slowly ended up crazy about some guy I still didn't know kisses. That was why we had to keep practicing, until I was used to him. Right.

"Mmm…the inside of my house is a mess, anyway. This was a much better idea."

"It's cold out here."

He chuckled and kissed me again. "I'll keep you warm."

It would have been a lie, if I said I was cold. Pressed up against the car, protected from the elements by his very nice body, I was burning up. Even if I was still shivering. I blamed the fingers playing against my stomach.

"Classy, Embry!"

We both jumped at the voice as the enormous (the word was redundant around La Push, I was learning), laughing man walked along the other side of the road. Embry flipped him off, but it just made the other man, who was topless, laugh harder.

"Say hi to your pumpkin sparkle, asshole," Embry shouted. That shut up the other man rather quickly.

"Do I want to know?"

"Jared and his wife have the stupidest names for each other. That right there is why you shouldn't hook up with your high school sweetheart."

"So this means I can't call you my giant teddy bear?" I asked. I even fake pouted for good measure.

"That sounds positively poetic compared to huggie wuggie boo boo bear."

"Maybe you should stop eavesdropping on their private lives."

"Yeah," he muttered. "Come on."

The house wasn't actually in _that_ bad shape. The house next door, with its peeling paint and piles of trash over the spotty grass and the windows that probably hadn't been cleaned since the house was built, was not doing so well. But Embry's place was well-maintained even if it was small. It was decidedly bigger than the shoebox I was living in so I couldn't cast stones.

"Anything I should know before meeting Quil?" I asked, following him up the path to the front door.

"Quil's not home."

"I hope you didn't kick him out for my sake."

The door wasn't locked. Embry just pushed it open and walked in. Inside was rather like the outside—I could tell they put a lot of effort into keeping it maintained, but there wasn't exactly a lot of quality goods to keep together. The couch had seen better days, the duct tape around the television looked like a safety hazard and the walls had been patched together so many times it looked like it was made entirely of plaster.

And the kitchen was a disaster, but that was only to be expected with all Embry ate.

"I didn't. He had to babysit tonight."

"He babysits?" The idea of someone Embry's size doing something that I usually associated with young teenage girls made me laugh. "That's so sweet."

"Keep thinking that. Anyway," he said as he collapsed onto the sofa, "I'm not sure when he's getting back. Hopefully not until later. It's better if you don't meet him."

"Why is that?"

"My friends are a little…Seth was right. They're assholes."

"How did—I hope you didn't make him tell you everything we discussed."

"Uh, no. I didn't. But he's Seth. Seth shares. And shares. And just doesn't ever shut up."

"He was nice to me."

Perhaps a little more enthusiastic than anyone over the age of ten had a right to be, but still sweet…

"Kid's always nice." It should have been a compliment, but Embry didn't make it sound like one. "Nice to everyone. You don't have to be friends with _everyone_. Sometimes you should just leave the creepy monsters to themselves."

"So you don't think he should have made you talk to me?"

"You're way too hot to be a monster. And he didn't make me—I wanted to talk to you. Which is why I almost didn't."

"And here I thought you would make more sense sitting down."

"Let's pick a movie." He laughed. "Because if you're waiting for me to start making sense you're going to be waiting a long time."

In the end I managed to persuade him that werewolves were overrated and witches were amazing, so we ended up watching _The Covenant _instead. Mostly I picked it because he was a little too defensive (Leah must have left it, he swore) about owning a movie that was mostly an excuse to look at pretty boys for two hours.

"They're not even that fit," he muttered after putting in the movie.

"Not that you're competitive," I observed, cuddling under his arm. I couldn't believe that I didn't have to slouch for him to reach. So this was what it was like to be normal sized.

"I'm not. If you think I'm competitive, you need to meet Jake."

"I thought it was better if I didn't meet your friends."

"That's not what I meant. Not that you're going to meet Jake anytime soon since he wouldn't dare to meet you until he makes up with Leah and since that's never going to happen…"

It wasn't any of my business, so I didn't ask exactly what sort of mess Jacob was in that made him unable to talk to people without Leah's permission.

Instead I hushed Embry. "We're going to miss the very important dialogue."

"Oh no."

He managed to last ten minutes before he got bored of the movie. I was impressed. I had picked the film because I didn't think it would hold his interest for more than a second. But at least after ten minutes he was kissing me again.

Usually I found kissing on couches to be completely uncomfortable, my legs being too long to fit on the piece of furniture. But it seemed the old beat up couch was good for something because I fit easily. And Embry fit easily on top of me—there was even enough room so he could keep the majority of his weight off of me. I was fairly certain the full force of his body on mine would kill me.

Not that I minded feeling him pressing me into the pillows. There was something reassuring about the sheer mass of him, like he would be there even after the world was over. We had a good time exploring each other, deep kisses and short kisses and butterfly kisses and kisses that were not on my lips.

Kisses that I was going to have to not think about during Church, but it would be okay. Or maybe thinking about the kisses would be okay, as long as I didn't think about those too large hands that were far gentler than they had any right to be.

Then he sat up and swore.

"What's wrong?" I asked as he scrambled off me.

"Quil's coming."

"How can—"

"He's coming. They must have kicked him out. Great. He's going to be in a lousy mood."

"Anyone ever tell you that you could stand to be a little more optimistic?" I asked as I fixed my shirt. Embry was patting down my hair, laughing.

"All the time." Then he kissed me again and laughed some more. "It's too bad you didn't bring anything to eat. It's the easiest way to get us to like you."

Embry had the most extraordinary use of the plural. Whenever he talked it was 'we' or 'us' or 'everyone' and it always made me feel vaguely left out.

Then Quil barged through the door.

Once again it was amazing how similar they looked. Quil had the same dark hair, the same broad shoulders (he was even broader—how did he even fit through the doorway?), the same disregard for modesty. How come none of them wore shirts? Or shoes?

"Oh," was all he said when he saw me. "So that's why you wanted to know when I was coming back."

"Yeah."

"My bad." With a shrug, he headed to the kitchen. "You eat all of the pizza?"

"Brady did."

"Does our house have an all you can eat sign on it and I just missed it?"

"Probably." Embry gave me another quick grin. "Grab the bread roll and come and meet Angela."

He was chewing with his mouth open when he came over to greet me. He didn't stop eating, but he gave me his hand (maybe it was a Quileute thing, after all—his hands were burning too). Then he did what any good wingman would do and hastily excused himself.

"Smooth," I observed.

"He has to get over his distress at having to leave Claire early."

"Claire?"

"One of the girls he looks after." An unpleasant thought must have crossed his mind because Embry was frowning. "Not that—they all put up a lot of fuss when he leaves early. Makes it harder."

"You don't have to tell me how hard it is to get kids to leave you."

But with Quil home, even in the next room, neither of us were comfortable continuing where we had left off. Embry was even self-conscious about talking to me. So eventually I asked him if he maybe wanted to finish watching the movie at my place.

Quil shouted a goodbye through the door.

* * *

Unfortunately, we were not destined to be alone that night. When the pickup sputtered to a halt in front of my home, Embry didn't get out of the car. Tilting his head like some kind of pointer, he looked like he was trying to read the wind.

"I should go," he said abruptly. "I'll call you?"

"Sure." We said goodbye and then I hopped out of the car, wondering if I had done something wrong. The feeling lasted only an instant; I noticed the light on in my house. Before I could wonder who would be there uninvited this late at night, the door flew open.

I couldn't help the small shriek; my brothers drowned it out with their war whoops.

The twins did everything together, including hugging me. It helped me understand a little how peanut butter felt between two large pieces of bread. I was six years older than my brothers, but ever since puberty had hit them I could no longer tower over them. Now seniors in high school, my brothers were still delighting in being able to look down on me.

"She looks familiar," Joshua said to Isaac.

"Yeah, I think we must know her from somewhere."

"I can't remember where."

"Me neither. Maybe if she came home more often—"

"Stop it, both you," I begged. "You aren't funny."

They laughed. If there was anything you could count on the twins for, it was that they would find each other amusing. Not that anyone else would think they were funny, but they always had each other. It used to make me jealous when I was younger, to always have someone who understood you, but time had taught me to just be glad for them. And thankful my sense of humour was so much better.

"_Damn straight you're funnier than the twins."_

"_Thank you." I couldn't help reminiscing. "Not that you're bitter about the time they put their gym socks under your bed."_

"_I had to fumigate my room, Ang. Evil twins is right."_

"You haven't been eating enough," Mom declared as she came around them to hug me as well. "I brought you some of Grandmother's soup."

"That's a little extreme, don't you think?"

"Your mother's right," Dad said. Now I was being crushed between my parents, but I didn't mind in the slightest. "You're getting too thin."

"How did you all get inside?" I asked as they pulled me inside my own home.

"The spare key you gave us," my father reminded me. Dumbest decision of my life.

"So, Angela?" Isaac asked. "Where have you been?"

"Was that a boy we saw you with?" Joshua continued cheerfully.

Brothers.

Thankfully, my father rescued me.

"Angel, what in the world is wrong with these walls?"

Well, it was better than nothing. I was careful to explain that everything was perfectly safe, even if it didn't look quite that way and, anyways, I was going to fix it all up very soon so it didn't matter. Dad did not believe me, but he pretended to, which was very sweet of him.

I grabbed the ice cream from the kitchen before my brothers destroyed my house in their exploration. Joshua was playing with Didi, while my father kept up his questioning and Mom went to put away Grandmother's soup. My mother's mother was the best cook I had ever met and I knew her concoction would be powerful enough to let me last all week without eating if I so chose. Bringing it really was overkill.

It was my father who informed me about how the twins were doing in their new high school courses, though they chimed in when it came time to give me their opinion on their teachers. Forks really was a small town, I thought fondly, as they named off many of the same people who had taught me. We argued over whether Mrs Geoff was really as bad as all the yelling made her seem and Joshua told me Mr. Banner had retired the year before. It made me feel a little old.

My parents laughed at me, saying I was in the prime of my life. Still, they were a little demure. After all, if I was getting old, what was happening to them?

It was as they were leaving that my mother struck, using her maternal powers for evil.

"I saw that man you were with tonight, Angela. Was he a friend?"

"More than a friend," I admitted.

My mother's face became deathly pale. "I see."

"You'd like him. I'm sure of it."

But she just pursed her lips and kissed my cheek. "I hope you at least remembered to stay off their land."

I kissed my mother goodbye and wished them a safe ride home.


	7. Ch 6: Tell Me Something I Don't Know

Chapter 6: Tell Me Something I Don't Know

* * *

It was my fault. I was mature enough to admit it. Embry didn't want to go to the bar; he said it was too loud and too smelly. But I was disappointed and he could tell, so he agreed that we might as well meet up there two hours before the movie to kill some time together.

The bar wasn't my favourite place, but it was familiar. I had been going there since I was twenty-one. It was pretty standard, dim lights, fuzzy televisions, floors you shouldn't look too closely at, but the atmosphere was welcoming. I wasn't scared that I had arrived a good twenty minutes earlier than Embry was supposed to. It was still early in the night and I knew no one would bother me.

I was wrong, but not in the way I expected.

No sooner had I glanced around for a table than I spotted them. Oops. I had forgotten Jessica, Lauren and Katie were going out tonight. And that they had good eyesight.

"Angela!"

The volume of Lauren's voice suggested they had been there for a little longer than I would have wanted considering my—Embry was going to show up very soon.

But I went over. They were my girls, after all, and I did adore them.

"What are you doing here?" Jessica demanded as Katie grabbed a chair from the guys next to them. "I thought you couldn't come because you had a date."

"He blew you off? Good," Lauren said before I could explain. "You can be on my side. Men are unnecessary, unwelcome distractions and we are so much better off without them."

It had been two months since the breakup, but Lauren still wasn't quite over him. Especially after a few drinks.

"I'm actually just early."

Her face fell, but she just tossed her very highlighted hair around. I wasn't brave enough to put all those colors into my hair at once, but it looked nice on Lauren. The disappointment on her face, however, seemed too severe to be cured by complimenting her hair.

"Does this mean we might get to meet him?" Jessica squealed.

Oh my.

"Um, yeah. It looks like that."

We still weren't technically official, but we had been seeing each other for over a month so I guess I should let him meet my friends. He had let me meet Quil and Seth, after all (I had gotten the impression he didn't have much choice about either of those meetings, but they had happened, so I sort of owed him this).

"Excellent," Jessica cackled. Jessica was already on her second drink, so she was friendly, if slightly evil. There had been a problem with the flowers and she had been in a foul mood at the beginning of the night I found out later; that was why Mike was currently sitting at home alone.

"_I can't believe he called them a waste of money."_

"_They were a little expensive."_

"_But totally worth it."_

_"Totally."_

_"And it turned out to be a good thing I left him at home that night." She frowned suddenly. "Not that I remember much of what happened."_

_I had thought as much. That's why I was re-telling it._

"_I'm not surprised."_

"_Uh…do I want to hear the rest of this?"_

"_You don't do anything embarrassing," I assured her. She wasn't completely reassured, but she nodded for me to go ahead. And that's why you shouldn't drink more than you could count on one hand when you were a little person._

"Just, um, family's off limits, okay?"

Which was the dumbest way to go about it, I admit. But I was worried, so I just blurted it out.

Of course, the next words out of Jessica's mouth were: "Why can't we ask about his family?"

"You just can't, Jess. Please just trust me?"

I should have known this was going to happen. If I hadn't brought it up Jessica probably wouldn't have thought to ask about Embry's family. Now that I had mentioned it, it was all she was going to think about. Why had I thought it was a good idea to introduce Embry to my friends?

Oh yeah. Because I wanted them to get to know one another so they could sit around together in sixty years planning my eightieth birthday party in the old age home. Right.

"Ang…why not?"

"Because he doesn't like talking about it." While I knew it was just him and his mom, he didn't like going into detail about his childhood. He was protective of his mother (I had seen that at once). His father was a mystery he did not want to explain. I would respect that. The last thing I wanted to do was unleash Jessica on him. "Please, Jess?"

She shrugged, agreeing, I hoped, and then Katie came to my rescue.

"This is still Seth's friend, right?"

"Yeah."

"Cool. So?"

"So?"

"Is it a Quileute thing?"

It was beginning to annoy me slightly, the way 'Quileute thing' was becoming an all-purpose excuse I heard all the time. But there was no way to avoid the question. Not that I didn't try.

"Is what a..." Okay, so I knew what she meant. Please let Embry be late, I prayed. The power of prayer worked. Not only did Embry not appear at that inopportune time, but I was saved from answering.

"Like Angela knows," Lauren pointed out.

"Just because she doesn't blow guys in airport bathrooms."

"Jess!"

Jessica shrugged at Lauren's mock outrage. "I thought we were in overshare mode. Sorry."

"That was one time," Lauren defended herself. "And he was really cute."

We giggled—that's what the drinks were for after all.

"So when is the shrimp coming?" Lauren said. "Oh, don't give me that look. We all know Angela likes them tiny."

Maybe Lauren was upset not just because of her ex-boyfriend, I realized suddenly. Maybe she was hurt I had left her out of the loop lately.

"Okay, first off, since Angela never tells us anything interesting, we don't know how big any of them were. Second, none of her boyfriends have been shorter than me, so they were not short. And third—holy shit."

"What?" Lauren turned to look. "Oh. Dibs on him."

Jessica grinned at me. "You weren't kidding when you said I'd know him when I saw him."

Lauren glanced between us. "That's him?"

"He's shorter than I pictured," Katie said. Just because he was only a little over six feet didn't make Embry short.

Standing up, I brushed down my dress and met Embry before he could reach the table. He was wearing a proper shirt for once, one that was actually buttoned up. Even though I hadn't warned him he was going to get interrogated tonight he didn't seem surprised. I guess he sensed this one coming.

It didn't exactly surprise me how much I suddenly needed everything to go well tonight. I had known I liked him. I just hadn't expected the feeling to be quite so strong.

"Sorry I'm late," he said.

"I found some company. You want to meet my friends?"

"I'm all for running away like a coward, actually," he teased, "But if you'd rather we stayed..."

"You'll love them," I promised. I hoped.

I pulled him to stand behind me (I doubted he would fit on any of the bar stools) and introduced him, clutching his warm hand in mine the entire time. I hoped my cold hands could cool his enough so that no one would notice how hot he was. Not that I complained about the warm arm he placed around my waist.

No one seemed to notice anything odd about his temperature as they shook hands. I thought Lauren might have noticed because she seemed to linger a little, but then Jess rolled her eyes at me and I realized that was just a Lauren thing.

"You can't call dibs on Angela's boyfriend," Jessica pointed out.

Which was a little awkward because we hadn't really talked about words like boyfriend and girlfriend just yet. Even though...well, it would be nice.

"We need more drinks," Katie interrupted. I shot her a grateful smile as she took everyone's order before trying to flag down a server.

It didn't turn into a nightmare, of course. Jessica always soared in social settings and Embry was a friendly guy so we all managed to get along fine. Sure, when Lauren started talking about Ben and my virginity it got a little awkward, but this time I managed to rescue myself, buying her another drink. Another one and she was openly flirting with Embry, who was deep in conversation with Katie about the floor she was trying to install herself. Good boy.

I leaned back against him, playing with the fingers that were on my waist. He pressed a kiss to my temple as we talked to Jessica about her upcoming wedding. It was her favorite topic of conversation, nowadays, even if they were having issues. Embry didn't get too freaked out about my friends bringing up marriage. He just nodded and mentioned that the flowers at his friend's wedding—Jared's—smelt so strong that the entire bridal party got a headache. Jessica slammed her hands on the table.

"Thank you! Mike thinks it's not an important decision, but I keep telling him the wrong flowers can ruin the day."

She went off on such a long rant that at one point Embry turned to me and whispered, "Should we try to stop her?"

"If she didn't get it off her chest she might explode," I reassured him. "Don't worry. It's almost over."

I was right. Once Jessica had finished, she immediately turned the conversation to this play Mike was going to take her to soon that Embry and I _had _to see as well. Suddenly we found ourselves roped into a double date.

Eventually, the two of us did have to take off for our movie. The girls were more than a little tipsy at this point, so they gave Embry rather affectionate goodbye hugs, but he didn't seem to mind. At least he had the decency to blush after whatever Lauren said to him.

"Goodbye," I called one last time before I hurried him out the door.

The cool air felt nice against my flushed face. I probably shouldn't have had quite so many myself.

"Don't you drink?" Mostly I didn't want to talk about everything else that had happened.

"More than one is just a waste of money. It doesn't do anything," he complained.

"So you're not a lightweight, you're a heavyweight? Interesting."

He laughed, pulling me closer to him.

"I liked your friends."

Now I was smiling like an idiot and it wasn't because of the booze.

"Really?"

"Yeah. They know how to have fun. What more could you ask for?"

"And they're there for me no matter what. Always have been and always will be."

"Are you drunk?"

"Talking about my friends makes me all mushy. And being around you destroys most of my rational thoughts."

"I think I like the sound of that."

I found myself blushing. "Embry? Since you have agreed to go on a double date to a really bad play and you let my friends call you my boyfriend for over an hour—I figure that makes you my boyfriend. If you wanted."

"I was hoping it did."

"Good."

He stopped and kissed me and we were going to be late for the movie but for some reason I didn't care. His lips were warm, his arms were strong and I felt too happy for words in that moment.

"There is…" Embry's breath was warm against my ear. But it was his words and not his breath that made me shiver. "I would never come back to you if…if I found someone else."

"I wouldn't want you to," was all I could say. It was a strange oath to make—not to be faithful, but to stay away if he strayed—but I found it acceptable. "I'll do the same."

"Good."

We were only five minutes late for the movie.

* * *

Jessica and I met up for lunch a couple days later. She worked at the bank, following in her mother's footsteps, but we could meet up at this cute little Italian place during our lunch breaks if I walked really fast. Since we hadn't discussed the past Friday night in depth it was essential we got together in person. Only she had more important things to worry about.

"Mike wants to push back the wedding," she announced as we hugged.

"To when?"

"To next freaking August. Apparently there's this conference that his boss might ask him to go on during our weekend. Please tell me there's a way to tell my fiancé to go to hell without breaking up with him?"

I laughed as the waitress came to take our orders. We always met at the same place—I always ordered the same thing and Jessica was working her way down the menu. It was easy for us to place our orders and then we were back to our conversation.

"Just tell him it's not possible. Everything must be paid for by now, right?"

"He never listens to me," Jess whined. "I've been telling him he's being ridiculous for weeks but he doesn't care. We've almost settled on an invitation design. I mean, really? He wants to change the date now?"

I grabbed Jessica's hand and she gave a little half-laugh.

"Do you think this means he doesn't want to get married anymore?"

"No, Jess," I assured her. "He wants to marry you. I'm sure he loves you and—"

"Loves me is not the same as wanting to marry me," she whimpered. "What am I going to do, Ang?"

"You need to be having this conversation with Mike, not me."

Jessica knew that. She was a lot smarter than most people gave her credit for, but the problem with Jessica and Mike, in my relatively limited relationship experience, was that she chased after him and he didn't realize that he should occasionally let her know that he wanted her to. Mike was the only person that Jessica couldn't hold a grudge against. Everything he did rolled right off of her, which is why she had to snap at everyone else. A person could only have so much patience and she rationed hers poorly.

"_Was I really that neurotic leading up to the wedding?"_

"_You were…I'm sure I'm just exaggerating it."_

"_I was worse?"_

"_That's not what I said."_

"_That's what you meant. Oh god, how could I have been worse? Don't answer that."_

_So I didn't._

Even with her little quirks, Jessica was still a good friend. She was halfway through her rant when she suddenly froze.

"Not that I can have this conversation with Mike until Friday. _Nothing _must ruin our double date. Embry's still in, right?"

"He is. And he's looking forward to it."

"He is? Or he's just saying he is?"

"I'm pretty sure he wasn't faking."

"Excellent."

"So...?"

"Tall." We laughed, but she continued, "He spent the whole time staring at you; I have decided to be a fan of the guy who clearly adores you. What more does a guy need besides absolutely delicious biceps and good taste?"

"Well, if you put it like that..."

"Seriously, Ang." Jessica was beaming. "He was nice and the two of you are in the disgustingly sweet googly eyed phase and it was so cute. I approve."

"Why, thank you."

She bit her lip. "So have you told your parents about him?" My pathetic attempt at chewing instead of answering did not impress her. "You're Angela Webber. You have to tell them. You tell them everything."

"Mom already saw him."

"That's great," Jessica said. She sounded relieved. "She can ease your dad into the whole, uh, thing."

"It's not great," I admitted.

"But I thought—isn't her family a whole bunch of pagans, too? That means she should be on your side."

"She hasn't talked to Embry yet. She doesn't know he wouldn't know Jesus Christ from Johnny Cash." That was an exaggeration; Embry had a vague understanding of Christianity (mostly from Christmas specials). It just wasn't something he thought about. Ever. "She just—she isn't keen for other reasons."

"She just saw him, huh?" Jessica frowned. "Since when did your mom get all racist?"

"Jess!"

"Is there another word for it that I missed? If she doesn't like him because of the way he looks—unless she's discriminating against the tall? Or bodybuilders?"

"Shut up. And it's not like that." Okay, so it was because he was different but it wasn't nearly as simple as Jessica made it sound. I wish it had been that simple. "I can't accept that she won't accept him just because he's not exactly like me. This is my mother. She's not like that."

Jessica gave me a look that called me on all my crap. "I guess you don't need to talk to her since you're covering her ass so well."

"I'll call her. After I figure out how to make her see that he's amazing. And you should talk to Mike."

"Well, we aren't moving the wedding."

We got back to the wedding details. The worst part about meeting with Jessica was that she was right about things. I couldn't avoid my mother forever; I had to talk to her. She was my mother and I had to talk to her. As soon as I figured out what I was going to say.


	8. Ch 7: Take Me Home Tonight

Chapter 7: Take Me Home Tonight

* * *

One day, Embry insisted we go to Port Angeles for some French cuisine, even though he had to borrow a car from someone to get us there. He wouldn't say whose it was. "I really don't want to talk about it," he begged me so I dropped it. It was sort of from Seth, sort of from Jacob, but not really and that was all he would say about it. I didn't care, just enjoyed getting to Port Angeles safely.

Not that I didn't trust Embry's pickup, as I had explained to him before he went to the trouble of borrowing a car. I was fine riding in it. But he wasn't, he explained. Because while he trusted he would be okay when that "piece of crap" car spun out of control into oncoming traffic, he didn't think I would be. So he got us a car.

Port Angeles was a celebration of sorts. Embry had passed the Mike and Jessica test (which everyone passed, really, because they were the most sociable people on the planet, but it was still nice knowing they officially liked him). I was glad they got along, though it was strange to hear someone shrug my old friends off as "pretty quiet."

Not that dinner mattered; it was after dinner that I would never forget.

It was a habit of ours. He would walk me to the door, wrap his arms around me and kiss me goodnight. Eventually he pulled away or, more accurately, moved his lips away. His hard body was still crushed against mine and I had to try to stop thinking about how warm he was because it was getting rather repetitive but even telling myself that didn't help at all.

"I'll see you—"

"Do you want tea? Or coffee maybe?" I asked. It came out all in one breath, thanks to nerves and anticipation. There was just something about the power of him.

Embry tilted his head to one side almost as if he was listening for instructions from on high. He must have heard something in the silence he liked because when he grinned at me I almost melted on the steps.

"I like tea," was all he said. It was enough.

Fumbling with the key, I tried to keep my hand steady even as he stepped closer. That wasn't fair. Clearly that was some sort of cheating.

The door sprang open suddenly and we slipped inside. Embry locked it back up while I hurried ahead to make sure everything looked all right. Of course it did. I even made my bed every morning.

"I thought that was the key to your office," Embry questioned, removing the keys from the door.

I snatched them away quickly, trying to sound casual. "It's hard to tell them apart in the dark. Come on. Let me get you that tea."

The idea of not actually getting him something to drink was so foreign I couldn't do it. I had offered, he had accepted and it didn't matter that neither of us cared for a drink just then. If he did mind keeping up the pretence, Didi was quick to provide a distraction.

My darling starting barking furiously; she was surprised by the strange scent in my house. "She won't hurt you," I called, even as I busied myself with the kettle.

He just laughed. "I could crush her with my hand."

But he wasn't touching her, just holding out his hand for her to smell. She didn't seem satisfied because she wouldn't be quiet. Embry seemed not to mind so I went back to the drinks and my mental checklist. Everything was done so now all I had to do—

"_Do you?"_

"_What?"_

"_Do you actually sleep with him? After like only dating him...what? A month?"_

_"A month and a half. And thanks for making me feel cheap, Jess."_

"_But—you're Angela. You made Ben wait, like,_ forever_. You didn't even sleep with some of the others. I thought you didn't sleep with Embry until later. You told me you slept with him later."_

"_Well, I didn't. I slept with him that night."_

"_Oh."_

"_You okay, Jess?"_

"_I think my world just imploded." Then she shot me the largest grin I had ever seen. "Awesome. Okay, let's get to the smut."_

_I did not find that comment as reassuring as she intended it to be._

Everything was done so now all I had to do was get the attractive man who was sitting at my kitchen table into my bedroom. After one low growl that made my hair stand on end, Didi evidently decided that Embry was acceptable because she fled the room, leaving us alone.

"Sorry about her," I said, turning around to find his eyes on me. Yeah, he didn't want tea.

"She's cute."

"You like dogs?"

"Love them. They tend not to like me much, anymore, but I like them."

"She'll get used to you," I promised, carrying the cups to the table. "Here you go."

He took the cups from me, placing them on the table, then took my hands, pulling me between his legs. I carefully examined his long fingers and the rough palm. I couldn't resist the urge to read his future, so I traced the lines that covered the inside of his hand, wishing that I could figure out who the mother of those two children was going to be. His life line was completely nonexistent—that was why I moved down to his wrist, placing a light kiss there as he watched me with his dark eyes.

"Embry?"

His name came out more of a whimper.

"Yeah?"

"You want to carry me again?"

He kissed me until my legs turned to jell-o and it was only his arms that kept me up. Then he understood because I felt myself being lifted right off the ground. He was cradling me in his arms as easily as he had done in the forest and I couldn't help being impressed and shivering at the same time, but I didn't break contract for even a second, just wrapped my arms more tightly around his neck.

"It's the door with the broken handle," I told him. The only door around.

"Someone has got to fix up this house."

Later—

"_Wait. What?"_

_I stared at Jessica, afraid she was going to hurt herself again. "What's wrong?"_

"_You faded to black."_

"_Yes?"_

"_You can't fade to black when things are just getting good!"_

"_Uh, I think I can fade to black whenever I want to in _my_ story. I'm already over-sharing as it is, Jess. I'm not going to tell you…it's none of your business."_

"_But then how will I know if it was any good?"_

"_You don't need to know that."_

_"Yes I do. As the one who reads romance novels here, I am the voice of authority. And I say you have to go into detail. You learn so much more about people when they're naked."_

"_You're just a pervert."_

"_No, Angela, you're the slut who slept with Embry and didn't tell her best friend! Therefore, I deserve all the dirty details."_

_We had a staring contest; for once in my life I was determined not to give in. Maybe Jessica understood because she tried a different tactic._

"_At least tell me if it was very good?" She wagged her eyebrows. "Or maybe very very good?"_

"_It was..." I couldn't quite keep the smile off my face. "Yeah."_

_It wasn't enough. The win just made Jessica bolder. "Are we talking slow and gentle or rough and sweaty or—?"_

"_Gentle." Knowing I was never not going to be able to tell her, I admitted, "Almost too gentle. He didn't want to hurt me, so he took his time. Not that—this isn't me complaining. Even if he waited until I was sort of boneless before we actually got around to...the main event."_

"_Interesting."_

"_Now that your curiosity is satisfied—" "Not even close." "—is as satisfied as it's ever going to get, can I go on?"_

"_Please continue with your stupid later."_

Later, I curled up against his warm chest, too tired to do anything but lie there as he stroked my hair.

"What do you know?" I couldn't help but tease, even if I found talking exhausting. "I survived."

"I'm sorry I worry about you," Embry muttered. Then he kissed me again, letting me know there were no hard feelings. He was still staring at me, like he first had when he undressed me, as if memorizing everything about me. "You're so damn beautiful."

"You're not too bad yourself." Even though I could feel my eyes heavy with sleep, I had to ask: "Are you okay? You don't seem tired."

In fact, I could feel how not tired he was against my thigh.

"I'm fine," he promised. "Go to sleep."

"Okay," I agreed, mostly because I was tired and he was warm and comfortable and I felt like I was floating a bit. He kissed me again, though I think I was little too tired to respond.

His familiar laughter rang out, so I forced my eyes to open. Embry was staring right at me, face so full of affection I had to smile right back, even if my cheeks were exhausted (how in the world did that happen?).

"I really like you, Ang. Not just—but before. I really do."

"Me too." I ran my hand along those too perfect abs. "I'm so glad you're here."

I think I felt him pull me closer, but I was already asleep.

* * *

I wasn't sure what woke me first. It was the howling I heard first, but the movement in the bed beside me was pretty instantaneous.

"Embry?" I called, trying to wake up. The heat of him still lingered on the mattress, even though he wasn't actually there anymore.

"Hey," he whispered, sitting back down on the bed. As I clutched the sheet over my naked body, I noticed he had already put his pants on and he was holding his shirt in his arms, not bothering to put it on. "I'm really, really sorry about this."

"You're leaving?"

The disappointment flooded through me as he cringed. "I don't want to. I swear. But I have to. Jacob called me and he wouldn't have if it wasn't important so I have to go."

I glanced at the alarm on the night table beside me. "It's three in the morning."

"And he called," Embry said, like that was good enough. Like it made sense. "I'll bring you breakfast. Please, Angela, don't be mad."

Not sure exactly how I felt, I just responded: "If you have to go, go. I understand."

"Thank you," he said. He leaned over to kiss me, hard and hot and deep, and the bitter feel of rejection got a little less persistent. "I'll be back in the morning. And they might leave me alone next time. They're not going to be very happy when you're all I can think about."

I blushed and waved goodbye as he quickly left the room. I knew enough so that the door would lock automatically after him, so I just snuggled into the warmth he had left behind and listened to the wolves howling outside as I went back to sleep.

"_Asshole."_

_This time I didn't ask Jessica to take it back. Just this one time._


	9. Ch 8: Sunday Morning After

Chapter 8: Sunday Morning After

* * *

By the time the morning rolled around the awfulness of my mistake was utterly obvious. He got a call in the middle of the night? Really? And I hadn't heard anything? At all? He didn't even have a cell phone! Well, maybe I had missed it—no. He didn't have a cell phone; I wasn't going to lie to myself. How stupid did he think I was?

The hot water in the shower helped, if only a little bit. It made it easy to cry, anyway. How could he just leave me? I thought—that's what you got for lying to your father and betraying your mother and just generally not listening to God. You got abandoned like you were a cheap whore.

I just couldn't believe I was that girl.

Even holding Didi didn't make me feel better as I walked around my place in a daze. He should have just refused to stay in the first place. That would have been okay. If he didn't want to stay, if he wanted to keep this casual, I would have—well, I would have been disappointed. Very disappointed. And emotionally devastated. But I would have understood. I would have tried to understand. Embry just shouldn't have led me on.

I had been so sure that he wasn't though. That was the hardest part. If he just wanted sex, there were a lot faster and cheaper ways. And last night—I would have sworn he cared about me, that he was telling the truth, that there was something between us that could be really great one day. I was such an idiot.

It was half past eight, so I forced myself to wait to call Jessica. She could console me afterwards, but waking her up just so I could have someone to tell me how stupid I was wasn't the most considerate thing to do. Rina would be up, but she would be horrified. And she might tell and that would never do. Pulling my housecoat tighter around me, I set about making breakfast. Last night had left me with a bit of an appetite. Damn him.

I cursed him again when the toaster left my bagel too crispy and again when I dropped strawberry jam on me and again when I sat down at the kitchen table and felt the soreness between my legs (it had been a while and he was definitely proportioned). Why would he just leave like that? What had I done wrong?

And how come I kept finding myself asking that when I was around him?

The knocking on the door made me jump, since moping had been consuming all my energy. Praying that it wouldn't be my mother, I concentrated on seeing who it was.

It was Embry.

Opening the door, the first thing I noticed was the brown paper bag in his hand. He was still holding it when he leaned over to kiss me good morning. Thank goodness I had brushed my teeth already.

"You didn't bother to wait," he observed, nodding in the direction of my bagel.

"I—no. I was hungry."

He already knew. "Angela, I am so sorry."

"For what? You said you'd be back and here you are."

I just felt terrible for thinking he wouldn't return.

"I shouldn't have left," he insisted, wrapping his arms around my waist. "I'm sorry."

"You brought me breakfast. It looks great."

Taking the bag from him, I pulled him inside and shut the door behind him. The two of us walked to the kitchen, Embry still trying to explain.

"I couldn't take the chance that it was serious, Ang. I had to check and then—I'm sorry."

"Okay." I found myself laughing, so relieved I had overreacted. "Okay. It's okay, Embry. Yeah, I might have thought you were just trying to dump me but if you say there was a problem with your friends last night that you had to go and take care of, I believe you."

I even kissed him to prove it.

"There really was a problem," he promised, "But we took care of it pretty quick. It was killing me waiting for you to wake up so I could get you hot food and then come back."

"You probably shouldn't have bothered. Not because—you just can't stay. I have Church this morning."

"Church?"

"Big building. Sermons." He rolled his eyes and I added, "My father's a minister, remember? I should probably go more often than I do, but I always go on Sundays and I have to get ready now."

"Oh. Can I help?"

The fire from last night seemed to relight as he gazed at me. But kneeling before God in clothing Embry had helped me put on, while incredibly appealing, sounded far too deliciously sinful to be proper.

"I'm sorry."

"It was a worth a try. Just—you're not mad?"

"Not mad," I promised. "Still a little upset, but that's my fault and there's nothing to do about that but wait a little. I just wish—I don't understand what you're trying to protect me from."

"What?"

"I know Seth had to trick you into being with me because Paul and Leah and who knows who else didn't like the idea of me. And the running around, the disappearing—even last night—you didn't even—you barely let yourself get near me."

"I don't see how I was supposed to get closer."

Even then he couldn't stop laughing, just a little bit.

"You waited until I could barely respond. Until I could barely touch you back. You wanted me—"

"I wanted you," he interrupted. "But in case you haven't noticed, Angela, I'm bigger than you are. I can pick you up without thinking—and break you in half just as easily. You've got bruises on your hips and thighs and arms—and that was me being as careful as I could! Do you really want me to—I won't hurt you. I won't."

Pushing up the sleeves of my housecoat I looked as hard as I could. There was nothing…no, there were a few places were the skin was yellower than it should be. The bruises weren't there yet, but they would be. Tiny bruises, here and there, where one finger or another had grabbed a little too tightly.

"Embry, you can't blame yourself for—this is nothing. I didn't even notice they were there. They don't hurt. I've had worse, from someone half your size. It sometimes happens."

"It shouldn't! Do you know what could go wrong?"

The reason he was so scared. "What? Embry, what do you think you'll do to me?"

"I'll hurt you. The way Sam—"

He couldn't finish. Shaking, he walked away from me, over to the window, staring outside like he could find answers there. I let him be. Then I remembered.

"Seth mentioned Sam. And Leah getting hurt."

"Not just Leah—Leah in a different way." He turned around, then, a half-smile on his face. "Leah was something else back then. Before Sam."

And even though it should have been the last thing on my mind, I felt the tiniest twinge of jealousy at the affection in his voice.

"Sam's going to be an Elder one day, so we have to tell you how great he is. But he—he screwed up like you wouldn't believe. He was with Leah and he left her. For her cousin. Who he—he didn't mean to hurt her. He loved her; he never would have left Leah if he didn't love Emily. He worships the ground she walks on. But he hurt her—he lost control and he hurt her really badly. I have to be careful, okay?"

"Why in the world would you think you're anything like this Sam person?"

"Aside from the fact he could be my brother—" Embry snorted. "I just do, Ang. I could hurt you and I won't let that happen."

He was not allowed to derail the conversation with intriguing asides. I took the bait, anyway.

"You have a brother?"

"A half-brother. I just don't know who. I might even have sisters if—not that it matters. _He_ has nothing to do with _anything_."

"Of course." I agreed because he seemed to need that. "Except for some reason you seem to think you're that kind of man and you're—you're not. You wouldn't hurt me. You need to trust yourself the way I trust you. I'm telling you I'm safe near you."

"Because you're such an excellent judge of character?"

"Yes. When it comes to you, yes."

The shaking stopped. With a sigh that seemed to come from the depths of his soul, he came over to me, wrapping his arms around me, pulling me close. He placed the lightest of kisses on my cheek.

"You're way too nice, Angela."

"Why do people always say it like it's a bad thing?" I murmured against his shoulder. I hadn't expected an answer.

"Because it means we have to work twice as hard to protect you." He laughed. "Why do you think I worry about the kid all the time?"

"I thought you just found Seth annoying."

"I do. But I die for him in a heartbeat." I shivered because he didn't sound like he was exaggerating. "Not that—I do that for the others too. I just worry about Seth more. Because I don't want him to stop being annoying and too nice. Just like I can't stand the thought of you not being...just...you're so beautiful. I don't want you to stop smiling the way you do."

I couldn't help laughing, embarrassed.

"Like that," he said softly. "Like...like everything's good. And nice. And just...like you're happy. I can't get enough of seeing you happy."

Since I had no response to that I leaned over and kissed him because he made me that happy even if I didn't understand half of what he said. Every week I went to Church and I bowed down before something I couldn't see but knew was there; I kissed Embry with the same certainty that saw me get up early every Sunday morning.

"I have to get ready," I murmured. "Otherwise I'll be late."

"Are we okay?"

"I think so. Don't you?"

"I want us to be."

"I think that's enough."

"For now."

"Stop being so gloomy," I scolded as I disappeared back inside my bedroom. As I quickly hurried to get dressed I called through the door, "Help yourself to breakfast!"

"Too late!"

Of course. He was like a human garbage disposal. My rather cuddly human garbage disposal with the world's most talented tongue. Probably not the thoughts I should be having on a Sunday morning, but better before I went to Church than during. Getting rid of Grandmother's jewellery, I made sure I looked perfectly respectable—with ten minutes to spare.

Embry grinned appreciatively when I walked out, even though I was dressed a bit like a nun. Knowing he hadn't bothered to waste time getting himself a glass of water, I started brewing some tea. It was kind of scary how comfortable I found having him around in the morning.

"So your ex the dwarf gave you bruises, huh?"

"Ben was not a dwarf, giant man. And not all the time or anything, but yes. Neither of us was particularly coordinated. Not that—I don't really feel comfortable talking about that with you. How would you like me to ask about all the girls you…you know?"

I did not want to be having this conversation. Not now, anyway, after everything that had happened this morning. Embry, too, seemed deathly embarrassed. Really, really, really embarrassed.

"How many were there?" I demanded.

"_So you can tell me this but not about the sex?" Jessica interrupted._

"_Pretty much. I also have no choice about this part because it leads into the next part, which is equally awful, just in twisted new ways."_

"_Fine. Let's listen to your boyfriend brag."_

He choked a little bit. "You."

"What?" The shock and hurt I had expected to feel after he named whatever number evaporated instantly, replaced by disbelief. "You mean—you were a virgin?"

"_Seriously? Mike was right? And I was wrong?"_

_I wasn't sure what shocked her more._

"Yes."

"Embry, it's okay. You don't have to lie about that. I'm not going to be thrilled that you've slept around, but I—"

"Angela? Why would I lie? If it wasn't the truth, there would be no way in hell I'd say it. Have you met me? And the guys in La Push? I'm not lying."

"But—but—that wasn't—we did not have virgin sex. I have had virgin sex—intimate, sweet, romantic, awkward like you wouldn't believe virgin sex. That wasn't…"

Now that I was thinking about it there had been a few moments where things were a little awkward, but I had just thought it was each of us figuring the other out. I hadn't thought he was making it up as he went along.

"I watch a lot of porn?"

"No one could watch that much porn." An old argument with Lauren reminded me I wanted to say: "Guys exaggerate how much they watch, anyway."

"No they don't. I can say with a lot of certainty that fifteen out of sixteen guys watch way more porn than you would ever be comfortable thinking about—and even Seth thinks Tom managed to figure out how to lie to the rest of us."

"Regardless," I said, shaking my head, trying to clear my poor brain, "You couldn't learn all that from just watching—I mean, that thing…the..."

While my words failed me, my hands did not.

"You had to pick that." He sighed. "Now Paul's going make me give him twenty bucks. Rachel is not the most patient of teachers, so he thinks he's patented it or something."

"Or you could just not tell him."

His face said that wasn't an option.

"Embry—you can't tell your friends."

"You're going to tell Jessica. And Lauren."

"Some things. How much do you tell your friends?"

No one had ever called me intimidating, or anything remotely associated with that word, which is why I was teaching kindergarten, but apparently Embry saw something in my face that made him answer the question honestly. Even if I wished he hadn't.

"I tell them everything. I can't not."

"Everything?" It was only when he refused to meet my eyes that I began to wonder. "How much is everything?"

"Everything," he merely repeated.

"Like, what I'm wearing on a date? How often I blush?"

"If I've thought it, I've told them."

"So basically," I said, fighting the rising panic, "There's a gang in La Push who knows everything you know about me? And they're going to know not only that we've had sex, but how often and for how long?"

"Angela, it's not like that. Okay? It's not."

He stood up, but I instinctively took a step back. Whatever he was saying I needed to understand for my own peace of mind but I had to do so without him distracting me. That didn't mean I wasn't feeling betrayed right then. But then, who was I to judge? I told Jessica things I should have kept private. Not _everything_ of course, but some things that I'm sure Embry wouldn't be completely comfortable with her knowing (or maybe he would—Embry was remarkably comfortable about his body). It might have been a double standard, but even admitting that didn't stop me from feeling like him telling his guy friends (and Leah—I knew somehow that Leah was part of it) was too much like bragging.

"Some things are private," I insisted.

"For you," he said. "Not for me. We have no secrets. Nothing. Every little shameful thing each of us has done, we know about one another. And how I feel about you—whether we're in bed or not—that's not shameful. I know a thing or two about thoughts that are just plain wrong but I'm not ashamed of the way I feel about you. You have to understand—it's not like they want to know or that I want to tell them. It's not about gratification. They aren't curious. We just share and that's the way it is. It's natural for us. We can't do anything else."

Grandmother never liked that my mother married my father. She thought _his_ religion and his rules were out to make her beliefs into something evil. I think Grandmother would have liked Embry. Or not. He might be similar to her, but he wasn't one of her kind and while I expected better from Mom, I knew I couldn't from Grandmother. She was too set in her ways.

I brushed my lips against Embry's and tried not to make what I wanted to say a question. "It's not shameful."

"No," he agreed, grateful that I seemed to be understanding. I was trying so hard. "It's not. Besides, when you know everything about each other you just know better than to judge. Because you understand too well. I care about you too much for them to abuse what I tell them. It'll annoy them, when I can't shut up about how kind and sweet and wonderful you are, but nothing I tell them will make them think less about you because everything I see about you just makes me more crazy about you. That's all they'll see too, Angela, I promise."

"Okay. Keep telling your friends everything. I wish...I wish I was brave enough to be that honest."

"You are, Ang. You're the most incredible woman I've ever met. I know it's freaky, but you're just…that you can even try to understand just blows my mind."

"It was a good speech."

"Thanks." He blushed. "I stole most of it from Seth."

All I could do was laugh. "What?"

"He doesn't have a private bone in his body, even before, so he's really good at giving it. The rest of us just crib it because it's the only thing that stops the restraining orders. No one's ever taken it so well, though. I told them you were amazing."

Even though I never understood more than half of what he said, I still leaned into him when he kissed me. I really couldn't resist him. Then I remembered the time.

"I'm late."

"Just tell me where to drive."

* * *

I made it to Church only two minutes late, slipping beside my mother. Isaac and Joshua were sitting beside her. She didn't speak to me until the middle of the second hymn. Only then did she whisper, "You look very nice today, Angela."

"Thank you. I'm sorry I'm a little late." I needed to know for sure. "A friend of mine came over this morning and we lost track of time."

It wasn't just my imagination. She literally shrank back against the seat. "That's nice, dear."

"I think you'd like him. Even if he is from La Push."

I was trying to be as calm as I could about this conversation, but it wasn't working. Mom noticed my short tone.

"Don't speak to me like that, Angela. I'm not say he's evil. I'm simply saying it's not safe for you to be so close to _that_."

"Do you hear yourself? How can you say something like that in God's house?"

"Because not every creature was made by God."

Mom refused to say another word to me the entire service. That was fine by me, because I refused to say another word to her the entire day.


	10. Ch 9: The Space Between

Chapter 9: The Space Between

* * *

The next little while was good, really good, as we settled into a groove that worked for us. Embry came over most nights, to help me prepare my lesson plans or to just sit and rub my feet if my day had been long (even if his had been longer). I would cook for him and he would laugh at how I always underestimated just how much he could eat. Didi would usually just leave the room, though she was getting used to his presence. She would listen to his commands, sometimes, even if she would always like me better.

Sometimes he would pick me up and we would go to his place. Quil babysat an awful lot, but sometimes he was there. Quil, I learned, was actually just a giant puppy, just like Seth, who showed up at the strangest times (I was beginning to think it might be all the muscles that made them so happy all the time). It was nice to think his friends were getting used to me.

I still hadn't met Jacob or Leah, but I was starting to accept that it would never happen. Something was going on with them, Embry explained, that meant it was just better for my self-esteem not to meet them.

I introduced Embry to the rest of my friends and they all seemed to like him. After a nice lunch with Lauren I think she even forgave me for not telling her sooner because she went out of her way to make Embry feel welcome the next time they met.

It was perfect, even if I hadn't explicitly told my parents. I was old enough to trust my own judgement and they were going to have to accept that one day.

I could only hope that was one day soon.

Embry was driving me home from his house one night when he pulled up at a small house that was most definitely not mine.

"Where are we?"

"Charlie Swan's. I have to pick up something for Leah. I thought you might like—wanna come in?"

"Sure." Even if I didn't understand why I would want to—Bella and I had been friends, but we hadn't been that close (she just didn't have many other friends). I had never been to her house before; I didn't want to be rude, coming by when she no longer lived there. And I couldn't see any reason why I would want to meet Charlie without Bella around.

"Seth and Leah's mom lives here, too," he explained. "Sue. That's why it's neutral territory."

"What?"

"Neutral territory," he repeated. "Because no one's crazy enough to fight in Sue Clearwater's house."

"Okay."

"Not that—don't be nervous about meeting her."

Until then I hadn't given the matter any thought. I liked Seth, but I didn't really need to meet his mother (not before I met my boyfriend's mother, at any rate). But Embry was looking nervous and suddenly I felt a little nervous myself though I still didn't know why I should be.

"Why do you want me to meet Sue?"

"It's one of the few ways to get Leah to do something she doesn't want to." He wanted me to make such a good impression on the mother that she would make her daughter come down from Seattle to meet me. No pressure. "And—if you can handle Sue, you can handle anybody."

Then he got out of the car, putting an end to my questions.

The woman who opened the door didn't look terrifying. She was almost short, or at least just average height, and her body was curving softly. The short hair didn't add any height to her. There was something about her brown eyes that took me aback, but she smiled pleasantly enough.

"Right on time, Embry," she said, pleased. "And you are?"

It was command.

I remembered the way Seth could draw me in with just his voice and realized that it was hereditary.

Her direct manner unsettled me, but after the introductions she held the door open for us and motioned for me to go inside. There was a tiny family room with a fireplace in it and a man in front of a television. Both Embry and Sue gestured for me to stay as they went to do whatever business it was they had.

"Hello, Mr Swan," I tried. It worked.

Bella's dad was the Police Chief—had been a police officer my whole life—so I knew him by sight. He would be retiring soon; the grey hair gave him away. But his handshake was firm and if his smile was slow in coming it was bright.

"You're with one of Jacob's boys? Small world."

"Small town." That's why I loved Forks.

"How are you doing?"

I was well and I told him so; he seemed to like hearing Bella's old classmate was happy. Our police chief had always been a nice man. He was doing well too, except for not being as young as he used to be, he said.

"And how's Bella?"

"Just got back from some place down south," he said. He looked worried, all of a sudden. "Her home. Not back here."

It was a shame she no longer lived in town; it would have been nice to at least run into her in the grocery store sometimes. I said as much.

I said the wrong thing. A strange expression crossed his face, his eyes darting over to the corner of the room, his eyes on a pile of…physics textbooks?

"Are you taking courses, Mr Swan?"

He blushed. "Those aren't mine. They're my gr—my daughter's."

"Good for Bella." I remembered her being a conscientious student—

"_Just so she could get out of talking with the rest of us mere mortals."_

"_Thank you, Jess."_

I remembered her being a conscientious student, but not a particularly brilliant one. Then again, I suppose all physics would look hard to me since I didn't understand any of it. Good for Bella, tackling that sort of stuff.

"Is she still in school?" I asked. "Or…what is it she does?

"I—I'm not really too sure. It's—uh—complicated. I don't really understand it much myself."

"I know that feeling. I like to think I'm not a dumb person, but I have no idea what Embry did to fix the leak in my faucet. It just looked like he hit things a bunch of times, but he swears he knew what he was doing and it worked, so he must be telling the truth. It's a strange world where we all get by having no idea what anyone else does, isn't it?"

"Very strange." Charlie Swan sighed. "Can I get you something? Sue makes the best muffins."

"Yes, thank you."

He nodded and left the room, leaving me alone with the television. Something else caught my eye. Above the mantle were a row of photographs. I didn't mean to be a snoop, but if they were displayed the family must be okay with people looking.

I noticed the ones of Bella first, especially an adorable picture of baby Bella and Charlie and her mother, whom I vaguely remembered from Bella's wedding. There were a few other school pictures. She had been too cute back then. Still pale, of course, because Bella was always pale, but adorable. Among the pictures of Bella were pictures of two native children, a boy and a girl. Seth and Leah, I assumed. They were sweet too, though to my surprise the girl was significantly older; when Seth stood grinning with his tenth birthday cake smeared all over his face, a girl in her mid-teens was refusing to get close to him in the picture. I had pictured her Embry's age, not somewhere closer to thirty.

Leah was a lot prettier than I had pictured her (the dragon woman of Embry's stories should have been grotesque, not modelesque). Not that I was jealous of the thick dark hair that was to die for. Maybe because she was so pretty, but I didn't think she looked as terrifying as Embry kept describing.

Until I found what was probably the most recent picture. I noticed Quil first since he was the broadest. Just looking at the picture gave me the urge to hug him; he looked so joyous, grinning like a child. Embry was beside him, looking slender in comparison, talking to someone not in the picture. Seth stood beside him, laughing at some joke. Despite his casual stance I knew he was the center of the picture (even the too long hair couldn't make him look less imposing). In the front there was a younger boy (who looked identical to the photos of the younger Seth, until I started wondering if there was also another brother) and a woman who was scowling at the camera.

It was amazing the misery a photo could convey. My heart went out to her, suddenly, even if she was surrounded by very nicely shaped half-naked men. She didn't seem to notice anything, just stared dully at the camera, her expression making me think of the day I had picked Didi up from the shelter.

The men should have been able to cheer her up—I could tell from the photograph that they could cheer anyone up. Their smiles weren't starched or forced; they were happy people. Their friendship was obvious as well. From the way their arms were wrapped around each other, to Leah casually leaning on Quil's legs, to Seth's hand on the boy's shoulder, it was all the little touches that made it clear that these people knew one another.

Loved each other.

Would die for each other (Embry had once said me). It made me shiver, all of a sudden. I guess I finally believed him.

Putting down that picture another photo caught my attention. It was a picture of a girl—not of Bella as I had initially assumed. Younger Bella was adorable; this girl was perfect. I had never seen a child so still or so clean or so serene. Her bronze hair was draped like someone had spent hours positioning it and her smile showed off perfect teeth. Like an angel from heaven she lit up the space she was in. Her brown eyes were captivating, even if they were not quite as wide-eyed as my kids could be. Seth had crouched beside her, to fit in the picture with her, and was smiling at her so much I thought he would hurt himself. It was the sort of smile I saw on fathers' faces when they picked their child up after the first day of school, a smile filled with pride and relief that they were safe and joy that their child was that extraordinarily brave.

But there was something a little off about everything. She couldn't be real, I decided. It was photoshopped. Someone had shrunk a picture of an older woman and scaled her down. There was nothing childlike about this girl even if I couldn't stop looking at her.

"Like the pictures?" Embry asked as he came up beside me. He handed me a muffin. I wanted to wait until Charlie returned, but Embry just shook his head and repeated his question. Apparently being neutral territory meant that Charlie and Sue let strangers have free reign of their house. They could probably hear us from the kitchen, though, the way I could sort of hear them bustling about the other room.

"Yeah. Who's the girl with Seth?"

"What year are we talking about?" Embry sighed taking the picture out of my hands. His expression when he saw it was a little hard to describe. I couldn't say what it was; but he was not happy about having to answer. "That's not Seth. That's Jake."

"No, it's not," I said as I took the picture back. "I've met Seth. That's him."

"I think I would know," he teased, wrapping an arm around my waist, kissing my cheek. "That's Jake. A good rule of thumb—if she's in the picture, it's Jacob."

Even though I stared at the picture for a long while, I still couldn't quite believe Embry. While Embry and Seth could have passed for brothers, Jacob and Seth, it seemed, could pass for twins. The more I stared, the more confused I got, trying to keep them straight in my mind.

"Who is she?"

"Oh. Uh...that's, uh, Nessie. She's related to Charlie. Somehow. Comes by to eat sometimes, since her family…they're kind of funny. And Sue likes taking in strays. She...she helped my mom, a lot, before I was born."

Knowing he just wanted to me to listen, I leaned against him and waited for whatever it was he was able to tell me. What was so wrong about the girl, I couldn't help wondering, that he would rather tell me about the mother he hated talking about than her?

"Sue's why most people thought my mom moved to La Push in the first place. My mom is actually from Makah and Sue's got a lot of family there, so they knew each other before my mom—she was just a kid back then and Sue's a nurse—and just as scary as she is now. She got my mom help, looked after her, told everyone else to mind their own business."

"It still must have been hard for your mother."

"Yeah, it was." He laughed, eager to change the subject. "I can't believe you thought that was Seth."

"They look the same," I protested. Then I realized something. Taking up the group picture I had been studying before I asked, "That's not Seth?"

"That's Seth," Embry said, pointing to the boy in his mid-teens kneeling beside Leah. "That's Jacob."

Their leader. It seemed obvious, all of a sudden.

"How old is this picture? You look like it could have been yesterday but..."

"Six, seven years ago."

"Embry? How old are you all?"

It seemed like such a stupid question, since I remember Jacob Black from high school. Evidently, his friends couldn't be more than a few years older than me.

"I'm two years younger than you. Seth is two years younger than that."

Since I was utterly embarrassed at having guessed so wrong about my own boyfriend, I concentrated on the other surprise.

"Seth is twenty-one?"

"His maturity confused you?"

"I thought—I don't know what I thought. Sometimes he acted—but I thought he was just—he looked—he looks like he could be older than me—I thought you called him kid to be ironic." Because if Seth was younger, why did Embry always seem to defer to him? "Like Little John, or something. He really is just twenty-one?"

"Yeah. He's the baby of the—group. And Leah's our Mom. She's a year older than you. When you meet her, make sure to let her know that she looks like the older sibling. It pisses her off when people get confused. And people always get confused."

"Okay. Is there anything that doesn't piss Leah off?"

He laughed as I put the picture back. "Nope. Jacob. On a good day. Maybe beating the rest of us in a race. Not much else."

But Embry was grinning like a maniac.

_"Had he slept with Leah?"_

_"No."_

_Jessica gave me a look that said exactly what she thought of my overly defensive tone. I had to explain, "They have a complicated relationship, that's all. But they never…I don't think. It's not important, anyway. I'm continuing."_

"You seem very fond of her." Not that I was trying to figure out if he had slept with her.

"Please." He laughed. "I had a tiny crush on her a long, long, _long_ time ago, but then Sam broke her heart and she went crazy insane. Come on. Sue's probably got the tea ready by now."

She had. We crowded around the small kitchen table—no one blinked at Embry seating me on his lap because there were no other chairs in the room. It was too much trouble to bring them from the closet, Sue explained, before pouring the tea. I think they were doing it just for my sake, since Charlie didn't seem to like the drink and even Sue didn't seem to know what to put in it, though she downed it like a pro. I appreciated the gesture.

Sue had an impressive knowledge of arts-and-crafts (and exactly what children could survive swallowing) and so by the time we left I had enough ideas for the rest of the year.

"And ask Tiffany where she bought those scissors," she instructed me. "It's an easy cheat and it makes everything look so much nicer."

I glanced at Embry, wondering if Tiffany was yet another Clearwater woman he was scared of. It was the wrong thing to do. The glare on Sue's face explained why Embry had been nervous about introducing us; irrational as it was, I was worried something (mainly us) would catch fire as she stared.

"You haven't taken her to your mother?"

"Sue—" Embry didn't dare complete the sentence. He looked down and muttered, "We're going soon."

"Good."

And as Sue commanded, so it was done.


	11. Ch 10: Same in any Language

Chapter 10: Same in any Language

* * *

Instead of going out that Friday night, Embry and I stayed in and watched movies because I couldn't afford cable. By now we had a nice rhythm, where he'd mock a scene, I'd let him continue for a little while and then we would get back to watching. If the movie wasn't worth mocking then Embry would start nibbling on my earlobe instead of making smartass comments and then neither of us would end up watching anything at all.

I liked picking quality movies the best.

That night he was strangely quiet. I suspected our lunch with his mother the next day was weighing on his mind, but didn't want to pester him. Instead, I set about getting the strawberry tarts he had brought over for desert from the kitchen (Embry had also brought some treats for Didi, who was slowly warming up to him and his tendency to bribe her with food).

"Next weekend I'm going fix the windows," Embry said, coming up behind me. I think he just liked touching me while I was holding food. He always did it. "It'll save you a fortune on heating."

"You know how to fix windows now too?" It seemed natural to me that an electrician could plaster walls, so I hadn't been surprised that he could fix my walls. And he made putting in new kitchen tiles seem simple enough that I could have done it if I had known. The faucets he said he learned to fix at his mother's house. But taking out windows sounded like it wasn't common knowledge.

"Jared does," he said like that explained everything. To him it probably did. "And I know this guy—" He always knew a guy. "Anyway, I made a list for your landlord. See what you can get him to pay for. I'll get the rest."

Since the labour was free my landlord might be helpful. Maybe.

"I'm paying you back," I insisted. He laughed, turning me around so he could kiss me. "I'm serious, Embry. I don't want to take advantage of you."

"What if I want you to?"

I wouldn't be distracted that easily even if he looked positively wolfish. "I'm paying."

"Think of it as me buying you flowers," he said, leaning closer, until I could feel his hair against my forehead.

"I don't need flowers."

"But you need new windows," he said with some finality. "So that's what I'm going to get you."

"Thank you." I laughed before kissing him.

But as much as he enjoyed kissing me he made sure that we had the tarts first. His stomach always seemed to come first. I got us tea—as long as the smell wasn't too strong he didn't mind drinking whatever I made. It was perfect, just the two of us, sitting at my crappy kitchen table.

"You shouldn't expect anything too fancy, tomorrow," he said eventually. "My mom isn't the greatest cook."

"Neither am I. I'm sure it'll be wonderful."

He laughed, shaking his head. "You are a much better cook. Just don't tell her I said that."

"I won't."

"I..." He drifted off into silence. There was nothing to do but wait until he figured out how to say what he needed to say. "I should tell you. Before we go. Hell, I should have told you a long time ago."

"You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to."

"But I do." Not that he looked at me; he just kept staring at the empty tart wrapper. "I want to tell you about my mom. And about my dad."

He didn't continue, though, just got up and threw out the garbage. Then he started to pace. It seemed to help. I had forgotten how much happier he was when he was moving—perhaps that's why he was desperate to fix my house.

"When you see my mom, you're going to know. She was...young, when she had me. You can't miss it. A few years ago she could pass for my older sister."

"Okay."

"So that's my mom. She—she never told me who my father was. But when I was younger it didn't matter that much to me. I had my friends. Jacob and Quil didn't care that I wasn't Quileute like they were. We were just friends. And then we sort of found out—don't ask me to explain how we found out. I can't—my mom can't know how we know, well, Jake said I could tell her, but I don't want to worry her so..."

"It's fine, Embry. Remember? Only what you want to tell me."

"Thanks." The pacing picked up, making me a little dizzy. "I'm not quite as not-Quileute as I thought. My dad—it means he was married. He had kids. My mom was just...it means I have a half-brother out there. Jacob or Quil or Sam."

"I see."

Was that why he was so scared of being like Sam?

He sat down finally. He even took a sip of tea. "When we found out, Leah had a hell of a lot of fun thinking up names to call my mother. But the worst part was that I sometimes...I don't want to be mad at her. It was _his_ fault. But sometimes..." He laughed, a little. "People always hate Leah the most when they agree with her."

"Embry..."

"Does it make me a terrible son? That I hate my father—whoever the fuck he is—and think my mother's a whore?"

It took me a second to think of something to say.

"You don't think that."

"You can read my mind now, Angela?"

"Sometimes," I answered, taking his hand. "I don't think you feel that way about either of your parents."

"Just sometimes." He sighed. "Just when I wish everyone would shut up about it. You know, it would have made her life so much easier if she hadn't had me."

I wrapped my arms around him because he seemed to need that.

"And the funniest thing about everything," he said against my hair, "Is that I like Billy and Quil. Even Joshua—that's Sam's dad—who was a big old drunken mess was always pretty nice to me. They're...good guys. With good families. Who don't deserve to have their lives ruined over some stupid fling."

I had absolutely no idea what to say to any of this. My family had eaten dinner together every night until the day I went away to college. Despite her different ways, Grandmother still made it clear that she loved me. I never doubted that. Sometimes, when things got hard, I wished I could make it easier for them—but that had never required removing myself from the picture. I never doubted that their lives were better having me to love.

So what could I say?

"Thank you for telling me."

"Thank you for listening." He moved so he could study my face; I admit I blushed under his dark gaze. "You're very good at it—it makes me want to tell you everything."

"If you feel comfortable, I'd love to hear it. Whatever you want to tell me."

He groaned a little, then laughed, and hurried to stand up. "You are going to get me in so much trouble," he announced.

"That sounds like fun."

And since he was properly fed, Embry leaned over and kissed me. This time he didn't get distracted, either.

* * *

A heavy arm kept me pinned to the mattress the next morning. Embry could sleep like no one I had ever seen and he was deadweight while he did. Not that I minded. It was nice, being held like I was the most precious thing in the world. Now if only he didn't have to go to work.

I snuggled closer, resolved to never move again.

It was a while later that he began to stir. "What time is it?" he muttered into my hair.

"You've got twenty minutes. Thirty minutes if you don't take the car."

"Hmm...good."

Pulling me closer to him, even though I hadn't thought that was possible, Embry closed his eyes again.

"You work too much," I warned him.

"Someone's got to help my mom."

"I'll meet you at the store at two, then?"

"Yup." He frowned, though he was still too lazy to open his eyes. "I hope you don't mind eating so late. It's just slower at two..."

"It's fine."

"I don't want you to ruin your appetite, either. Don't want your parents to hate me."

Embry had never asked about my parents, though I volunteered information about them. Like most guys, he seemed to find it slightly intimidating that my father was a minister, never dreaming it was my mother he should be more worried about. But after everything he had admitted about his parents, I felt I owed him a little more than what I had given him before.

So when he left, I went to go see my mother.

The door looked the same as it always did. The red paint, slightly chipped around the glass, the over-sized iron knocker that hung firmly in the center and the tarnished knob were the same they had always been. There was nothing physically different about the door. Yet somehow this door that had always seemed so inviting suddenly seemed sinister. Stop projecting, I told myself, and just knock.

That's what I did. I may have tried to turn around right afterwards, but I did knock. And I stayed on the porch until the door opened.

"Angela?"

My mother's voice sounded so surprised it would have been easier if she had just hit me. My mother shouldn't be surprised to see me. We had always been close—friends as well as family. I didn't like this distance between us.

"Can I come in?"

"Of course," she said. "Come in. Is everything all right?"

"Is Dad here?"

"No." Understanding crossed her face. "Let's sit down and have a cup of tea, first."

I followed her into the living room, but just sat awkwardly on the couch. I had lived in this house for over twenty years and now I couldn't sit on the furniture without shifting. There was a perfect way to sit on the couch to maximize comfort, only I couldn't remember what it was.

Taking the cup from her, I said, "I'm still coming over tonight. I just wanted to talk to you first."

"About what?" she asked slowly.

"Tonight, I'm going to ask Dad to meet my boyfriend."

"I see. Is he…?"

"Embry. The Quileute." Mom had gone very still. "Mom?"

"I didn't hear that."

"It's really good with him." I made myself continue. "He's…he's pretty wonderful."

"You're young, Angela. Nothing matters when you're young, except feeling powerful, excited that you can break the rules. Having someone worship you—"

"It's not like—I am _not_ asking for your permission. I don't care what you have to say. I'm just telling you ahead of time so you can pretend you're happy about this."

Mom's determination wavered. Her next protest came out softly.

"It's dangerous, Angela. It's in his blood."

"You need to trust that I can take care of myself. And him." I took a deep breath and pushed on. "And if Grandmother doesn't like it, then it's just too bad."

"You don't mean that."

"She didn't think Dad was good enough for you either."

"That is entirely different, Angela."

"No, it's the exact same thing. You love him, I...Grandmother thinks she can control everyone—it's exactly the same thing. You have to see that."

"It's _not_ the same. She won't stand for this, Angela. It's better if you stop it now before you can't."

"I'm not scared of her."

"It's not her you should be scared of!"

My mother had never raised her voice to me in her life and I think she shocked herself more than she scared me. In an instant she was hurrying to sit on the couch beside me.

"Oh honey, it's not…I just don't want you to give up what I had to. Don't misunderstand me, I love your father. I love this family. But it's _hard_, Angela. And it can be lonely. Can't you see why I wouldn't want you to have to go through that?"

"Yes. But I...can't we try?"

"Oh, honey...I'll be nice to him. I'll even try to like him. But I can't be okay with this. I just...can't."

"Thank you," I said. If it was the best she could do than I would accept that. Forcing a smile, I checked: "So I can ask Dad to meet him?"

"Yes. It might be better if you waited...don't give me that look, Angela. I'm trying to be helpful. You're father isn't going to be happy that he isn't...I hope you've considered that, before you go on a crusade against your grandmother. You're going to have your hands full."

I hadn't given it a lot of thought, but I had given it some. Embry seemed to have no problem with my faith, even if he didn't understand it. Was it too early to ask him what he thought about raising his children my way and not his? I hadn't asked yet, though I probably should soon. Especially if he was going to meet my parents.

"I have," I lied.

"Good. Then seeing as he doesn't mind learning, you should bring him to Christmas mass first. Show your father that he's willing to at least listen. Then he can come here for dinner. I'll even get him something."

The best part of my mother's idea was that it gave us almost another month before he had to meet my parents. Enough time to reassure my mother? I doubted it. But it would be enough time to get my father ready, I thought.

We chatted about food for Christmas as she walked me to the door, both of us pretending that potatoes were the most fascinating thing on the planet. It was only after she hugged me goodbye that she said:

"I'll try to keep this from your grandmother."

"Thank you, Mom," I said, hugging her all over again. It was the closest I was going to get to approval and I knew it. "Thank you, thank you."

* * *

Embry's mother was a sweetheart. Rounder than Sue, shorter than me, she was eager for us to be friends. Since we were both on the same page, everything went perfectly. She was a hard-worker, like her son, and it was easy to admire her for it. The food she put in front of me wasn't the best I had ever had, but a real effort had been made and that was all you could ask for. It was easy to say thank you.

Even if she was a little more talkative than Embry would have liked.

"I wanted to put bars on his window, it got so bad," she warned me, giving me yet another helping of beans. "He must have spent that entire year grounded."

"Eight months," he corrected.

"Worried me sick."

Even after all this time, he looked miserably guilty about it.

"So what were you doing?" I asked. "Sneaking out at all hours?"

"I thought it was a girl, at first," Tiffany said (she insisted I call her that). "And then I saw who he was around all the time and thought it was a boy."

"Thanks, Mom."

"What? Paul matured that year."

"I was not sleeping with Paul then," Embry assured me. Then he cringed. "Not that I ever did."

"He's not going to answer you," Tiffany told me. "He just clams up when you talk about it."

"And yet she brings it up all the time."

"Everyone goes through a rebellious stage," I said. "You're lucky Embry's only lasted eight months."

"Please," he snorted. "Like you were ever rebellious."

"In college, I had a bit of spiritual crisis, trying to reconcile the different beliefs around me. It wasn't the most pleasant experience, but I wouldn't trade it for anything."

"My rebellious phase just taught me my mother doesn't trust me." He laughed at his mother's expression. "Just kidding, Mom. It also taught me that putting bars on windows was expensive."

She narrowed her eyes, but finally laughed. "At least you grew out of it and came out all right, I guess."

"You guess?"

This time she was the one laughing. When she went to get us desert—pumpkin pie—Embry turned to me.

"I can't see you having a spiritual crisis."

"I did. My grandmother and my father have very different ways of seeing the world and, well, it's hard to reconcile them sometimes. My parents just blamed Rina, forgetting I was the one who sought her out, that Grandmother introduced us in the first place. I think they just got scared by the tattoos."

"And exactly what sort of debauchery did this chick lead you into?"

"Tell me why you were sneaking out when you were seventeen and I'll tell you all the crazy things I did with my roommate."

"I was helping keep watch of the forest."

"And she was guiding me through an alternative way of life."

"That was vague."

"You started it."

He leaned over and kissed me quickly, grinning all the while. "You're so hot when talking about alternative ways of life."

"Speaking of alternatives…" It was an awkward segue, at best, but it was all I could come up with. Thinking of Rina made me realize how crazy this whole situation was. I wanted to normalize it somehow. He was confused when I suggested he come over at Christmas, but not against the idea. He wasn't going to fake excitement for me, but he wasn't opposed to the idea.

"It would just...it would mean a lot to my father. Just on Christmas. Christmas is important. I know it's—"

"No, it's fine," he said. "It's good, even. If you're not going to introduce me to your parents until Christmas, then I don't have to introduce you to Jacob and Leah until after. Good. Leah was coming home for Sue's birthday, but this way you can just avoid her."

Only avoiding Leah didn't work out quite the way Embry had planned.


	12. Ch 11: Looking For Clues

Chapter 11: Looking For Clues

* * *

I was just looking for a new book to read to my kids. There was nothing exciting about it and if I hadn't met Embry, I probably wouldn't have paid attention to what I saw that Saturday afternoon. Maybe. But I did know Embry—as well I as I was allowed—and it was as I was standing around the kid's section of the bookstore that I saw them.

The books held most of my attention, so it wasn't their talking that made me look up, even though they were loud. It wasn't the sound of the door jingling because that happened every five minutes (as the tourists stumbled in thinking this was yet another souvenir shop and then stumbled out when they realized their mistake). It was, for lack of a better word, the growling.

With my mind half on the children's book I just assumed it was Embry. It was only when I looked up that I realized how wrong I was.

The couple that had just entered wasn't hard to pick out and not just because bookstores never really get crowded. Even in a stadium full of people you would be able to pick them out—and you would never forget them because somehow they just didn't belong.

All of the giant men of La Push looked similar. She even looked similar and not just because of the identical coloring or similarly styled hair. But despite the similarity, these two were different from even Embry and his friends.

She was about my height and he _towered_ over her; he was the tallest man I had ever seen. They were both muscular to the point where it was a little obscene and the part of the woman's midriff that was exposed by her cropped shirt and low pants looked carved out of stone. That was ignoring _his_ arms, which were impossible to miss seeing as they looked like they were going to tear the sleeves of his shirt right off any second now. In the row over, I could hear a pair of teenage girls giggling. I had my very own bodybuilder and I felt like joining them.

The two of them made their way slowly to the back of the store. I don't think I was the only one pretending not to look. Despite the torn jeans and the frayed t-shirts they both wore, there was something compelling about them.

It was the way they moved. They were just walking through the bookstore, his hands touching everything they passed, hers buried in the pockets of her pants, tugging them lower on her hips, but I couldn't stop staring. It wasn't just that they were in step, though I remember noticing that and thinking it strange. Embry was graceful, not just for a man his size but anyone, but these two gave a whole new meaning to the word. Every move they made was exactly right—it could never have happened any other way.

They seemed to be heading to my section of the store so I pretended to be engrossed in my book. It was only a second before their voices carried to me.

"Did I mention you owe me one?"

Her voice was teasing and he responded in kind.

"Repeatedly. Now could you try to say something useful for a change?"

"You might not want to insult me just now. Otherwise I just might leave you here all by yourself."

"It's too early in the morning for you to threaten me, Leah."

Leah.

"It's the afternoon, numbskull."

I had been afraid of that—so she really had come home for her mother's birthday.

Peering at them from the corner of my eye, I looked at the woman again. She was tall and scary and I understood now why Embry was a little afraid of her. I couldn't explain it, but I understood it. The man with her was Jacob Black. He looked like his picture, even if she didn't. He was the same man I had seen with Bella all those years ago even if time had been very, very good to him.

In person he still looked a lot more like Seth than anyone who wasn't his twin brother had a right to look, but it was no longer confusing. Maybe it was the lack of real joy in his smile or just the difference in auras, or maybe it was because he was so obviously _with_ her in a way I doubted Seth with all his easy charm ever could be with another person, but I knew I would never confuse Jacob with Seth again.

"Numbskull? Are you five? Luckily I see some books that might be around your comprehension level."

"Oh the wit. You must have picked it up from the Princess of Glitter."

"Leah…" he growled playfully.

"What? I never said—"

"What's wrong?"

"Turn around. No, Jake. Slowly. Is that Angela?"

Deliberately not looking up, I reached for another book. Their voices had dropped, but I made sure I could still hear them clearly. Normally I was not a fan of eavesdropping and would have already been over there introducing myself, but to be honest Embry had made me scared of Leah and I didn't want to annoy her. Or to meet her without Embry around.

"Looks like her. Smells like her. Should we go over and say hi?"

I didn't dare risk glancing up as Leah replied: "Idiot. Let's just go over there and say 'Hey. We've never met, but you're the star of my lesbian fantasies so I feel like we have.' That's going to go over really well."

"He's trying—I could try ordering him to stop."

Lesbian fantasies? Not that I was slightly creeped out but _what_?

"Like you would." She snorted and I took the opportunity to look up. Both of them had started looking through the books, randomly picking them up, flipping through them and shoving them back on the shelf. "Let the poor boy fantasize about his girlfriend. I'm getting better at blocking him, anyway."

I guess not everyone appreciated the honesty between Embry and his friends. Fighting down the blush, because I really didn't want the two of them to see and decide they should come over to talk to me, I promised myself to ask my boyfriend to never think of me ever again.

"It could be worse," Jacob said, the teasing tone back. "At least, she's not Bella."

"Yeah, remind me why I'm not still mad at you about that?"

"Because you're a decent, sweet human being."

"Shut up."

He chuckled and showed her the book he was holding. She just shook her head. He asked: "Why don't we go over? We could just say we recognized her from a photo."

"I'm not his mother. I don't need to meet her."

"You don't want to meet her," he corrected.

"Oh, come on, Jake. Do you really see me getting along with Embry's darling angel?"

"You manage to get along with the devil herself."

"She has a Ferrari," she said. The two of them pretended they weren't laughing. I went back to actually reading my books as they continued their search. It was a few moments before Jacob spoke again.

"Why don't you want to meet her?" Leah didn't answer, so he continued. "He's not Sam, Leah. Embry…he really likes her. He won't hurt her."

Again with Sam. I was beginning to unfairly dislike the man. Whatever he had done was ruining my future.

"You don't know that," Leah snarled. It was a terrible sound and it startled me so much that I looked up. Luckily, they didn't see. They were too busy glaring at one another. It was too intense, too personal, and I glanced down the aisle for a way out. Darn. The only way out was passed them, which wasn't something I was brave enough to do.

"He won't be able to help it. You're going to ruin the poor girl's life. Maybe then you'll be happy."

"He deserved a chance, Leah. It wasn't fair, him waiting around for something that might never happen. Seth wasn't—"

"Seth—" She had to take a breath to steady herself first. "Seth will forgive himself because it was out of his control. Embry won't, Jake. Embry—Embry won't _ever_ forgive himself for ruining her life."

"Maybe he won't hurt her. Maybe it won't happen to him."

"It _will._ It always does. You _know._ You should have stopped him."

She spun back towards the books, not looking at him anymore. Her dark lashes fluttered and I slowly realized she was blinking back tears. Whatever was upsetting her—and it almost sounded like she was upset on my behalf—it was shaking her to the core, but she didn't want Jacob to see.

He couldn't miss it though. He looked miserable, turned to watch her as she ignored him. Miserable and guilty, like this was somehow his fault.

"I want him to be happy, Leah. I want—I want all of you to be happy."

The boom echoed throughout the bookstore. I blinked then realized she had shoved a book at his chest. Even faster than I could see and with more force than I had in my entire body, she had thrust it against Jacob's chest. Worst of all, he hadn't moved an inch. They must be robots.

"What?" she said without looking at him. "You don't think I'm happy?"

He reached for her, but seemed to think better of it. Jacob contented himself was murmuring: "My ray of sunshine."

"Screw you." The anger evaporated instantly as she laughed and she motioned towards the book. "Look what I found."

"You found it," he said, surprised.

"I'm just that good. Now can you go buy it so we can get out of here? I feel the urge to make you eat dust."

"Not happening," he said. "Am I sure I want to do this? It feels mean."

"You're asking the wrong person. Come on, Jake. Nothing says I still think of you as a child—and I'm going to keep thinking that way until you've been on the planet for eighteen whole years—better than buying a girl a Robert Munch book when she thinks she's sixteen."

He ran a hand through his hair then nodded. "It's got to be done."

"So let's do it and get out of here. My mom made..."

As they walked away I finally let out the breath I had been holding. Glancing down, I realized I hadn't read a single one of the books in my hand. It didn't matter—I wasn't going to be able to read them anytime soon. Still puzzling over what I had heard, I headed home.

* * *

Since I didn't actually meet them, I suppose I could have just not mentioned it. I hadn't planned to. But we were lying together and I was too happy not to tell Embry everything.

"I saw Jacob and Leah in the bookstore yesterday."

His fingers stopped dancing across my skin. Opening his mouth once, twice, he finally managed: "You recognized them?"

He didn't sound pleased.

"Unless it was Seth and his sister. But it was definitely Leah."

"No, it was Jake and Leah." He sighed. "They told me they saw you. They would have come over and introduced themselves, but they weren't sure it was you."

"Really?"

"No. Leah is just too chicken shit to meet you and Jacob won't make her. How much did you hear?"

"Nothing that made sense. Something about Ferraris and lesbians and teenage girls?"

"So, everything, basically?" He stared at me for a long while, until I sat up and went to grab something to put on. My shirt was somewhere on the floor and I looked for it instead of looking at him. "How could you hear them?"

"They were close by."

"And they were talking too…" There was no way he could answer that honestly, so he just shrugged, sitting up as well. "You heard them?"

"Yes. I know I shouldn't have, but I was curious. I'm sorry."

I could practically see the curse words forming in his mind. "It's find, Ang. Anything you wanted to know about? Not that any explanation will make the two of them make sense. I'm just telling you now."

"Tell me about Bella Swan. And the lesbian fantasies."

He groaned. "Do I have to?"

"No."

But he sighed and gave in.

"Back when he was in love with Bella, Jacob told Leah all about it. Like, _all_ about it. And then Leah had these dreams. Totally freaked her out. Not because—she's usually okay with the others, but she just really disliked Bella, at the time. She blamed Jacob, they argued, neither apologized. Lather, rinse repeat."

"They do that a lot, I take?"

Embry just groaned again. "They drive us all nuts."

"Can't you put them in separate corners if they're that bad?"

"No. They're…partners. They stick together."

"I see."

"You're a terrible liar."

"And you're a terrible explaining things-er."

"I'm sorry. I just—Jake and Leah grew up together—well, she grew up with his older sisters, but their families are pretty tight. Then they sort of hated each other for a while, then they got into business together. So they spend a lot of time together now. A lot of time together. Then he—it got complicated."

"More complicated?"

"Complicated like you wouldn't believe."

"Does any of it explain why she's so mad at him for us going out?"

"It was his call. With Seth on our side and Quil and Leah against it, Jacob was the tie-breaker. Leah thinks he did it just to spite her. But he—it's what he would have wanted. That's why he..."

That Embry had completely surrendered control of his life over to Jacob Black didn't seem to faze him very much. Or at all.

"That's generous of him," I muttered.

"Somebody's got to be in charge."

"You make it sound like you're in some sort of cult," I said as I kissed him gently. "Just don't drink any Kool-Aid, okay?"

"You'd understand if you saw us all together," he promised. "We make sense together."

"Too bad that's not going to happen." I didn't mean to sound bitter—I really didn't. But he took it that way anyway.

"I am sorry. Hey, I might just blow it with your family anyway. So there's really no point in subjecting you to Leah before that."

"You're not going to…" But Mom wouldn't make it easy for him.

"I hope not. I really don't want to screw that up. I…" For such a big person, he seemed remarkably childlike at that moment. He was so scared. "I love you, Angela."

And? It just seemed so obvious, like we'd had this conversation years ago. Of course he loved me—hadn't he told me that a hundred times before? He loved me, I loved him, we were together. It would be a waste of breath to say it.

I did anyway. Just in case it wasn't so obvious to him. It was though—he burst into laughter afterwards, like he had just realized the joke. We were wasting our breath.

_"You could have made it a little more romantic."_

_"I happen to think it was plenty romantic, thank you very much." Just repeating what had happened made me blush._

_"Having a guy tell you he loves you after he tells you his friends hate you isn't romantic, Angela."_

_"I guess you just had to be there, then."_

_"I guess." Slowly a smile crept over Jessica's face. "So you totally chickened out of meeting Leah the first time?"_

_"At least I didn't run away."_

_"Which just proves that both of us have excellent survival skills."_

_I thought about Jessica's enduring dislike for the Cullens—Jessica Stanley had much better instincts than she was given credit for. Even if it had been romantic._


	13. Ch 12: Have a Holly Jolly Christmas

Chapter 12: Have a Holly Jolly Christmas

* * *

"Jess?"

"Ew. Not that, Ang. That's just wrong."

I pulled my hand away from the leather crotchless panties I had been mindlessly looking at. Then I glared. Even if we were in a lingerie store, I hadn't somehow had a brain transplant. Leather was still never going to be my thing.

"I'm trying to ask a serious question here. But if you would rather preach…"

"Sorry," she mumbled. "Whatever. Ask your question."

"What do I do about my mother at Christmas?"

"Again? Ang, you know I love you, but we have been over this a hundred times. Sometimes you just can't make people get along."

"She's my mother."

"And he's your boyfriend and they aren't ever going to be friends. As long as they play nice, who cares? Don't answer," she interrupted. "I know you care. But at this point what can you do except hope he's so fabulously charming he wins her over despite the fact she's a big old racist?"

I never should have lied, even if it was the most convenient. Jessica couldn't stop saying racist like it was the right word.

"Should I warn him before hand, you think?"

Jessica made this noise that could have meant yes. Or no. Or that she wanted to go to the next store. "No clue. Just sort of hint at it, maybe. That way he's prepared, but you haven't actually had to defend her."

"Maybe I won't defend her."

"Aw, you're so cute when you try to be all tough." Jessica laughed. "She's your mother and you're Angela Weber. You'll defend her no matter how stupid she is. Now can we please talk about whether I should go with the animal prints or not?"

"That would be information about you and Mike I never needed to know."

"You're the one that agreed to come in here with me." If she had been a cartoon character, a light bulb would have gone off above Jessica's head. Instead, a smile just erupted over her face. "Oh my god. You slept with him, didn't you?"

"_I asked…months later."_

"_Are you ever going to forgive me for not telling you?"_

"_No. Yes. I still reserve the right to bring it up FOREVER."_

"_Understood."_

Now that I was on the spot, I turned beet red. There was no one around us, thank God, but I still lowered my voice. It would probably have been better to wait until we were in private, but Jessica wouldn't let it drop now. Not when she smelt blood.

I didn't even think of lying. There would have been no point.

"Yes."

"Oh my god! Ang! You happy? Are we happy?"

She grabbed my arms, waving them around, trying to read my face. I couldn't help laughing. "We're happy. We're really happy."

"Yay!" she squealed. "Okay, I've been dying to ask this for forever. How big—?"

"Am I ever going to answer that?"

"Not even a hint?" Jessica pouted as I pretended to be interested in a hideous looking feathered corset. "Katie said—"

"Stop! Please? Just stop right there."

"Fine." She sighed. "Is there anything you're going to tell me?"

"Do any of your torrid romance novels explain how they can afford to have their clothes ripped off them?"

"Seriously?" Jess raised her eyebrow, then showed me a cute little bra she had been eyeing. I nodded my agreement with her selection, than admitted: "He's always really careful with me, so I told him he didn't have to be careful with my clothes. It makes things easier for him—otherwise he would be sewing on buttons every time."

Still, it left me with a lot of clothes with strange holes in them. "I just don't think I can afford to have him ruin anything else."

Jessica burst into laughter. "I would kill to have your problems. I knew I should have gone to Church more."

I snorted, even as the blush set up permanent residence on my face. "Jess…"

She thought as we joined the line with the pieces we wanted to try on. Jessica was trying on seven different teddies and I knew we would have to go back and find more. She was planning to get her way with the center pieces. There was an evil looking smirk on her face and I said a silent prayer for Mike.

"Eric's pretty good with a sewing machine. You could talk to him."

That could work. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. Just for that, can I ask one question?"

"As long as the answer doesn't involve inches. You're keeping her waiting," I said, gesturing to the poor salesgirl. It was a brief reprieve. Jessica made the rest of the afternoon deathly embarrassing.

"_And awesome."_

"_And awesome."_

* * *

The first time Embry stepped foot in a Church, I knew I was in serious trouble. Not only did he manage to adapt quickly (good reflexes, he would have said) but he didn't seem to mind. He liked seeing me happy, he had once said, and Christmas Eve I realized how true it was. I liked being in Church and so he did too. It was Christmas Eve that I began suspecting I wanted to marry him.

Not that I had time to deal with that revelation because we were walking towards the front, where my mother and brothers were saving us places to sit. My brothers had been eagerly anticipated threatening my new boyfriend, the same way they had terrified all my boyfriends since they had hit puberty. Only this time they were disappointed. They were wearing winter jackets and Embry had just a thin long sleeve shirt on. He was still far bulkier than they were.

"Holy shit."

"Isaac," Mom admonished quietly. I hoped no one else had heard.

Embry—who was slender compared to most of his friends—just laughed. I had chilled his hand down to normal people temperature on the way over, so my mother took his hand without having a fit as I introduced them.

Then we had to sit down.

During the mass I explained things to Embry, who did a decent job of covering his boredom. Maybe he was just accepting whatever distraction he could from thinking about how hot it was. The Church was stifling—it was always awful on Christmas—and I didn't understand how he could bear it.

But he did.

God, I loved him.

I said a little prayer that my mother would see that. I needed her to see that.

We took separate cars back to my parents' house, so we were able to regroup.

"What do you think so far?" I asked.

"They seem nice," he said with a shrug. "Sitting beside them wasn't really the best way to get to know them, but they seemed fine. You're brothers are kind of hilarious."

"They shouldn't have been talking." But I wasn't going to be too mad. "You'll get along great with them. Just don't say anything too exciting around Dad; he's a little conservative. Mom's probably going to leave the conversation to them so don't worry about her. I'll take care of her."

"I thought I was the one who was supposed to be nervous."

"I'm sorry I just—I'm not nervous, really. I'm anxious."

"Oh. Okay. Good. So you be anxious and I'll be nervous and together we'll be emotional wrecks."

"Are you trying to make me feel better or make me cry?"

"Sorry." He laughed. "Let's not tell your parents I suck at comforting people."

"You don't," I said, reaching over and playing with his hair. "You're very good, actually, when you aren't nervous."

He sighed, contented, and I could feel it in my stomach.

"Thank you," I whispered, leaning over to kiss his cheek. "Thank you for everything."

A warm hand snaked around me, along the hem of my dress. Even through the nylon, his hand was too hot.

"Think your parents would notice if we were a little late? I'm okay with them thinking I can't follow directions."

"I love you," I told him, kissing him again. "So much."

"Now you're just scaring me, Ang. We're going to be fine. As long as you remembered the presents we'll be—"

"You said—"

He burst out laughing. "Kidding, Angela. I remembered them."

I spent the rest of the ride pretending to sulk. As he helped me out of the car I allowed him a brief kiss of reconciliation. After all, it was Christmas Eve and I should be forgiving. And he looked damn good in green.

Curling up against him, I let him knock on the door. It made him feel better, I think, getting to hit something, even if it was only for a second. Joshua opened the door, eyes lighting up. Oh no. He was going to try to be funny.

"Password?"

"Merry Christmas," I said, hugging my brother. "Dad!"

My father appeared from behind my brother. "Hello, Angel. Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas. You were wonderful tonight."

"Thank you." When he pulled away, he said, "You must be Embry."

"Pleasure to meet you, sir."

Sir? But my father didn't seem to mind. He even seemed to like it. He was smiling when he ushered us inside. "Your mother's been slaving away all day. She could probably use some help. Isaac's probably already left her."

"He would," I muttered. I didn't want to leave Embry alone, but couldn't think of a reason to stay. Fortunately, as I was entering the kitchen I heard Joshua ask about basketball. They went into the living room talking sports—God bless sports.

"Hello Angela," my mother said, barely looking up from the fish. "Could you just peel the shrimp?"

"Sure. Thank you for having us," I said as I kissed her.

"No promises, Angela."

She kept me in the kitchen with her until the food was ready, but I don't think it had anything to do with keeping me away from Embry. She would have done the same for anyone. It was sink or swim time. Either he got along with my family or he didn't.

I just hoped he hadn't brought up the cliff jumping.

When we called everyone to the table, Dad liked that Embry helped me sit down. Before tonight he had told me any manners he accidentally displayed were the result of Leah's screeching. I was becoming less scared of the woman as the night wore on because she had obviously trained my boyfriend well.

Though he didn't have to keep saying sir.

"Angela says you're the one responsible for making her house a little more habitable," my father said at some point. I had laid the groundwork for their meeting for a while now and I have to say I was a little proud of myself for doing it so well.

"I'm doing my best," Embry said. He was trying to hold his appetite back. He could have probably out eaten the five of us put together, but he didn't want to scare anyone. I slipped another crab leg onto his plate. "There's still a lot of work to do around that place."

"Any chance you know how to fix a roof?"

My father had been joking, but like always, Embry did have a friend. I bet mob bosses were less connected than my boyfriend.

"I'll keep him in mind," my father promised.

"Angela said you lived with a friend?" Mom questioned.

"Yeah. Quil. We've been best friends since we were kids and when his grandfather died he—my mom wanted me out of the house and he needed someone."

"That was kind of you," my father said. I don't think he quite understood my mother's attitude, but I think he understood he was missing something. That didn't stop him from trying to get everyone to get along.

"It works out great for me. Quil does most of the cleaning. He works with kids so he's good at it."

My mother couldn't resist. I could have killed her, but she couldn't resist.

"Do you like children, Embry?"

"Help," I mouthed to my brothers. They were trying not to snicker, but they were good boys. They loved me. While Embry was still trying to recover, Isaac interrupted.

"Hey, Mom, what's for desert?"

"I want cake," Joshua said immediately.

"I want ice cream."

"Ice cream and cake?"

The debate over the perfect desert saved my boyfriend from the worst of my parents. I was impressed with his patience. If I had introduced him to them earlier they would have been less presumptuous, I suppose. Not knowing everything about him and his family five generations back was throwing them a little.

And Dad was panicking about the Christian thing, just a little bit. Listening to my father try to convert my boyfriend on Christmas Eve was a rather humiliating experience. Embry was a saint.

When we had finished up desert ,my brothers and I raced off to set up the presents, the way we did every year. I couldn't resist teasing them one last time. It was only when my father laughed at the way we were fighting over prime couch space that I realized Embry was in the kitchen—with my mother.

It was just as bad as I thought it would be.

He was standing by the sink, broken glass in his hand, blood dripping down onto the floor. Mom was standing barely foot away from him, glaring. Neither noticed his hand. Worse, he was shaking violently.

"Embry," I whispered. They both glanced over to me, standing helplessly in the doorway. "You're bleeding. Let me get that."

Focusing his attention away from my mother and onto his hand helped. He calmed right down. "Sorry. I hope you didn't like the glass."

"It's fine. Mom, why don't you tell Dad we'll just be a sec?" I took a deep breath. "Now."

"I was only trying—"

"Now."

She nodded and went to the living room, staying far away from him.

Embry studiously did not look up from the sink, where he was pulling glass shards from his skin.

"Don't listen to her," I begged. Unsure of what she had said, but knowing that I couldn't lose him, I lied. "Whatever she said, it's not true."

"Maybe."

I wrapped my arms around him as he let the water wash the blood off his hand. His other arm encircled my waist as I clung to him, trying to will him to believe that she didn't know what she was talking about. Her objections had to be only superficial.

"She's probably right that I don't deserve you," he whispered against my hair.

"No, she's not."

"Ang—"

"She's not. Nothing bad is going to happen to us. I promise."

Embry stared, trying to figure out what I meant by that, if I meant anything at all. I would have explained, but it wasn't my place. We just held each other for a little longer before I made up a poultice for his hand and we had to head back into hell.

"Merry Christmas, Angel," Dad beamed when we emerged. He handed me a large box. "We hope you like it."

Embry put his bandaged hand around my shoulders as he sat beside me on the couch. Despite how upset I had been only moments before, having a present to unwrap helped ease the pain.

Everything was better with presents.

My parents finally stopped being so weird, letting go of the questions and just enjoying having him around. Embry could be strangely shy sometimes, but I like to think my family made him feel welcome. The twins couldn't get over him being their size—or him knowing more about sports than the two of them combined—and that was before he ignored all my careful warnings and mentioned cliff jumping. My mother was horrified, but my father, surprisingly, seemed more disappointed he wasn't included than upset.

My family got Embry food, which would probably disappear in a minute, but he was still grateful. He had returned the favour. Edible was the way to go at Christmas when you only barely knew each other. The twins got me movies, I got them books—and then I finally got to open Embry's present to me.

"If it's a new carpet, I will be very upset," I said.

"It's not," he promised. "I don't know a guy who does carpeting. But I'm thinking we should just pull it up anyway. Whatever's underneath can't be worse than what it looks like now."

"He has a point, Angel," Dad said.

"It's not that bad," I protested, but no one believed me. At least I had my present.

The first thing I saw when I opened the box was the blue Washington magnet from the first time I had been in his mother's store.

"I thought you should have the set," he muttered. My family sensed there was a story, so I gladly told them about how adorable my boyfriend was. The boys scoffed, but Mom was impressed. And I was kind of gooey on the inside.

He also made me a…birdhouse out of popsicle sticks? As I held the mess of glue and glitter, I looked to Embry for an explanation.

"That's a scaled down model. I'll bring the real thing down tomorrow—it's a doghouse. For Didi. I mean, I got you the magnet. I didn't want her to feel left out."

All I could do was laugh. "Thank you. Did you make the little one yourself too?"

"Quil and Claire did. I didn't make the big one by myself either. I don't know much about carpentry. But Seth said we could use his dad's tools and Leah remembered some stuff and then Jake found these plans on the internet…it turned out okay. I think. There are some pictures underneath. See for yourself."

It was perfect. And not just because it had come out looking almost professionally done, though that didn't hurt. It was painted red and blue, with white stars on the front and _Diana_ in big gold letters across the front, with little bones on either side.

And it meant his friends (his family? his cult? his world) were trying.

"Thank you," I said again, kissing him lightly. "I love it."

"You're welcome."

"Now you have to open mine."

The boys dutifully produced it, hating, as always, our family's tradition of waiting around for other people to open their presents. "It's not much," I warned him, since I had spent most of my money on the other present I would give him when my parents weren't around. "And no making fun of me if you don't like it."

"Lowering my expectations already," he promised, his strength making easy work of the flimsy paper.

Since I already knew what was inside, I concentrated instead on his face. If he didn't like it I wanted to see it right away. And if he did—and I so hoped he did—then I wanted the joy of watching the happiness spread across his face.

He laughed at the packet of Kool-Aid, like I had hoped, but didn't bother to explain it to my parents, just tossed it onto the pile of our presents and searched for the main event.

"A stuffed animal?"

But he was laughing (he was always laughing), so I was happy. "It's the Big Bad Wolf. And I wanted to show you that I can take him."

But Embry wasn't listening. He was staring the plush wolf in the eye. Eventually, I had to remind him, "It's an inanimate object, Embry. Dominance has been established."

"Sorry." He was adorable when he blushed. "Thank you. Hey! It comes with dog tags."

"In case you lose him."

"Or Quil gives him to Claire, which is more likely."

"I was going to get you a set, but I figured..."

"Yeah. I have about ten of them. Thank you for the present."

He leaned over to kiss me, a little too deeply considering my parents were watching. Or not. It was only when we pulled apart that I realized my mother was no longer in the room.

* * *

"Thank you for putting up with my parents."

We had finally gotten back to my place, over-fed and exhausted. But I wasn't too tired to manage an apology.

"They were nice. Seriously, Ang," he added when he saw my face, "Your dad was nothing but nice and your mom—she was right. And made great food. So I can't complain. And you're brothers are awesome."

"They liked you. Dad did too even if—he really will try and convert you. I'm so sorry about that."

"Whatever it takes."

"Embry—"

"As long as I get you, I don't care where I spend my Sunday mornings."

We could debate the finer points of theology later. Right then I wanted a Christmas treat.

"Stay here," I ordered him. "I have to change first."

"As long as Wolfy gets to join us." He waggled his eyebrows, but that's not why I laughed.

"You named him Wolfy?"

"Yeah."

"That was the best you could do?"

"It had to be worse than Embry. I can't have a pet with a cooler name than me. Only there's not much worse than Embry. So Wolfy it is."

"Okay." I managed to stop laughing at him for half a second. "I'll be right back."

"One more thing," he said, finally going serious. "Not that—or soon, or anything, just—I wanted to make sure you knew. I like kids."

"Oh." I was blushing like crazy. "Okay. Good. As long as I get to name them."

"Hey! At least I'm not as bad as—don't you have a present to give me?"

I did.

He really liked his Christmas present.

And thankfully Eric was excellent with a needle.


	14. Ch 13: A Fool Such as I

A/N: My computer has a virus, so I'm updating this in public and that's just not good for the editing. Apologies!

Chapter 13: Now and Then There's (A Fool Such as I)

It was the last Friday before school was to start up again and so I was enjoying a long lazy afternoon shower when I heard the knocking on the door. I was going to ignore it, but Embry's voice carried through so I grabbed a towel. The rest of the afternoon seemed like it was going to be fun—Embry took one look at me and started herding me to my bedroom.

Only it was less fun than I thought.

"Get dressed," he said, pulling out clothes. "We have to—"

He was out of breath, so it was a struggle for him to complete the words. Normally, it would have been perfect. He was half-dressed and a fine coat of sweat covered him. But he also freaked out.

"We need to go."

"Go where?"

"Just get dressed," he ordered. "Come on."

He was shaking with impatience, so I started getting dressed just because he was kind of scaring me. I told him so—all that it accomplished was having him take deep breaths, before coming up with some sort of lie. Pacing, he tried to come up with something. Anything. Finally: "Sue. They'll protect—she wants us for dinner. Now. You have to come when Sue calls. So come on."

"Then maybe I should find some nicer clothes. Or—"

"You look beautiful, Ang. So beautiful…" He stopped pacing for a minute, staring at me like it hurt him. "Come on. We have to go."

He was charging down the street, pulling me by the hand, going so fast I had to run to keep up with him. "Embry, slow down, please. Embry—"

"You can do it. Just think—"

"I can't! I can't walk this fast."

That got him to put his arm around my waist to help move me along. And so he could shield me with his body, I realized. He kept looking around like he expected someone to attack us at any moment. By the time we got to Charlie Swan's house I was shaking myself.

"Embry," Charlie greeted us when he opened the door. "How can—?"

"Seth's here?" he interrupted. "Seth!"

And then he charged right past Charlie, dragging me with him. We could see Seth over the stove and the younger man turned when he was called. There was a smile on his face that seemed wrong, somehow, when Embry was so panicked. Seth seemed to realize it to.

"What are—?"

"We thought you were in Seattle until tomorrow."

"I came home a day early."

And then I saw why.

She had been standing beside him, but I hadn't noticed her until then, distracted by my frantic boyfriend and the friend I hoped would translate for him. I noticed her then, the way everyone was sure to notice her. It wasn't that she was perfectly presented, bronze hair cascading artfully, clothes pressed, it was the way her pale skin made her warm brown eyes seem like the center of the universe.

She was beautiful, but not beautiful the way models in magazines were, where you weren't quite sure what was real and what was just the computer. She was all the more beautiful for being real, with a sprinkling of freckles and pink cheeks and a puzzled expression.

Suddenly I understood why Jessica hated the Cullens so much. She had done nothing, said nothing, but I had never been so self-conscious in my life and I was half-tempted to blame her for it.

Or maybe I wanted to get as far away from her as possible because I couldn't understand the pull she seemed to be exerting without thought.

"We have to—" But Embry broke off, staring helplessly at me. Seth had stopped smiling by the time I looked back at him.

"Okay," he said slowly, looking from Embry to her, then back at me. "Angela, I…I have to go now. But could you do me a huge favour and stay with Nessie? We've worked hard on this food and there's no sense in it going to waste."

She said nothing, just glided silently across the floor like some sort of appiration so she could place a hand on his arm.

"What do you say, Ang?" Embry begged. "Stay for dinner."

"What?" Since Embry had clearly gone crazy, I turned to Seth for answers. His eyes were unfocused, staring right through me. Then his head jerked down and she clapped, so loudly it hurt.

"You must stay," she announced. Her voice was like our Sunday choir, evoking something more powerful with each syllable. "My f—brother is coming for dinner and he's eager to speak to you."

"Your brother?"

"Edward Cullen," Embry explained.

_"Cullen had another sister?" Jessica asked. "How many sisters can one guy have?"_

_"They explain later." Lied convincingly—whatever you wanted to call it._

"You're Edward's sister?"

"Biologically," Seth supplied. "They, uh, reconnected. It's weirdly complicated. He'll explain it—he and Bella have been dying to see you again since we told them you were with Embry."

I couldn't help but notice how all three of them cringed when he said 'dying'.

"I…" It was like I was dreaming and nothing made sense but I was just expected to accept it. Not knowing what else to say, I found myself nodding. "I'd like to see Bella and Edward again."

"Great," Seth beamed. "I'll just go tell my mom you're staying."

She preceded him out of the room though they didn't waste time coming up with an explanation. At the time I just thought they wanted to leave me and Embry alone.

"What is going on here?" I demanded as quietly as I could.

"We're having some problems down on the rez. I need you to be safe, Angela. I need you…Bella and Edward…they're okay, don't you think? Promise you'll stay with them?"

"Embry—"

"Promise. Please?"

"I promise."

"Thank you, Ang," he whispered before he kissed me. It was a little bit desperate considering we were standing in someone else's kitchen. Someone else we had rudely interrupted.

Seth's coughing brought us back. She had already slipped past us, hovering over the stove—adding more ingredients in an almost panicked way. Embry turned to Seth, waiting for reassurance.

"They'll be here any minute," Seth said. "Embry—"

"I'll wait until they get here. Say hi for you."

"You're the best," he said, cheerful as always despite the craziness. "Hope you have fun, Ang." Then he clapped Embry on the back and headed for the door.

One second she was facing the stove and the next she was grabbing onto his arm. I hadn't even noticed her move across the room. "Take care of him. Please, Seth, please. Promise you'll—"

She ended as abruptly as she had started, as if finally gaining control over whatever had possessed her, looking horrified. About what she had done or what she had been about to say? Flushing, she hurried back to the stove before Seth could answer. Maybe she knew there was only one answer he would give.

"Of course. Don't worry. We'll see you all later."

He winked at me (for good luck and to keep me calm) and then he was gone. Embry kissed me again, despite her being in the room. I pulled away and silently said as much. He sighed. "That's Nessie Cullen, by the way."

She turned around, then, and gave a little wave, looking miserable. She was worried like Embry was. There was something out there that was worrying them both fearfully. I began to suspect that Seth's goodbye was more than that—it had been a promise of sorts, one he might not be able to keep.

"Apparently you know I'm Angela."

"Yes. It is an honour to finally meet you." The way she said honour made me afraid she was going to genuflect for a second. "Edward doesn't like people but he always speaks very highly of you."

"Thank you," I said dumbly. Edward and I might have hung out most of senior year, but we had never been close. I didn't think he knew me well enough to speak highly of me. "But I'm sure I'm not the only one."

Embry snorted, but she continued on earnestly, "Oh no. You're the only person I've ever heard him talk about liking. He's tolerated others, but you he sincerely enjoyed."

"I'm sure he likes you," I said with a laugh.

"He loves me," she said. There was a finality there I found touching—and disconcerting. "And he loves Bella and our family and our allies. But he doesn't have the opportunity to like many people."

"He likes Seth," Embry said still holding me tightly.

For a second I thought she would say that Seth didn't count; then she frowned, reconsidering. Reluctantly, she said, "Two…people, then. So Angela, you see, it's a very prestigious list. He'll be glad to see you again."

Sue barged into the kitchen just then, headed to the fridge. "Anyone else need a drink?" she asked, her annoyance not hiding the worry in her voice. She handed the beer bottle to Embry. "Give that to Charlie. Child, what are you doing to those beans?"

"I'm not quite sure. I think he said—"

"Oh for the love of—" We left Sue to her cooking lesson, heading to the living room where Charlie was sitting on his couch looking rather forlorn. Like a child lost in a supermarket desperate to be found, he looked to the first person he saw for help, hoping the random stranger could lead him back to where it was safe. But Embry couldn't help him.

"Here, Charlie."

"Thanks, Embry."

The silence stretched on. Then suddenly Embry whispered goodbye into my ear and kissed me again. I put all my nameless fear and helpless anger into that kiss, regardless of whether Charlie was watching or not. I suspected the Police Chief knew the meaning of discretion. When Embry pulled away he reminded me, "You promised."

"I did."

And then there was a knock on the door, almost as if he had planned it that way. When he went to get the door, I knew he wouldn't come back. I almost followed him out, but I found myself rooted to the spot. What in the world was going on?

"Angela!" Bella said happily.

If I thought Nessie was pretty, there wasn't a word for what Bella was. She had always been attractive, but now she was like a dream, something that was so perfect it could only fade in and out of focus. It almost hurt to look at her, she was so unbelievably perfect. I guess it was to be expected—she had found eternal love, after all. It had to do wonders for your complexion.

"It's good to see you, Bella," I said as we hugged. "And you too, Edward."

Edward Cullen looked the same as he had. Exactly the same. There were no hints that time had passed him by at all. Even Bella looked closer to twenty than to thirty, though we were at the half-way point now.

He was polite, but it was obvious his attention was on his sister, who hurried to his side. He hugged her tightly, reassuring her. Only after she pulled away, embarrassed, that he focused on the conversation I was having with his wife.

"Your father said you weren't in town."

"We're just visiting," Bella said as we sat down. She motioned Edward's sister to sit beside her (it was sweet, how they seemed to get along, though I would have expected nothing less; Bella had always seemed to fit right in with Edward's family) though the younger girl excused herself back into the kitchen. Or perhaps she wasn't younger. She looked like she was in her early twenties, but as I had learned recently, I sucked at guessing ages. Maybe she would end up being thirty—or thirteen.

"Is Alice around, too?" I asked. It was impossible to forget Alice Cullen, who was much more naturally sociable than Edward or Bella or me. She was the one who had got us through our senior year in something other than mutually enjoyed silence.

"She's in Milan," her brother said. "Working."

Milan. Fashion. It sounded about right for Alice, who had spent most of the time I had known her scheming about giving Bella a makeover. "She and Jasper are doing well, I hope? I hear Italy is beautiful."

The life they described sounded like something out of a story. People didn't get to enjoy that many wonderful things all at once; shouldn't something go wrong? I was glad to see it didn't have to be that way. People really did have it all. Alice deserved it (and it was sweet, how she was still with Jasper—Mrs Cullen must have been an excellent matchmaker).

"And your other brother and sister? And parents? How are they?"

"Wonderful. My brother and his wife stayed in Washington and Carlisle is working in New York, now."

"Wow. I'm lucky I caught you, it seems."

"Nessie likes spending time with Charlie," Bella said with a fond smile at her father, who blushed a little. "So we try to visit often."

"I see." The thing about being Bella's friend was that it wasn't a good idea to ask too many questions. Though I wasn't sure why Charlie would care about his daughter's husband's long-lost sister, I didn't ask. It wasn't any of my business.

Edward seemed to sense my curiosity. "Our families have been fortunate to find each other, finding Nessie after all those years of thinking I would never …" Emotion seemed to choke him for a second. "We are very lucky to have her."

Realizing it was a sensitive subject—I had no idea how hard it could be, to be a foster child, even one lucky enough to be adopted by Dr and Mrs Cullen—I cast my mind around for something else.

"Charlie said you just got back from down south?"

Their trip sounded fascinating; it was hard not to be a little jealous, especially at how cavalier they were about the whole thing. Taking off for Argentina on a whim sounded like something they did all the time. Neither made any mention of a job—Edward and Bella always did make me believe in fairy tales. Their story was interrupted by Nessie.

"Dinner's ready."

"It smells wonderful," Edward assured her.

"It does," I agreed. She had seemed so worried about it before.

She gave me a shy sort of smile before disappearing again, graceful in a way that made me think of Jacob and Leah in the bookstore, though the slight girl with big brown eyes and a designer dress was nothing like the two sturdy Quileutes in torn clothing. Funny the way your mind associates things.

Since the six of us couldn't fit around the table, Nessie and Sue carried the food to us.

"You don't have to—" Nessie started to protest as Sue handed a plate to her brother.

"Don't be ridiculous," Sue said. "You've worked hard for this. The least your brother could do is taste it."

The Cullens had always seemed to treat eating in public as something they were afraid to do, so it didn't surprise me the way Edward took the plate politely but not eagerly. It seemed Bella had adopted that habit, because she, too, didn't seem eager for the plate.

"It's really not necessary."

"Nonsense. Your grandmother taught you well. I'm sure it's fine."

"Seth actually did most of it…I just tried not to ruin it."

"She only knows how to cook for two," Sue explained to me, rolling her eyes. There was a bite in her words, like she wanted to shake the whole world so it would finally stop annoying her, but she smiled at Edward and Bella instead. "Eat up."

Now that we had our plates, I could return to my questions. Dinner passed pleasantly enough, learning about the various adventures of the Cullen family, sharing my smaller accomplishments, pleasurable in a different way. Edward and Bella enjoyed my company, I think. I wasn't sure about his sister, who was starting at me, fascinated, though there wasn't much friendly curiosity on her face. It was like she didn't know what to make of me, which was only fair because I didn't know what to make of her. I suspected Grandmother wouldn't like her either. Or maybe even Grandmother hadn't meant someone like her before.

My eyelids got heavy long before my interest waned. I blamed the wine that Sue kept pouring in my glass long after I begged her to stop. It was hard to resist her, though, I realized. That's how I ended up too drunk to get home.

"You're staying here tonight," Sue ordered.

"You can have my old bedroom," Bella said. She helped me up the stairs, helped me take off my shoes and socks. "I'm glad you're here, Angela," she whispered as I stumbled into bed.

"Me,too."

"We're going to be right here if you need anything," she promised.

It must have been the alcohol. It's why I struggled to stay up right, to keep speaking, though the world was moving and my tongue didn't seem to want to cooperate. "Bella?"

"Yes, Angela?"

"It's funny, but she looks like she could be related to you, too."

"Thank you. Go to sleep."

So I did.


	15. Ch 14: Who Let the Dogs Out?

A/N: If my computer gets fixed I'll try doing Monday, Wednesday, Saturday updates next week.

Chapter 14: Who Let the Dogs Out?

When I woke up the next morning in a strange bedroom, it was with a pounding headache and a foreign desire to yell at my boyfriend. I still didn't know what was going on, but I had a feeling I wasn't going to be allowed to leave this house—neutral territory—until Embry came back for me. Feeling like I was being held prisoner wasn't the nicest feeling.

But there was no sense in complaining.

As I stood up I glanced around the small room. There was only a single bed and a rocking chair in it. It was too empty, but if they'd had other furniture it was long gone. There were yellow lace curtains over the window, but no other decorations. Nothing about the room said Bella to me; nothing about the room said anything at all. It was coldly impersonal.

One day Bella was there, so in love with Edward Cullen it was frightening sometimes and then the next she was gone and it was if she had never been. There was no forwarding address, no e-mails at night. There was just nothing. Jessica called her a snob, but I knew there must be an explanation. I wished she had trusted me enough to give me one.

"Good morning," Charlie greeted me as I came down the stairs. He had a coffee mug in hand. "Sleep well?"

"Fine, thank you." If only my stomach would stop rolling. "Thank you for letting me stay over."

"I'm supposed to keep people safe," he said. He looked a little rueful. "I think they're making you breakfast. Have a good one."

"You too," I said. I hoped they hadn't troubled themselves too much. My stomach felt a little testy.

"You're awake," Bella said far too loudly. I smiled and thanked her and Sue. Everyone dismissed my gratitude, like taking in strange women was what they did all the time. Bella and Edward and Nessie had all stayed over though I had no idea where they would have slept. Only Nessie seemed tired the way I was.

Edward offered me some toast, as we all sat around in the living room. It was kind of homey. I had just started to relax when Edward stood up suddenly, going to unlock the door.

"Who—?"

But Sue's question was answered when the woman came through the doorway.

Leah Clearwater hadn't yet caught her breath, her hair was a mess, she was covered in dirt, her leg was bruised all along her thigh and she walked into the room like she was the only thing important in it. She certainly had everyone's attention, even mine, though I didn't know why. It wasn't just that she was wearing my boyfriend's shirt that held my attention, either. Bella was the most graceful creature I had ever seen, so graceful I always felt like I was dreaming when I watched her. There was no sense of unreality about Leah—when I watched her there was a finality I found frightening.

"Seth's safe," she said as she hugged her mother. Then she waved her hand at the Cullens, as if hoping to make them vanish. When that didn't work, she added, "So's everyone else. So what's there to eat? I'm starving."

Throwing herself onto the couch across from me she stretched her body out, showing off muscles I hadn't previously thought women could have. Her legs were long, but the more I stared the more banged up I realized they were. She had been hurt, recently, and her body was still recovering.

"Here," Bella said, handing over her plate, glad for the excuse.

"Thanks." The food was in her mouth before she thought to add, "Why are you all still here?"

"They're Charlie's guests," her mother said handing her a glass of orange juice. "They can stay as long as they want."

"Jake's already heading over to your place." She shrugged. "But stay if you want."

"Leah," Bella began, "This is Angela Weber."

I did not like the way she looked at me. Her eyes were dark like her brother's, so dark they looked almost black in the dim light. There was no light in them, no warmth. She wanted me gone even more than she wanted the others gone. And she wanted them gone badly.

"I know," she said. The smirk that stole across her face made me shiver. The next words were positively dripping with innuendo. "The _kindergarten teacher._" Then she gave up all pretence. "They just _love_ you. Collin's stripper is still the gold standard of their masturbatory fantasies, but you've beaten Seth's librarian. Then again, she was a total butterface."

"Leah," her mother snapped while the Cullens looked in every direction but mine. It helped a little with the embarrassment, seeing how red Nessie had gotten. I was embarrassed, but she was so deathly embarrassed for me it was almost comical.

"Not like you, Angela," Leah continued. Her voice had gone soft, almost comforting. "You have a beautiful face. Such a beautiful face."

The change that came over Sue was startling. No longer would she object to whatever her daughter felt she had to say to get me out of the house, maybe even out of Embry's life for good. Sue sat down and began munching on her toast and all she said was, "Emma was not ugly."

But Leah ignored her mother, intent on staring me down. All I could think to do was reply.

"Thank you."

"Of course, your tits are smaller in real life. I don't get why it is, but they _all_ _always_ exaggerate the tits. Even when they're ass men. Though I guess you could call Embry a foot guy. Whatever. He still exaggerates the tits! I don't get it."

_"I'm sorry, but _what_? She really said that to you?"_

_"Oh yes." I sighed again because remembering seemed to warrant that. "And while other conversations maybe slightly fudged, I promise you this one is completely accurate."_

_"Seriously? And you still became friends with her? How can you possibly be that nice and still function?"_

_"It's a gift."_

_"I'm serious, Ang," Jessica said. "You don't let people talk to you like that."_

_"She had a good reason."_

_Jessica's eyes narrowed. "That was a joke, right? There's no excuse—"_

_"Maybe not but...she did have a reason. And knowing...I can't say she was wrong. The way she went about it was awful but she wasn't...can I please continue?"_

_"I'm yelling at Leah next time I see her."_

_"Jess, this was years ago."_

_"And I'm sure you never made her apologize for it, so I'm going to yell. Now continue."_

"Enough, Leah," Edward Cullen snarled—

_"Good for Edward."_

_I had to pause my story just to savour the moment. Jessica rolled her eyes. _

_"What? He was right. Now stop staring at me and keep going."_

_Right._

"Enough, Leah," Edward Cullen snarled. "This is—"

"None of your damn business," she snapped back.

"Embry cares about her," Bella said.

"And you would know all about healthy relationships, wouldn't you? Relationships where the girl lives a long and healthy life, right?"

I think Edward's eye twitched.

"You shouldn't interfere if Embry loves her."

"For now," Leah sneered. Then she winked at me like this was all some big joke to her.

I think she wanted to see me cry.

Bella tried to defend me: "Jacob—"

"Also has lousy taste in women," Leah interrupted. "He's an idiot."

"Jacob is not an idiot," Edward's sister said in her light voice. For the first time, I didn't think a light breeze would blow her away; she wouldn't tolerate disagreement on this subject. "Believing in love, however unorthodox, does not make him an idiot. I would have thought you would be more accepting of the ways love can sneak up on a person, Leah."

Unlike everything before that shut up Leah Clearwater.

Not only did it shut her up, but turned her anger into misery faster than I thought possible. Where I had wanted to slap her only a moment before I felt the sudden urge to hug her right then though I knew I wouldn't survive the experience if I did. Picking at her food she said, "You're looking good, kid."

"Thank you."

Even in last night's clothing, a sweater that bared her white shoulders to the room, the girl looked beautiful. As she daintily dabbed her napkin to her mouth, she asked, "Nothing serious happened last night, did it?"

"I had a bit of an emergency in Seattle," she said. She was talking to me almost civilly. While I was used to getting mood whiplash around Embry and his friends this was a bit too extreme even for me. "The guys came over to help. Embry and Collin got into a bit of an accident on the way home, so they have to stay over there and sort out some insurance crap, but Embry said to send his love so I wouldn't worry too much."

"He's okay?" I asked. Her face might have been a mask. All their faces might well have been masks; I couldn't read them at all.

"He's fine. Still got a working jaw. Unfortunately."

"There's blood on his shirt."

Leah glanced down, noticing the stain on the side of the shirt for the first time. All she did was shrug. "There's blood on all my damn shirts."

What could I possibly say to that?

"If you'd clean them right away, they wouldn't stain as much," Sue said.

"I'd have to bring detergent with me everywhere."

"Or stop getting into fights."

"I don't get into fights," Leah told her mother. "I break up fights. Speaking of, what did I tell you about inviting Seth over?"

"I'm not allowed to invite my son over for dinner?"

For the first time, Leah seemed the smallest bit embarrassed as she glanced around the people at the room. "Not unless you invite me, too."

"Really, Leah, if you're a little too old to be jealous of who I might love best."

"Like there was ever any question. Did you wait until after he was born to make Seth your favorite or just decide the second you got knocked up?"

"A mother doesn't have favourites. Though you make it difficult."

"I thought you said Jacob wasn't coming," Edward interrupted. Leah only shrugged again. A few seconds later the door opened and Jacob Black walked through the door.

If Leah demanded the attention of the room, Jacob simply had it. Whatever it was, he had it. It felt natural to look to him, even though I tried to fight the pull. I couldn't miss the obvious smile on Bella's face (I had a high school flashback for a second), nor the way Leah sat up straighter, the messenger getting ready to make her report. But what held my attention was Nessie's face, the way it lit up, the way I knew that this was the him she had asked Seth to watch over because this was the only _him_ that mattered, the only him in the world.

He went directly to her side and kissed her cheek lightly. "Hey."

"I'm glad you're here," she said. They gazed at each other for a second, existing somewhere in a world beyond ours and then whatever spell had been cast had been broken. He was safe so she dropped her eyes and he snatched the toast from her plate and joined Leah on the couch.

"What did I miss?"

"I'm a bitch, Nessie's perfect and Embry's an idiot. Nothing new," Leah said, handing over her glass. He drained it completely. "We're meeting Angela, now. Embry really did bring her here."

He cursed then glanced up, finally paying attention to me. While he was far less hostile, I could still feel him judging me as he looked me over. "You were a bitch?" he finally asked her, still staring at me.

"Total bitch. She didn't even flinch. I think she might even be more brain-dead than Seth."

"Not possible. Embry's going to be so pissed we met her without him." He made a quick decision. "We've got to go," he announced to the room at large. "Sorry about this, Angela. But Embry really wanted it to be special. And to be here."

"What?" Leah demanded. "I have to eat."

"Eat at my place."

"You can't—"

But he wrapped one hand over her mouth and pulled her up from the couch as if she weighed nothing. She started fighting back when she was on her feet, but he wrapped his arm around her body too and using a combination of height and weight held her still and mute. Her eyes flashed with laughter, even as she struggled to speak.

"We'll see you later. Tonight, Nessie?"

"Certainly, my Jacob," Edward's sister agreed.

"Thanks Sue," Jacob called, bodily dragging the woman's daughter from her house. Before the door shut we could hear them laughing, hear the crash that was her hitting him back.

"They're always like that," Edward sighed, the sigh of a man at his wit's end.

Now I knew why Embry hadn't wanted them to meet me. He had been right, I decided, though I was glad Jacob had taken off. They didn't make sense—they were both the most natural and most perverse people I had ever seen all at the same time. It gave me a headache.

"We can drive you home, Angela," Bella offered.

I think I was too much in shock to do much but agree. They let me have the passenger seat, the two women in the back. Though she significantly taller (though neither would ever been anything like tall), I would have said Nessie was the younger one. Or maybe Bella's grace just made everyone else seem awkward in comparison.

"It was good to see you two again," I said. I just wished the circumstances had been a little different.

"You too, Angela." Bella smiled, her teeth so white it was almost blinding. "Who knows? Maybe we'll see each other again."


	16. Ch 15: Stop Thinking About It

Chapter 15: Stop Thinking About It

A day at home helped me calm down. I knew something had happened, but I didn't know what. Perhaps it was as it seemed. Embry had wanted me to visit Sue and she had coincidentally had the long-lost sister of one of my high school friends in her house at the same time while my boyfriend was overly helpful and gave a bloodied shirt to a good friend out of the kindness of his heart. Maybe. I could have accepted that…if I could just see Embry.

Instead, all I got was a lousy phone call.

"I'm fine," he told me. "Collin's a little roughed up, though, so we're staying in Seattle for a bit. I'll see you as soon as I get back."

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yes, Angela," he said. He was still patient, even though I must have asked him a hundred times by now. "I wish I could see you. You know I do. I just…I can't leave him. I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Just get better."

"I will. Promise."

Even though I knew he knew already I still pretended. "I didn't tell you I met Jacob and Leah. Just for a second."

Immediately: "I am so so sorry."

"They might be your friends, but you can't control the way they act, Embry. The way she acts. He seemed okay. If eager to get her out of there."

"He knows what she's like. She didn't—she was just saying the worst crap she could come up with. She didn't mean any of it. Not—none of it was true, either."

"Collin didn't date a stripper?"

"Uh…well, that was true. It's just…we, uh…"

"And the feet thing explains a lot."

"It does?" It was almost cute, how nervous he sounded. Almost.

"How does she know that about you?"

"Not for the reasons you're thinking."

"I'm thinking you told her, Embry. Because you tell her everything." And I did not want to be having this conversation over a phone. Even if I was pretty sure Leah _had_ been jealous that. "I have to go now. I'm having lunch with Lauren today."

"That'll be fun."

I bristled at the sarcasm. "Today is not a day where you can get away with insulting my friends, Embry. Lauren has never not explained herself to me when I've asked her to, which is more than you can say right now. So just don't."

"Ang…"

"I'm trying here. The best I can, but you're not even…I will manufacture as many crutches as needed for your lame stories, Embry, but I need _something_ to work with."

"I'm sorry."

"I'm getting really tired of you saying that." I exhaled. My voice decided to break into a thousand of hysterical pieces. " I'm just still…there was blood on her shirt, Embry. _Your_shirt. And she didn't care. She didn't—what happened that there was blood on your shirt? And how often does it have to happen before she doesn't even care?"

"We got into an accident, Angela. But I'm fine. Go to lunch with Lauren. I'll come by as soon as I can. Okay?"

"Okay," I said miserably. We said our goodbyes and our 'I love yous' and then I started to get ready for lunch. Lauren and I hadn't had a good long talk in a while; I had a feeling I wasn't going to be in the mood for one today.

* * *

The restaurant was well out of Lauren's way and I knew despite how we hurried through the meal that she wouldn't be able to drive back fast enough to make it to work inside her break. She didn't have to do this, I insisted, but when she had called last night Lauren had sensed something was up and now had to see me in person.

When she realized I didn't want to talk about it, she set about distracting me. I was only half paying attention (I felt terrible about it—tomorrow I would have to apologize. I just…couldn't today. I was such a terrible friend).

And then Lauren made up for drunkenly hitting on my boyfriend in front of my face. In fact, she made up for everything, ever.

She was telling me about some developmental plan her boss had proposed and the trouble he was getting in with the members of the town as well as those from La Push. As a matter of fact, Sam Uley had actually raised his voice and everyone from the rez said he never did that—

"Sam?" I said with a start. Lauren smiled at me, glad I was finally responding. "You said Sam?"

"Yeah. He's the big shot up there—though they're having a lot of problems, I've heard. The Elders don't want him in charge, or something. Though they're pretty hush-hush about it."

"Do you know if his wife or girlfriend or whatever is named Emily?"

Lauren looked at me like I was crazy. "You don't remember Emily Uley?"

"Should I?"

"I guess not. She was Emily Young back then." Oh my god. It came back to me, even as Lauren kept talking. "She's the one who got her face ripped off by the bear."

"Oh."

My mouth filled with acid and I forced myself to swallow. Everyone in Forks and La Push had heard the warning about Emily Young. If you walked too far into the woods, people said, you were liable to end up like Emily. Or worse.

"You okay, Ang?"

I forced myself to smile. "I'm just…I don't feel so well."

Lauren insisted on driving me home, guaranteeing she was going to be late for work, but I couldn't convince her otherwise. I wasn't sure I wanted to. I couldn't be alone just then. I just couldn't.

I was afraid if I was alone I'd start shaking and never stop.

And once she left…it turned out I was right to be afraid.

* * *

I was more than half-hysterical by the time I reached Embry's house. I didn't care that we were pretending he was in Seattle; I had to see him. Now. I had to…I had to do _something_ to make the sick feeling in my stomach stop.

It probably wasn't the smartest idea to go straight to La Push. By the time I approached his house, I was not only mentally but physically drained I could barely stand up; I couldn't hold myself together. But something had to happen so I could stop shivering.

"Angela," Quil greeted me before I was up the driveway. It didn't surprise me that he had heard me coming, but I wasn't going to let him stop me. Unfortunately, I couldn't throw him out of my way without causing a lot of commotion and he wasn't moving from the front door. "What are you doing here?"

"I need to see Embry," I demanded, as steadily as I could. It didn't work.

He didn't flinch. "Embry's not here. He's—"

"Stop lying to me," I begged. "Just stop, please, stop. Stop it!"

"Angela—"

"No. I need to talk to Embry now. I need…" I ended up charging him, desperate to get inside. It was dangerous, my mother had said. Not safe. I said I could take care of myself. I thought I could take care of myself. But the bear ripped off her face. The monster _ripped off her face_. I wasn't strong enough, I wasn't powerful enough and it was even more dangerous for me. _You have a beautiful face_, Leah said and her mother let her keep talking because they knew the bears weren't the only things a girl had to worry about meeting in the forest.

What the hell had I been thinking? I couldn't handle this. It wasn't safe.

"Angela, stop it. Stop it. Come on, please. Calm down, calm down." Quil kept pleading, trying to grab hold of me with hurting me even though he was so much stronger he could rip a girl's face off without thinking.

The door opened and all I could see through my tears was another dark-haired man coming towards us. Hands up. Not Embry. Seth.

"You need to calm down, now, Ang," Seth said softly, so quietly I had to stop struggling if I wanted to listen to him. "He needs to rest. You can't wake him up. You can't, so you need to calm down. Are you listening to me? Embry needs you to calm down."

"I am calm," I said between tears. "I am."

"Okay," he agreed. "Thank you. I appreciate it. You're doing great."

So great I collapsed against Quil's chest. I should have gotten Lauren to drive me over. Quil's arms were like iron, but his hand on my back was feather light. As if I was a child, Quil drew circles against my back to comfort me. It worked.

"Yeah. You want to come inside and talk to us? We just have to be quiet so we don't wake Embry. He needs his rest. You can wait and when he wakes up you can see him. How's that?"

I nodded and he smiled, his everyday life-is-great smile that just set my tears off again. But I wanted to see Embry (I also wanted to be let inside where I wouldn't be making a scene for the whole neighborhood, even if everyone would know by sundown), so I tried to stay quiet.

"Here," Quil said, offering me his shirt. "Go ahead. It's filthy, anyway."

"Not comforting," I hiccupped, but wiped my nose in it anyway. Weirdly enough it helped me feel better.

"Do you want us to get you something?" Seth asked.

It was only now that I remotely calm that I noticed his face. Mike had once walked straight into a door and broken his nose, which had left him with bruises under his eyes for a week. If I hadn't known better, I would have said Seth had walked into a door a week before. Except I had seen him Friday, so I knew better.

"Have you put ice on your face?" I asked.

"Ouch. That hurts, Ang. My face looks fine."

"Looks better than normal," Quil agreed, slapping him on the back. They were both watching me cautiously, but only Quil was between me and the bedroom door. They didn't have to worry. I wasn't going to make a mad dash.

"What's wrong with him?" I asked.

Seth shrugged. "Nothing a couple of days in bed and some morphine won't fix quick. We just have to let him rest. He just managed to fall asleep before you got here."

"Is this how you got so good with sprained and broken body parts?"

"Yeah," he admitted. "Lots of practice."

"You even a nurse?"

"Yes, actually. Just. But we got him a doctor, too, Ang, so you don't have to worry."

"I'm not…well, I am. But…I had lunch with a friend. It made me think…made me realize I've been in denial a little bit. I think I always knew who he meant, when he told me about Sam and Emily. I just didn't want to think…that's what he could do to me, isn't it?"

"Yes."

"No," Quil interrupted. "Not anymore. Sam was young, back then. Inexperienced. We know things now, so it won't ever happen again."

"It could though. It could happen and it could be a lot worse," Seth said. "We're careful but we're only human."

All I could think about was Edward's sister's unwillingness to admit Seth counted as one of the people Edward liked. Maybe it wasn't because Edward disliked him, but because she realized Seth wasn't quite as human as he looked. Not one of God's creatures at all…

"You said you treated them badly…"

"I've never—I've been lucky, that way. But—"

"Luck has nothing to do with anything," Quil said. "You're damn controlled. Just like the rest of us."

Seth rolled his eyes and addressed me. "I don't ever want it to get to the point where they're so used to me lying and disappearing that they're okay with it."

So he cut and run, when he saw he was destroying them in all the little ways that mattered most, as fast as he could (I bet it was damn fast). But Embry wasn't Seth, Leah had hissed at Jacob, Seth who forgave himself easily. Embry clung to me too tightly—he wouldn't let go when he saw things going bad. He would try to fix them.

The question, was would I let him?

"What about you?" I asked Quil. "What do you do?"

"Monkitude," he said. "But I'm around kids all day and I wouldn't do that unless I was sure I wouldn't hurt them."

Seth snorted, but searched the fridge and left us to our conversation.

"How close has Embry ever come?"

"Not too close," Quil began, though he couldn't look me in the eye. "Your mother was the worst; but you came in time. The other times…he put enough distance between you. You should have been safe even if…even if he lost it."

"There are others, aren't there? Sam and…Jared? Paul? How does that work?"

"If you want all our secrets, Angela, I'm afraid you're going to be disappointed."

"Here," Seth said, handing me a glass of water. The conversation was over, I realized. They had told me as much as they were going to (maybe as much as they could). It could happen—they were hoping like hell it wouldn't, but it could. It was up to me now. Though there was one more thing that they had left out.

After I gulped down the water Seth said, "He got into a hell of a lot of trouble brining you over to my mom's house the other day. He shouldn't have stayed with you for so long, not when there was an emergency, but he did. He made sure you were safe above everything. Because he's crazy about you, Ang."

I recognized the truth when I heard it—I had suspected as much. He was not supposed to come for me (I wasn't his kind, either). But he had. Even though it scared me and it got him in trouble, he made sure I was safe.

It was all too overwhelming. I spoke to Seth: "You were taking your sweet time for someone who had an emergency going on."

"I didn't know there was an emergency."

"That's because the kid is an idiot who doesn't let us know where the hell he is. We thought we had to leave without him."

"If you had just…contacted me, I would have been there. I'm sorry I have better things to do than let you know where I am twenty-four/seven."

"I'm sure he had better things to do." It was almost reassuring, in a way. Blood-stained t-shirts and scarred faces aside, they _were _still human. "You have to admit, Quil, she is very pretty."

The two of them froze, staring at me slack-jawed. I had said exactly the wrong thing. They didn't look guilty, exactly, just frozen, the way I probably looked when I stepped over the threshold of my house to listen, just to make sure no one was going to jump out of the darkness. They were checking to make sure it was safe.

"He didn't even know she would be there," Quil said quickly.

It was Seth who laughed. "You'll have to forgive him, Ang. It's just the last time someone said that to me I was stupid enough to answer. When I couldn't eat solid food for days poor Quil here had to mush up my food for me."

"What?"

"Nessie is Jacob's girlfriend."

"Nessie is Jacob's friend," Seth corrected. "Not that she's not our friend either, but—"

"It's just easier if everyone thinks of Nessie as Jacob's girlfriend."

"But she's not. He said so."

"It's like you like getting beat up."

Since they were having a staring contest that I wasn't part of, I interrupted. I had a feeling neither of them was going to budge anytime soon. "I'm going to take a wild guess and say that Jacob's love life is just as complicated as it was in high school."

"Not really," Seth said even as Quil begged, "Can we please talk about something else?"

To help Quil out, we started talking about less combustible topics. We managed to avoid the weather, but pretty much nothing else. They were good company. Some hours later I realized that they were good friends. Surely they had better things to do with their Saturday afternoon than wait around with me, waiting for Embry to get up, but they neither hinted that they might like to go someplace else.

They just set their collective minds to trying to cheer me up. It worked, in part. It also helped me to see that even though they might not be able to help being dangerous, they were still people. Funny, sweet, helpful people.

When Quil bent down I could see the ugly bruise on his back. Whatever it was they did they paid for it with their bodies. That brought the fear back a little. If something could hurt them, when they were virtually indestructible, what could it do to me?

But Embry had made sure I was safe.

"He's waking up," Seth said quietly, interrupting our discussion on the usefulness of the time out. "I'm going to go in first, just check the morphine and bandages and stuff. I'll tell him you're here. Then you can go in. Okay?"

I nodded and he left me to try to figure out what I was going to say. I had no idea.

So I left.


	17. Ch 16: Between the Devil and the Deep

Chapter 16: Between the Devil and The Deep Blue Sea

Jacob found me on First Beach.

What was I supposed to say? Every relationship was about overcoming fears, to a certain extent. I knew it wouldn't be stable, but I had pursued him anyway. I could have just become friends with Seth. Instead, I had allowed everything with Embry to become so much more than it should have been.

And that was all on me. Was it fair to just abandon him, now that the reasons for my Grandmother's rules were finally clear to me?

I wouldn't do it. I couldn't. I loved him and I couldn't leave him.

I was just too much of a coward to face him right then. If there was the smallest possibility that he would see fear in my face when I walked through that door, I couldn't see him. He deserved better than that.

To Quil's credit, he let me leave without a word. Perhaps he understood. More likely he didn't want to risk having to physically restrain me. I think I was already going to have bruises on my arm from where he had held me before

When Jacob came up beside me, I first thought it was Seth. But like in the bookstore, I figured it out quickly enough. While in photographs they could have been the same person, in person they didn't even look as closely related as Seth and Embry did. There was a measured air about Jacob Black that I never expected to see in the carelessly eager Seth.

"Can I sit down?"

His voice boomed across the water. I patted the rock beside me. Just like I had expected Jacob was nice and warm. He seemed to realize I was freezing because he wrapped an arm around my waist. It would have been nicer if he had asked first, but I was too appreciative to protest.

"Nice to meet you," I muttered to the water.

He chuckled quietly. He sounded a bit like a subwoofer. "You too."

"Is this a coincidence?"

"Or did Quil call me in a panic because he's afraid you're going to dump Embry, completely destroying our best friend? What do you think?"

"I think if you're completely destroyed by a break up the relationship might not have been the best for you in the first place." Junior year flashed through my mind and I added, "Or it's eternal love."

"Any way I can convince you its eternal love?"

The blush emerged, obvious to him, I was sure. "Considering how long it took him to get you on board with the idea of the two of us—"

"I was always on your side," he objected. "I just…didn't want to get my hopes up."

"What?"

"Sometimes I think Embry doesn't like being happy."

"Everyone likes being happy."

"Sure." Jacob Black sighed. "So what are you going to do?"

"Do you already have the contingency plans draw up?"

"As a matter of fact…" He laughed, the way the all seemed to, even if there was an edge to his laughter that even Embry didn't have. There were heavy responsibilities on the broadest shoulders I had ever seen.

The wind picked up, chilling me to the bone. We let it wash over us, let it drown out the conversation. He didn't want to rush me and I didn't know what to say. It didn't seem like he had a lot of patience, however, because when the silence went on too long he destroyed it.

"I want to apologize for what Leah said at Charlie's. She had a long night—not that she had any excuse."

"I thought she might have been jealous." His entire body seemed to freeze beside me. "Of me. Maybe I was mistaken."

"She liked Embry when we were teens, but nothing more," Jacob was quick to explain. Not that he was eager to change the subject, he would have said. Then he burst out laughing: "Embry was totally in love with her, then."

I decided bringing up his girlfriend-who-was-not-his-girlfriend-who-was-definitely-not-the-woman-he-kept-trying-to-put-his-hands-on was cruel, even though I didn't like Jacob Black much at that moment.

Fortunately, he went on. "But she was a lot older, it seemed, back then, so he never tried anything. And then Sam dumped her and she was a little…upset and Embry was a little…rude and so they started their kind of epic feud. But if Leah's overly interested in your relationship…she's just doing her job."

"Is that job to protect him or to protect me?"

"It's to protect everyone."

"Is that possible?"

"No," he sighed. "Geez, why can't we all just live in Seth's head?"

I found myself laughing with him. It was nice. I think I could have been friends with Jacob Black in some other life. Maybe we could manage it anyway, despite the deep lines around his eyes.

Again the silence seemed to disturb him. It shouldn't have surprised me. Embry was the same way. I was actually impressed Jacob had managed to stay sitting for so long. Embry would have had to get up to pace…or to lean over to kiss me.

The ache in my heart gave me my answer. I wasn't afraid of him. I was simply afraid of not being strong enough to protect us both.

"So…" Jacob began, trying to sound casual, "You met Nessie."

"Yes."

He might have controlled my boyfriend's life, but it didn't mean I had to help Jacob out.

"What did you think of her?"

"She seemed very nice. A good cook. A little shy, perhaps, but that's perfectly understandable considering Bella and Edward and I were all old friends. I would have been intimidated in her place."

"So you liked her?"

"Yes, I did."

She had unsettled me, a little, but I couldn't explain that without sounding a little crazy. Anyway, I think any other answer would have upset him.

"You should give her a call," he said. "She doesn't know many people in Forks."

The town was impossibly small, but if anyone had known about her it would have been all over town because she was that impossible to forget. How long had she been in Forks, I wondered, close by but invisible? Why would she agree to live like that?

"Bella gave me her number. I was going to call them. I'll make sure to invite her."

Despite the way I could still hear 'totally in love with her' ringing in my ears, I didn't make Jacob Black tell me the reason he was asking me to befriend the girl. It wasn't any of my business. I did start to suspect that though Seth had claimed her as 'our' friend, the rest of them regarded her the way Quil did—better to stay away from her so Jacob didn't get upset. There was a possessive tone that was hard to miss.

"Thanks."

"I would have done it anyway. I did like her."

"Good to hear." But his mission was accomplished, so he couldn't sit still any longer. "Shall we?"

I let him help me to my feet. It was time.

* * *

Quil and Seth were playing poker when the two of us arrived. Seth lit up at seeing me again and even Quil seemed happy about it. They just wanted their friend happy. I surprised myself and them by kissing both of them on the cheek.

"Thank you," I said. "And you, Jacob. It was good to finally meet you."

"This wasn't a one time thing, either," he said. "If you're up to it, I want to take all of us out, so we can get better acquainted."

All meant the five of them, I understood—Jacob, Seth, Embry, Quil and Leah. And me.

"I don't want to go if she's just going to insult me the whole time. No offence."

"None taken. I'll talk to her."

The tone of his voice made it clear it would be more of a battle than a discussion. I think that's why Seth rolled his eyes. "We'll all talk to her."

"Okay. Okay, then. I'm going to go…"

"Good luck," Quil called as I disappeared into Embry's bedroom.

It was even smaller than mine, with room for a bed and his clothes on the floor and not much else. His clothes were neatly folded, at least. He was sprawled across the bed, dwarfing it; it didn't help the bed was a single. He looked mostly okay, if slightly bruised, except from the makeshift split on his leg.

His entire face lit up when he saw me. What was a girl to do?

I sat on the bed and took his hands, kissed them lightly.

"Are you okay?" he murmured. "They said…"

There was no point in lying, because I'm sure his friends hadn't. "I wasn't," I admitted. "I remembered about Emily Young. And the bear. And I…I didn't handle it well. And you weren't there."

He pulled me closer, until I was resting against his chest. Whatever had been wrong with him, I guess the morphine was really helping. Ever so lightly he stroked my hair. With a herculean effort he forced words out his throat, though they killed him to say.

"Do you—if you feel like you can't stay, I want you to know that I understand, that I—"

"Embry?"

"Yes?"

"I told you once I trusted you. I meant it. I mean it. I trust you—even if you could do something, I know _you_ would never do that to me. And we'll just make sure you're not too close to my mother in the future."

"I can live with that."

"Good. Now how is your leg?"

"Fine. Just banged up."

"So you wouldn't mind if I took a look?"

He sighed, but couldn't help smiling at me. His leg seemed perfectly fine; there was nothing he needed me for. It would be as good as new soon enough, if it wasn't already.

"So which one of you is the doctor?" I asked.

"They told me you were curious today."

_"Oh, please," Jessica laughed._

_"What's so funny?"_

_"Hearing you described as curious."_

_I admit, I had to laugh, too. "Just because I'm a little..."_

_"You suck at it. I say with love."_

_"Of course." I knew she just teasing, but I still felt like I had to say, __"If people want to tell me things that's their business. If they don't...I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable."_

_"I know. It's why you're you. I just thought it was funny."_

"Today I feel like you actually want to tell me."

"I always want to tell you," he said cupping my face. I believed him. "I just… I want to keep you safe."

"I think I'd be more appreciative if I knew what you were keeping me safe from."

"Probably."

But I leaned over and kissed him, because I could take that on faith.

* * *

When I walked out of the room, reconciled with my boyfriend, it was to find all three of his closest friends grinning like maniacs.

"That is not helping me feel safe," I told them.

They looked ashamed, but couldn't stop smiling. I think it took a lot to put them in a bad mood for more than ten seconds at a time. There were worse people to be around even if I could have done with the new definition of mercurial.

"How's Sunday morning?" Jacob asked. "It has to be a weekend since Leah has to come down from Seattle."

"I can't on Sunday."

"Converting the heathens comes first."

I felt myself flushing though Seth's voice had been light. "I'm not…"

"Not that Embry cares," Jacob cut in. I could see that was all that mattered to him, that Embry was okay with it. I could also see that his word was law. There would be no more objections. "It's fine, Angela. You're right, he likes going with you. Now how about next Saturday?"

"I can do that."

"Guys?"

Both Quil and Seth agreed and that was that. I would see them all together next week and finally get to see if Embry was telling the truth. Did they really make sense all together? Somehow I couldn't believe they ever made sense.

"And remember to call Bella soon," Jacob said as he walked me to the door.

Laughter rang through the house. Seth was still laughing too hard to speak, but Quil asked: "You're setting her up on play dates?"

"Shut up." Turning to me, Jacob sighed. "They think everything is a joke."

So? The two of them—the three of them—had made all sorts of inappropriate jokes. But they had seen the terror on my face and been nothing but gentle. I wasn't sure how much, if any, trouble they were going to get into for calming me down, but I suspected Embry wasn't the only one bending rules for me.

It was hard to get upset with them after that.


	18. Ch 17: Trouble is a Friend

Chapter 17: Trouble is a Friend

Today was the day. I sat curled up against Embry in the booth of the fifties style diner waiting for his friends to come. The waitress was watching us warily, impatiently hoping we would place our orders soon. I tried to not have a panic attack.

"They wouldn't have backed out. Would they?" I asked Embry quietly.

A girl could hope.

He tightened the arm around my shoulder. "No. They'll be here. We aren't the most punctual of people. Besides, there's always something that comes up."

I ordered another tea to keep the waitress happy as Embry tried to resist the urge to pace. Sending calming thoughts his way seemed to work, though his body went completely rigid when he felt them coming. "They're here."

The door swung open.

Quil was the first through the door, laughing as he pushed inside, still making me wonder how he got through the doorway with his shoulders. With his buzzed hair, his head looked a tad too small for the rest of him—because the rest of him was just too big.

He was followed by Jacob, who was also laughing as he passed through the open door. Once he spotted Embry, he gave a wave and Quil stepped forward to lead the way over. Jacob held the door for the woman who followed him, the woman who didn't look at all pleased to be here. I pressed closer to Embry. I really did want her to like me (because he needed her to like me), even if I had no idea how to make that happen. Especially when her glared made it clear it was not her choice to be here.

Bringing up the rear was Seth, as cheerful as his sister was enraged. I could tell him apart from Jacob easily enough now. I even noticed that Seth was shorter, though not by much.

They really were like a cult, I couldn't help but think. They all wore grey t-shirts and jeans and the same proud expression. As they walked towards us, single file, it was hard to pick up where one finished and the other began. Every move had an aura of being rehearsed. When they got in front of our table they stopped as if on a signal, fanning out along the edge.

Quil was closest, but Jacob spoke first. "Sorry about the wait. Claire wanted another scoop of ice cream and someone had to give it to her."

Embry chuckled, relaxing beside me. "It's fine. I'm glad you're here now. Sit down."

With that Jacob gestured to the table and everyone sat. Seth, Leah and Jacob sat across from me, Jacob on the end, long legs dangling in the aisle, while Quil sat down beside me. I suspected that Leah being across from me—and surrounded, in case she wanted to attack—wasn't an accident.

"Did you order yet?" Quil asked, snatching at the menu. "I'm starved."

"What else is new?" Embry asked as Seth said, "Did anyone bring money? I've only got ten bucks on me."

"Surprise," Leah murmured.

Jacob suggested, "Buy only buy ten dollars worth of food."

"Or see what you can steal from Leah before she stabs you with her fork," Embry said.

"No, Leah," Jacob commanded while she laughed innocently.

"I wasn't going to do it very hard."

"Sure."

The waitress came then and they ordered enough drinks between them to water a small garden for a few months. The waitress departed in an even worse mood, no doubt worrying about the trouble this table was going to bring her. After she left the group went quiet as they made the important decision about what to eat for breakfast.

That's when I started to get really uncomfortable.

It wasn't that Quil announced: "I think I'm going to have some banana pancakes, too." Or that Leah said, "Just because you're obsessed with her doesn't mean you have to eat like her." It wasn't that Quil rolled his napkin into a ball and threw it at her head faster than I could blink or even that Jacob snatched it out of the air just before it hit her in the head.

It wasn't the growl he gave that I felt down to my toes, or the way he warned, "I thought I said we were going to use our manners tonight," and how Leah stuck out her tongue out at Quil. It wasn't even Embry saying loudly, "Real mature, Leah. Now I see why you outrank me," even though it didn't make sense. It wasn't even Seth joining in the conversation by saying, "Hey, Jake? Pass me the napkin. There's no sense in wasting paper," or how he caught the ball Jacob tossed him effortlessly.

It was that they did all that while looking down at their menus.

No eye contact.

None.

I admit I might have been gaping a little.

Embry eventually looked up at me. "You know what you want, Ang?"

"I'm having the omelet. I'd ask what you were getting, but I don't think I'd remember everything."

"See? She knows me too well."

"It's hard to forget the sight of you eating, Embry," Leah pointed out. "It's kind of traumatizing."

"You're all heart, Leah."

The waitress arrived. She needed pages to write down everything they ordered and then she had to warn them it might be awhile. After she left, Leah offered:

"We can always eat Angela if we get hungry."

"You hate raw meat," Jacob reminded her. "And stop fidgeting."

There was so little room he had to put his arm around her. Neither of them seemed to mind—I wasn't sure they had noticed.

"I would, but Seth keeps pushing me."

"That's because Embry's legs are in the way," Seth defended himself.

"Your legs are on my side," Embry whined back.

"I have plenty of room," Quil said.

"That's because Angela's normal person-sized. Ow—Leah, that really hurt," Seth complained. "Jake!"

"He wasn't always a wuss," Leah said to me. "But then my mom dropped him on his head. It was this whole big deal. Quite sad, really."

I wasn't sure if I was supposed to laugh, but I did let myself smile. Apparently redirecting her anger at the others was her way of being nice to me.

"So, Angela?" Jacob said, ignoring the bickering people around him. "Tell Leah about yourself."

"I think Embry has probably covered everything," I said as lightly as I could. There was no sense in pretending I didn't know they knew all about me. "I'd just be repeating him. Why don't you tell me about you, instead? Embry says you're a mechanic?"

"In between defending the tribe, playing with leeches and avoiding joining the council," Leah said as the waitress (and another server) came back, carrying drinks.

"Not this again," Quil muttered as he grabbed our drinks.

"The Council," Embry explained, "Wants Jacob to join, as a junior member. It wouldn't be full time."

"But it would leave him with less time to do what he wants," Quil finished.

"And that's such a bad thing," Leah said. "She's leaving town soon anyway."

"Just because you don't appreciate how hard that's going to be."

"Shut up, Quil. So what if it's going to be hard? It's for the best and it means he's going to have free time."

Embry said, "Leah only wants Jake on the Council because Sam's on it."

As Leah's foot did something that made my boyfriend cringe, Jacob explained to me: "My father's an Elder. My grandfather was the last chief the tribe had. I've been involved with Sam in organizing security around La Push. That gives Sam a lot of power with the Council that probably shouldn't all be going to him. But since it's a lot of responsibility that I don't think I could handle right now, we just have to trust Sam to look out for our best interests."

"Because that's what Sam does," Leah concluded bitterly. "Looks out for everyone—oh wait."

"I don't understand your need to defend him all the time," I said to my boyfriend. "What does Sam have on you all that you continue to respect him even as you're scared of being like him?"

"Thank you!" Leah said, slamming her hands on the table. "Finally. The guy isn't a damn saint. Plus, he's an idiot. You can't take away someone's crutch without expecting them to try reaching for _anything _else the second your back's turned without helping them out a bit more than that."

"Oh, get over it," Embry muttered.

"I'm sorry I insulted your potential half-brother. There's just so many of them I can't seem to help myself."

"Leah, it's old," Jacob sighed. "Embry, shut up. She's right about Sam—he's throwing a band aid over everything, calling it tradition and not actually doing anything. We shouldn't want him in charge forever. But for now…"

"You just don't want to put your precious bloodsucker in danger."

"Thank you, Leah. I've never heard you say that before. Quil? Tell Angela about something."

Quil didn't seem to mind helping Jacob out. He just launched into a long explanation about the latest crisis at the daycare in La Push. Since I understood too well how difficult it was keeping track of little kids, I could empathize. It was easy enough to have a conversation with Quil—much easier than listening to a political (and somewhat personal) conversation about the La Push Council.

Though Quil was always easy to talk to, he was the most animated when I asked about the children he babysat. I finally found out that the family was related somehow to the Clearwaters, which is how he had gotten involved. It was the little girl, Claire, who made Quil realize that he loved playing with kids.

"It helps that they're just big kids themselves," Leah interrupted.

I patted Embry's hand as he placed a light kiss on my neck and crowed, "That's why we're irresistible."

"I think she just feels sorry for you myself." Leah shrugged, "But what do I know?"

"Absolutely nothing."

"Sing it again," Seth chirped.

They did. I don't think they could resist the opportunity to act silly in public. Leah was cackling as they burst into song.

"Morons," she said, shushing them, but she didn't seem to mind at all. They were all smiling now. The conversation turned to music and that seemed to be a neutral enough topic, though they all (of course) violently disagreed on everything. I don't they ever non-violently disagreed.

While they might say war was good for nothing, they had evidently found a use for it.

"Classical music is the only stuff I don't get," Seth said at one point. "I just keep waiting for there to be words. But they don't come. It's like…so disappointing."

"Dropped on his head," Leah mouthed to me and this time I did laugh. Meanwhile, Jacob was saying, "You just have to get used to it. It grows on you."

"You only like it because she likes it," Leah said as if that invalidated everything Jacob was saying. I kind of agreed that it did. To my surprise, Leah actually explained herself to me. "That would be Nessie, Jacob's not-girlfriend because he is too much of a pussy."

The look he gave her right then—a look which made me blush bright red—suggested that was perhaps not the only reason he was not involved with Edward's sister though he didn't seem to dare say that. All he muttered was, "She's sixteen."

Sixteen? I guess that explained the awkwardness, though she was one of the most well-developed sixteen year olds I had ever met. Then Jacob corrected himself with a sigh: "Seventeen, now."

Quil burst out laughing while my boyfriend said: "But the age of consent is _sixteen_, Jake."

He and Quil were positively howling with laughter, while Seth was pretending not to laugh because the two people beside him looked murderous. It must have been an old joke between them, though I didn't see how it was funny. With the same finality that seemed to accompany all his statements, Jacob announced: "Just because the state of Washington is stupid…she's still too young. She's wrong."

Quil said, "I think we should finally admit that she knows the age thing is just a crap excuse. Age is just a number."

"Say that again, Quil," Leah hissed. "Say that in front of Daddy Dearest and let's see what happens. He'd kill us all."

"Or clutch his heart and die," Embry said cheerfully. "Again. That was great."

"Is this Doctor Cullen we're talking about?"

All four men turned to Leah, who almost seemed to be blushing. "That's just my nickname for Edward. World's most over protective brother; you'd think he was her father."

"Can I say how weird it is you know Bella and Edward too?" Seth said, happy to move the conversation along.

Jacob said, "Bella always said you were one of the nicest people she had ever met."

"Nice is a stupid compliment," Leah said, shifting the conversation again. They seemed to like doing that a lot. "When you think about it, really, it just sounds like she couldn't think of something more exciting to say. Not that—I'm sure you're 'nice' or whatever. But using it just makes it sound like she didn't bother to get to know you enough to think of anything else."

Jacob said, "Leah is just saying this because she wouldn't know nice if it came up and bit her on the ass."

"So you're saying you think nice is a perfectly good compliment?"

"There's nothing wrong with calling someone nice. You just don't like it because no one is ever going to use it about you."

Leah looked like she wanted to argue—Jacob did too, as a matter of fact—but the food came then and everyone suddenly shut up.

It was terrifying to behold. They didn't eat it, they attacked it. I had gotten used to watching Embry eat, but this was a hundred times worse. Suddenly Leah's crack about eating me didn't seem like much of a joke. They were too excited about devouring everything in sight—if they accidently ate me, too, they would just shrug their giant shoulders and keep going.

But the food mellowed them out completely. Leah stopped trying to provoke the others and they stopped trying to provoke her in turn. We all started to get along really well.

It wasn't enough to make Leah act kindly towards me, but as lunch wound down I think the other three were all firmly on our side and she was willing to give into the majority. Jacob was even quietly trying to get Leah to admit being wrong as the waitress came to bring our bill.

"I'm sorry," I said after I had handed over what little money they would accept. "But could I just get out to go to the bathroom?"

All four men turned to Leah like they needed her permission for this. "What?" she demanded. "Oh no. You can't be serious. You can't—men!"

Quil got up with less commotion—Jacob and Leah were engaged in some strange arm wrestling contest. I think he won. Leah was standing when I slid out of the table and he was still sitting, looking at her expectantly.

She gave the table the finger and then grabbed my wrist. "Come on, princess. Let's uphold the proud tradition of going to the bathroom in pairs."

I shot Embry a pleading look, but he just shrugged. I think Leah was right—men!

Her grip on my wrist was tight, but not painful and she released it the second we reached the bathroom. That's when she started ranting.

"Are they actually brain dead?" she demanded as she leaned against the wall. "Or do they really think girls are physically incapable of going to the bathroom by themselves?"

"You're not supposed to tell them our secrets," I said heading off to the toilet. "Don't destroy the mystique, Leah, just come along and tell them to mind their own business."

"Unfortunately, they know that we aren't filming lesbian porn in here. Not that they think about sex anyway. How sad is it that Embry's the only one who's getting any right now?"

I left her frowning to herself, counting off something on her fingers, while I went to the bathroom and tried to ignore what she had said because it was rather too awkward to comment on. When I got out she was staring at herself in the mirror, playing with her short hair. She gave me a tiny grin and then ran a hand through her hair, leaving it a disaster.

"Boy hair is trendy, right?" Then she sighed and turned on the hand dryer just to hear it going.

"I've always been too scared to cut off my hair. My friend Lauren did it and it didn't turn out so great. I guess you don't know if you have the bone structure until you hack everything off and then it's too late. But it looks great on you."

"Thanks."

She looked a little upset, but less angry than she ever had in my presence, so I pushed my luck. "You're lucky too, that you still look feminine. Some girls with short hair look a little androgynous, but you still look girly."

"Yeah, Angela? Girly isn't quite the word to describe me. You can stop sucking up."

"Here I was thinking I was doing such a good job." That got a smile and I couldn't stop smiling in return. "You're hair really does look good on you. And tall girls can still be girly, I'll have you know. And you should step on anyone who says otherwise."

That actually earned me a laugh.

"You could be worse," Leah said, pushing herself off the wall. "You're actually not that bad…almost like Emily."

As soon as she said it, she wanted to take it back. I figured that out from the cursing.

"I didn't mean it," she apologized. "I swear. Tell Embry I didn't mean it. Not like that. It's just that you're both just so…"

"Nice?" I offered.

Her eyes narrowed but she laughed again. "I guess. I'll figure out something better, though. Just give me time."

"All right. Take all the time you want. Though in return I want you to give us your blessing. I know it will mean the world to him."

"You might even be nicer than Emily," she said, rolling her eyes. It wasn't a compliment. Then she promised: "I'll stop. It's too late now, anyway. But I wasn't doing it because I wanted to. You seem like a nice girl, someone who doesn't deserve to get left...you really do have a pretty face."

And Emily didn't, anymore. Leah stopped looking at me and it was startling to see such a terrifying woman so close to tears.

"Thank you."

"He told you she was my cousin, right? That she tried to send Sam away because we were like sisters, back then, which is why…I didn't even go see her, when I heard. Thought she deserved it. You're too nice to ever end up like that, I think, but should we risk it?" Leah made herself laugh. "Funny how life turns out, isn't?"

"I always thought I'd marry my high school boyfriend and we'd have two children—named Adam and Mary—and live in a house down the road from my parents. But it didn't work out that way. I changed in ways I never expected to."

"You had already picked out the names?" I just smirked until she relented. "Peter, Julia and Judy. And I am so ashamed of myself right now."

"I won't tell. A girl has a right to play make-believe, seomtimes."

"They've already made fun of me for it. They…I wasn't the funnest person to be around when I realized just how make-believe it all was. Though Embry started it," she muttered. "Just saying."

"He sometimes can't help making fun of people."

"He called me a whore. For sleeping with my boyfriend. Asshole." There was no venom in her voice; she had put it behind her. Now she was just using it as ammunition to make fun of him. "Honestly, who picks on the girl who just broke up with her boyfriend?"

I could only shake my head as we walked back to the table. Maybe we weren't friends yet—maybe I never wanted to be—but we could get along. For that I was thankful.

Some of my triumph must have been scrawled on my face because when Embry wrapped his arms around my waist it, he gave me a gentle squeeze.

"Nice meeting you, Angela," Jacob said and they echoed him in different but complimentary ways. Leah even threw in an apology for being a bitch, which they all said was her standard line and then all five of them were laughing.

Embry had been right. And wrong. They still made no sense, even together. But together they were and that made complete sense.

The pack of them took off. I turned to Embry.

"I think that went well."

"Me too. It went really well." He burst out laughing. "My friends don't do things in halves. If you couldn't get them to go near you before, now you're not going to be able to get away from them."

He kissed me deeply then, holding me close so that when my head started to spin I was still able to stay standing. I thought I would be okay with that. I had no idea what I was getting into.


	19. Ch 18: Little Miss Can't Be Wrong

Chapter 18: Little Miss Can't Be Wrong

Embry had been right about his friends. Before I saw Quil and Seth, sometimes, if I was lucky. Now my house was their house. All of them would drop in at the most random of times, looking for food. Usually when Embry was around. Not always.

All of a sudden I found myself with six brothers instead of two.

It was a little overwhelming, but I enjoyed it. Jacob Black was a lot easier to get along with than I had ever suspected seeing as he had avoided me for over half a year. In fact, he was one the easiest people to get along with I had ever met. No wonder Bella had been a little conflicted even with eternal love around.

Bella and I managed to get together sometimes, too, reaffirming our old friendship.

"_You never told me were friends with Bella again."_

"_She asked me not to tell people she was back in town. She said she and Edward didn't want to explain how they found his sister after all these years or to deal with the gossip that came with it. Plus, they really weren't around all that much."_

"_Too busy flying around the world?"_

"_Pretty much."_

"_Can I say how much I hate them?"_

_I couldn't help but smile. "Just this once."_

Nessie came with her sometimes, so I got to know two Cullens better for the price of one. Though I got the sense she wasn't comfortable talking (I would have been petrified myself as a teenager trying to make small talk with people I would have considered ancient) she tried. At Bella's prompting she even asked me her questions about the University of Washington, where she would be going next year. Since college had been a transformative experience for me, I did the best I could to sell her on it.

It was probably the longest conversation we all had. Bella and I had always been comfortable with our mutual silence and Nessie seemed very used to listening.

Leah was different from everyone else.

She never dropped in without someone with her; I very well couldn't expect her to as she lived in Seattle, but I still…she was politer than she had been the first time I had met her, but it was clear she still wasn't comfortable with me. However, the last time she came over, thanks in part to some teasing from Jacob, she had invited me to go shopping with her if I was ever in Seattle.

It gave me an idea.

So one weekend when Embry was scheduled to work almost the whole time I called her up and asked her if she minded if I brought some friends along when I came up to shop for the day. To her credit, Leah accepted.

"I supposed I shouldn't have told you about the stripper. And Emma wasn't even a librarian, they just…I try not to think about it," she sighed. "Tell Bella and Nessie I can't wait to see them."

"I'm not trying to punish her," I explained to Embry as he got up to get to work. He was laughing a little too hard, but I didn't want him thinking I was vengeful like that.

"Hey, no one would blame you if you were."

"I'm not. Jacob wanted me to get to know the girl better, but I don't think I really can unless I can get her to talk to me. It's not like Bella, where she doesn't need to talk. With Nessie I get the sense she just doesn't know how. But she talked to Leah—and Leah listened to her. It was brief, but I think Leah listened. So maybe…"

"Didn't Sue's teach you that the three of them should not be in the same room?"

"I just thought if everyone gave each other a chance…we could all just get along."

"You're delusional," my boyfriend said, kissing me lightly on the forehead and then a little more eagerly on the lips. "Adorable, but delusional."

"But why can't we…"

"Because aside from you, every woman there thinks she's the most important person in Jake's life and the only thing that will come out of your very sweet, very foolish attempt at making them all friends is a very epic catfight."

"The evil laughter isn't attractive." I was pouting.

"Yes, it is. Now, if any of them start pulling on each other's hair, you are under strict orders to tape it."

He almost laughed his way right out of my house.

But I was curious. "Embry?"

"Yes, my misguided angel?"

"Which one of them is right?"

For a second, his laughter faltered. "You would have to ask Jake."

Not that he was ever going to be crazy enough to ask, I understood.

* * *

Embry was just projecting.

Bella, Nessie and I had a very enjoyable, if quiet, trip up to Seattle. Bella and I maintained the conversation and let it dissolve when we didn't feel like it anymore. That was what I had always liked about Bella. I liked people, I really did; I loved to talk to people. But sometimes…sometimes it was nice to sit there and think. I could do that with Bella easily (she seemed almost grateful for my silence). It wasn't that we were ignoring each other, far from it. We were giving each other permission to just be.

If I tried explaining to Embry that I enjoyed silence, sometimes, he would have looked at me like I was speaking a foreign language.

He probably would have had the same expression Leah had when she joined us, staring at the three of us like we were from another world and then immediately turning on music and talking a mile a minute.

The contrast was sharp and shocking, but that was the point. Bella and Leah complimented each other well in that way—maybe too well for them to ever get along, but I figured between Bella's quiet serenity and Leah's loud ferocity the three of us might find a way to make the youngest girl comfortable.

Without a discussion, Bella let Leah drive. Bella was thoughtful that way; it didn't matter to her and it clearly mattered to Embry's friend and so Leah drove us. If they were a little cool towards each other it didn't look like any hair pulling was on the horizon.

Really, Embry had been in his cult for too long. While I liked Jacob Black, I didn't believe it was the three woman in the car whose universe revolved around him. Embry needed to take a step back and examine his own priorities.

Hopefully, before he killed Leah for telling this particular story.

"So there he is, stuck outside, totally naked—and his mother _refuses_ to open the door. She won't even budge because she is so sick and tired of him sneaking out on her all the time."

She directed the story at Nessie, sitting in the passenger seat and wishing she could stare mindlessly out the window the way Bella and I sometimes did. Or maybe not. There was a strange intensity in the younger girl, as if she was studying for some kind of test as Leah told her story. It was worse than the way she had watched me eat dinner at Sue's, like she was waiting for a secret to spill forth.

"Meanwhile," Leah said, "Embry's totally freaking out because any second someone is going to come down the street and call the cops on him. So what do you think happened next, kid?"

"Judging by your evil smile I'm going to say someone came by."

"Well guessed. Any guesses as to who?"

"An impressionable old woman?"

"Old woman, yes. Impressionable, not so much. It was my mother."

I had to wince, knowing what was coming. My poor darling.

"Sue must have been…unimpressed."

"Excellent way of putting it, kid. She was so unimpressed we heard her down the street from our house. My mom's stared down idiots with guns—but this one time she sees Embry naked she totally loses her shit."

"Leah…" Bella said.

Leah continued on, "She totally lost it, shrieked at him like you wouldn't believe. She thought he was some kind of pervert, trying to break into the house. And poor Embry just turns bright red and just sort of leaps off the porch, with a whole lot of boun…" She coughed a little. "Anyway, when we explained it was Embry my mother calmed down and Jake went to have a talk with Tiffany about forgiving her son—after he stopped laughing, of course."

"Days later?" Bella asked with a fond smile on her face.

Leah laughed, just threw her head back and cackled, as the car swerved effortlessly through traffic. It was a little unnerving how little she seemed to be paying attention.

"True. And that is why my mother refuses to talk to the guys unless they have their shirts on. She just wants to stop the flashbacks."

"Your poor mother," Nessie said.

"Seeing Embry naked isn't that terrible," I felt I had to say. Seventeen was old enough to know that sometimes when a man and a woman loved each other…but Bella looked unhappy, so I changed the subject. "You used to live down the street from Embry?"

"The tall house closest to the forest. It was in my dad's family forever, but with Seth at school and my mom scr—with Charlie there didn't seem any point in keeping it up. It was too big for just me."

"That must have been tough. I sobbed for a week when I went off to school and my parents still haven't yet dared to change my old room. I can't imagine leaving."

"It sucked," Leah admitted, but so cheerfully I suddenly believed she and Seth were siblings. "But it turned out all right in the end."

"She moved in with Jacob until Seth came home and she took over his old place here," Bella explained for my benefit.

"Billy—that's Jake's dad—needs more people looking after him. He's in a wheelchair and has the survival instincts of Bella. You'll get to meet him at the beginning of the summer. We always do something big for Sam's birthday and Jake's working on getting you invited."

That Leah had tried to slight Bella passed unnoticed by the rest of them. I started to think their coldness was something akin to her feud with Embry, something so ingrained that they barely even noticed their behavior until it was pointed out. Whether Leah meant anything at all by the insult, only she could say for certain.

"Will Sam really allow her to come?"

Nessie's question silenced the car. Bella looked concerned, reaching out one hand for the girl's shoulder, squeezing reassuringly. Leah frowned.

"If he knows what's good for him." In the rearview mirror, she and Bella exchanged a look that I couldn't quite interpret. But from that look I would be willing to say to my boyfriend that if there was a competition—and I didn't think there was—the two older women had decided between them the youngest of them was all that mattered.

"You wanna come to Sam's, kid?" Leah asked.

"Why would I want to do that?"

Leah was trying hard not to take offence at Nessie's bafflement, though she didn't quite succeed.

"I'm just saying. If you wanted. You wouldn't even have to haggle an invitation the way Angela does. You could just show up."

"I'm sure you're welcome, too," Bella reassured me.

"Oh. Yeah." Leah was not convincing. "Sam just doesn't…he doesn't like…townies."

Well, while Nessie did have a certain cosmopolitan air about her (it was mostly the clothes and the posture and the slightly affected accent that all the Cullens but Bella seemed to have) I privately thought Leah was simply picking the first thing that came to her mind. The way she rolled her eyes at herself seemed to confirm this. As did Nessie's half raised eyebrows and Bella's barely concealed grin.

"If it's his birthday, it's his prerogative."

"Oh, but it's not," Leah said. Her expression had become one that could only be described as demonic. She was almost purring. "It's not his decision at all. And if he believes it is he's going to be sorely mistaken."

"Sam and Emily hosted the first…gathering I attended," Bella told me. "I still remember the muffins Emily made."

"Don't worry, she's still making them. She's going to be making muffins until she dies and even then she will out cook us all."

I couldn't tell when Leah was being insulting or complimentary, when Nessie was certain or mystified, when Bella was sad or merely reminiscing. Cat fighting would have been less confusing.

Leah took us to University Village because, she explained as we parked, she hated indoor shopping malls and the Cullens were loaded. Bella hadn't liked shopping for prom—I really couldn't see her enjoying shopping for the hell of it. Indeed, the large Barnes and Nobel drew her to it, where she quickly made her escape (Nessie followed after her sister-in-law without a word).

Leah just laughed. "You'd almost get the impression they don't like human beings."

It turned out it was a good thing, however, because it gave me the chance to be alone with Leah. We had more in common than I had suspected; like her brother, Leah was a kindred spirit though I couldn't have said why. But when we talked about the stress of working and trying to make time for everyone in our lives I didn't feel like I had to explain that I was nervous or anxious or terrified of disappointing someone. Leah understood. She made sarcastic comments and laughed bitterly, but she understood (the way Bella's silence told me she understood). It was reassuring.

And when she did pay a compliment ("You're so good for him it makes me sick," was my personal favorite, but I also liked, "How can you be that considerate without brain damage?") I knew it was sincere.

It didn't make us friends, of course, because sometimes I would catch her looking at me and all I could hear was "kindergarten teacher." She had never properly apologized for that—I didn't think she ever would, beyond acknowledging it had been cruel to do. That had been the point. I didn't really want to be friends with someone who thought cruelty was ever the point.

But when Leah demanded of some unfortunate clerk where in the world a woman of our incredible stature could find some damn pants already, I was a little impressed. The pants she found us were adorable.

"I knew they had to sell pants for women who aren't midgets somewhere," Leah crowed.

Too bad the very adorable, perfectly fitted pants were too expensive for my taste.

That's when Nessie showed up. "Bella said…do you like them?"

"Yes, but—"

She bought them for me. It was her way of having a conversation, I think. Leah shrugged. If she did drag the girl from store to store as we continued shopping, it wasn't out of cruelty. I don't think I was the only one to have noticed Nessie needed to work on her social skills.

"We should grab Bella before we grab lunch," I said when they finally began heading to the nearby bistro.

"She hates eating in public," Leah said cheerfully. "I'll go ask her. Be right back."

"What do you think Leah'd like to eat?" I asked Nessie as we sat down, scanning the menu.

"Anything." The two of us shared a quiet giggle. It was only as I looked up to find her watching me as usual that I realized I had never been alone with her before now. I don't even think we had ever really had a conversation that wasn't sparked by Bella. The silence went on longer than I expected, but it was comfortable.

"Thank you."

"I should be thanking you," I realized. "For those pants. You didn't have to."

"That was nothing," she blushed. "It's nice to buy something that we're going to keep."

I glanced at the bags surrounding us. Leah had used her as a life-sized Barbie doll, once she had shown up. "You're not going to keep any of them?"

"Oh no. Alice would be hurt, if we thought we could pick out our clothes better than she could. We're going to drop them off at one of the shelter's my—Rosalie helps with around here. Leah just likes using me as the model because I'm average sized."

"Well, I'm glad you brought me with you even if the clothes weren't for you."

"But I'm the one who should be thankful. You invited us. It was…it was very nice, today. Leah hasn't visited in a long while."

There was something in my silence she seemed to find reassuring because she continued—haltingly, but onward.

"She used to, when I was younger. And then…then she stopped and fled to Seattle. She…"

She broke off then, smiling up at our waiter as he took our order. I had never heard her string so many words together at once before. I hated to have to do it. I was curious, yes, but it wasn't any of my business. I just couldn't shake the feeling that the girl wanted to talk about _something_ and I had a sneaking suspicion about where I should start. So when the waiter left, I stuck my nose where it didn't belong.

"You know…this might not be my place to ask, but…despite everything, I still don't understand how you're connected to Jacob Black."

Her face matched her hair. "I—we—we're supposed to be a happy family."

"What does that mean?"

"I…"

"If you want to say something, Nessie, I want listen. That's what friends are for."

I was still more Bella's friend than hers, but I wanted to be friends with her. She looked like she needed that.

"I don't have…"

She didn't complete the sentence, but her meaning was clear. She didn't seem upset by it, just embarrassed. It was like she thought I had caught her doing something wrong, not having any friends.

"Now, that's not true," I said as gently as I could. She looked well over seventeen, but acted so much younger. I imagined I was talking to one of my kids. "What about Bella? And your brother? Jacob? Even Leah? They're your friends."

She gave me a pitying look as she shook her head (like she couldn't believe someone could be that wrong).

"You don't think they're your friends?"

"They love me, but they don't count."

I remembered Embry's line of attack in the kitchen and decided to follow my boyfriend's example.

"Well, Seth specifically told me he and Embry and the rest of their friends were friends with you. So you definitely have friends."

"They're just scared of Jacob." On a hunch, I stared her down until she blushed and relented. "Except maybe Seth, but he…he's friends with everyone."

"So then he must be friends with you."

"I suppose." She didn't look up, just addressed the table cloth. "Well, he's friends with everyone except you."

What?

"Excuse me?" I asked as politely as I could.

She was just as polite. "I suppose it might not be dislike. It could be ignorance; after all, he fundamentally cannot understand what he did. Though he knew he had no right…"

"What?"

"He had no right. He shouldn't have interfered. It was either gross cruelty or gross neglect."

"What did he do to me?"

I had once thought her eyes warm and inviting. They were cold now and heavy with a certainty that she didn't want.

"Embry will break your heart," she said with such arrogance I wanted to slap her perfect little face for the impertinence.

"I don't think he will."

"It's inevitable. He will leave you and his leaving will break your heart, even if it's just a tiny bit."

Embry had been very wrong—the problem was not that Nessie and Leah didn't get along. The problem was that they thought the same thing—I was not welcome in their world.

"I don't think you know what you're talking about."

"I do. Much better than Seth does—better than even Embry. This is what will happen; you should know, so you can prepare. It's only fair. He will leave you. You'll be miserable, though you'll try to hide it, behind your new baby or your new power. If you're lucky you'll already be married to someone else and if you're not you'll become a person you barely recognize. He'll be miserable because he left you and ecstatic he has her. And she'll…she'll never hate you, even if you think she does. She can't hate you because you made him happy and his happiness is all that matters to her. Remember. It might help, if anything can."

I wouldn't have called myself an intuitive person, but I didn't have to be a telepath to guess she was not talking about me. I just didn't know enough to be able to help her. I tried anyway.

"You're talking about Jacob." Somehow, everything she did was about Jacob. Even though she was this tiny slip of a teenager that didn't belong and he was the center of life in La Push. "Did he…did he break your heart?"

She burst into giggles. "No. Never. He couldn't. "

"Did he break someone else's?"

Instantly, she was solemn again. She didn't answer for a long while. "I don't know. They're so afraid to hurt me, they never tell me anything. I usually have to wait until Seth forgets I'm not supposed to know." She perked up a second later, happy to have something to report. "I do know that Jacob's in love with Leah right now."

Somehow she took my surprised expression as encouragement to continue (I hadn't thought anyone would be that blunt about Jacob Black ever; I really hadn't thought it would be the shy teenager who would explain).

"Yes, he's in love with her but he'll let her win, in the end. He always does when she has a point—and this time she definitely does. Then he'll come to me. I don't know if there will be any heart break then."

What could I say to that?

"Maybe I'm not the person you should be saying this to. Maybe you should think about—"

"They're coming," she said, sitting up straighter. I didn't ask how she knew; like Embry, she wouldn't have answered. But I didn't doubt she was right. She could hear them coming. "Where do you think the waiter has got to?"

"I'm sure he'll bring the food here soon," I promised. She looked as serene as ever, smiling prettily up at Bella and Leah when they took the seats across from us. Somehow, it was worse than hair pulling would have been.

* * *

I brought Bella and her sister-in-law back to my house for a cup of tea; there was only so much of Leah's pleasant personality Bella seemed able to endure. Personally, I would have rather stayed with Embry's friend than Edward's sister, but I didn't dare say that to Bella. So I put the kettle on even though all I could hear was Nessie's voice in my head, so sure, promising me that Embry would break my heart.

Didi's barking helped cheer me up, even if my baby was louder than she should be. She had been reacting very badly to strangers lately and Bella was no exception. While she growled at Embry and watched his every move (at least until she had accepted he belonged here), she simply lost her head at the Cullens.

"Sorry," I muttered, trying to gather my darling in my arms. She was shaking terribly when I pulled her up, struggling to get free. I managed to sooth her eventually, but by then what conversation there had been was effectively killed. "She's not used to strangers. But it should be okay, if you want to pet her now."

Bella pretended to sip her tea. "I better not; animals don't really like me."

"I…she's so tiny." But all I had to do was push Didi towards her and Nessie couldn't help but be swayed by her huge puppy eyes. "I'd love to."

It was easy to tell they hadn't been around dogs a lot. Nessie looked lost, so I demonstrated Didi's favorite way to get rubbed down and then let her try while I explained why I loved my darling.

"There's just something wonderful about having someone love you no matter what. Someone you never have to fight with, someone you can always cuddle."

Bella smiled so beautifully I felt the tiniest pang of jealousy. Eternal love most be wonderful—I was so happy for her.

"Would you like a puppy, Nessie?" she asked.

"Oh. No. No, thank you."

"It's too bad," I said, already feeling better now that I could hold my girl. I would feel even better once she left and I could call Embry. "They're man's best friend."

With a laugh, Bella agreed.


	20. Ch 19: The Hardest Button to Button

Chapter 19: The Hardest Button to Button

"We did so good."

When Lauren held out her glass, I tapped mine against it. She was right; we had exceeded my wildest expectations. Jessica was positively beaming, sitting in the middle of my couch, the center of attention at her bridal shower.

"Amen to that."

"Though we should have bought more booze."

"You always say that," I laughed, picking up the tray again. We couldn't leave our guests starving, after all. They had come over for a light dinner, but there was always someone who expected more food than we were going to provide, so I want to make sure they could keep snacking.

"And I'm always right," Lauren said, finishing pouring out yet more glasses. Tossing her hair—she had new extensions this month and the color was a little different from the hair dye, but they complemented each other, I thought—she continued, "But everything else is absolutely perfect."

"I'm leaving you before you jinx us," I called as I walked away.

Lauren and I had gone the traditional route and only invited women to the party—Mike was busy with work lately and we didn't want to risk a scheduling conflict. The happy couple-to-be was already a little testy as it was. If he had to bow out at the last minute…it was better if we didn't make the party co-ed. Besides, Tyler was always an embarrassing drunk. None of us really wanted to see that.

The good thing about having a party filled with all the women Jessica had known forever was that we _all_ had known each other forever. It was impossible to feel uncomfortable. There were some people she had met at college, of course, but we were a friendly group. And Mrs Stanley could gossip with the dead, bless her.

"Thank you," Jessica cooed as she examined her latest booty. This time it was personalized t-shirts, Mrs. Michael Newton scrawled in a cursive that was barely legible. That would save money later, thank goodness, and Jessica loved them. Samantha snapped a picture—so we could tell who had given what—and then Jessica set about looking for a new victim.

"Sit down, Ang. I want to open yours next."

Of course, there was a knock on the door just then, but Mrs Stanley offered to get it so I sat down beside Jessica and let her thank me for hosting. Then she tore into the present.

It was a photo album of all of us over the years. It hadn't taken me very long—

"_Liar. That thing must have taken you years."_

"_Just a few months."_

_Jessica laughed. "I still have it, you know. Right where I said I'd keep it."_

"_Good."_

"Oh." Flipping through the book, her face softened. It was the perfect thank you though she made sure to say the words.

"You're welcome. It won't be as nice as the wedding album, of course, but I tried."

"It even matches," she noted. "Well picked out. I knew it was a good idea to bring you with me."

We laughed and hugged, me and my tiny shrimp of a friend. She was getting married. After everything we had been through, everything I had told her and the few things I hadn't, she was getting old and getting married on me. She and Mike would be happy together (I had known it for over twenty years, now) but it still seemed strange. Now that the inevitable was upon us I couldn't believe it. It was a little daunting—like we had been dreaming this whole time and now we were going to have to get up. Just because there was a whole world to discover didn't mean I didn't want five more minutes in bed.

At least we would still be friends. There was a small feeling of worry, but I pressed it down. Jessica could find time to socialize in the middle of rush hour traffic. Even if she did get married and live happily ever after, she would make time for her old friends. Still, I felt a bit like I was saying goodbye to her.

When Jessica went to open her next gift, I stepped back towards the kitchen to take a deep breath. I didn't get more than two feet away from the crowd when Mrs Stanley found me.

"Angela," she hissed. "Angela…"

She couldn't even say the words. Her face was so pinched I thought she would sprain her mouth.

"Is something wrong?"

"Did you hire a stripper?"

"A what?" But she wasn't joking. Even though she had to be it didn't seem like she was playing a joke. Mrs Stanley never could have joked about something like that—especially when she looked like she would pass out from the shame any second now. All I could say was: "What?"

"There's a man at the door that says he's _here for the party_." Her horror was almost a palpable thing. "He said I knew what he meant."

"I—I don't know what's happening, but I will find out. And there will be no strippers."

Not when her mother, my mother and all the other women who had known us our entire lives were in the room. I had handed bachelorette party planning activities off to Katie, because that close to the wedding I was going to be too worried about helping Jessica with whatever detail was causing a problem on that day, but suddenly that didn't seem like it had been such a good idea. I squashed the thought immediately. Katie would never have done this.

There was a brief fear that it was my boyfriend on the other side of the door, but it passed quickly. Embry wouldn't do that to me. I was right.

His friends, on the other hand…

Dressed in coveralls, his very, very well-developed chest displayed to the world, Jacob was grinning like he had just won a million dollars. "Hello, ma'am. I was told you needed someone to take a look under your hood?"

After I recovered I shut the door behind me so they wouldn't hear him laughing.

"Was that really necessary?" I asked.

Once he caught his breath (it took a long while), he explained, "Hey, she just assumed. Doesn't get out much I take it. I just thought it was funny."

"Okay," I sighed. "I hope you're not hungry. I'm having a party and it's a little crowded in there."

He just laughed again, a nice warm sound that made me a little less upset that Mrs Stanley was never going to be able to look me in the eye again. "I don't want anything to eat. I was just on my way to Seattle and I thought I'd stop by to tell you that you need to be free in two weeks."

"What?"

"Sam's birthday. You're coming."

"You're taking a lot for granted."

He shrugged. Usually when he said something, people listened.

"This is a huge deal, Angela. If you're in, you're in—this is what you have to do."

If I was in, his word was law.

"Embry knows I'm in."

"Okay, then," he said easily. "Two weeks Saturday."

He wanted me to reschedule with my parents? I suppose they couldn't reschedule a huge party just for me. Two weeks would be enough time. I just wouldn't tell my mother where I was going.

"Two weeks Saturday."

"Don't let anything throw you at the party. Whatever happens. That's really important. Embry will let you know some other tips. I'll see you around—hopefully when you're not surrounded by desperate women."

Desperate women, maybe, but they had been in my family for a long, long time. Mrs Stanley hadn't deserved that.

"Isn't it a little late to be heading to Seattle now?"

"I can move pretty fast when I want to."

"Are visits like this why your girlfriend told me you're in love with someone else?"

"Nessie said that?" He didn't seem to realize how problematic it was that he knew who I was talking about when I mentioned his girlfriend, just beamed proudly. "She's got to be the smartest girl I've ever met."

"Jacob—" Howls of laughter came from the other side of the door. There was a party inside that I wanted to get back to. "Never mind. Thank you for the invitation. I'll see you soon."

"Sure. Hey, Angela? It's true. If that's what you wanted to know. I'm mad about Leah." Then, with levels of arrogance I had only imagined ever existed, he announced, "She loves me back."

"Then how is Nessie your girlfriend?"

"Search me." There was none of the usual openness on his face—he knew. He tried to explain, "The thing with Seth was just his crappy timing. I was—and he was there. Sam had…just because I don't like it when they—they shouldn't talk about her the way they do. They—"

The scowl was terrifying; someone would have gotten hurt if they had walked past at the wrong time. It sounded like Seth had.

"Okay," I nodded. "Sure."

He was still scowling, still furious, but he turned and headed off into the night. After a long day at work, Seattle seemed a little far, but he didn't seem to care.

* * *

"Ang?" Katie called across the room. "I'm sorry, but I can't do it. That stain on your sofa is just not coming out."

"Leave it," I repeated for the tenth time and this time she finally listened. The stain had won. Our little clean-up crew had mostly finished everything else. Tomorrow morning I would have to scrub a bit and then my little home would be back to normal. "You guys can go."

Lauren didn't move from her position at my kitchen table. "I'm too tired to go."

"Amen," Samantha sighed, sitting down on top of her. Lauren said: "Ouch. Someone's putting on weight."

"Bitch," Sam laughed. "Nice hair."

"Shut up. Angela likes it."

"It's lovely," I agreed.

"It's that bad?" Lauren asked, pushing Samantha up and rushing to a mirror. "I swear it looked cute when she did it."

"If you threw a bandana over it, it would look great," Katie said, trying to be helpful. Only after Samantha started cackling did she realize how bad that sounded. We were trying to think of more helpful ways of fixing Lauren's latest fashion disaster when the door opened and Embry came inside.

"What happened here?" he asked as he came over to kiss me. "I thought you were just inviting a few of the girls over."

"A few girls is code for everyone between twenty and fifty-five in the town of Forks," Lauren explained to him, as I leaned my head on his shoulder. "I wanted to keep it small but Angela had to invite everyone Jessica had ever met."

"It wouldn't do to leave anyone out."

"I guess it's not too bad," Embry said. "At least there's no structural damage."

"Is that what happens at your parties?"

"Why do you think I know so much about rebuilding?"

"Ang, if we're done here…" Katie began.

"Go. You guys have been a great help. Embry will help me with the rest."

He rolled his eyes, but agreed. After saying good-bye to the girls—who really had worked miracles on my house—I ended up lying on the couch. After the silence had stretched on, I opened my eyes to find my boyfriend grinning at me.

"What?"

"You look beautiful when you're exhausted."

"Thank you. Though the only thing exhausting about this evening was your friend. Jacob came by, half-naked as always, because none of you seem to know how to put on clothing properly, and now Mrs Stanley thinks I tried to hire a stripper."

Embry burst out laughing, thinking it was the funniest thing ever. He would.

"He also told me to come to Sam's."

"That's great, Ang. I…wow. I didn't think even Jake could pull that off."

Seeing the way his face lit up, I was suddenly glad to reschedule on my parents. Even if I was going to insist none of Embry's friends could come near the house without being covered from neck to ankle ever again. Sue had been onto something.

"It seems he did. So you better start coaching me now, because I think I have a lot to learn."

"Nah. You're already perfect."

Blushing, I didn't do much as he picked me right off of the couch. Instead, I let myself relax against him. The party had been long—it would be nice to get to bed.

* * *

Embry had a job early the next morning so he was thankful far away from the house when the knock came at the door. I hadn't seen Rina in months. Not since September, when I had first met Embry, in fact, and we had stopped speaking on the phone. She knew her interference was unwanted, but she was not understanding by nature.

There were rules—she didn't like breaking them.

She was tired from making the journey from Seattle to La Push, so I got her sitting down and put on a pot of tea. She wanted to recuperate first, so I let her.

"Your grandmother wants to know how we're doing," Rina said eventually. "I told her you had blown me off."

"You told her that?"

"I didn't tell her why." That was as helpful as she was going to be; even if we had been friends, she had known Grandmother first.

"Well, thank you for that."

"Better for me if I'm not the one who tells her."

"I'm not—"

"You are."

"Let's just agree to disagree."

"There is no disagreeing about facts, Angela. You don't get to just come in and think you know better. The rules are there for a reason."

"A stupid reason. He—"

"Something's coming," she said, hushing me.

Leah knocked at the door an instant later. "Don't you dare—" but I ignored Rina and let the other woman inside.

Just like the boys, she was dressed only half decently with too short shorts and a guy's tank top that was too big on her. The anger that decorated her face disappeared when she surveyed the room.

"You okay?" she asked me almost gently.

"I'm fine." I was a terrible liar. "Really."

"Would you like her to leave?"

"She's fine," Rina interrupted, standing up.

"Did I ask you?"

It was that tone of voice that had even the colossus that was Jacob worried about crossing her. Now I knew why it had taken so long for them to accept me when Leah decided she didn't want me around. With just her voice, Leah was promising a world of pain on whatever—and whoever—dared to cross her.

"She would be fine if she didn't have to be around the likes of you."

I flinched; Leah nodded at me, like I had just agreed to something.

"Oh, honey," Leah said, sounding actually sympathetic. "That really was the dumbest thing you could have said."

And then—

When Leah finished, Rina left in tears. She stayed away after that.

"_What did Leah say?"_

"_I really don't feel comfortable repeating any of it."_

"_But Ang—"_

"_No, Jess. It was…really hurtful. She had no idea how hurtful it really was, but she was very good at guessing. Too good."_

"_But—"_

"_No. Rina and I made up later. She wouldn't want me to repeat it. So we're dropping it. Suffice to say Leah got rid of her much more quickly than I thought would have been possible."_

"You okay?" Leah repeated when the two of us were alone.

"You didn't have to do that," I managed.

"Did you want her around?"

"No."

It was the honest answer, even if I never would have dreamed of making Rina leave like that.

"If she bothers you again, just let me know. Okay?"

I could only nod before bustling about getting some tea. Since I was in shock, a little bit, I had no clue what to say to her. She rallied well enough, telling me how I should get the stain off my couch, complaining about the craziness that was going to be Sam's, worrying about her brother, worrying about the rest of her boys…

"Leah, why are you here?" I finally asked. "Not that—I'm glad to see you. I just…"

"I have to go see my mom," she explained, getting up. "I should have been there ten minutes ago."

"Okay."

At the door, she stopped, trying to sound casual. "Jacob's an idiot. You know that, right?"

"I—"

"Barging in on you like that, saying those things to that lady—only a jerk would do that. They all have a bit of brain damage going on."

"Mrs Stanley will forgive me in time. It's okay."

"No, it's not. He just can't go around saying that kind of crap like—nothing that comes out of that boy's mouth is true."

"Oh. Yes. I know that."

"Good. Glad to hear that you do."

It might have been more believable if she hadn't come all the way from Seattle just to make sure I knew that Jacob was a liar, but I did not say that. I just said goodbye, reminded her she had just promised to go to her mother's and thanked her for the advice about the couch.

Then I got to work cleaning up after everyone.


	21. Ch 20: Party Up In Here

Chapter 20: Party (Up In Here)

The light from the house spilled out into the yard, faintly illuminating the trees in the backyard. It was a beautiful location for a house; it was almost like the forest was cradling the Uley's home to her breast, keeping it safe the way a mother would. I just wished they could have put some more lights in the front. Maybe that was the whole point. Embry easily picked his way up to the front and his arm on my waist helped to guide me.

The party was invitation only. And those invitations were hard to come by.

"You ready for this?"

Embry was both giddy with excitement and deathly nervous, switching between the two without a moment's notice, bouncing on the balls of his feet one minute before frowning morosely the next. It was giving me whiplash—and not helping with my own nerves.

"Maybe."

"Don't worry. Just don't act surprised and don't get in the way of the food."

He knocked on the door. I was only nervous because he was very bad at hiding what an important occasion this was. If getting Leah on our side was necessary for us to be together, surviving this party was necessary if we wanted to have a future. Not that he said that, of course. I inferred. That was why I spent a whole week memorizing names.

Now it was time to put my information to the test.

The woman who opened the door was easy to name. Half her face was pristine, angelic perfection—the other half was covered with three burning scars that left her distorted and unbalanced. Emily Uley. She smiled when she saw Embry, which further distorted her broken face.

She was what could happen; she was the reason Jacob and Embry and all the others insisted I could not act surprised. It wouldn't do to offend our hosts. Not that there was any danger of me freaking out. Now that she was in front of me, greeting me warmly, accepting my hug of gratitude, I couldn't feel upset. It had to be difficult, having people look at you with pity and horror all the time—I wasn't going to add to her suffering.

"Your home is beautiful," I said as she pulled me inside. The party was mostly taking place in the backyard, but there were a surprisingly large number of people still inside. The gathering must have been huge. Sixteen men (though I didn't think men was the right word considering seven of them were teenagers), plus significant others, plus families, plus Leah—that was how Embry had described it to me.

"No, don't let her leave," a voice called from the kitchen. "She can take my place. Please, Em?"

Emily rolled her eyes at her cousin, but Leah looked pleading and I tried to look helpful. "She's our guest."

"And she's just dying to get on my good side," Leah said.

I assured Emily, "I really am. I would love to help."

"Don't let her bully you," Emily said. "Just because she can be scary."

"Very scary," Leah corrected.

"I would still love to help. Please?"

"I supposed I can use an extra recruit. Stay, Leah," Emily said as she pulled me into her kitchen. It was a full blown mad house. There were six other woman, all with long black hair, slaving away over pots and pans and fresh fruit. It was worse than a sweat shop. "Have you ever cooked for Embry?"

"Yes."

"Imagine cooking for twenty of him."

So that explained it. Emily laughed at my horror stricken expression as she led me over to the counter, beside a young woman around my age who was wearing a simple dress that she kept adjusting as she cut the bread.

"Kim, Angela. Angela, Kim. Explain everything to her, I need to check the roast."

The two of us watched as Emily tore off, shouting for her cousin. Leah had evidently staged a prison break. Kim gave me a shy smile and handed me the bread knife she was holding. I took it and began slicing up another loaf of bread.

"Is it always this crazy?" I asked.

"Usually. I'll cut the toppings up. Unless—would you rather do that?"

"I'm good." I tried to recall what Embry had said about Kim, though now that it was important all I could think of was those nicknames. "So which one's Sam? I should probably go say happy birthday."

"He's outside, looking after the bonfires."

"Oh."

We enjoyed our mutual silence; I liked it because it gave me the opportunity to watch the other supersized men in the room, all of them dangerously huge. There was a lot of noise in the house and I could only imagine it was worse outside where they didn't have Emily trying to hush them all every so often. It was complete and utter chaos—there were even a few toddlers running amongst the crowd, like ants at a picnic, screaming for attention.

Kim quietly pointed out who was who. It wasn't easy for her to talk to strangers, I realized, as her comments stuck mostly to names and relations. But she answered my questions as best she could and struggled to make me feel welcome, even though it was difficult for her. I liked Kim already.

We bonded over the correct placement of the bread—she had quite the eye for arrangements. She just shrugged when I complimented her and told me to wait. Emily came by a second later.

"Who wants to bring it out to them?"

"Angela doesn't know better," one of the woman said. Alex's girlfriend Gabby, I think. Or maybe it was Brady's wife Melody. The women looked a lot alike, too, moving so quickly I could barely catch a glimpse of their faces, just their uniform dark hair.

Emily gave me a sympathetic smile. "Well, I'm not going to send you out there without protection. Has anybody seen Rachel?"

Someone—I wasn't going to give up trying to keep them straight, but I did acknowledge I needed to take a break for a moment because I wasn't getting anywhere—pointed to a woman sitting on the floor on the other side of the room who had somehow gotten out of kitchen duty. I think she was supposed to be looking after the four children playing around her. She came when Emily called.

"You're going to make the new girl watch?" she muttered. Emily loaded her up with food and told me not to listen to her.

Kim and I followed Rachel out to the back porch. The backyard was crammed full of people, most sitting on logs around a very impressive series of fire pits, over which men were roasting a variety of animals. A large table had been set up along one side of the yard, extending longer than I thought tables could. There were too many people for me to identify, though I did see Sue Clearwater sitting beside a man in a wheelchair I assumed must be Jacob's father. Charlie Swan wasn't around, but somehow that didn't surprise me. Though I wasn't the only girl from Forks (Tom's wife and Zac's girlfriend were both not from the reservation) I suspected Sue hadn't brought Charlie for his own piece of mind. Bella's somewhat shy father would have a panic attack in the large crowd.

Sam was the man by the fire, Kim told me, though she said to talk to him later. Sam looked normal enough, deceptively normal, as he turned a spit and talked to the men around him. After all those months of having Embry afraid of walking in his footsteps, it was strange to see the flesh and blood man look so _normal_(normal for this particular gathering, where there was no man under six feet).

We stood there for a moment. More and more eyes turned to us, expectant. Kim gave me an apologetic smile as we stood there waiting for them to attack. Eventually, Rachel managed to find her voice. "Come and get it," she called.

There was mass chaos as a horde of men descended on us. In the confusion I saw a man kiss Kim on the cheek and another wrap his arms around Rachel, who closed her eyes and let him hold up the tray. Embry had his arm around me, Seth complimented me, Quil patted me on the head, Leah danced out of the way with a wink. Ten seconds after we had finished, there was nothing left on the plate but crumbs.

"That was…" I searched for the word.

"Normal," Rachel's husband laughed. His wife didn't seem to notice and he seemed to forget we were there in his concern for her. "Hey, babe, do you want to go check on the kids?"

She nodded and he tugged her inside. "Rachel's always been shy," Kim explained. "We should get back inside. There's still lots to do. Come on."

Before I could follow her, an arm wrapped around my waist. "Come on," Quil beckoned, "Make your escape now. If Emily sees you with nothing to do, you're going to be baking all night."

"Are you rescuing me?"

"Trying to. But we have to hurry. Come on, I want you to meet Claire."

I glanced back at Kim, who nodded. "I'll cover for you."

"You're not supposed to leave a man behind. We have to stick together."

"Someone has to help Emily. She doesn't want the men burning down the kitchen."

Quil made a sound of protest. "That was one time and it was all Dave's fault. We told him that putting popcorn in the oven was a bad idea but—well, we wanted to see what would happen."

I giggled and then looked to Kim, who glanced at the crumbs that surrounded her. With a hesitant nod, she stepped away from the platters. The three of us hurried away as Quil called for Seth to join the cooking crew.

Happy to oblige as always, Seth got up from his spot on one of the logs and headed to the kitchen. Quil directed us to the vacated seat and the two of us sat down.

I let Kim chose to sit on the outside, away from a jabbering Nathan (I think). Luckily, no sooner had he demanded to know who the hell I was then a shadow fell over him.

"Move," Embry said, ever so politely.

Nathan did, which might have had something to do with Leah and Jacob coming up behind Embry. As my boyfriend sat down beside me, Quil directed my attention to the girl that was standing in front of Leah.

"Claire-bear, don't you want to meet Angela?" Quil asked, bending down to offer the girl his hand. She came around to stand in front of the group of them, the most adorable looking girl of about ten, with two perfect braids hanging down her shoulder, and looked me straight in the eye.

"Are you special, too?"

Kim shifted uncomfortably beside me, but Leah answered, "Angela's very special. Just not like you and Kim. A different kind of special."

Claire nodded and grinned at me. "Don't you like me dress?"

Quil beamed as I agreed she looked very pretty. It was easy to see why she had the rest of them captivated by her—she was just such an open child. When I complimented her hair, she fairly danced over to Leah, to give her a hug.

"Leah showed me how because Quil couldn't do it even though I begged him. She did a very nice job, didn't she? I think it makes me look like a princess, but Mommy said I shouldn't say things like that. But it's silly to think things and not say them, don't you think?"

"If they're nice things," Jacob said, looking to Leah.

"I want to be nice," Claire said. "You think I'm nice, don't you Jacob?"

"The nicest girl on the planet."

"Liar." When she smiled I could see the dimples on her cheek. "Quil says you think Nessie is the nicest girl on the planet. Why don't I ever get to see her anymore? She had the best toys."

Jacob face had turned a little grey and Quil looked uncomfortable. It took Embry to break the silence: "Where are your sisters, Claire?"

"They all got sick. I don't get sick because Quil comes and kills all the germs, so I got to come with Mom."

I did some quick mental math. If she was ten and Quil was Embry's age...twenty-three, twenty-four...then he would have been fourteen-ish when she was born. That was a little young for my silly little suspicion to be right, but I couldn't quite shake the feeling that he was her father and her family was merely raising the young girl for him. His attention towards her was a little too intense to be that of a babysitter, however devoted.

"You must be very lucky," was all I said.

"Yes," she agreed. "Aunt Emily's making her chocolate cake and Quil promised to give me his piece."

"Like that's going to happen," Embry muttered. Over the young girl's head, Quil flipped him off, but Embry had succeeded in catching her attention. "Are you going to marry Angela? Because Mom says you wouldn't have brought her unless you really, really, really liked her."

"Claire—" Quil mumbled.

"Your Mom just keeps talking to you, doesn't she?" Jacob said, picking her right off the ground. Claire squealed when he began to tickle her, trying desperately to escape, but Jacob held fast, until she was shrieking in delight her question quite forgotten. At least by her. I couldn't help wondering and found myself a little scared by how quickly I figured out what response I wanted from Embry. I had wanted him to say yes.

I don't think I was the only one thinking about it. While Kim said something about the mouths of babes and Quil looked deathly embarrassed, Jacob and Leah had a wordless conversation as he distracted Claire. I think it ended in my favor—Leah rolled her eyes at him, but she was smiling and when she caught Embry's eye, she winked.

A small blush was creeping up my face and I eagerly starting talking to Kim about her dress. The rest of them left us alone after a minute. I don't think Kim was very comfortable around them. It was easy to see some sort of division, even in the wide open yard. All the people I knew seemed to stand ever so slightly apart from the people I didn't. Jacob especially was given a wide berth by everyone.

"Claire's mother is Emily's cousin," I repeated her instructions. "And Leah is Emily's second cousin, but from the other side. I feel like I need a tree."

"Jared actually made me a chart when we first got together. It's a little out of date, but if you want it…"

"You're a life saver."

"You're welcome." Kim faux-casually brushed her hair behind her ear. "I hope Claire didn't upset you before, it's just that…"

"Yes. Please. If you're going to give me an explanation, please don't stop. Embry is…not the greatest at explaining things. He tries but…I would like to know a little bit more about his life. "

She glanced around and sighed. It's not like this would be a private conversation, but to my surprise, she did answer. "It's just usually no one brings their girlfriends unless they're sure that she's the one."

"And I'm not," I finished. Hadn't Embry told me from the beginning? Well, hadn't he let Seth tell me? It hadn't been perfect right away and so the whole group of them didn't think I belonged.

"But he brought you anyway," Kim said softly. "Jacob made Sam invite you and if he was willing to go that far…you have their support. And they wouldn't give it unless you meant a great deal to Embry."

"Thank you."

It was nice to think that after all this time, despite Leah's abrasive manner, they were willing to stand up to whomever to keep me around. Even if I felt bad for being invited against the will of my hosts.

"Do you—" Kim twisted her wedding band around a few times. "I know this isn't any of my business, but have the two of you talked about getting married?"

"No. We've haven't really talked about the future much. I think we both know it's a little hazy right now. We can't get married unless we're completely honest with each other. And since I don't think that's going to happen for a very long time…"

"You don't think he's being honest with you?"

"He leaves in the middle of the night sometimes and listens to ever word Jacob says like it's the Gospel truth. He can get from his house to mine in under five minutes, even though he doesn't have a car. Every man in this room is taller than I am, which has actually never happened to me before. Embry won't tell me why—and I'm okay with that. But we can't get married until he does, no matter how much I might want to."

I wasn't sure I wanted his secrets; I would have to give him mine in return.

"He…they…"

"Plus, I'm going through antiperspirant like it's crack. Every time he puts his arm around me I risk ending up with pit stains for the rest of the night."

Kim giggled nervously and then seemed to decide not to pursue our earlier topic of conversation. Instead she said, "That happens to me all the time, too. On our wedding day I made my Maid of Honor carry around a fan and still some of the pictures were unusable."

There were other perils of being in love with our giants and it was nice to have someone who understood that while having your own personal can opener was amazing there were times when you could lift grocery bags yourself. Kim had it even worse than I did. She was much shorter and so her husband sometimes volunteered himself for ladder duty even though it wasn't really necessary.

As much as I enjoyed talking to Kim, the conversation was decidedly ended when Emily started clapping, trying to get everyone's attention. She was like magic over the whole crowd—all forty or so people went quiet.

"We are going to transport the food to the table now. Anyone who attempts to touch the food before it is properly served will not be eating with us. Sam? Jacob?"

The two men nodded and though a cry of protest went up among the crowd, no one dared moved as the women began moving platters to the table. Kim and I ducked inside to help, where I noticed that Leah wasn't inclined to back out of this job. She was carrying a plate of sausages and chewing on something, looking around at her male counterparts smugly. I'm pretty sure Embry gave her the finger.

"Okay," Emily said as she surveyed the table that was overflowing with food. I was so impressed with her right now I wanted to nominate her the Presidency. The precise timing and organization required to create a meal like this was staggering. "Anything we've forgotten?"

"It looks fine," Rachel said as she sat down.

"You can't sit there," Kim said quickly. "I've already—"

Rachel was too exhausted to move; Leah was the first to realize it. She quickly dismissed everyone's concerns with a wave of her hand: "It's fine. Really. Em, you take the head. Everyone will understand."

Emily looked uncomfortable and glanced back at Sam. But it was a little too late, because Leah was sitting down beside Rachel and the men were descending. So Kim pulled me down beside her and we set about waiting for our significant others.

"This is weird," Embry mumbled as he sat down beside me. Across the table Rachel took her son (he must have been about two and a half) from Paul, who bullied his way into the seat beside her. "Brady could you pass the potatoes?"

"Explain to me why you did this?" Jacob was muttering to Leah across the table as they heaped food onto their plates.

"I didn't do anything. And neither did you. Emily slaved away for a damn week so she can sit at the head of the table. Is that a problem?"

"I thought we weren't letting Sam run everything?"

"We are if he feeds us."

He laughed and kissed her on the cheek and dodged the elbow she sent his way.

"Angela?" I glanced over at Kim. "This is Jared."

I held out my hand to the pleasant looking man beside Kim and we shook. The conversation was enjoyable, if occasionally hard to hear over the roar of everyone else. The people around me were wonderfully kind, though I sometimes thought there was something not quite right between Jared and Paul and the others. Then I would blink and they were acting like the best of friends and I was sure I must have been mistaken.

Throughout dinner Emily would occasionally come by and draft people into her service, carrying out the next course or carving up the animals or chopping up fruit for more platters. Everyone came when she called, though I don't think she chose people more than a few times over the course of the evening.

I got to help bring out desert, or at least part of it. I had never seen so many baked goods in my life, but even though I was feeling fit to burst, I had no trouble believing that everything would be devoured by the rest of the guests as soon as it was on the table.

Eating was serious business.

Not even the shrieking of Rachel's son could derail the proceedings, though little Will had quite the pair of lungs in his tiny body. "He shouldn't be up this late," his mother apologized, trying to get the boy to sleep. "We should probably bring him home."

"Put him in one of the guest bedrooms," her husband suggested.

"I think Emily made him a bed and everything," Jared said.

But in the interests of not waking Emily's children, younger and already asleep (there were three of them—twins and new baby—and every second I found myself more and more in awe of the woman who seemed capable of running _everything) Rachel and Paul said goodbye to the rest of us. At least, I think they said goodbye. They should be proud of their son's lungs._

Not that his screaming had interrupted the cacophony in the slightest.

"This has got to be the best cake I've ever gotten to take a bite out of in my life," I said to my boyfriend.

Embry didn't bother looking embarrassed. "I need more food than you."

"You're lucky one more bite would see me exploding everywhere."

"See? I was doing you a favour."

I found myself exhausted by all the eating and all the noise, so I curled up into him. Physical displays of affection didn't seem to shock anyone here. I was a little embarrassed by how much the younger men (boys seemed to me the more appropriate word even though they all clearly looked very much like men) seemed to like feeling their partners up in public.

There was a lot I could tolerate, but Ryan and his girlfriend were flying past second base by the back of the house and I was the only one who seemed to care. Oh, Jacob put a stop to it with a well thrown piece of bread and a sharp word when he saw what had caught my attention, but none of the others were really disturbed by it. It seemed to be expected.

I was not a jealous person, I didn't think. I tried not to be—but there was something infinitely precious about the way the men looked to their significant others. Like Nessie's face when Jacob had walked in that room (and the way he had single-mindedly looked towards her) there was a connection that I defied my understanding. It went beyond mixed auras or interconnected futures—it was a fusion of souls.

Watching Sam and his wife, there was no doubt in my mind he had never meant to hurt him. Embry might hurt me one day, accidentally or on purpose, but Sam could not harm Emily without violating everything within him. Every look he gave was directed at her; it felt almost sacrilegious to watch them together.

"How'd you like the food?" Leah asked, leaning back in her chair, massaging her perfectly flat stomach. I think she had eaten at least ten times as much food as me. .

"It was wonderful. We need to remember to thank the chef—chefs?—at some point."

"Communal effort," Embry said. "We'll all thank everyone together later."

"If you can stand up," Jacob said.

Embry promised to carry me if I couldn't get up. He was so thoughtful.

"I'm going to get the fire ready," Sam announced down the table. "We'll start the stories soon."

There was a murmur at Sam's signal—Kim told me it was now clean up time. I started helping her grab the plastic plates we had used (no one owned enough place settings of all these people), though it didn't escape my notice how Jacob and Leah took off to talk to Sam. Quil and Seth came up to me then, both grinning. Claire was sitting on Quil's shoulders, standing above all the giant men, surveying the entire backyard to her eternal enjoyment.

"Did you survive the food?" Quil asked.

"I'm not sure yet," I admitted.

"Found it!" Claire squealed. "Go, Quil, go!"

"In a second Clairebear," he shushed her. She retaliated by kicking her heels, like she was riding a giant horse, which I suppose she was, in a way. "Or not. See you around, Ang. Onward to the buried treasure!"

He took off and Seth explained, "They're playing pirates. She wouldn't let me play, the brat. And I practiced my pirate jig for hours."

I wasn't sure if he was joking or not.

"You keep doing that," Embry said. "Angela and I are going to take off."

"Stay. I'm sure she'd like the stories."

"What kind of stories?" I asked. Seth lit up.

"Depends what kind of mood the Elders are in, but after a feast like that I'm sure they'll pull out something cool. Maybe—"

"We should go," Embry repeated, pulling the plates from my hand. "It's better that way."

"Jake's going to win," Seth promised.

They turned to where Jacob and Leah were arguing with Sam and Jared, everyone's hands moving almost too quickly for me to see as they tried to make their points, their voices hushed, though I suspected I was one of the few people who couldn't hear. Embry and Seth looked like they were playing close attention to the proceedings.

"Seth—"

"Hey, Em!" Seth called, over Embry's protests, "Embry's threatening to run away."

"Don't you dare, Embry Call," our hostess said as she directed Collin and the gigantic garbage bag he was carrying through her yard. "We don't want Angela thinking you don't like me."

"I just like your muffins," Embry called back to her, making her laugh. The affection in his voice betrayed his true feelings, if she didn't know them already.

"See?" Seth said smugly, snatching the last scrap of food off a plate I was trying to throw out. He was already moving away, "She has to stay!"

Embry rolled his eyes then wrapped his arms around me. He seemed a little tense. "We don't have to stay if you don't want to," I said.

"I do want to stay," he said, glancing at Jacob and Leah. The younger men were creating a crowd around Jacob and Sam. "I just…I don't think we can."

"You can't leave now," Quil said, reappearing at his side suddenly, Claire gone from his shoulders. His face was uncharacteristically serious. "Come on. Let's go sit down."

"I'm not putting her in danger."

At that moment Leah's voice rang out across the lawn. "You losers ever going to join us?"

They flipped her off together, then turned together to do as she said. Embry wrapped an arm firmly around my waist and we walked over to the main fire. It was more than a little unnerving how the crowd was parting for us, clearing the way to Jacob's side.

On either side of the fire the two sides gathered. There was now an obvious gap between them and Seth popped up suddenly so that Jacob was now flanked by the Clearwater siblings. Embry took a step forward, blocking most of me from view.

"I'm ready to begin now," Billy Black said from his position between the two men. Like his son, he was between two others, the fathers of two of the younger teen boys. The Council tried to stay three, Embry said.

"Usually you just start talking, old man," Jacob said, though he didn't sit down. He was waiting for Sam.

"He can't start yet," Sam said quietly. "You know that as well as the rest of us, Jacob."

"I know you have no right to stop him."

"And you have no right to make him. The Council is not yours to order about."

"We all know that your paranoia about that is why you kicked my mother off the Council," Leah snapped. "But do us a favour tonight and just sit down and shut up."

"I didn't kick your mother off anything. When she left La Push—"

Sue Clearwater interrupted with her laughter. "You kicked me off, Sam. I get it, but do me a favour and let's not pretended otherwise. I would have stayed on if you'd let me."

"You left—"

"Sam?" Seth was like a child on his birthday trying to figure out how to assemble his new toy, close to tears because the pieces weren't fitting like they were supposed to. "How do you get everything all…_backwards?_Like my mom's a traitor for being happy and that it's a good thing you're trying to make us into your idea of what we used to be? How do you get everything so mixed up?"

"My brother's calling you a fucking moron," Leah translated. "A fucking moron who can't pull his head out his own ass long enough to figure out that Embry having a girlfriend isn't the end of the world. Right, Seth?"

"Something along those lines, yeah."

Jacob stepped forward, demanding everyone's attention. "It's your party, Sam. Your call."

"You can't really want her to stay?"

"She stays," Jacob decreed. "Or we go."

"Go then."

Jacob laughed—of course he did. Anything else might have been respectful or submissive or just logical. So he did none of those, just laughed like he was enjoying himself. I think Jacob laughed because he had the right to laugh at Sam, even though he would respect the man's decision on his birthday.

"Thanks for everything, Emily. We loved the food."

Leah couldn't help adding, "Though the company could have been a little better."

Then all five of them turned around and walked away, Seth offering suggestions on what to do next, Quil and Embry shooting down his ideas as we went, Jacob laughing as he threw an arm around Leah's shoulders. This wasn't what I wanted—I wanted their acceptance, yes, but I didn't need all their secrets.

"We should have just left," I told Embry when we reached the front of the house. "I didn't—"

"Angela," Jacob interrupted, "You said you were in. That means you're in. If Sam doesn't get it, that's his problem. We'll make him understand, one day."

"Soon, if we wanted," Leah whispered to him, her eyes shining as she gazed up at him. I couldn't understand how he could resist (especially since she seemed so certain it wouldn't destroy him—but then, wasn't that how Eve got her way?)

"Soon," he promised. "After the Cullens—"

I had expected him to concern himself with Nessie; her entire family I was less prepared to hear him bother with. What could they need from him?

Leah sighed but nodded. Then she finally noticed his arm because she shrugged it off.

"We could have had a small test run tonight," Quil complained cheerfully. "They were too bloated to do much. Lazy kids."

"Look who's talking?" Seth said as he poked Quil in the stomach, making the solid man double over. Not that his stomach was anything but perfectly flat. "You could barely get out of your chair."

"I could still kick your ass, kid."

Then they set up about proving who was the better fighter, falling to the ground and wrestling with each other as Jacob and Leah kept walking, talking quietly in low voice. Embry was laughing, but stopped when he saw my face.

"You're upset," he realized.

"I hate causing trouble."

He shook his head. "You're not the problem, Ang. You heard them."

I could see what it meant to him, his eyes bright, his entire body shaking with happiness. They hadn't left because of me; they left because of him and it meant the world to him. He would never forget the way Jacob backed down in a show of solidarity.

"I don't want to make your life harder."

"You make everything so much better. Angela, can't you see that? I…I'm so glad I have you in my life. I would do anything to keep you."

He meant it. It was utterly terrifying—and wonderful.

Then Quil and Seth's laughter ruined the moment. "You two are adorable," Quil said from his position on the ground.


	22. Ch 21: That's the Way I've Always Heard

Chapter 21: That's the Way I've Always Heard It Should Be

"You look beautiful, Jess," I gushed.

It was true, even if it was practically in my contract as best friend-turned-Maid-of-Honor that I say it. Every single second we had spent running around like crazy this morning had been worth it. As Jessica looked in the mirror, her reflection was everything a glowing bride should be.

The dress was beautiful, of course, the result of hundreds of hours of searching through Port Angeles and then Seattle and then the rest of the state before we found a vintage wedding dress in the back of Tyler's grandmother's closet that was just perfect. The layers of lace and ruffles on the bottom gave Jessica the princess feel she had been desperate for, without being too puffy the way modern dresses could be, swallowing up my tiny friend. The sweetheart neckline just made the whole outfit perfect.

But it wasn't the dress that made it impossible for me to stop staring at my old friend. Even with her curly hair sprayed into perfect ringlets that she had never possessed a day in her life, she looked like Jessica Stanley, a perfect and more real Jessica Stanley than I had ever seen. She was so happy it was breathtaking.

I was going to start crying soon, but I was trying to pretend otherwise.

"You don't think the necklace is a little much?" she asked. Every few seconds she had me take the necklace off again. There was no doubt that she would eventually wear it—it had been Mike's grandmother's—but for now it kept her busy worrying about something small. And not the fact that in less than an hour she was going to be Jessica Newton and her life was going to be changed forever.

"It looks fine."

"Are you crying, Ange?" she demanded. I hastily brushed away a tear as her eyes began to well up. "You promised you wouldn't."

"I'm sorry. I can't help it. Lauren! We need you."

Lauren pushed her way inside, leaving just Jessica's cousin and one of her college friends standing outside the door of the makeshift dressing room that was far too small for three people. The gowns Jessica had picked weren't classic bridesmaid horror outfits, for which everyone was thankful for. They were a strange shade of lime green, but classically cut and they looked good on all of us.

"What?" Lauran demanded. But the second she saw our faces she knew. "You two are ridiculous, you know. You're supposed to cry if you get left at the altar, not before it."

"Knock on wood!" Jessica practically screamed.

I hurried to do just that. "There will be no jinxes today," I informed Lauren.

"Like I said: ridiculous. You look great anyway, Jess. Like those women in bridal magazines. Except shorter."

"That's because I'm sitting down. Six inch heels on, thank you very much."

The heels were only five inches, because Jessica toppled over in the six inch ones, but the effect was startling. She could sort of almost kind of look me in the eye when she had those shoes on.

I made sure to ask: "Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue?"

Jessica rattled everything off the way my brothers rattled off baseball statistics. "Garters are old, shoes are new, dress is borrowed and necklace is blue. My engagement ring is still on my finger. Anything else?"

"You just have to wait ten more minutes," I said. "This is it, Jess."

"No crying," Lauren quickly informed us. Jessica and I broke eye contact. At this rate, we weren't going to be able to look each other in the eye for the rest of the day.

There was a knock on the door and then Jessica's cousin poked her head in the room. "Angela? Your boyfriend wants to see you."

"She's a little busy," Jessica snapped. Lauren was rolling her eyes and even I felt a little annoyed. Then I remembered that Embry knew how important this day was to me and he wouldn't come looking for me if there was no reason.

"Can we just let him in here to see what he wants? You're already ready, anyway."

Jessica grimaced, but nodded and waved Embry in (he couldn't fit; he stood in the doorway). I had been so busy this morning that I hadn't seen him (we had agreed earlier to meet at the church) but as he came in I couldn't help noticing he looked nice in a suit. Very nice.

And the look he gave me made me suspect that he approved of Jessica's Maid of Honor gown, even if it was very, very green.

"What?" Jessica demanded. It was her wedding day and he was interrupting.

"I was told Mike needed Angela for something by…uh, some short guy with dark hair. Or maybe it was blonde."

"Eric? Tyler? Did they say why my possible future-husband felt the need to steal _my_ Maid of Honor away from me?"

"I think the Best Man's kind of hung over."

"I will _kill_ Ben—"

"Jess, you'll ruin your make up if you try to murder someone," Lauren reminded her.

"Ben wouldn't do something like that," I assured everyone. "But I should go see what Mike wants. You'll be okay without me?"

Jessica looked like she was almost about to cry (again) but nodded. "You need to be back in five minutes."

"Promise," I agreed before I followed Embry out of the room.

When we were alone, I asked: "Did you hear anything that might explain what Mike wants with me?"

"You can't hear anything over this damn buzzing," he complained, gesturing to all the people filing in. Then Austin was coming up to us and Embry slipped away to his seat. It was funny how grown up the suits were making my friends look today. I wished I was with Jess so we could try not to cry together. But I let Austin hug me.

"You look great, Ang."

"I only have five minutes. What's wrong? Is Mike okay?"

"I…" Austin looked guilty. Very guilty. "He's here. And alive."

"Oh."

"Tyler did the bachelor party. It wasn't our fault."

The door behind him opened to reveal Ben, also in a suit, but looking far worse. In fact, in all our years together I had never seen Ben look as haggard as he looked at that moment. It must have been a very interesting bachelor party.

Oh my god. The groom. What did Mike look like?

"Hey, Ang," Ben said. "There is a God."

"What do you need?"

"Could you—?"

But Mike had already appeared behind Ben, pushing him out of the way. Ben might have fallen on his face if Austen hadn't caught him just then. Men. No, I corrected myself. Boys.

Mike Newton usually looked young and vibrant. Today—_his wedding day_—he looked as if he had run a marathon and then promptly died at the finish line. Parts of his face were puffing, the way I heard dead bodies did during decomposition. And a dead body is what he would be if he showed up at the altar with that black eye.

"Angela—"

"Out," I ordered the groomsmen, hurrying to Mike's side. Then I closed the door behind us. "What on earth did you do?"

"I can't really remember," he sighed. Collapsing into his chair, he looked beseechingly at me. "I need fresh air, but the guys wouldn't let me out of here—"

"Because we can't have it looking like the groom is trying to sneak off. Oh, Mike." For such a kind man he could be clueless sometimes. "Couldn't you have gotten beaten up some other night?"

"Austin said I walked into a pole."

"Well, that's okay then."

When Mike smiled it took me all the way back to the first day of kindergarten, when my very first friend (everyone our age's very first friend, really) smiled at me and made me feel as if I could survive this new ordeal.

"You can fix this, can't you, Ang?"

The question surprised me, though I suppose he was so desperate he was looking for anyone and anything. "I'm going to try. Though you don't deserve it."

"I can understand if you don't want to help. You do sort of look like the Jolly Green Giant today. Giantess. Whatever." When I narrowed my eyes, he added, "Not that you're not the hottest Jolly Green Giantess ever."

"_Mike didn't like the dresses?"_

"_What?"_

"_You did not look like the Jolly Green Giant."_

"_That's the part you're getting upset about?"_

"_Yeah. I sort of know what happens. He told me what you did." Jessica's face resumed its fearsome scowl. "I can't believe he lied about liking the dress!"_

"_Mike loves the Jolly Green Giant."_

_Jessica chose to ignore me. "The Jolly Green…asshole. You didn't look like…maybe a bit like a tree but—"_

_"Thank you."_

When you went back as far as we did, it was easy enough to understand each other. We would both always worry about making Jessica perfectly happy, but he would be the one taking care of her after today. He would be up for it, I knew (just like I knew she had been desperate for the day to come where she could be the one to make him perfectly happy). But he was thanking me for how I had helped out in the past. And I was getting teary again.

"Now if only I didn't look like I got run over by Tyler's van," he said.

"You're lucky the Giantess brought her matching purse. Do you have water? And a kettle?"

All Mike had was a glass of water; it worked out better that way, since we didn't really have time for me to make him tea. I just dumped the herbs into the water and stirred (I had brought them just in case Jessica didn't look right today, but for such a small person Jessica could handle her liquor well). Then I handed the whole concoction to Mike.

"I hope you like cold tea."

"That looks disgusting."

"It'll help."

So he drank the entire glass, trying not to spit up after every sip. I felt a little terrible, but he perked up quickly afterwards. Then I pulled some cover up out of my purse and I fixed up his eye. I should have been a makeup artist. When he saw some of the color start to come back into his face he told me to hurry back to Jessica, who would want me with her. So I gave him a kiss on the cheek and went to do just that.

I sprinted back to Jessica's dressing room, where the two bridesmaids were still outside the door. Inside, neither Lauren nor Jessica had started crying yet, but Lauren looked dangerously close.

"It's contagious, I swear," she muttered before she left the two of us alone once more.

"Two minutes. You ready, Jess?" I asked, coming up behind her and tucking one stray curl back into place.

She looked into the mirror one last time and this time there was no nervousness or false concern about her appearance. My best friend just smiled back at me and nodded.

* * *

There was a hand on my shoulder and when I looked up I saw a smiling Ben looking down at me. Standing up, I quickly hugged him.

"Best best man and maid of honor ever," he declared into my chest.

"Pretty much. I loved your speech."

"We needed to give everyone time to recover from crying over yours. It was perfect, Ang."

"Yours was, too. We should go into the wedding business."

"I think the next wedding we go to I might be a little too busy to help you organize." I guess that meant they had settled on a date. As I gazed down at him, I couldn't help smiling. He had been such a big part of my life so long and seeing him so happy I couldn't help but be happy too. "Being the groom looks like hard work."

"I think Mike makes it look easy."

He and Jessica were going around thanking the guests now and indeed Mike (with not even a hint of a black eye) made it look too easy as the two of them laughed with their guests. They looked ecstatic together, exactly as newlyweds should.

"You have to—"

I felt the warm hand around my waist before I heard him. "Sorry to interrupt. But Ang? One of the waiters wanted to know when they were supposed to bring the cake out."

"Mrs. Stanley is handling the cake, I thought." Craning my neck around, I found her deep in conversation with one of the servers. She had it covered. "Looks okay for now, though keep an eye out. Ben was just inviting me to his wedding."

"I promise you won't have to wear green," Ben said.

_"They really weren't that bad."_

_"They were just teasing me."_

_"I'm still not going to talk to either of those traitors ever again. You looked great."_

We made small talk for a few seconds. Ben had to crane his head upwards to look Embry in the eye and said boyfriend seemed to enjoy that far too much. Ben left to go find his fiancé. The band leader insisted everyone had to dance to the next song. In order to be a good example I let Embry bring me to the middle of the dance floor. Not many others were daring enough—though everyone in the room had to be more graceful than I was. Luckily, my boyfriend knew what he was doing.

"Where did you learn to dance like this? I feel like Ginger Rogers."

"You're prettier," he smiled and twirled me around. I giggled, but was grateful to arrive back safely. "Actually, Sam had to learn for his wedding, and then Jared, so we all just sort of shared learning to make it easier."

"One of these days you're going to have to explain that."

"Explain why you're friends think you're some kind of good luck fairy godmother."

"I try to look out for people. I'm glad they think I do a good job at it."

"I guess you do."

He held me close, body impossibly firm even underneath the suit. Even though I was very comfortable, I felt I did have to say, "There's no need to be jealous of Ben, you know."

"I am not jealous of that midget."

"And there's no need to call him names."

"It's more of a possessive thing than a jealousy one."

"Well, that's okay then." I couldn't help rolling my eyes, but he just laughed and it was very hard to get mad though I felt maybe I should. It was Mike and Jessica's wedding. I couldn't get mad at anyone, even if I wanted to and, to be honest, I hated getting mad at people in general.

"I'm glad you're so understanding," he teased.

We pulled apart as the music ended, but I didn't want to let go of his warm hands just yet so I pulled him towards the side of the room. I found myself pressed up against Embry, kissing him lightly in the corner of his mouth.

"You must be bored silly tonight." I was never around and he didn't know many other people that well.

He shrugged. He was rather sociable, after all. "Naw. I've met most of them before and your friends are all really super nice. Even when they hang all over you." I was about to glare when he grinned: "Kidding! Making a joke, not being jealous _or _possessive."

"Cute," I muttered.

He laughed and kissed my cheek, before pointing me in Ben's direction. There may have been a little growl as he said goodbye, but then he gave me a smile and so we parted.


	23. Ch 22: When The Man Comes Around

Chapter 22: When The Man Comes Around

With Mike and Jessica off on their honeymoon and school out for the summer, I expected my life to become less busy. I shouldn't have been so naïve. Invitations to all sorts of gatherings, some expected (Ben's engagement party) and some less so, seemed to pour in.

Sometime at the beginning of July I received an invitation from Emily Uley to come with her and a few friends to help Kim start picking things out for the baby (I had already congratulated Kim, who was ecstatic). I could sense an apology when I got one, so I agreed to come even before she told me who was coming.

"We thought we'd keep it small. Leah will be there of course, and Kim and me, but that's it. Maybe Rachel, if she's up for it…I need to ask, but I'm don't think she'll come. We thought we'd leave the younger girls at home. They're not as excited and they…they were never close to Embry the way we were."

They wouldn't give me a chance, not even for his sake.

"Also…" Emily took a deep breath before continuing. "I know you're friends with Bella Cullen but we can't…I'm sorry, but we could ask the girl for you, if you wanted? Sam wouldn't object to the child. I don't think. He shouldn't. Jacob wouldn't care for her if she was a danger."

"Um…okay."

Bella was so infrequently in the area that I had managed, to my shame, to mostly avoid her sister-in-law. I was a terrible person. Just because she seemed to think I was a fool for waiting around to get my heart broken didn't mean I was allowed to ignore her. Besides, Emily sounded as if she was doing me such a favour that I didn't have the heart to say no.

That was how I ended up walking through the streets of Port Angeles with women I barely knew and a teenager that I was afraid to get close to. Rachel had come, much to Emily's surprise. She was even quieter than she had been at Sam's birthday, but she fell into step beside Nessie and the two of them had a conversation that I couldn't follow (well, there were more long silences than actual talking, but they didn't seem to mind).

It was hard not to notice the way the other women seemed to be watching them both closely (Nessie's flushing face suggested she noticed, but I wasn't sure that Rachel did or was simply much better at hiding how self-conscious everyone was trying to make her).

Leah and Emily seemed to get along better than I had seen Leah get along with anyone who wasn't a guy. It made her seem almost sweet. From the way the others had paired off I ended up spending most of the day talking to Kim, which suited me just fine. We had been talking since the party and I enjoyed her company. She was not confrontational or disheartened or arrogant or frighteningly determined to be kinder to me than anyone had ever been before to make up for her husband's behavior. She was simply kind and sweet and fun to talk to.

She had met Jared in school and be in love with him forever, she told me. "Not that he ever noticed," she said, embarrassed. "He barely knew I existed."

Which I suppose was worse than most guys knowing who you were but being too terrified to ask you out because you were taller than them, but it still didn't make my inner teenage-self feel much better. But I was glad Kim had gotten her happy ending.

"How did you make him realize you were alive?"

"I think I was just in the right place at the right time."

The day was going well enough until Rachel and Nessie disappeared. Kim and I didn't notice, but Leah, who far ahead of the four of us (now two), did. Emily went with Leah to hunt them down and they returned with ten minutes later with a shell-shocked Nessie and red-eyed Rachel.

"I'm going to take them home," Leah said. "It's been a long day."

"Thank you for coming," Kim said quickly. Rachel didn't bother responding as Leah took her away. The youngest girl looked terrified of everyone, the poor girl.

"Rachel hasn't been feeling very well lately," Emily said once they left. "I shouldn't have…but she wouldn't hear of being left behind."

"She'll be fine, though," Kim assured me. They were trying to convince themselves.

The day was ruined though none of us said anything. They did not offer any more of an explanation. They were women who were used to keeping silent.

* * *

The men of La Push were a little less secretive.

"Rachel's been a mess since she lost the baby," Quil said matter-of-factly as he moved around the kitchen, trying to scrounge up enough food for himself and Jacob. Embry was in the shower, since I had arrived thirty minutes earlier than I said I would. Emily had declared our shopping trip a write-off.

"I can't believe she was stupid enough to go in the first place. Of course it was going to make her miserable," Jacob said.

"She must have been hoping she was getting better," I said.

"Emily shouldn't have asked her."

"I got the sense Emily didn't feel like she had a choice."

"True." Jacob laughed suddenly. "Rachel would have been furious if she hadn't been invited."

"Maybe Emily was hoping her magic powers would help Rachel," Quil said.

"Emily has magic powers?" I asked.

"Haven't you noticed?" Embry asked as he came out of the bathroom, wearing only a towel. I appreciated the view, but really. Some modesty couldn't hurt him; not that his friends cared. "Emily can get Leah to play nice. Magical powers."

My boyfriend grabbed something to eat from Quil before he hurried to his room to change. In the meantime, Jacob flipped him off. I think he believed Leah could play nice all on her own.

"How _was_ Rachel?" Jacob asked me.

"I didn't get much of a chance to talk to her, but she seemed fine until the end."

"That's good."

"You could ask her yourself."

He laughed and shook his head. "I'd probably just make her start crying and that'll just piss off Paul and I don't really want to kill my brother-in-law right now. Maybe in a few months, when she's doing better."

"You could ask Nessie," I said. "She talked to Rachel the most."

"You mean they stood in silence together," Jacob said. "Rachel's shy and Nessie isn't the most sociable person."

"I swear I heard some talking."

He seemed pleased by this. "Thanks for getting her invited, Ang. It means a lot."

"It was Emily's idea."

"Probably felt guilty about Sam's latest shit apology," Quil said.

Jacob growled, making me jump—I had to take a step back to calm my racing heart. Only then did I ask, "Sam apologized?"

"No," Jacob snapped. "Sam pretends to apologize. I'm sorry she's not even seven but the guys can't help thinking…assholes. If it was a real apology he wouldn't feel the need to go into detail; he'd never talk about any of the others like that."

I think that if Sam had walked through that door just then, he wouldn't have left the house alive.

"The others belong," Quil said.

Jacob hit him in the arm (the sound hurt my ears; I wasn't sure how Quil's arm was still attached). "She belongs."

"I just meant that from Sam's point of view…whatever." The anger didn't quite fade from Jacob's face, so Quil hurried to add, "Forget I said anything. We're all good friends with Nessie."

Jacob sighed. "No, you're not. None of us…maybe Seth was, until I…never mind."

"Until you almost killed him," Quil said cheerfully. "You know, I don't think we ever properly told Angela that story."

"Shut up," Jacob muttered.

"But it's _so good," Embry said as he bounded into the room. He gave me a kiss and then proceeded to start the re-enactment. "So Sam invites Jacob out for a friendly get together, where they sit around and see who has the larger dick."_

"For the record, I do."

Quil continued where Embry had left off, both of them ignoring Jacob and his shit-eating grin. "And every so often, when Sam thinks that Jacob is starting to listen to Leah a little too much he gives the worlds' crappiest apology."

Embry took over. He and Quil went back and forth like a well-oiled teeter-totter.

"He starts by saying he's trying to stop the younger guys..."

"They can't help it. They're just raging hormones. Remember us when we were that age…"

"...they don't mean to think about her that way..."

"...but she's just so pretty..."

"...and they don't really mean anything when they think…"

The words made me uncomfortable, something creeping along my skin, a layer of filth I wanted to scrub off. A glance at Jacob didn't reassure me—even though Embry and Quil were just repeating (and exaggerating, I hoped to God they were exaggerating, though I think they were trying to tone it down as they went into detail what all the boys imagined doing to the poor girl) what had been said in the past he looked furious. Just not at them. I suspected that if anyone else in the world had done what Embry and Quil were doing they would have been dead. As it was, Jacob looked amused and pissed all at the same time.

"And once Sam has finished saying all this shit about her, he and Jacob part ways. Our glorious leader is upset…"

"…but he comes home and tries to look calm…"

"…but when young, stupid, naive Seth comes into the kitchen, Jacob can't resist asking…does Nessie look grown up to you?"

"And Seth, being an idiot," Quil said with a smirk and some dark satisfaction, "Shrugs. And says…"

"Sure, Jake," Embry said in this voice that sounded nothing like Seth. Maybe it was Mickey Mouse. "I guess. You can't help noticing she's got a great—"

"POW!"

They said the last part together, both making identical punching motions and wearing identical smirks. Quil told me: "The kid was out for ten minutes. Billy thought he was dead."

"Leah maintains he was going to say Nessie had nice hair."

"He wasn't. The way he worded it…"

"…and the way he stares at her ass…"

"Suggest Seth does not admire the way her hair curls."

The two of them cackled and Jacob looked a bit embarrassed. "I didn't mean to hit him. I just was in a shitty mood and he can take it."

"The three of you are funny," I managed.

"Come on," Embry said, laughing. "Let's go."

We said our goodbyes and headed to his car. On the way I said, "Seth wasn't the least bit upset that Jacob broke him?"

"Oh, it was just his jaw. And no. Would have been better if he was pissed."

"What?"

The laughter had disappeared. After all this time, the abrupt mood changes were still disconcerting.

"Jake was wrong. Seth wasn't friends with her before. What did he care? But now he kind of has something to prove. He'll be friends with her if it kills him, which would be okay if..."

"Why can't he be friends with her?"

"It's bad enough Jacob wants to keep her around. He has a reason the others have to understand. Seth doesn't have an excuse. Being friends with...it's never looked good but if he's friends with Nessie on top of everything it's even worse, because it looks like he'd be willing to go around even Jake for them. The others really don't like that."

"I haven't a clue as to what you just said."

"Yeah," he muttered. "How about you just understand that when Clearwaters get stubborn, bad shit happens."

That I could believe.

* * *

At the beginning of August, I finally gave in and let Embry talk me going back into the forest. "You have your own Quileute guide," he promised. "You'll be fine." While I wasn't sure this was true, I decided I'd risk it. Just this once.

"I'm so glad we're lost," I muttered as we trudged through the mud.

Behind me, Embry chuckled. There was no way he didn't know his way out of the forest, but he seemed content to laugh as I got us more and more lost.

"Let's go up the hill," Embry suggested. About time he finally got us out of this hell hole.

"What's up there?"

"Climb up and see."

Willing to take the challenge, I started up the hill. It was ridiculously steep and my feet sank deep into the still damp earth. Embry put a hand on my back to help steady me. "The view better be great."

"It is great."

I glanced behind me where my boyfriend stopped ogling my ass long enough to wink at me. Blushing, I laughed and climbed the rest of the way up. Sure enough, there was nothing at the top but more trees. Embry came up over the ridge laughing to himself and looking at me in a way that sort of made up for the awful climb.

"Jerk," I said. Maybe. I'm not sure. Whatever I meant to say got lost between our lips.

* * *

It turns out forests are very, very muddy.

And when mud dries in places I didn't want to think about it, it itches like crazy.

Fortunately, once we got back to my place Embry was very conscientious about helping me clean up. After the shower, we dried off and he wrapped me in a fluffy towel. His stomach rumbled, making me laugh.

"You're worse than a garbage disposal," I said as I kissed him again. Having his freshly washed chest separated from my body by only towel made thoughts of leaving the bathroom uninviting, but he did have to be fed.

"Thanks. Where should I leave my clothes?"

"Just leave them down there." It was fortunate that he had clothes here now. I wasn't sure if I wanted him to move in—okay, I did, but I wasn't sure living together was something we could manage what with all the things we kept from one another—but having him keep some of things at my place had certainly paid off.

We stepped out of the bathroom, his hands still on my waist, his lips still on my neck. I giggled, reluctant to step away, closing my eyes and—

"Hello, Angela."

My eyes flew open. Standing by the couch, off to the side of the room, was my grandmother.

Grandmother!

"Hello, Grandmother," I said. There was only so long I could choke back my horror. "What are you doing here? How did—?"

It was obvious how she had got in. She was Grandmother. But I had never expected her to just walk in. There was no way I could deny Embry in this sort of situation. There was no way I could protect him.

"I came to see you. It's been too long." Her voice left no room for protest—it was all my fault. "I suspected something was out of sorts, but really, Angela…"

"Grandmother, this is Embry—"

"Get rid of him."

Embry's eyes went wide, but his expression stayed mostly calm. Without quite looking at me, he nodded and together we slipped inside my bedroom. Even with the door closed, free of her eyes, I couldn't force myself to say anything.

"Ang?" Embry whispered as we dressed. "Is she…what is she?"

"I'll call you later," I said. "If I can. Where will you be?"

"Home. Or, if you need me closer, I could just go to Charlie's."

"No. La Push is better."

"Okay. Angela—"

"It'll be fine."

He must have known I was trying to convince myself more than him. Stepping toward me he gathered me into a tight hug and placed a kiss on my forehead.

"I will grovel for years to make this up to her," he offered. "I love you."

"I love you, too," I whispered. In my mind I could hear my grandmother screaming for my presence. "You better go."

He nodded and we went back out. Embry had to see himself out as Grandmother sat imperiously on the couch, ready to snap if he tried to approach her. No sooner had he crossed the threshold than she slammed the door shut behind him. I bet she locked it, too. Being the most powerful witch on the west coast meant she could lock up all the troublemakers she liked. And lock out Embry just as fast.

I came right up to her and got down on my knees. Taking her weathered hand in my own, I begged: "Please, Grandmother—"

"This will not be tolerated," she snapped, pulling her hand free. "It ends tonight. I will work out your punishment later."

"Please. I love him. I—"

"You're a fool, Angela. What in the world are you thinking, dating a shapeshifter?"

* * *

A/N: Eh, so it's been done. I still wanted someone to have real magical powers :D I'm going to be away for the next month, so there won't be any more updates until June.


	24. Ch 23: I Know What I Am

A/N: I'm back! Exhausted, but back in town. I won't be going back to the frantic updating pace of April, but I'm going to try for weekly updates. Thanks for your patience.

Chapter 23: I Know What I Am

"_You're not going to end the story there, are you?" Jessica asked after the silence got to be too much for her._

"_I was waiting for you to freak out."_

"_Shapeshifter sounds kind of cool."_

"_And witch?"_

_Jessica laughed at me. "You think I didn't know about that? Geez, Ang. You really think I'm stupid, don't you?"_

"_You knew I was a witch?"_

"_I think the word _duh _pretty much sums it up. You come home from college with this kick for tea that can do anything and expect no one to notice? Not to mention the whole let's all be one with nature kick you got on and never shut up about. Mike and I have known forever."_

"_Oh."_

"_Continue. Please."_

"He's a good man, Grandmother."

"He's not a man, Angela." I found myself being slammed into the couch, forced to sit perfectly straight in front of her like the schoolgirl she thought I was. Never before had I seen her use so much obvious power at once. She had to be furious. "I never thought you were a fool. I'm sorry to be disappointed. How could you?"

"He won't hurt me."

"We heal, they hurt. That is the way of things."

"I'll protect myself, then."

"You're not strong enough to stop him. Not yet. And all that is immaterial—I will not leave you to deal with the grief of hurting him."

"I won't."

"You think some sham of a relationship qualifies you to resist the temptation that has destroyed so many of your betters?"

"Sham?"

"Do you really believe you have any sort of connection to that young man?"

"I—"

"You're not foolish enough to have told him. Even after having seeing how silly you have been, I cannot believe you capable of that. You have not told him."

"No." It felt like I was betraying Embry as I was forced to admit, "No, I haven't told him."

"Good." Grandmother settled herself across from me, ankles crossed. "It will be all right, Angela. If you break off the relationship tonight…I can make him believe the separation was his idea; he'll leave you alone. When he is gone, you will be forgiven."

I opened my mouth to protest, to beg, but I couldn't make a sound. It would have been useless. She would not relent; she believed absolutely.

"End it."

Her order was firm and the magic holding me to the couch fell away—I had been dismissed. She turned to the kitchen to see if I had the appropriate herbs for her to make him believe he wanted to leave me. I stood up, legs shaking, then headed for the door. It clicked shut behind me, loud enough to make me jump. I could have called a taxi or a friend or just teleported over (even if it was exhausting), but instead I started walking. The cold night air gave me time to think.

Grandmother was the head of the Washington Coven and as witch in her jurisdiction I was bound by her rules unless I wanted to put in an appeal. An appeal would not go in my favor. No one else would be any kinder than Grandmother; they might be a whole lot worse.

They would demand I break off contact and then leave me like Rina had when I refused. They would leave me the way they had left my mother. There were rules against fraternizing with those they deemed unacceptable. The shapeshifters were high on that list.

They were too dangerous to fight, too powerful to control, too temperamental to trust. Their failings were nothing compared to ours, so we had to stay away from them.

And yet the Coven would be lenient, as Grandmother had been, because they would believe what she did. It was only a sham of a relationship, a harmless little fling, meaningless. Nothing. In a way, they would be right. What sort of relationship could exist without truth? It was a sham—a beautifully conducted, perfectly reassuring sham, but still a sham.

Worse than Grandmother's fury was thinking that the Coven would judge my relationship with Embry to be nothing.

There was a simple way to change that.

Passing by First Beach (someone had left an empty water bottle by the water; sometimes littering was useful) on the way to Embry's house, I had enough time to make my decision, fear the consequences and accept them just the same. The lights were on as I walked to the door and rang the bell.

Quil answered quickly, but one look at my face stopped his smile. "What's wrong?"

"I need to speak to Embry," I said. My boyfriend rose off the couch when he saw me; Quil stepped instinctively out of my way. "We need to talk. Privately. Please."

Embry nodded, worried, but willing to trust me. He always trusted me. I was such a fraud! But I followed him to his room just the same.

I had only been there a few times since Quil couldn't help listening in when he was home. The room was as I remembered, the bed carefully made and the floor scattered with clothes. I cleared away some stuff to make sure there was enough room for us on the floor.

"Do you love me?"

"You know I do."

He came to me then, gently brushing the hair from my face. His brown eyes stared down at me, trying to discover what I meant. I asked the more important question.

"Do you trust me?"

"Of course."

There was such simplicity in his expression that I blushed. I didn't deserve it all that honest adoration, but I wasn't going to give it up for all the world.

"Sit down, Embry. And whatever you do, please don't say a word."

Puzzled, but willing, Embry sat down cross-legged on the floor. I knelt in front of him and started pouring the wet sand on the floor, promising to clean up later. Hopefully Grandmother would not attempt to see what I was doing until it was too late. As I poured out the sand, I began muttering under my breath. Embry wanted to say something, but I hushed him and he nodded, faithful as ever. The sand spilled out as I leaned around Embry to try and make a perfect circle. He steadied me when I leaned over him. I pulled back only when I had complete the shape, the sand overlapping and trapping us inside.

Then I put the bottle down and sat across from Embry, my legs crossed like his. Taking his hands in mine, I began.

"Don't break the circle, please."

"Okay. I never liked this floor, anyway."

"Can you be serious?"

"Never," he said softly. Then he kissed me gently and waited for me to speak.

"There's something I need to confess."

"Okay."

His hands tightened around mine. With his strength flowing through me, I was able to say:

"I'm a witch."

"I know Leah, remember? That's true evil. Whatever you've done—"

I started giggling then. After being so scared of what was going to happen, to have him misunderstand me then was ridiculous. When I finally stopped, I made sure to be more specific.

"I'm a witch, Embry. With a 'w' not a...I'm a witch. Hocus-pocus and all that. The circle on the ground? While we're inside of it no one can hear us. It will keep this conversation private. Because not only am I a witch, but I know you're a shapeshifter."

He said nothing, just stared. Finally: "Excuse me?"

"You're a shapeshifter, a familiar. You can turn into an animal. Wolves, I think, is the Quileute legend. It would also explain all the howling around Forks."

"You can't—wait. You're a witch?"

I clasp one warm hand in mine, but let go of his other hand. Placing the empty water bottle on the floor I said, "Watch."

Putting my hand on the plastic I closed my eyes and called on the earth, gathering strength from the natural world around me. It wasn't a hard spell and Embry's presence meant there was almost too much power nearby, but it required concentration, so I had to ignore it when Embry gasped. Only when I was sure I had finished did I open my eyes.

The bottle was no longer empty.

"Wow."

"Yeah. So…I'm a witch."

It was strange being able to say it aloud after all this time. It was like being able to tell him I loved him—I couldn't get enough of saying the words.

"Cool."

And that seemed to be that.

He did continue. Eventually. "So…I guess I should tell you…I'm a werewolf. Not a real one, apparently, but we prefer that term to shapeshifter. And I've never heard us called familiars."

"We call shapeshifters familiars because we tend to adopt them as mascots…sources of power. That's sort of where the myth of witches and cats come from. Most of the shapeshifters we attracted in the past could turn into cats."

"I'm like your mascot?"

"Oh no. No it's not like that anymore."

How did I explain this without scaring him off? I didn't know. I said it as simply as I could.

A witch drew her power from the world around her; shapeshifters had that power inside themselves. Working with them allowed us to enhance our magic by letting us to tap into the seemingly endless supply of power they possessed inside themselves. _Seemingly_ endless. The practice had been outlawed at the beginning of the century as barbaric. Eventually, we took too much from them; feeling that powerful was supposed to be too addictive to resist. Familiars had rarely survived the encounters. But I loved him. Loving him meant I had to be strong enough not to hurt him, the way I trusted he wouldn't hurt me though an outsider might conclude we might not be able to help destroying each other.

Since I had started seeing Embry, I hadn't dared to do anything more than the locking spells on my door and a few healing brews (the very first bits of magic I had learned) except for the time I teleported to La Push in my distress. I hadn't trusted myself to do more; but now I would have to trust myself if I wanted to keep him. And I did. At that moment, more than anything, I didn't want to lose him.

"Being a battery is much less cool than being your mascot."

"I never…I've been very careful about doing magic around you. You would have felt it if I had. I've been trying to keep you safe. To keep us both safe. I would never…I love you. I wouldn't hurt you."

"I know."

He was even worse than Grandmother when it came to believing things so completely.

"I'm not really powerful enough to really hurt you, I don't think. I'm just an acolyte. I only started when I went away to school and most start training at birth."

"You went to real world Hogwarts?"

"What? Oh. No. I went to the University of Washington." His face fell. I guess real witches weren't as cool if they didn't have wands; it kind of hurt. "The witch stuff was sort of like an afterschool activity."

Grandmother was one of the most powerful witches in North America, but my mother was not part of the Coven. It had been her choice, a difficult choice, but she had left when she realized they would not let her tell my father (he handled it badly, as they suspected all men of faith would, and even my mother agreed they had no choice but to erase his memories—then she left the Coven and stayed with him). It was only when I left for school that Grandmother had been granted permission to see if her only granddaughter had inherited some of her skill. It was a rare exception. If a witch chose to live outside the Coven, its power was usually lost to her and her descendants forever (unless those descendants proved particularly adept).

I had done well. I reached the highest of the minor orders within my four years of school when it usually took decades. But in the minor orders I would stay unless the Coven decided I was ready to be inducted. They usually waited until a witch had proven herself to them before helping her achieve greater power. It was a power my mother had always been denied.

Now…they would likely deny me as well.

Silence was the foundation of the Coven's existence. In a world where exposure always meant exploitation and abuse, the rules were there for a reason. The telling of partners was always carefully regulated—they would not be pleased that I had a told a shapeshifter. Humans could be controlled, contained, if a problem arose; if something went wrong with a shapeshifter…there was nothing to be done but remove the problem.

When exposure might mean death for all, it was only fair that risking exposure was punishable by death.

I did not find the fairness of it reassuring.

I explained that to Embry as best as I could, explaining what happened with my parents, what would happen with me. But he didn't accept defeat.

"It's not like I would tell anyone." I believed him; it might have had something to do with his rather wicked-looking grin. "Or complain if you wanted to suck me dry."

He howled with laughter.

"Be serious, Embry. I could really hurt you if I lost control."

That just made him laugh harder.

"Embry, please…"

My distress finally made a dent in his laughter; a small one. "You couldn't hurt me if you tried," he said, flexing a little. The ego on him was astounding (but it made me smile, like he intended). I raised an objection I thought he would listen to. I needed him to understand that the Coven would not be happy at the thought of us together.

"They think you're unstable at the best of times. A little…uncontrollable. Dangerous."

That stopped his laughter and brought an uncharacteristically serious expression over his face.

"We are dangerous."

"You wouldn't hurt me."

But he wasn't really listening. "You shouldn't have told me this. Don't you know the pack can read my mind?"

"Pack?"

"The others." His cult. It made a little too much sense. There was only a few records of familiars with telepathy, but I should have suspected. They knew everything about each other. "If I know about you, they'll know. Will your…whatever...will they come after us for knowing?"

An expression I had never seen before crossed his face and I knew then that I had been right—he would die for his friends. He was already planning a battle I couldn't see. It was a battle he was sure he would win.

"They wouldn't dare. No one's a match for you physically and they wouldn't risk casting near you. Familiars have a tendency to tap into magic they didn't know they had when attacked. Fighting shapeshifters is something only the best can do…your friends are safe, Embry. Besides, they are supernaturals. There is a certain leeway with telling supernaturals. The Coven will only kill if word spreads to humans."

I would be first, for my indiscretion, but he didn't need to worry about that.

He took a deep breath and tried to make sense of the barrage of information I had just thrown at him. "So that's why you're mom never liked me. Jacob said she must have known something but the others thought he was just being paranoid. How am I supposed to get her to like me now?"

"That's what you're worried about?"

"What else—your grandmother? Now that she knows we're together…"

"She ordered me to break up with you. She wants to protect me. But I…I'm not going to do it. I can't."

"And then what's she going to do when you don't?" I stared at our intertwined hands and said nothing. Embry's voice got worried. "Angela? What's she going to do?"

"Even Grandmother wouldn't risk tampering with your memories. We don't understand your magic well enough to…you might find a way to instinctively fight back and then…who knows? She couldn't risk it. And as a member of the minor orders I'm not important enough to execute on sight for telling…I don't think."

"Angela—"

"Grandmother will help me. She won't ever speak to me again and I'd have perform a ceremony that would leave me unable to do little more than light a few candles, but then the rest of the Coven will accept my choice and leave me alone. Grandmother does love me. In her own way."

The magic had become part of me in the years past, but it wasn't second nature to me yet the way it was for Rina or Grandmother. I wasn't going to give up Embry and this was the only way to go about it.

Embry swore, loudly. "That's a damn stupid plan, Angela. I'm not going to just sit here while you give up everything for nothing."

"I think we have something a little more valuable than that."

"Then you're stupid." He swore some more, then closed his eyes, trying to think. "Since I have no choice but to tell the guys maybe they'll think of something. Jacob and Leah are actually pretty good at this kind of shit."

"What kind of…?"

"Do we have some time?"

"Once we're no longer in the circle she can hear us. But she can't hear anything you say to each other telepathically. We can't listen to non-hu—I mean, you're just…different."

"Right. Okay. We'll figure out something else. Don't worry, Ang."

He kissed me then, gently, and I melted against him because he was warm and familiar and he loved me. As he crushed me to him, holding me as if he would never let go, I was almost startled by how much I loved him. I didn't want to let him go. I was almost in his lap now and I lay my head against his chest.

"You just have until tomorrow morning."

"Okay. It'll be fine. Just—" I could hear him swear against my hair. "I forgot about Nessie."

"Nessie?"

"We have to tell her. And Claire."

"_Claire?_ You want to tell a child the very important secret that might get us all killed if someone talks?"

"Want to, no. Have to…we have to. They won't be able not to, not something this big. I don't suppose you've heard of imprinting?"

"I don't think so. No."

"Okay. Um…do you remember what I told you about Sam and Leah and Emily?" I nodded and he continued. "The real reason Sam and Leah broke up was because he imprinted on Emily. He was dating Leah but he looked at Emily after he phased—changed, uh, transformed—and he imprinted. Instant soul mate. And not just figuratively. She was literally all Sam could think about. Everything he does is to make her happy."

"I don't—"

"It didn't just happen to Sam. It happened to Jared, it happened to Quil. And I should…Quil imprinted on Claire when she was two. It's not…it's not a sexualized relationship. I mean, we usually describe it as love at first sight, but Quil is just the best big brother in the world right now. He wants to be anything she wants him to be; she's like his own personal sun."

Since Embry had been so understanding about my heritage, I tried to return the favor. Best big brother ever. I could believe that (I could also believe that they would do anything to protect Quil, no matter what he did, but I chose to accept what Embry said as the truth). I was still a little worried about telling a child, however.

"Is it like bonding?"

"What?"

"Never mind. I still don't understand why you have to tell."

"Imprinting mans you can't keep your damn mouth shut. Bearing your soul is like a requirement."

"They won't like that. They really won't like that."

"Like I said, Jacob and Leah will handle it. Don't worry. You won't have to stop your path to ultimate cosmic power and they'll get to tell the girls. It'll all work out." He frowned, a little. "I think I'm starting to sound like Seth. I guess they were right—optimism won't kill me."

"Embry..." But because I wanted him to be right so badly, I let myself hope. There had always been something unsettling about Jacob and Leah. Grandmother would not like being unsettled. So, perhaps...maybe it would all work out. "Did you imprint?"

"No." He sounded guilty. "That was the reason that Leah was so against us being together in the beginning. I haven't imprinted. There's always going to be the chance that one day I'm walking down the street and I'll imprint on someone else."

"What happens then?"

"I think I'd still feel something for you, but...yeah. Personal sun that isn't you."

"Oh." I tried to wrap my mind around everything. "How likely is it that it'll happen?"

"Well, I've purposely stared at every Quileute and Mankah woman in the area. And all the hybrids. Those are the likely candidates. So I probably won't. But there's no guarantee…" Embry sighed. "So now that you know you might not want to risk everything—"

"Embry? Do you love me?"

"You keep asking me that like the answer's going to change."

I laughed with him. "You love me. I love you. I'm not going to base my life on something that may or may not happen. I'm in this. Way over my head in this. How about you?"

"All in. I'll go talk to Jacob right now."

"Thank you."

"Thank you." He helped me to me feet. "Well, this was an interesting day."

I kissed him goodbye. "That is the understatement of the year."


	25. Ch 24: Always There For You

A/N: I blame my crazy summer. Now I'm weary of committing to a schedule, but I can offer you this—everything will be done before 2012. This story should come in just under 50 chapters and I will post them all before the new year. When? That's the part I'm not sure about. I do my best; keep reminding me to update when I start taking too long.

Chapter 24: Always There For You

The way Jacob and Leah dealt with _things_ was to show up at Embry's house at the ungodly hour of six in the morning and bark at everyone to look respectable. Then the group of us marched (well, the way they walked was so precise the word seemed applicable) back to my house to talk to my grandmother.

She was not a young woman, Grandmother, but she was tough. She didn't have a heart attack at seeing five familiars and her granddaughter walk through the front door though every other member of the Coven might have.

Everyone one of us had been up with the sunrise. Surely that similarity was a place to start.

"Get a whiff of that," Seth murmured.

Jacob got him to shut up with a glance; with another look he got them all to fan out behind him as if they had practiced (maybe they had). Jacob took point; he held out his hand to my grandmother.

"Jacob Black."

Grandmother could only stare in horror.

"Tough crowd," Leah murmured.

"Here's how it is," Jacob said, "We like Angela with Embry. She's nice—and she feeds us. We can't ask for more than that. We want them to stay together, but we kind of like the idea of her keeping her superpowers, too. With me so far?"

"You told them." Grandmother sighed.

"I told you I loved him."

"Love has a tendency of tricking even the most taciturn of men into thinking they are poets."

I could hear Seth laughing quietly to himself—perhaps he realized Embry was not taciturn no matter how you enlarged the definition. Nor were any of his friends anything close to stoic, however they looked now. Or perhaps Seth was doing what he usually did and laughing because he was remembering some cartoon he had watched the previous night.

"Embry sucks at poetry," Leah said. "We all do—but we know how to keep secrets."

"You keep your own secrets. What Angela has told you was not her secret to tell."

"She can tell us anything she wants; she's our friend." Jacob Black claimed me. After struggling for years to gain the acceptance of the Coven, Jacob had taken less than a year to decide he would do anything for me. I was one of them now, with all the loudness and craziness that came with belonging. There was no turning back.

"It was not her place."

"I really hate it when people say that," Leah said with a dangerous smile. But Jacob's hand on her arm caused it to shift to something less dangerous.

"The way we see it," Jacob said, "Is we've been given a unique opportunity. You seem to know things about people like us that we're curious about." They seemed to have missed the part of negotiating where you kept your cards hidden; perhaps they would have considered deception beneath them. Or they simply knew they would be unable to hide their eagerness. They were remarkably bad at that (it was one of the reasons I liked them all). "But you don't know us and since Angela has given us all an opportunity to get to know each other better, I propose we take it."

"It is not our way to 'get to know' the other races. Familiars cannot be trusted."

"Good thing we're werewolves then," Jacob said.

"We cannot be trusted around the familiars," Grandmother admitted. It pained her, but she seemed to have realized the people in front of her would not back down from anything less than the full extent of what she could do and she would not attack. The Coven was rigid and unforgiving, sometimes, but it was also made to help. She would not cause harm—since the werewolves would understand violence or nothing, she let herself be drawn into conversation.

"You really suck us dry?" Leah asked.

"Yes. There were ways of guarding against such eventualities in the past, but still the familiars decreased. Now they are all but extinct. The blame is ours."

"Extinct?" Quil muttered, but my boyfriend hushed him, ignoring the truth my grandmother was speaking.

She continued: "You do not feel like the others. Perhaps it might be different with you. Or perhaps not—perhaps I am right and our meeting today is the beginning of your end."

"Then you are seriously underestimating us," Jacob promised.

The four people behind him nodded as one, the unison perfect, their expressions identical. The violence I associated with them made sense now; I berated myself for not noticing before. They were a small army—and they didn't like to lose.

"You don't even know what you're up against, you fools."

Despite her words, her hostility was fading. Magic was mostly about finding the right state of mind; Grandmother spent decades of her life trying to encourage people to throw themselves at the mercy of a greater power and trust it would help them when they called. I think she had just started to suspect what I already knew. The people in front of her would have made excellent witches.

"We usually don't. It's never stopped us before."

They all gazed at her with the same interest and the same strength. The Coven had always prided itself on being the best guides; they were asking us to help them learn and she was tempted, very tempted. It helped that at the end of the day we were all concerned with protecting others.

She was letting herself see them, truly see them, see the auras around each of them, the blinding colours that shouldn't have been possible on a human. With her eyes closed she let herself reach out and touch the foreign power.

Jacob and Leah remained still as statues, Embry's hand tightened on mine, Quil gasped and Seth laughed. "Awesome," he declared.

Awesome was not the word she would have used, but Grandmother did not seem displeased. I think she was starting to like them.

"What else did Angela tell you about us?"

They told her and she believed. A bit of history, a hint of their power…but I didn't know enough to betray them too badly. The secrets of how the Coven helped and how it protected itself were still hers.

"There will be grave consequences if others learn of this," she promised them.

They promised silence except…

I watched my Grandmother's face as the werewolves explained about imprinting. Telling humans, telling a child, telling whatever-Nessie-was should have upset her the most and so I was wary. I don't think she was angry, though.

"So we have to tell our imprints," Jacob concluded. "We can't not tell them."

Something had changed.

"You should not have that power," she said slowly.

"Why not? We have paws instead of hands, half the time."

"Familiars can only affect themselves. That is why they are not our equals. Their power is limited, unless we draw it out of them."

"Imprinting doesn't affect the girls."

"You just said they would keep your secrets."

"Yeah, but…the legends say we can trust them. Not because we do anything to them."

She and Jacob watched each other for a long while; I don't think the rest of us were supposed to understand. They had to be sure, because they were trusting each other with the lives of the people they had sworn to protect. It wasn't something you rushed. After a moment, Jacob said, "Angela said it was like bonding?"

"I don't know."

Those were not words I heard from her often.

"What's bonding then?"

"It was something done only between a witch and her familiar. To increase their power their life forces were bound together. In essence, they shared everything. Increased vulnerability for increased strength."

"They'd die without each other?" Leah asked.

"Yes." Grandmother defended her ancestors. "It was voluntary. Always. I have never heard…perhaps you were right. We could learn much from each other."

"See?" Jacob grinned at her. "I'm usually right."

Embry snorted while Leah tried to subtly punch him in the arm. It didn't work—not when the sound reverberated throughout the room. Oh well. Grandmother wasn't paying attention.

"I will bring the matter before the others. I will tell them Angela has befriended you on my orders. You will have to answer many questions before they accept you, but I hope that they will agree to some kind of friendship."

"Just tell them to give us a chance," Jacob instructed. "We can do the rest."

"They cannot find about Angela's treachery," Grandmother replied. "You must have discovered us first."

"We could have figured it out," Leah said. "We always knew there was something funny about her and not just because she would willingly date Embry. And you…it's obvious with you."

"And she cannot be in a relationship until the Coven grants permission."

Embry nodded (I knew he would just assume that as long as the Coven didn't find out it was all right—I don't think I would change his mind).

"We'll protect her," Jacob promised. "Just give us a heads up before your friends roll into our town."

"That I will do. Now, may I be granted a moment to say goodbye to my grandchild?"

They didn't like it, I could tell, but Leah left the room first and Jacob decided to follow her lead. I suspected all five of them would be poised at the door, ready to burst through and tear Grandmother to pieces if she looked like she would harm me. I found it touching; I especially appreciated the kiss Embry placed on my cheek.

The two of us regarded each other for a long time when we were alone. I was hoping she didn't see a disappointment; I thought she was as beautiful and mysterious as ever and perhaps more tired than usual.

"I am sorry if you think I betrayed you."

"You did betray us. You were too old; I should have expected nothing less. Still…I think they will be glad to meet these shapeshifters."

"They're wonderful. He's wonderful."

"I see." She had seen more than I did, I was sure. You didn't get to be the head of any Coven by being unobservant. "They are not…perhaps they were right to call themselves werewolves. I have never felt familiars like that."

"You told me once there were Old Magics that the Coven had lost. Perhaps—"

"Yes. Perhaps."

We fell silent. She did not want to listen to me anymore; she wanted to leave. Her course of action had been decided and I was no longer to interfere.

"Come here, granddaughter," she beckoned and I went. Her arms were strong for an old woman, though I had to bend to reach her even if she was remarkably tall for a women her age.

"I love you and I'm sorry I failed you."

"That remains to be seen," she said generously.

I kissed her weathered cheek and then she kissed both of mine and teleported away.

"What the hell was that?" Quil asked as he climbed through the window. He was shaking

"What a rush," Seth said. He was climbing in through another window. I guess they hadn't been content to stand by the door. Only Embry and Leah came through that way. Jacob knocked on my kitchen window to let the others know he was coming, then walked around to the front door.

"So that was her tapping into our power?" Jacob asked. Embry came over, wrapping his arms around me. "She could have asked first."

"You don't ask before you make threats, idiot," Leah said flopping onto the couch beside Jacob. "You still think we can take her?"

Three men said yes—Jacob didn't even bother, just smirked. Overconfident or not, they were still mine. I relaxed against Embry and smiled since none of them seemed to be going.

"Angela?" It was Leah's voice which broke the silence. "Can I ask something?"

"I think she's told us enough for a lifetime," Embry said.

I waved his concern aside. "Ask, Leah. I can't promise to answer, but I'll try."

"You said you guys are mostly women, right? But there are some guys? How does that work? Is it like recessive or something or just…"

She trailed off, having no idea how to complete the thought. The answer was so simple I was surprised she hadn't thought of it. I had thought them more in tune; they still had some things to learn.

"Nature requires balance. I can take water from one place and move it to another, but I can't create it from nothing. The more powerful you are the better you are giving and taking without thinking. Some men have the talent because we can't all be women. That would be too imbalanced."

"I don't get it," Quil said.

"We need Leah," Embry interpreted. "If we didn't have her around, who would tell us to shower all the time?"

"And remind you to clean behind your ears," Seth teased.

"Seriously," Leah said. "I don't get it either."

I could only say, "I don't know how the process works. I just know that the importance of balance is one of the first things we're taught."

"Guess they chose Leah for her soft touch," Embry said. But he was smiling at her and Leah smiled back. I guess she was didn't mind being one of the boys if it was because she was a girl.

With just a shift in posture, Jacob demanded everyone's attention. There was something so terribly young about him—about all of them. Only Leah didn't have the faintest hint of childhood about her, but that could have merely been her burning eyes. And yet…despite how terribly earnest and childish Jacob looked just then, he made me feel like he could protect the whole wide world.

"Anything else we can do for you?"

"You've all been wonderful." More accepting that I thought anyone could be. Then again, they always had struck me as people more comfortable rolling with the punches than planning a careful assault. "Thank you."

He shrugged. My gratitude was appreciated, but not necessary. They just liked helping. No wonder we got along.

"We'll tell the others soon," he said, "If you don't mind. We don't like keeping secrets from each other for long."

"I understand. Maybe Claire will start thinking I'm special, too."

Quil promised she already liked me while Embry kissed my cheek. I guess he already thought I was special.

There was something I had to ask. After this morning, I was pretty sure they would tell me, but I hated to be pushy. Still, I had to know.

"So…what is Nessie?"

"Half-vampire," Seth said without thinking. Jacob looked unhappy for a second, then rolled his eyes and let his subordinate continue, "Edward and Bella before she changed. Their honeymoon in fact, though you'll never get Edward to admit it."

"The Cullens are vampires," Leah said, realizing her brother had missed a step in the explanation. She didn't know I already knew. "They changed Bella almost seven years ago."

"_Wait." Jessica took a deep breath. I knew the info dump was hard for her. It had been almost impossible to live through. I had expected her to fall asleep at this part of the story though it helped explain the rest of it._

_I waited while she collected herself. It didn't take long._

"_Bella has a daughter? Edward's sister is really their daughter?"_

_After everything, this is what she chose to freak out about? Not the fact that they were vampires? Fear wasn't rational, I guess._

"_Yes. She was their daughter. It's why she had Bella's eyes even though she looked related to him."_

"_But she couldn't be seventeen then."_

"_She wasn't exactly seventeen. It gets kind of tricky if I try to explain it, though."_

"_Do I want to know?" she sighed._

"_Just…it's magic. She was turning eighteen very soon and Bella and Edward were vampires and that's all that really matters."_

"_Magic. Okay. Magic. Keep going."_

I had never understood why Bella had stopped talking to me once she transformed. She must have detested the thought of lying and thought I couldn't handle the truth. That hurt a little. I had tried so hard to show her I would support any decision she made, even if I thought...Grandmother said it was best not to get too close to the amber-eyed vampires, though she wouldn't have let me near them if they were too dangerous.

They weren't shocked that I already knew about the vampires; I guess we were becoming desensitized to surprises.

"You could tell she was different?" Jacob asked. The other four looked amused; they thought her differences obvious.

"I knew she wasn't normal. A human living with the vampires would be impossible. And it's hard to focus on anything else when she's around. It's like she's held together by magic. I've never felt anything like it. It's a little…seductive."

"Does this mean you can do to her what your Grandmother just did to us?" Jacob seemed very unhappy by this thought.

"I couldn't. I don't know about my Grandmother. I don't think so. Vampires…theirs is a dead magic. Nessie feels different from Edward or Bella, but she doesn't feel like the rest of you either. Whatever allowed dead magic to create a living child…"

Grandmother would be interested in the girl. Very interested. Jacob was right to frown. Perhaps what was why she had agreed to talk to them once she heard he was connected to a girl (though she wouldn't have known that she wasn't human…or maybe she had guessed. I didn't know).

"This is all so cool," Seth said.

"I'm surprised you're all friends with them," I said. It worked mostly like I expected. Quil, Embry and Leah cringed and Seth smiled. Jacob sighed and didn't look at any of his friends. "Even human can instinctively tell to stay away from them and you seem to know how dangerous they can be."

I could still hear Emily explaining that Sam would never allow her to go shopping with Bella.

"The only reason Sam allows them so close to our land is because she's my imprint," Jacob said.

"Telling Nessie is a bit of a problem," Leah said. "Once baby vamp knows, Papa vamp is going to know pretty fast."

"Edward can read minds," Seth burst out happily, not stopping to consider that maybe Edward would prefer if everyone didn't know. He was proud of his friend's ability, however complicated that made my life. "So if you've been around him, he already knows. And chances are he's told Bella. And maybe even Nessie."

"The dead can't—I can block vampire magic." That was one thing I was very adept at doing. "He shouldn't have been able to get anything out of my head. I can do the same to her, if she doesn't mind?"

Glancing at Leah for a second, Jacob said, "It'll be good for her, being able to keep her thoughts to herself."

"They might not like it."

He shrugged. "We'll tell them it's a werewolf thing we discovered. So that's Nessie and Claire, and you'll get back to us about the bonding thing and your Grandmother isn't going to kill us or disown you…anything else?"

Quil's eyes lit up. "Can we see a demonstration? Because that water thing was cool, but I want to see it in real life."

It probably wasn't the safest idea, but they all looked so eager that I couldn't help but nod.

Closing my eyes, I curled closer to Embry. I did the spell silently in my head; I suspected that Jacob's pack would be disappointed if the spell wasn't in awkward sounding Latin. English was boring, so I kept it in my head. As I chanted I watched as their face grew more and more impressed as the coffee table began to float off of the floor.

"Wicked," Quil muttered, running his hand underneath.

"I've seen better," Leah said. Embry growled at his friend, but playfully, which started her laughing wildly and coming towards me. Stranger and stranger she gave me a hug. "You better be worth this."

And then she was walking out of the door, still chuckling to herself. Jacob shrugged apologetically and promised to get in touch. Seth and Quil walked out and I was finally alone with Embry.

"You okay, Ang?" he asked.

"It's just…" He looked at me the way he always did, worshipful and loving. He looked at me as if nothing had changed. It turned out I didn't have to lie. "I think I'm okay."

"Good." Then he moved right along. "So, anyway, Friday night, do you want to come to the pack thing we were going to have?"

"Okay."

"And…I could give you a demonstration."

"A what?"

Embry grinned, almost bouncing in his seat. "Do you mind having a demonstration? I'll take you to La Push and show you around and—it'll be great."

"Okay." I was staring a little; he was just so excited. "That sounds good."

"Wear jeans Friday. I'm going to take you for a ride you're _never _going to forget."

Then he kissed me and in his eagerness the last lingering fear I had faded.


	26. Ch 25: You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet

Chapter 25: You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet

After school on Friday I had just finished getting home and putting on a pair of jeans before there came a knock on the door. Embry was standing there, still about to bounce out of his skin. He was wearing only a loose pair of shorts and he gave me a beaming smile.

"You should probably tie your hair back, too," he said, brushing the brown strands off my forehead. "There is going to be some serious wind night."

I pulled a hairtie off of the counter and did as he said. Today Embry was going to show me everything about his life and I was more than a little nervous. The last time he had tried this, we had been kicked out of a party. Besides, everything about his life was werewolves and that was a little intimidating, no matter how I looked at it. I kept picturing the Big Bad Wolf—and his teeth.

"Ready?" he asked.

I glanced up at his smiling face and nodded. He took my hand to pull me through the doorway, but stood back to watch as I locked the door. I placed my hand on the knob and concentrated for a second, then motioned for him to try it. Without using much of his strength, Embry tried and found the lock in place.

"So…we're both badass?"

"I'm badass. We have yet to see about you," I teased. We climbed into his car and started to drive to La Push. He explained there were too many people around here for it to be safe for the already infamous 'demonstration.'

He also explained why there were two packs even though the legends said there should only be one. In order to stop Sam and followers from attacking a pregnant Bella (they thought the half-vampire child might be dangerous), Jacob and the four of them had broken off from the pack. They were able to do this because Jacob was descended from the last Chief. When Jacob imprinted on Nessie, Sam had agreed to an alliance with the Cullens because werewolves wouldn't kill an imprint. It would bring unbearable pain to one of their own. Now there were two packs; Sam couldn't reunite the packs and Jacob wouldn't.

"Why won't Jacob unite the packs?"

"Why would you want to hang around all those assholes?" Embry shrugged. He had no idea. "It's probably just because Leah keeps telling him to do it and he's just being stubborn."

"Oh."

I was saved from coming up with anything more intelligent than that because we were there. The forest. I should have known.

"Come on, Angela," he urged. "You can do it. You won't have to walk far."

I got out of the car and followed him into the forest. It had been a week since we had gone for our fateful hike and I did not like thinking of our track record in this forest. Bad things had happened to me here. And muddy things, too. But Embry was practically glowing with love for it and that was enough to make me smile.

"There's lots of stuff I could tell you, but I sort of…I wanted to start by showing you me." He took a deep breath. "I want you to see me as a wolf."

Oh. "Wow. Okay."

"Are you sure? Because if you don't—"

"I do, Embry. I do. Show me, please."

My answer caused him to light up and he started quivering in excitement. "All right, first I'm going to take off my clothes. I'll transform and you'll get used to that and then after…you can grab my shorts and then climb on my back and hold on tight and I'll bring you on a run."

"A run?"

"You'll have to hang on tight, but it'll be worth it. It feels like you're flying."

Flying. Only the most powerful of us could do that. I could only smile in amazement as Embry waited for my reply. Slightly scared, but even more excited, I said, "Okay. Hurry up and take off your pants then."

Laughing, he did exactly that, letting his pants drop casually down and then stepping out of them.

And then he transformed.

One second I was looking at Embry, my incredibly tall, incredibly muscular, incredibly wonderful boyfriend and the next thing I knew I was staring at a werewolf. Embry. He was much bigger than I had expected, much bigger than the wolves I remember seeing in the Seattle zoo. His fur was gray with black spots that made him look like he had been kissed all over by an over-eager wolf mother…but his eyes were still the same familiar brown.

"Wow," I whispered, walking closer. I had never realized that werewolves were this big. He could look me in the eye, even though he was on all fours and I was a giantess. My hand was on his head, rubbing him behind his ears. His huge tongue came out and licked me and I laughed, kissing him on the snout. His fur was thick, but not too long and I rubbed him up and down his sides, until he began nudging me. It didn't surprise me to learn he was still ridiculously strong; I almost fell right over.

As I laughed, he pranced over and picked up a stick, bringing it over to me. He looked so excited at the prospect of a game, I couldn't stop laughing. My throw was dismal, but he bounded after that stick anyway.

"You're the handsomest werewolf I've ever seen," I told him as he proudly returned his prize.

He licked me again and then went and brought me his shorts. So it was time to go for a run. I took the shorts and tied them around my wrist to his bark of approval and then studied the giant beast in front of me.

It was a bit like mounting a horse and I had never tried to do that before in my life. With his nose he indicated a large rock that would help lessen the height difference. A little. Good thing there was enough fur for me to hang to as I tried to heave myself up. I managed after a lot of awkward sweating and a few prayers. With my legs wrapped around his back, I squeezed my knees tightly together and then said:

"Ready."

At first, he just walked forward. After I got the hang of holding on for dear life he slowly began to increase the pace, until the wind was howling around us and I couldn't see the trees as we ran passed, just a terrifying blur. It was insanity. But it was glorious. No wonder he could get to my house so quickly.

My arms began to ache, but he was moving too fast for me to catch my breath to scream at him to slow down. I squeezed my knees together instead.

It worked; he slowed. Then I found we had made it to one of the cliff tops. Space had been cleared for some sort of gathering and Embry tossed his head to let me know that I could get off him now. I slipped off; he disappeared back off into the woods.

"Embry!" He was already gone.

But I wasn't alone. Emerging from the trees was a russet wolf that was even bigger than Embry had been, bigger than a bear. At his side was a much smaller grey wolf. From their auras I could tell I was looking at Jacob and Leah. Jacob and Leah as wolves! Embry reappeared at my side, watching them approach me.

Seth was the next to emerge, a sandy coloured blur that circled happily around the first pair while they took turns nipping at him. Whatever game they were playing had him laughing, I was sure. Quil came a moment later; he didn't stay with the other three but bounded over to Embry, knocking right into him. It seemed that it was some sort of signal because Jacob came over, then Seth and then finally Leah, all three of them waiting for me to close the last little distance between us to touch them.

I petted them each slowly in turn (and Quil, when he finished his mock battle with my boyfriend). They were huge; I still couldn't get over it. Jacob had to be the size of a car and Seth wasn't much smaller. Was my magic supposed to help me against anything this size? I couldn't believe it.

After I had said hello to each of them they melted back into the trees, all except for Embry, who morphed back into a human being.

"What did you think?" he asked, scooping me up and spinning me around.

I giggled and then kissed him, telling him, "It was amazing. You're amazing. I can't believe those were your friends."

"I'm so glad you liked it," he said, taking the pants I offered him. He was cupping my face, gazing at me like I was precious. "You're…maybe we could do it again sometime?"

"Down boy," Leah called as she entered the clearing, wearing a loose dress. The men had beaten her out of the trees for they were already upon us.

"We're glad you liked it," Jacob said as he welcomed me with a hug. The other two did the same.

Leah said, "We're glad that Embry didn't drop you on the way. We were a little worried."

"Thanks, Leah. You're all heart."

As they scuffled, I turned back to Jacob. "So what's the occasion?"

"We're having a bonfire," he explained. "And this time it's our party so—"

"Sam can screw off if he wants too," Leah completed.

"It'll be great," Seth chirped. "The Elders are coming, too, and Mom, so you'll get to finally hear the stories."

I found myself swept up in their enthusiasm. "I can't wait."

* * *

The stories weren't exactly what I had expected them to be. I wasn't used to going to bonfires and listening to ancient stories, as a rule. Neither was I used to listening to stories about spirit warriors or Cold Ones. But Billy Black had a voice that was magic in its own way and he painted a world before me that I could easily step into.

And there was something about the expression on the faces near me…something in Billy's story made them feel connected to something much greater than themselves. No wonder I liked them.

"What did you think?" Emily asked as we sat around the fire. My boyfriend had left me as soon as the story finished. There was entertainment to organize, though he promised it would be perfectly safe (that's when I started worrying). There were only a few of us left around the fire, mostly women.

Nessie was tucked beside Rachel, trying to disappear into the shadows. The way the others stared at her when she approached had made me uncomfortable for her; I couldn't really blame her for trying to disappear now. I would have thought it cruel of Jacob to make her come, but he had explained she had insisted, eager to see me. She wasn't comfortable with the idea of magic, the little girl who was the closest to a purely magical being I had ever seen.

"I wish I could hear them again," I admitted. "It all went by too quickly."

"I have them written down if you'd like to borrow them," Emily offered.

I thanked Emily for her kindness as Kim patted my hand. They're treatment towards me hadn't changed at all, though I'm sure they had been told. Secrets didn't seem to bother any of them. "I'm so glad you know. It's so awful when the girls come around but don't know. I always feel terrible."

"I'm glad I know, too."

"Nothing like complete honesty to help a relationship."

I couldn't stop the blush, though only Kim would realize what she had been obliquely referring to—I said Embry and I would only get married when we could be completely honest with each other. Kim was right. That moment was here. Oh my.

The half-vampire interrupted my mental wedding planning. "Has your grandmother gotten back to you yet?"

"They take their time."

"No matter what she finds, Nessie," Emily said, "You'll still be a wolf girl."

"Nothing better," Kim said, smiling at me. She was very cheerful tonight—the baby was kicking and she and Jared thought every movement was miraculous. Most of the women around the fire agreed with Kim.

Not all of them.

"Leah's a wolf girl," Rachel snapped. "We're just wolf groupies."

"Rachel, that's not—"

She cut Kim off. "Of course, it's true. They go off and perform and we sit around and wait and then open our legs when they get back."

Any response Emily might have made was swallowed down when Paul came over to talk to his wife. He tried to sound as gentle as he could.

"You've had too much excitement for one night, babe. Let's go home."

"I'm fine." When he didn't believe her, she got defensive. "You go home if you want. I'm staying here."

"You're tired."

"Don't you presume to tell me how I feel, you overgrown—"

"Did you just yell at me?"

"Did you just interrupt me?" But instead of continuing her rant, Rachel just narrowed her eyes at her husband. "Why are you smiling?"

"You're hot when you're angry."

She blinked, too furious to say anything. Not that it would have mattered; I don't think Paul would have been able to stop smiling no matter what she said. Finally, she managed:

"I hope my brother tears you to pieces."

"Love you, too," he called as he went back across the fire. His wife watched him. For the first time since I had met her, Rachel looked like she knew where she was. "Jackass," she muttered. It didn't hide the fondness.

"Sorry," Kim mouthed. Later she told me I had been lucky; it used to be Paul started screaming back and then they'd end up doing something rather loudly in the forest nearby. I guess Rachel still wasn't completely better.

"Oh."

Nessie's exclamation brought our attention back to her. She coloured under the scrutiny, but asked, "They're going to fight?"

"Do they do anything else?" Rachel said proudly.

When Nessie hastily excused herself and none of the other women followed I hurried after her. Someone had to keep the girl company and as loathe as I was to do it, I did owe it to Bella.

She had only gone a few feet away. There wasn't anywhere else for her to go. The crowd of people (women and Elders by the fire, men off at the forest's edge preparing for...whatever they were preparing for) effectively trapped her in.

"Are you all right?" I asked.

She looked out over the water and answered the moon. "I don't like it when he fights."

"They fight each other?"

"They think it's fun."

She didn't.

"I'm sure if you asked Jacob—"

"And when he wouldn't let them continue it would reflect very badly on him."

"The two of us could go somewhere."

"Or we could go cliff jumping."

The two of us jumped at the unexpected masculine voice that had joined our conversation. Seth apologized for scaring us, but repeated his offer to take us cliff jumping.

"I'll pass," I hurried to say.

Nessie didn't seem any more enthused than I did. "Cliff jumping?"

"Yeah. It's awesome and I have no idea how you've managed to get out of it for so long. Let's go."

Seth's enthusiasm had always been infectious (thank goodness, or I might not have been quite as forgiving of Embry as I had been, in the beginning) because the girl started smiling back, even if her words suggested she was still unsure.

"No one's ever taken me because it's dangerous and stupid and pointless."

"Sounds awesome, right?"

She rolled her eyes, but in the face of his expectations she ended up blushing and nodding. He was beaming.

"Ready then?"

All the werewolves seemed not to have a concept of personal space, so it was obvious just how little Seth was managing to touch her as he maneuvered her to the edge of the cliff. Because she didn't like it? Or because Jacob didn't? He managed well, nonetheless; they were right at the edge of the precipice when she looked back at me.

"It's better than the fighting." To Seth she wondered, "Is there a way to get down that doesn't involve me jumping off?"

"You're not going to like it."

But when she didn't look convinced, he burst into laughter and obliged her request. Tossing her like she was nothing (she was smaller than me; she probably didn't even register to the werewolves) Seth threw her right over the cliff. She managed one very loud shriek before she disappeared over the edge. Seth then leaned backwards, falling back over the edge with customary werewolf grace.

I hoped the girl was all right.

"She's got great lungs on her," I heard my boyfriend say as he and Jacob came back into the clearing. Jacob punched him in the arm, but he was laughing. Leah was following behind them with a clipboard and a whistle.

"Pigs," she snarled.

But Jacob wrapped his arm around her and she leaned into him, annoyed but allowing the closeness because Nessie wasn't around to see it.

The other men appeared from nowhere, wearing only shorts. Oh my goodness. I felt rather guilty but they were all just so…perfect. However you liked your men muscled, there was someone for you to look at.

I preferred the more lithe version, with rounded muscles I knew would quiver if I ran my fingers over them. Embry caught me looking and ignored the bets being made around him for half a second. Then the lure of the money was too strong.

Seeing as no one seemed to care if Nessie was actually all right, just how she would do in a fight once she got back, I concentrated on trying to find her. Eavesdropping on two familiars ten feet away from me was one thing. It took me a lot longer to mentally locate and concentrate on a werewolf and the strange energy that was the half-vampire.

"Jacob or Leah?"

"You're such an only child. Leah. Obviously."

"I think Jacob would protest at how quickly you came to that decision."

"If he's the reason you're leaving me in a burning building to die, then he can get over it. Bella or Edward?"

"I can't save both of them?"

"That's the whole point, Ness."

"Neither, then."

"You'd leave both your parents to die?"

"No matter who I'd save they'd be devastated to learn the other died in the process. They'd be miserable and would try…they would succeed soon enough. There would be no point in trying to save one if I couldn't save the other. Better to help those outside recover. Don't you agree?"

"…yeah. I guess. Your turn."

"Me or my father?"

"You think your dad would ever forgive me if I let you burn to death?"

"So you always save the child and let the parent die? Oh. It sounds a little more obvious when you put it like that. Hey—I could use that excuse to save you."

"I'm not Jacob's kid."

"But you are part of his pack and if you died, what would he do then? Put Embry or Quil in charge?"

Her laughter was warm and even though she squealed a second later, I knew she wasn't in any trouble. No trouble she wouldn't enjoy, anyway. I was not spy; I broke the connection just in time to have Kim grab my hand.

"I hate this part," she muttered. I guess Nessie wasn't the only one. "I hope Jared remembers he promised only one time tonight."

It turned out the half-vampire hadn't been exaggerating. The entertainment for the rest of the evening turned out to be fighting. Lots of fighting. A space was cleared and the Elders and us women were arranged far from the cliff. Then two werewolves entered the clearing and Leah held up her clipboard.

"Go!"

They put Leah in charge because she called the fighting stupid (in between cheering, of course). Someone also had to calculate the odds quickly because the men were impatient between rounds. They were too good at trash-talking, I thought.

Emily cheered a bit and a lot of the younger girls were betting just as heavily as the guys. But I was with Kim. It was a little bit terrifying. When the two men hit each other I could feel the earth move under me. They were also moving so fast I could barely figure out who the competitors were before someone was being declared the winner and the next pair was brought in.

The losers all seemed in good cheer, so I guess I couldn't complain. Everyone ate between fights and it made their laughter louder. There wasn't much booze ("no point" Emily explained when I asked, "We can't afford to get them drunk") but there was a festive atmosphere.

Embry only fought twice, for which I was thankful for. Jared beat him, but he thoroughly trounced Ryan.

"You could have been a little nicer," I told him as he came over to visit me after his win. I could see what the fight had done to him, what it was doing to most (though not all) of them. He didn't want us to stay; he wanted to go home and show me just how much of a winner he was.

"It'll do him some good. So what do you think?"

"I think being a werewolf is a little different from what I expected."

"No vamps to hunt tonight."

He said it casually, but I felt my heart stop. They werewolves were gigantic and strong but…vampires? Did he not know what vampires could do?

"You hunt vampires?"

"It's why we phased." It was so obvious to them they hadn't bothered to tell me. "We fight vampires. Not the Cullens, obviously, but the others. The dangerous ones. That's why we have to keep practicing."

Practicing didn't need to involve betting, but Embry laughed. "We all owe each other so much money it doesn't matter. Now watch. I've got money on Collin."

He was disappointed five minutes later when Collin limped away from Alex who seemed happily surprised by his own win.

The undisputed winner of the night, however, was Jacob. No one came close to beating him and he only fought one on two or even one on three. The odds they gave for someone beating him were long; they bet on how long it would be before he won, instead. He probably could have torn his brother-in-law into pieces before I noticed the fight had started (not that he had the opportunity because Rachel faded fast after Paul lost his fight to Sam and they left soon afterwards).

As long as I didn't look at Leah, I was fine. But when I watched her I knew she shared my boyfriend's views on fighting—it was all just foreplay. Her lips were parted as she watched the fights, her breathing coming shorter. Her body moved in time, imagining she was right there with him.

And when Jacob won he always seemed to phase back right in front of her, smirking; it really wasn't polite with all of us watching. I was a little afraid they would simply go at it one of these times and I had no faith that the rest of them would stop them. They would probably just gather around and take bets about which one would come first.

"Can anyone come close to Jacob?" I asked Embry.

He laughed happily. "No one. Not even close. Seth's closest in height and weight, but even that's always a short fight. He's just too damn good. Usually he let's Leah fight instead."

"Instead?"

"No one wants to have both of them in our heads when they get like this. If Nessie's bothered to come we have to find a way to get rid of her for a while because she just turns redder and redder and some of the younger guys start worrying her head's going to pop off."

I guess I wasn't the only one who noticed the way Leah's eyes were shining and the way she kept watching his gleaming chest instead of the fights she was calling. It was their prerogative.

There was noise from behind me, though Embry didn't even turn around. He just called up, "Took you long enough."

"What was the rush?" Seth said as he settled beside us. He was still slightly wet but he didn't complain as he stole some of the food off of Embry's plate.

I could see Nessie circling the crowd, watching the exit more than the competitors. Still, she made her way to Jacob's side. She had tied her wet hair up but the water had plastered her shirt to her in a way all the younger boys were openly appreciating. One look from Jacob as he greeted her settled the matter. The boys looked anywhere else.

Embry continued talking to Seth, "I can't believe you missed Collin and Alex. It was a good one."

"I can catch the repeat in your head. Besides, I wanted to grab some black berries."

"Did you bring any back for the rest of us?"

"Get your own. How you doing out here, Ang?"

"Good. Is it…" No new competitors were being led out. I didn't dare hope. "Is it over?"

"We got something special for the finale," Embry said with a laugh, clapping a hand on Seth's back. The younger man groaned; I think he knew his friends too well. "But there's one more before then."

Two figures had entered the ring. Nessie was shaking her head at Jacob, but Leah was pulling her along regardless.

"Are they…?"

They were. The two women were going to fight. I couldn't believe it, but then Jacob said go and Leah flew at Nessie and so it began. Nessie was on her back remarkably quickly.

She was still blinking with surprise as Leah pinned her arms above her. So that's why Leah had to be the one to fight the half-vampire. While the werewolf fights had clearly been something out of a horror novel this looked like two humans, a heavily muscled woman with almost half a foot on the slender teen. Nessie had almost disappeared from view under Leah. Confused as she was, she had never looked younger and Leah looked her real age. At least it wasn't one of the men; that would have looked just too threatening, even if everyone kept reassuring me the girl was the stronger of the two.

Most of the boys were booing. Nessie wasn't trying. Jacob was kneeling beside the two women, talking to the girl, trying to get her to fight. Eventually, Leah herself leaned over and said something in her ear that rest of us couldn't hear. Nessie rolled her eyes, sighed, and then almost sent Leah flying as she bucked her hips. I guess the fight had started.

They grappled for a moment; I think Leah's greatest difficultly was trying to contain someone so much smaller than the men she usually fought. Nessie simply couldn't figure out how to get out from underneath Leah, unable to leverage her strength into an advantage.

Then she managed.

"Cheater," some of the younger boys hissed. "She can't use her powers!"

She was on top now and Leah's eyes had gone completely unfocused though she was growling at something. Jacob waved a hand, allowing it.

"Embry, what's happening?"

"Nessie can make people see things that aren't there," he explained, eyes still glued to the two women. "All she has to do is touch you and she can show you whatever she wants."

That explained some of the power I felt coming off of her. Their lack of discretion also made me nervous all over again. Then again, if I was in, I was in, they would say, so why should they hide anything from me?

In the ring Leah wrapped her hand in the red-brown hair of her opponent and tugged.

It worked. Nessie was soon underneath her again. Beside Embry, Seth sighed. "Leah's going to regret that one later. Too cheap, too quick."

It was like watching firelight. Each moment brought a new picture to my eye, something beautiful and dangerous, but nothing ever quite fit with the moment before. They were simply moving too fast. Leah couldn't see at all it seemed, but Nessie had almost no experience with this kind of fighting and she couldn't figure out how to adapt the way Leah could. What the werewolf could do by touch the half-vampire couldn't figure out how to counter with both eyes wide open.

"So which one of them is mad at me?" Seth asked Embry.

"Who said—" Embry didn't bother to deny it, though I wasn't sure what had sparked their conversation. "I don't know about your sister, but Jacob's pissed you threw his imprint off a cliff."

"He told me—did he want her to stay?"

"No. But he also didn't want you throwing her off a cliff. I don't know why you're worried; after this, he'll go easy on you."

"And why do the rest of us have to watch Jacob's wet dream with him?"

A glance around suggested Seth wasn't too far off base. The younger boys were positively drooling while the married men were still watching with too much interest—and Embry could quit staring quite so hard. My elbow told him as much.

But Seth wasn't the only one who didn't find his sister fighting the half-vampire arousing.

Jacob was watching the fight with none of his previous eagerness. In fact, he looked cold as he surveyed the scene, the redhead still unable to get the other woman off of her. It was the first time all night I actually believed Embry when he said they were practicing. Jacob simply wanted to make sure Nessie knew how to defend herself.

She couldn't; Leah won.

Leah got off the younger girl, then helped Nessie to her feet, fussing over her clothing and hair. Jacob was giving pointers in a low voice, while Nessie tried to assume her regular serene expression. It wasn't working too well.

Unlike the men, she wasn't a happy loser. I guess it came with being a reluctant participant.

"Finale!" one of the boys called out. It ended the conversation in the middle of the circle. Leah had her arm around Nessie's waist, leading her out of the ring while ordering her brother to get up. Seth did not look happy about this turn of events (if his defeat was already certain I couldn't blame him) but he got up.

"What did you pick?" he asked Embry. Across the clearing Jacob had moved to face him. Both were stripping down.

"Ten minutes."

"You're optimistic tonight."

"Just had money to throw away, kid."

Then Leah shouted go and it began.

One second there were two men standing across from each other looking so similar I would have sworn one was the reflection of the other. The next second there was the sound of tearing flesh and then thunder as they hit each other, a red and yellow blur that I supposed was the two biggest werewolves tearing into each other.

The other fights I had trouble following; watching Leah and Nessie had been fragmented; I couldn't even follow this. The loud noise terrified me, cannons booming and monsters growling, and the sight was nothing I could watch. They were simply too fast—that was how you killed vampires.

If Embry had brought me here tonight to show me that the werewolves could protect me, he had succeeded. I couldn't imagine anything getting past the monsters in the middle.

Since I couldn't watch the fight itself I watched faces of those around me instead. Leah was wearing Jacob's expression from the previous fight; her face was cold, though occasionally she shouted something. She was following every move, jerking her body along, critiquing as she went. I could almost see her at the side of a boxing ring, with a pail and a towel, waiting for her fighter to finish so she could give a pep talk. Which one she would go to…that I didn't know.

Beside her Nessie was making herself watch, but it wasn't her face that interested me, though she was white underneath the mud on her face. Her hands were inside a box—she was pulling bandages out of a first aid kit as the fight went on. There had been some damage during the other fights, but they had required a band aid or a quick popping of dislocated bones. I hoped the girl was just worried.

Quil's face I found most interesting. He was not watching the action. He was watching Sam and the way the other man was a little paler than usual, the way his eyes were glued to the action.

Seth didn't last ten minutes. Eight and a half minutes later, Leah declared the match over. Nessie handed over the bandages and Leah went to her brother, who had phased back but was refusing to get up, claiming to be dead.

He and Jacob were laughing together. Or they were, until Leah came up to them.

Quil managed to clear the people away. Embry took my arm and together we headed to the middle of the clearing; I glanced back, happy to see that Emily was offering Nessie some water with which to clean herself off.

"Sloppy Seth," Leah snapped. "When you bite your opponent, you press your damn advantage. You don't back off apologizing."

"He only apologized twice," Jacob said with a grin. Seth flipped him off; Leah got even angrier.

"Practice matters, idiot. You can't just turn it on. Either you want to win or you don't."

"Maybe I don't want to win." He was taking it back before anyone had a second to respond; the response wouldn't have been favorable. "Kidding. I just…I can't pretend I'm not fighting Jake and I don't want to hurt him. Sorry."

"Don't be sorry. Be better," Leah ordered.

Jacob looked at Embry and something passed between them that made Embry turn us around before we could say anything. I guess they didn't need us. I can't say I was that surprised when my boyfriend lead me into the trees. Let the rest of them go over the fight to their heart's content. Embry was as excited as he had been when he first shown up at my door and this time there was no reason for his hands not to wander.

Later—

_"I hate your damn laters. Have a mentioned that lately?"_

_"Yes, Jess."_

"I can't believe no one heard that," Embry muttered into my skin as he held me to him for one last moment before helping me down.

"I have my ways."

"Witchy ways?"

It excited him, I could tell, so I laughed and admitted it. "Sound is pretty easy to control, for me. It's one of my talents."

"You have a lot of talents."

"So do you."

We just gazed at each other stupidly for a second before he frowned. "How did you like tonight?"

I didn't lie. "It kind of terrified me. Couldn't someone get seriously hurt?"

"They'd recover pretty fast. I know it looks like we're just horsing around but it's necessary, Angela. We have to…we have to."

"Okay."

I didn't understand then, but I would understand soon enough.


	27. Ch 26: Adding to the Noise

Chapter 26: Adding to the Noise

The Coven wanted to haul the werewolves in to appear before a tribunal, but they were worried about having that sort of power within an inner sanctuary. After thousands of years, they would hate to be destroyed over a few familiars. It was Grandmother who suggested an informal meeting on neutral territory. She was thinking of someplace between Seattle and Forks. The werewolves heard neutral territory and decided to invite the members of the Coven to Sue's for a Sunday lunch.

To my surprise, the Coven accepted. I guess I shouldn't have underestimated the power of a home-cooked meal.

"Your mom doesn't have to do all this," I told the Clearwaters.

Seth laughed. "Aw, Emily's going to organize most of it."

"Plus, we're all helping," Leah said.

And that was that.

I think it might have been the guests that persuaded my grandmother to accept the invitation. Holding a meeting in public would force everyone to be on their best behaviour. Having the most important people in the shapeshifters' lives sit down with them meant that no one would try anything. I was a little uncomfortable using the women of La Push as buffers, but they didn't even blink at the thought.

Only Kim was a little worried and not about whether lunch would turn into a hostage situation. "Your friends will like us, right?"

The two of us had been kicked out of the kitchen, where Sue and Emily were waging a silent war over who got to be in charge, so we were setting the tables in the backyard. The men were trying to set up a tent to keep the sun off of everyone while trying not to scruff up the clean clothes they had been forced into (that part wasn't going so well—they just couldn't stop pushing each other into the earth).

"Of course they will."

"Good." She had to pause a moment, when the baby started to kick. Jared went to her and since Sam had come with him, he ended up helping me.

If Sam hadn't agreed, Jacob had told me, they never would have met with the Coven. It hadn't been easy, Leah sighed, because Sam was not comfortable with the idea that there were more supernatural creatures in the world. There was no place in their legends for witches; but there was for magic, so he relented, in the end.

He didn't ask me anything, for which I was grateful. I was already feeling pulled in too many directions today.

"There's just three of them coming, right?" Emily asked as she came by to take her daughter from her husband. I swear she had asked me (or had gotten various other women to ask me) once every ten minutes. I had no doubt that if a dozen more representatives of the Coven showed up, Emily would be able to feed them easily.

"Just three."

"They're very trusting," Sam said as he shook of his wife. He could hear the boys screaming inside (his sons and Paul's) and he wanted to keep little Francine with him. But though he seemed preoccupied with his daughter, I couldn't help feeling like he was watching me, waiting for my response.

I hated being in the middle like this, judging if it would be a fair fight or not. Grandmother was bringing Hilda, whose family had escaped from the old world on the _Mayflower_, or so the legend went. Her daughters were already more powerful than most witches could hope to be, though neither girl had hit puberty. Rina was the third chosen, probably for her youth and possibly because Grandmother knew she already knew too much about me and the familiars. The three of them were all powerful in their different ways, but Hilda especially would feel confident in her ability to handle all threats. Not that offensive power would be their primary concern. They would teleport away in the face of danger—which was why the fewer of them there were, the better it was.

"Yes," I told Sam. "They are trusting."

"Because they can afford to be?" Jared asked for him. Embry once told me that Sam and Jared were Jacob and Leah as they were supposed to be. They were friends and brothers and trusted each other with their lives, but at the end of the day they went home to different lives. I bet Leah would have hated that, the suggestion that her sex made everything more complicated than it had to be (though I bet she wouldn't have been surprised at the news).

"Behave," Leah snapped as she walked past. Calling out to the assembly, she asked, "Everybody remember the rules?"

"No swearing, no fighting, no phasing," the men all recited dutifully.

"And no stupid ass comments, Embry."

"I resent that," my boyfriend called from across the yard.

The conversation devolved quickly into a round of betting over who would destroy the talks with the Coven first. It was not reassuring.

At least my sisters weren't late.

Hilda greeted Sue warmly, thanking her for hosting. Sue was cordial back, though she didn't seem to approve of Hilda's frosted highlights. Sue was more comfortable with Grandmother—and completely unimpressed with Rina.

Maybe, like my parents, she disapproved of the tattoos (probably not, since Sue had a few herself). Maybe Leah had told her mother that Rina had presumed to tell her what to do. Maybe it was just because Rina was incapable of faking enthusiasm and failed to produce the real thing.

While she had been the best teacher a girl could have (and her use of sarcasm might have been why I had been able to survive Leah for as long as I had when I first met the shapeshifter) part of me knew that she was too prickly and defensive, sometimes. She had learned there was a steep price for misplaced trust and it wasn't a lesson she could forget.

But Hilda was an excellent choice by the Coven. Her curiosity and warmth would endear her to the crowd gathered—and if they endeared themselves back, she and Grandmother would be able to sway all those who had to be swayed.

"If you don't mind," Jacob said, "We'd like to save the business talk until after we've eaten."

Grandmother agreed. Hilda said it smelt delicious

"Would you like to sit together?" Emily asked.

"Whatever would be easiest for you," was the response she got.

Kim and I had set the tables, Emily might have organized them, but the call was Jacob's. He sat Hilda between Jared and himself, my grandmother between Sam and Leah, and Rina between Seth and myself. It should have been someone from Sam's pack, but they didn't trust Paul (Paul didn't trust Paul) not to ruin everything in a fit of temper, Kim was too frightened, Rachel was too sick and Sam was too worried about her safety to let Emily near the foreign power.

I was prepared to do everything I had to in order to convince my friend that the familiars were not what she thought, though it turned out I didn't have to do much work. Seth's ability to make friends far outweighed his inability to keep his mouth shut around said friends. While I don't think Rina would ever feel comfortable enough to trust him, in no time at all I think she liked him. Across the table from me Embry rolled his eyes at Seth.

When the Coven agreed to a meeting it was also made known to me that they knew of my relationship with a familiar and would accept it, for now. If something went wrong, they would say they told me so (I wasn't sure what Grandmother had to do to get her way on that; I felt a little guilty for taking advantage of her position). Jacob sat us apart so we wouldn't rub it in the Coven's face. Everything Jacob did was for a purpose, like the way he sat Paul and Emily around Rachel, so they could make sure she was all right.

In the commotion of lunch, Bella's daughter showed up. Jacob hadn't wanted to let her come, but he hadn't refused her request after she promised not to ask any questions. She was curious about us. Rina, who was closest to her, eyed her up but I hoped that it would be dismissed as a result of the girl's obvious beauty.

Nessie kept her word; even when Seth tried to draw her into conversation, she was mostly silent. It was unnerving; almost as unnerving as the way Hilda was watching her.

I would have to keep an eye on Nessie.

* * *

After lunch had been devoured (Grandmother was still in shock over the food consumed and Hilda was laughing over the indigestion her eating contest with Jared had given her), Jacob's face grew serious. They all seemed to follow his lead. Silence descended.

"I guess it's time," Hilda said. "Would you like to start? We're eager to hear you're stories."

Sam, who had once refused to let me hear them, nodded now. The last time the werewolves had encountered an unknown supernatural, they had been mistaken about it, Leah said ("I mean, Sam's a bastard a lot of the time and he still hates the Cold Ones, but he does feel guilty about trying to kill Nessie all those years ago since she didn't grow up into a bloodsucking psycho"). Sam would not be mistaken again, so he was doing everything Jacob asked of him today.

Sue wasn't an Elder, but she had the voice for storytelling, even if she wasn't as skilled as Billy Black had been. It was a valiant effort (one she made after helping plan an eighteen person dinner party with two days' notice) and that was all that mattered.

The witches did not ask after the Cold Ones—nor did they ask how dangerous it made the werewolves, being made to fight vampires.

"Wonderful," Hilda said, eyes unfocused. She was talking to Grandmother, I think. They were both concentrating too hard on something no one else could hear.

"Your turn," Jacob said.

"We have something to confess, first," Hilda began, "Our stories are not as well remembered as yours. We have forgotten many, I fear. Though some we recover."

"We're not going to like this," Paul deduced, loudly.

"Rina has been looking through our archives for us."

Seth started clapping—he was the only one. Rinah seemed amused and grateful, while Quil threw a napkin at him. She was nervous as she stood up.

Studying the archives was a great honour. The archives had been maintained for as long as the Coven had existed under all its various names, long before anyone lived in this land. I had been inside only once and that was only because of Grandmother's position. The enormous room felt like it existed outside of time and space, but that was beyond our powers, even if it was carefully protected and preserved by over a millennium of magic.

The papers in the archives were worn and usually written, if written in a language that was still read, in a highly stylized script that was difficult to read unless you had the training for it. It contained old legal notices and lists of names of people who should not be forgotten, but whose presence could not transcend the many years past or even the dust on the shelves.

It was left to Rina to tell the story of the pages now.

"The Coven's strict structures were not borne out of a needless superstition," Rina began, reading off her cue cards, "But out of a millennium of struggle. Those who achieved great power were not always satisfied. Though the Coven was made to help, to heal and to protect, there were some who tried to bolster their own selves at the cost of others. The Coven would not allow this imbalance to occur.

"A long time ago, a group sprang up to challenge the Coven here in the New World, where their resources were fewer and their magic weaker. The Coven turned to the men who had lived on the land before them, men with a magic they did not understand but could use to make themselves stronger. Their enemies were defeated and the Coven gave Taha Aki their thanks."

"Are you serious?" Leah's face was beaming, though all of them lit up.

"It wasn't just distrust that kept us from your land. There was also, once, a treaty." This was the first I had heard of it; until Rina had rediscovered it, I doubt even Grandmother had remembered. There were just too many treaties and contracts and alliances.

"In return for their help," Rina said, "The Coven offered the tribe their choice of reward. The men wanted neither long-life, which their own magic gave them, nor wealth as the Coven understood it, but they did make two requests. First, they wished to be left alone. And so the Coven helped their reputation fade into legend."

"How does that work?" Sam asked.

Rina turned to my grandmother. Hilda could control the elements without thought, Rina could fix even the most broken of bodies, but Grandmother was most adept at manipulating the mind.

"That is how it has always been done," Grandmother said slowly, unsure of how much she wanted to reveal. "When exposure threatens, we erase what could cause harm. Your ancestors did not want the burden of their reputation and so we helped the rest of the world to forget it. All but a select few."

"Mind rape."

He said it respectfully though the words were anything but.

"We always ask first," Rina snapped. The Coven's power had helped her in the past, saved her, maybe, and she did not appreciate his observation. "It is our law. Perhaps you should make one about keeping your claws to yourself."

She didn't know that Emily's face was Sam's fault, just that the claw marks were obviously not from one of nature's creatures. But like Leah had accidentally guessed what would hurt her most, Rina stumbled upon the one thing that ensured Sam did not speak for the rest of the meeting.

"We have learned," Grandmother said, "Those who tremble at the knowledge of our existence are usually quite happy to forget. We merely helps them become what they want."

The debate was cut short by a lilting voice.

"It's like venom."

Everyone turned to Edward's daughter, who blushed under their scrutiny.

"What was that?" Hilda asked in her best mothering tone. It worked. Nessie repeated herself and even added, "The way vampires forget their human lives."

"It is similar," Grandmother agreed. "In both cases the living memories are attacked by something quite the opposite, dead magic, or magics created specifically to negate them."

"As interesting as this is," Jacob interrupted, "Could we finish the story first? Then we talk about how to erase people's minds and any moral problems we may or may not have."

Rina glared for a second, but resumed her tale when it didn't seem to affect him any.

"Taha Aki and his people would not be bothered by the outside world and they would not be bothered by the Coven. We stayed away from their land. Until their descendants requested otherwise." She sneered a little, but Jacob pretended not to notice.

"But first, the Coven did Taha Aki one last favour.

"There were some Taha Aki did not want to keep secrets from. There was a beloved, young wife and like many passionately in love, she was eager to speak of her love. He would not let us make her forget; instead, he requested a ceremony that would still her tongue. Out of love for him, she agreed. Two other members of his tribe elected to have the ceremony performed on those they believed might speak. The rest of the tribe forgot the wolves were their brothers and the stories were allowed to pass into legends."

It took them a moment to figure out why she was telling them this.

"So you're responsible for us imprinting?" Jacob asked slowly.

"No," Rina snapped. "Our ceremonies have never been hereditary. We performed a spell that was requested of us; what happened afterwards was not our fault."

"Though we should have remembered that familiar magic is unpredictable at best," Hilda said. "For that we are sorry."

"I don't get it," Quil said. I think he spoke for all of them.

"There once was _a_ spell," Hilda said, "And you can do what we have never seen familiars do. But we aren't sure it's because of us. Your ancestors were secretive about their powers. Perhaps it was always in them. Or perhaps something new was created when our magic and yours was forced together."

"Rina's still looking for answers," Grandmother said. "There will be something in the archives and it will help us to understand once she finds it."

"What's there to understand?" Jared asked. "If our ancestors really did ask you to do whatever it is you did, then it's done."

"The Coven does not hurt," Grandmother declares. "It heals."

"We offer apologies for any interference," Hilda said.

Rina concluded: "And we will make up for any damage we caused."

Balance was the way of the Coven—in more ways than one. They would fix what was awry.

"If we don't want your help?" Jacob asked.

"Then you will not have it. You have our word on that," Hilda promised. "But for our own peace of mind, we wish to know what we did so it will not happen again. After that, if you so choose, it will be as if you never met us."

"I think it's time for desert," Emily said, rising from the table.

And that was that.

* * *

The witches lingered after desert. Grandmother and Sue cleaned up the dishes while bonding over descendants who were going about things in the wrong way; I think it helped my grandmother to articulate her disappointment, even if she still loved me. It seemed Sue understood, disliking what your children did and yet loving them all the more fiercely for it.

Hilda left first, while Rina stayed awhile longer to talk to Seth. When she left, Leah smacked her brother on the back of the head as he showed off the phone number written in his arm.

"_You mean she's not a lesbian?"_

"_Excuse me?"_

"_I thought Rina…she seemed to hate guys."_

"_She doesn't hate anybody. She just…she has a hard time trusting people so it gets mistaken for dislike sometimes. That's all."_

"_Oh." A scowl settled over Jessica's face. "So she _was_ fawning over my husband?"_

_It was probably safer for Rina if I didn't answer that question. She might have been more powerful than I was, but she would still be powerless against an angry Jessica Newton._

"_Continuing…"_

"I can't believe you," Leah laughed at her brother. "Do you ever think with your _brain_?"

"Hey, I was just furthering witch/werewolf relations," he protested. It would have been more believable if he hadn't started laughing afterwards.

"Going to try to further them a lot more, I bet," Embry said.

The werewolves cracked up; those of us who did not laugh at danger stayed quiet.

"She's probably just trying to use you," I said. I hated having to say it, but I needed to protect him. "If they're leaning on her for answers, she'll be getting desperate. Experimenting with a familiar would let her—"

"I think he'd be okay with her experimenting on him," Quil joked. It set them off again. It was rather impressive how many puns relating to witches and wolves you could make.

But Seth found my afterwards. "She wanted to make sure we had another way of contacting them. It's a business line, she said."

"Oh. Well, good."

"Thank you for worrying, Angela. I promise not get turned into a toad."

His mother called him away before I could explain transfiguration was beyond us. I was quickly distracted by Paul's approach. We hadn't spent any time alone together, but despite the violence of the cliff top demonstration, I wasn't scared.

"The witch stuff freaks me out," he stated bluntly. "But Rachel thinks it's kind of cool."

He rolled his eyes and seemed surprised I didn't agree that the 'witch stuff' was freaky.

"Okay."

"And, well, uh…she said you guys are always taking about healing and protecting. She said that means you could…we were hoping…" He hated having to say it, having to ask for help, especially having to ask me for help. But he asked. "We need you to help her."

"Excuse me?"

"Vamps, fine. Witches, sure. But I don't do zombies and that's what it feels like nowadays. Rachel's not like that. Not really. It's not her and I—I miss her." He said it without the bravado that filled the rest of his speech; it was all very simple. He wanted his wife back. "Our bathroom is starting to look like a pharmacy, but even with the drugs most days are bad days and…could you just…can you fix her?"

"Paul…it doesn't work that way. I can heal bones and flesh, but I can't…" I could. Maybe not quickly, but I could help her. Rina, who was a better healer than I was by far, would have struggled and failed to eradicate depression (assuming that's what it was). My grandmother had taught me more about the mind. I couldn't cure Rachel—but I could help her.

This was why the Coven didn't like telling people.

There were things we could do that others couldn't, but we couldn't do them for everyone. How could we decide who was worthy and who wasn't? We couldn't. We weren't that powerful. So we kept our secrets and kept our distance and that was that.

But I could help her.

It would be such a small thing and it would make such a huge difference. My grandmother had been right about me, I think. By not growing up with them, I missed learning how to think like them. Paul's stammered request should have been ignored—but it was not in me to do that.

Besides, hadn't the Coven just said we owed them?

"There's a brew I could make," I began slowly. The hope that appeared in his eyes was all the thanks I needed. There was no way I could have crushed that. "It wouldn't do much, understand, not for a while, but if she takes it every day...she should improve."

He couldn't stop the grin that burst across his face, but he tried to manage it as we set about discussing details.

* * *

Embry came over later that night. He had to work ridiculously early the next morning, but he was so quiet it when he climbed out of bed in the morning I rarely woke up. So there really was no point in not having him stay over.

Later, I asked him if I had been right to help. He only shrugged one massive shoulder.

"Your call. If you don't want to help, I can probably take Paul."

"I want to help."

"I know."

"I just…I have to help," I finished.

"I know." He kissed me lightly. "I know way too well. I almost got myself killed for the Cullens and believe me that was not something I wanted to do. I just...we had to."

My mind was still on the ingredients (the ingredients that were expensive and hard to come by) that I would need for Rachel when Embry spoke again.

"What do you think your friends will do for us? If it turns out…I don't even know."

"If they conclude they are responsible, they'll offer you whatever you ask for. As long as it doesn't hurt anyone, they'll give you anything, really."

"Sam might even like that." He snorted. "Maybe. Depends on if we have to change the stories or not, I guess."

"So what would you ask for if you could have anything in the world?"

"I just want you."

I laughed. He growled. Somehow he ended up back on top of me, nibbling on my neck as I giggled.

"Good."

I let his distract me from all the ways I was afraid the Coven might hurt them (accidentally, the way the spell had changed, accidentally, but hurt nonetheless). It turned out I was wrong to worry about what my sisters might do.

It was the vampires I should have been worrying about.


	28. Ch 27: Waiting on an Angel

Chapter 27: Waiting on an Angel

The vampires attacked the first week of August. There were six of them and they caught everyone off guard.

But I only found that out later.

When the phone rang in the dead of night, I wasn't thinking about vampires. I was imagining I was back in the forest and Embry was with me. I was remembering the way his eyes lit up when he pushed me into the mud, the way his hands felt all over me...

"Hello?"

"I need you to teleport to La Push," my boyfriend said. It had taken him a little longer, but he adapted to my vocabulary the way I had to his. "Now."

"Embry, it's…what time—"

"Nathan and Jared just got jumped by a whole mess of vamps, Angela. I need to go. But I need…"

He needed to know I was safe.

"Where in La Push do you want me to go?"

"Sam's. If you meet Leah at Jake's house she'll take you and Billy over there now."

"Okay. I love you."

He repeated me and then hung up. I should have argued, I think, explained to him that I was just as safe in Forks as I would be over in La Push (safer, because teleporting over would leave me pretty defenceless for a while). But he needed to think I was safe so I hurried out of bed, threw on a sweater and a pair of jeans and closed my eyes.

It took a lot out of me to go all the way to Billy Black's house. I was panting hard when I showed up. The man in the wheelchair stared at me for a long moment as I tried not to fall over in exhaustion.

"I'm getting too old for this," he complained.

"Can you push him?"

Leah's voice came out of nowhere. She was standing by the window, posture tense, looking for something to appear out of the shadows.

"Yes," I said.

"Good. Then we move out now. Don't stop for anything. Billy will give you directions. You get to Emily's, you stay there. Paul, Ryan and Max are on guard. They won't let anything get through to hurt you. Understand?"

She bit off each point so quickly I did have a bit of trouble keeping up, but I nodded. She threw off the large t-shirt she had been wearing and then there was grey wolf in front of me. Without the others beside her to dwarf her she looked huge. I had a momentarily panic attack thinking of Didi, left alone without me—just the way Jessica and Mike and all my friends were.

The bark made me jump. The wolf was glaring at me (Leah's glare, it was easy to see, even if she was on four legs now) and I hurried to move. The wolf led the way. I pushed the wheelchair out the door after her.

"What about my friends in Forks?"

"They won't get through the boys," Billy assured me. "This is just to make sure they aren't distracted, thinking about what they could lose. The people in Forks will be safe. They're very good at what they do."

I let him reassure me because I had no other choice. Since I was eighteen I had been aware that the supernatural world existed and yet somehow it wasn't until that moment with Billy that I realized I was well and truly part of it, separated from the people who loved me by this secret I had to keep.

I also finally understood that the supernatural world was very dangerous.

Leah circled around us, nipping at my heels occasionally, trying to get me to go faster. I did my best, but Billy was heavy and teleporting wasn't easy, especially not that far. I was one of the few members of the minor order who could do it at all.

Still, I tried going faster and eventually we arrived at Emily's house.

In order to get Billy onto the porch, Leah phased back. There was no time to worry about nudity just then; she just lifted him up and put him by the door.

Without even waiting for a goodbye or a good luck, Leah phased back and raced off, a blur I could barely see. I guess I understood. If I could fight the vampires, I would want to be out there with the people I loved. Someone had to watch over them.

Emily was greeting me, hurrying Billy into the house, giving me a reassuring smile. She locked the door behind her (the fear in her eyes suggested she knew it wouldn't stop a vampire at all) and then motioned us to come inside. As she fussed over Billy I closed my eyes and concentrated on making the locks stronger. It wasn't much, but maybe it would slow a vampire down. Now I really was exhausted and useless.

There were nine imprints and four children. Only Claire wasn't here, Emily said, because she lived too far away and they were afraid to move her and her family on a night like this. I didn't have to be told that Quil did not like the situation. She was just a child. She wouldn't have a chance by herself.

"I have to go check on the children," Emily excused herself. Of course I let her go, to where her children were sleeping peacefully in her room. I went over to where Kim and Rachel were quietly arguing over who should get the last open couch. Kim stopped when she saw me.

"I'm so glad you're here," she said as she took my hand. "I wasn't sure how they'd get you in time."

"What do we do now?"

"We wait." She sighed. "Try not to think about what could go wrong."

Rachel took the opportunity to sink down onto the floor, where she stubbornly refused to move; I helped the pregnant Kim settle herself on the couch. Rachel's son was soundly asleep on his mother (it wouldn't be comfortable for her, but I understood the compulsion) and she wasn't going to move so there was no point in arguing, really.

"Does this happen a lot?"

It was Rachel who answered. It might have been the first time she had voluntarily spoken to me and I wasn't sure if she was thanking me for the brew I was giving her or if it was working enough that she could muster the energy to talk to me. Even though she was paler than the others, Rachel addressed me for them that night.

"It didn't used to be like this. Before we had Will there weren't any attacks, just the occasional stupid vamp that they could take in their sleep. But the past two years it's gotten worse. There's been three this year alone and not just single nomads, either. Something must be happening."

"Do they have any idea?"

"No. At least, Paul doesn't, which means Sam doesn't. Jacob…Jacob might. I don't know. My brother and I aren't exactly close, though you must have known that already."

She was watching me carefully, trying to figure out the answer. Today I think she could have figured out if I was lying.

"He…I guessed," I admitted. The helpless way he had talked about going to talk to his sister had been a pretty big clue. "But he does seem to love you."

"He's a good guy that way."

Rachel fell silent as I glanced at the couch. Kim had fallen asleep, so I went to get a blanket to cover her. Emily beat me to it (though not by much), but let me cover Kim as she made sure we didn't need anything. When we said we were fine, she went on to the next cluster of girls. Those poor teenagers—how did they handle this?

"It's nice that you all have each other, at least," I said to Rachel. "While the men are gone."

She just snorted.

I tried again. "Emily, at least, must be a comfort."

That woman seemed catalogue ordered to comfort people.

"How the hell does she enjoy all this?" Rachel looked honestly mystified, but the puzzle had got her talking and that's all I wanted. "She's not brain dead, so…how does cleaning all day keep her so damn happy? It just doesn't…I don't get it. I don't think I ever will. Except now I'm jealous about easy she makes it look."

"I'm a little jealous, too."

"I was supposed to have a girl, you know." That was her way of thanking me, I understood. She was telling me this because she felt she owed me the truth about what I was helping her with. "But Emily's girl is still the only one and Emily…she's been wonderful this whole time. Even though I was a little…I was on Leah's side. Before Leah got in touch with her inner bitch someone had to say it."

"Leah always struck me as someone who was born in touch with her inner bitch."

"She was the sweet one." When she saw I didn't believe it, her face just got sadder. "Before…funny how things change, huh?"

I thought Rachel was one of those people who babbled when they were stressed (weren't we all a little stressed, as we huddled together, waiting for news?). Later, I learned that Rachel had just been glad for the opportunity to explain things; she was starving for a chance to do something more than just wait for him to return.

"When we were kids, Rebecca was the wild one, Leah was the who was going to live happily ever after and I was the nerd who smoked up Friday night and got freaky with her boyfriend. Now Rebecca's living some fairy tale romance on the far side of the world, Leah's screwing my little brother and I am stuck in La Push, married to _Paul_, who doesn't know that Washington is also a city."

Something changed as she talked about her husband or maybe it was that she was staring down at her son. He had long, dark lashes, pressed against his chubby cheeks and just looking at him made her smile.

"But Paul is too boneheaded to quit. No one ever…I was up in Seattle for three years and my dad didn't ask me to come home once. Not once." I didn't need to see her aura to feel her sadness, the weight that would stay with her always. "But Paul...he talked to the scary witch doctor for me."

"Hey," I said, accepting her teasing. "I'm not scary."

"It's kind of disappointing, actually. You should think about getting some warts or something."

I laughed then promised her, "I'm sure Paul will be all right."

"He better be; he's just sitting around. I'm sure they made him stay behind tonight. Because of me. They all think that if something happened to him I'd…" And she couldn't make a joke, because she knew it was true. "He's going to be furious with me. He hates missing a good fight."

"I'm sorry he's angry."

She waved her hand dismissively. "Oh, I can handle angry Paul. Well, normally...we used to say we got stuck with each other because no one else would put up with our moods."

Rachel burst into wild, barking laughter; she did share a slight resemblance to her brother just then. "Nessie said you were very good at listening. I don't think I've talked this much in months."

"I like listening."

"She's not a bad kid, don't you think? Smart. Hard-working."

She sounded like an appraising mother-in-law.

"Yes. I like her, most of the time. Even though…she unsettles me sometimes." I admitted. "I can't really make her out."

"Once I figure out if I'm dealing with the wise beyond her years teenage prodigy or the spoiled rotten child I'm usually okay." Rachel sighed. "She's going to school in Seattle this year. Poor kid."

"I went to UW."

"So did I. I didn't mean…" She laughed. "Sorry. I just meant…that kid practically sprang out of some Ivy League catalogue, but she's staying nearby. She knows Jacob's going to follow her, so she's making it easy for him. It's kind of her."

"I don't think I follow."

"Jacob imprinted. He'll follow her. It's just the way it works. Why do think he hasn't united the packs?

"What do the packs have to do with Nessie?"

So Rachel laid out what Embry, who lived in Jacob's head, hadn't been able to figure out. I guess she did know her brother better than their distance implied—because when she finished talking I thought she was right.

"The Clearwaters have the best blood after us. Separate packs means Seth can be in charge by right and strength, but let Leah run their pack in practice."

Finally, I had an explanation for why Embry deferred to Seth. I even remembered Nessie teasing Seth about being Jacob's son and saw why that made sense and why Leah wanted her brother to be a better fighter with a rather scary determination. As Jacob's heir—and with Jacob's departure anticipated by everyone—Seth had to be the best fighter so Leah could get her way.

"Too bad the traditions of the spirit warriors didn't take gender equality into things. If Leah wasn't so small, she'd hold it outright. She is older, after all."

I wondered if Rachel was ever disappointed that despite her blood, she was never even an option—later, I came to the conclusion that Rachel was not one for disappointment (her lost daughter being the exception and perhaps why she was so unable to cope with the feeling). There was only fury when they considered her talents useless.

"They join up with Sam, Seth has to be in charge. Otherwise Sam would challenge her—and he thinks Leah's wrong more often than not, so he'd have to challenge her—and Sam would beat her. Even if Embry and Quil wanted to follow Jake's ex, they couldn't if the packs were united."

Rachel rolled her eyes at me. "Sorry, not Jacob's ex, because they aren't together in the first place."

On her better days I was sure Rachel, at least, wasn't afraid to point out to Leah that she was, by every definition imaginable, in a relationship with Jacob Black, even if she wouldn't admit it.

"What is her problem with just calling it like it is?" I felt just horrible asking, like some kind of gossip—

"_I have only been waiting FOREVER for you to ask someone what the hell was going on between them."_

_I glanced at Jessica, who was still fuming. "I…I didn't realize it was so important."_

_The sound that came out her mouth was one of frustration, though I wasn't quite sure what word it was supposed to be. Gar, maybe, or gah, or something similar. _

"_You are very annoying," she told me. "God! Do you have any idea how crazy it makes me listening to you go on and on and on and on and—"_

"_I get it, Jess."_

"_Being vague and annoying and 'oh, it's their business.' No! It's not. Not if they're in your story. If they're in your story, everything should be clear." We stared at each other for a moment, then Jessica got fed up with my obtuseness. "That's your cue to explain, Ang."_

"_I…they didn't know what was going on. How was I supposed to know?"_

"_Try."_

_"Well, there is stuff I learned later...I guess I could tell you now..." because if I didn't, Jessica might just kick me out of the tent. _"_Jacob and Leah had been sort of unofficially together for years, at that point. You _could_ say they were dating, just...not in public and anyone who called it that got quickly introduced to Leah's fist. She thought, the way the whole tribe thought, that Ja__cob and Nessie were destined to be together once the girl grew up. So they kept it very casual e__ven though he made it clear that wasn't what he wanted._

_"How Nessie felt about it…well, I was never close enough to her for her to explain. They were careful not to tell her they were actually...even though their feelings were pretty clear. I think Nessie was just confused by her own feelings, most of the time. She was too young to really be in love with him, but she felt like she was letting everyone down not being in love with him since they all planned their lives assuming she would love him. And she and Jacob did love each other very much." From the first moment I saw them together, I never doubted that. How could a child make those distinctions? Jacob was an adult and he couldn't figure them out._

"_And where does Seth come in?" Jessica snorted. "Or should I say, who?"_

"_Jess!"_

"_Yes, Ang?"_

"_You pervert. No one sleeps with the underage girl in this story, thank you very much."_

"_You're no fun." She laughed. "So, what PG stuff is going on with him and Bella's teenage mistake that looks like a teenager because MAGIC?"_

"_They were friends," I said. That's how they would have wanted me to answer. "But you wouldn't be the first to think he was a little too attentive and...I'm going to stop there, so I don't give away part of the story."_

"_I see." Jessica's smirk would have made anyone blush. "Continue."_

"What is her problem with just calling it like it is?" I felt just horrible asking, like some kind of gossip. But curiosity had finally gotten the best of me.

"They label it, they have to tell Nessie. They both kind of think the girl might actually try to go after him then. You know, she has the toy I want kind of thing." Rachel sighed. "They're all children. It's pathetic."

"Except the part where they go out and fight vampires."

"Yeah. Funny, huh? He tells everyone who will listen he's in love with Leah, but he doesn't dare unite the packs because Leah _might _forgive him for breaking her heart but if Seth gets stuck being Alpha because Jacob had to follow Nessie then Leah _will_ hunt him down and disembowel him."

"Seth might be young, but he's not that much less of a fighter. And he's…likable." I don't think I had ever met anyone as likeable. It was almost disconcerting. "Why can't he be in charge?"

"Everyone knows he's too much like his dad." Belatedly, she remembered I hadn't met Seth's father. I had no idea if he even lived in La Push, just that his wife did not. "Harry used to be on the Council with my dad. He was…okay. This one time, Rebecca asked him to borrow twenty bucks. He just gave it to her, no questions, no nothing, just handed it over. And then, not even twenty minutes later, she told him she lost it so he just gave her another twenty. You don't put someone like that in charge of an army."

I think I needed to meet Seth's father. He sounded like the sort of person I would get along with.

"Seth's better than Harry but still…even if he could be ready one day, he's definitely not ready now. And he likes the Cold Ones even more than you do."

"Excuse me?"

"You're friends with the Cullens. Right?"

"Of course."

"Well," she sneered, "Our lives were destroyed so the guys could kill vampires—they can't have an Alpha who loves vampires. Leah thinks the guys might…they like Seth, like you said. I think if anyone else said what he did about the vamps they'd have a serious problem on their hands. So…Leah doesn't want him in charge."

"I think I see," I said slowly. "I'm a big sister, too, you know."

"Sucks, doesn't it?"

When I agreed, we both knew we meant the exact opposite.

I remembered Jacob had promised Leah he would unite the packs when the Cullens left. Now I suspected he meant he would unite them if he saw he wouldn't leave. I wondered who would be right about that, in the end.

"It's funny," Rachel said. "Jake saved her life once, you know. For Seth, so his big sister wouldn't get hurt. Now he's trying to keep Seth from becoming Alpha just so Leah's little brother doesn't get in over his head. Funny how things change, isn't it?"

It was the third time she had expressed that sentiment. I finally realized that Rachel might have been married to a werewolf, but she wasn't laughing. I couldn't blame her.

In the distance we heard wolves howling. Rachel shivered. Kim startled awake. Since she was up, she headed to the bathroom. I tried to fall asleep, but it didn't work.

Rachel was telling me about her twin sister, Rebbeca, who was off in Hawaii, when there was the faintest knock on the door. It was too light to be one of the boys, though it made those of us who were awake jump anyway. Emily went to get the door as Rachel complained: "Why can't real vampires be invitation only?"

Just in case…I had recovered enough that I could reach out and feel who it was.

"It's Sue."

That made Emily go a little faster. "What in the world are you doing here?"

"There was nothing on TV," the older woman said as she stepped inside, letting Emily quickly close the door behind her. There was a large bag at her side. "And the howling was keeping me up."

She knew something was up, I guess.

"Pretty much everyone is asleep," Emily updated her. Sue nodded and headed to the kitchen, where she sat down at the table, pulled out a ball of yarn and knitting needles and set about waiting like the rest of us.

"If it's bad they get Doctor Cullen to look at it," Rachel said. "But sometimes Sue can bandage everything up just fine."

The waiting continued, but I was too nervous to sleep. I did manage to doze a little. When the next knock came—strong and sure and booming loud—I jerked so much I almost gave myself a heart attack.

The staccato rhythm must have been some sort of sign because Emily didn't hesitate to open the door this time, just rushed to it. I belatedly wondered if she had gotten any rest tonight.

Unlocking the door seemed to take forever, but she managed.

Then Paul walked in.

There were a few purple markings on his skin, but for the most part he seemed all right. Nothing worse than what the werewolves had done to each other the night of the bonfire. He was alone, but he didn't turn to greet the women who were waking up to stare at him, desperate for any news, no matter how insignificant it may seem. Instead he walked over to Emily and tried pulling her from the room.

His wife did not look happy to see him.

"I'm sure the bruising will heal up just fine," I tried to reassure her.

"He should have sent Dave with the updates."

While I'm not sure the others thought the way she did, there was no denying a feeling of uneasiness had entered the room at Paul's arrival. I had expected them to come back together (the way they seemed to do most things) and I don't think I was alone.

Paul was just whispering in Emily's ear, his face impassive (no, not impassive—his face full of a pain he was trying to keep down). It probably wasn't an accident Emily's face was turned away from the room. He was passing along the message.

It was her job to tell us the bad news.

I started shivering then. One of Emily's children started to cry and Sue went to them since their mother was busy. The desire to get up and just leave, before Emily turned around, before I heard whatever awful news Paul was bringing, rushed through me. I had to get out of that house.

But Kim's hand was holding to mine too tightly. She was holding her breath, I think. I think I was clutching her hand just as tightly.

With a tiny nod, Emily moved away from Paul who was stopped by Sue before he could disappear out the door. She wanted to know how many injured to expect. He kept it brief—he practically ran outside. There was a second when we could only see Emily's back, shaking like the men's sometimes did, before she turned around, her head held high to deliver the news Paul didn't want to see delivered.

The tears in her eyes made us all suspect, though she didn't let them fall. She just began to walk slowly through the room.

It wasn't my imagination; the other women shrank back as Emily got close to them, afraid they would be the one she would need to talk to. In her wake there was relief and sadness on everyone's face (thank you, God, for not allowing anything terrible to happen to him; why must my sister be made to suffer instead?).

Emily was coming towards me.

Rachel was gently placing her son on the floor. Her husband was safe, but that didn't mean her duty was done. She stood up and joined Emily, hand on her back, lending her strength. They came to me together, both beautiful in their exotic way, backs straight even though the world was threatening to collapse.

Emily's voice was as gentle as always.

"Kim, I'm so sorry—"

The wail cut her off. Rachel managed to catch her before Kim could collapse against Emily; the two woman managed to hold the younger girl as she sobbed hysterically, refusing to let Emily continue. It wouldn't be real if she didn't hear it.

I joined them, rubbing circles on her back as Emily made cooing noises against her hair.

Emily made herself finish. "Jared's dead. I'm so very sorry."

The three of us held Kim for a long while—there were tears in my eyes and I let them fall in memory of the kind man who loved his wife so, so much. Eventually, her grief subsided enough for Emily to manage to say the rest of Paul's message.

"The vampires came out of nowhere; he protected Nathan, took the brunt of the attack. He was very brave, Kim."

It was well meant, but Kim did not respond to Emily's words. She just kept pleading, under her breath, begging to wake up, to be let in on the joke, begging to see him again. Jared promised he'd be safe; he promised he'd come back.

"Let's get you to bed," Rachel said as Emily untangled herself from Kim's embrace. Just because her news was the worst, didn't mean Emily didn't have other messages to pass on. Rachel and I got Kim on her feet and half-carried the whimpering woman to a bedroom. I had never seen such grief before; I had been very lucky. I was still so very lucky and I hated how she had to be suffering for me to realize that.

Rachel was starting to look pale herself, so when we tucked Kim in, it seemed only natural for Rachel just to climb in with her.

"You need to calm down," she whispered. Even quiet, her voice was hard. "You don't want to hurt the baby."

I didn't know what I was supposed to do with them.

In the other room, I could hear the men coming back. Kim was clutching Rachel's hands so tightly they looked almost white, but Rachel said nothing about that, just continued to tell her she needed to be brave, Jared would have wanted her to be brave…

I found a box of tissues near the children and said a prayer of thanks that Embry would be coming back to me.

* * *

A/N: So I almost stopped the chapter before Angela realizes Emily's going to Kim, but like I would really kill off Embry. Not yet, anyway ;) I'm feeling quite benevolent right now, even if I did just brutally murder poor Jared (the way I cut out most of his scenes before this...he always gets the short end of the stick).


	29. Ch 28: Death and all his Friends

Chapter 28: Death and all his Friends

When Paul came to watch over his wife (he didn't even say anything as he watched her hold Kim while she cried her grief out, he just watched Rachel like making sure she was alive was the only thing that mattered) I left Kim. I would be back soon, I promised myself. I just wanted to find Embry for a second.

The house was a cacophony of loud voices and sobs, everyone talking over everyone at once, everyone reaffirming their own survival and their own sorrow, everyone trying to make sure their family was taken care of. Above everything I could hear Jacob's voice calming them all, keeping them from panic, and Leah's, telling them where to go and what to do, and her mother's, complaining rather desperately that she wasn't qualified for this.

Finally I heard the voice I had been looking for or, rather, I heard a grunt that sounded strangely familiar. I didn't understand what he was saying, just that Seth was telling him to hold still and stop complaining. Then I heard a whine of pain that cut right through me.

Embry found me at the very end of the hall.

He looked terrible.

But I didn't get a chance to do more beside cringe at the sight of him covered in bruises before his arms were around me and his mouth was on mine, so hard I was sure my lips would bruise (not that I cared that second because at least he was there). Oh, thank God he was there.

He put me back on my feet quickly enough, but I don't know how long I just continued to hold him. They were supposed to be indestructible; we were all supposed to be safe. I couldn't get over the loss of the feeling I had lived with my entire life, feeling like I was charmed, like I was above all the terrible things that could happen. Bad things only happened to other people—how had I believed such a lie?

I pulled away because I realized I was hurting him by holding him so tightly.

I wasn't allowed to get far (not that I complained) as he kept me within the circle of his good arm, though he let his right arm go slack. Something must have happened to it.

Now that I had a moment to study him I could see the tiny scratches all over his torso (from whipping past the trees so quickly, or from…I didn't dare think) and the bruises down his right side. His face was mostly fine, though there was a cut on his cheek that looked painful.

"It's fine," he muttered as I fingered the dried blood on his chest. "Zac's blood. By tomorrow I'll be as good as new."

"Are the others...?"

But I didn't dare complete the thought.

"Nathan's a bloody mess. We...we'll find out if he can pull through. Sam and Collin got there next, so they're pretty bad as well. Zac...Zac got bit."

From his face I could tell that wasn't a good thing. "Vampire venom is poisonous to us. We tried to get it out but...he's gone. We told Gemma. The poor kid." Kid was right; Zac had been eighteen. His girlfriend was two years younger. Poor, poor children. "She's with Emily and Melody, now. I don't know what we're going to do. Poor kid."

"How about the rest of you?"

"The rest of us are okay. Jake and Quil had to track down the last one and he was pretty tough, but as long as you don't look at Quil's face he's fine. Our—the five of us are pretty lucky."

Only in comparison.

"I'm glad you're safe."

It was the understatement of the year, but I didn't know what else to say. We held each other another long moment before I had to ask.

"Jared's really dead, then?"

"Yeah." I hated myself for asking, for the pain I had just caused him. "Six on two...we can't fight six on two. They were smart; there was nothing...it took us so long because we had to bring back the body. Took us a while to find the pieces."

I could have lived forever without knowing that.

We checked back in on Kim, where I think Rachel had given her something because she was fast asleep. Paul promised he could handle it, so Embry hurried me back amongst his friends.

The room had settled down significantly; most of the men were bandaged up. I could feel the magic humming through them, louder than usual, as whatever was inside them hurried to fix what was broken. Embry led me through the couples that were holding each other throughout the room and the various groups that had formed. A whole mess of people were around Gemma, everyone trying to touch her, give her strength through human contact.

Would it work? I could only hope so.

Embry led me into the kitchen. On the table was Nathan. At least, I supposed it was Nathan. It was hard to tell exactly what the crushed bloody mess was supposed to be. Sue was frantically working over him (though she looked up to glare quite frequently), her son beside her, Alex beside him. I felt sick—it got worse when I was told we couldn't go through the door to the dining room because that's where they were keeping the bodies I didn't want to see. Jacob and Leah came to us.

"How's Kim?" Leah asked.

"Asleep," I said.

"Good."

"Nathan looks like he's getting worse," Embry said quietly.

"We have to wait." Jacob growled because he hated it but had no choice. "If we bring Carlisle here and they tear him to pieces it will just make everything worse. So we have to wait."

Leah took his hand, the first time I think I ever saw her touch him like that, and he let himself take what comfort he could from the contact.

"Soon," he promised Embry. Then he _really _saw me. "Angela—"

"I'm not a healer." I had helped Mike…but I had been prepared and that was a hangover, not a battle wound. "And I'm tired and I…"

"Leave her alone," Embry said firmly.

"You said you could tap into our power," Jacob said. "So use us and fix him."

We were interrupted by Sue. "I don't know what else to do," she said. There was no more anger, just a very tired woman who was getting old before her time. "I don't—we're going to lose him soon."

The man on the table had only one eye open, glazed with pain; the other was crushed shut by the swelling on his face. The way his body had been stretched and bruised made him look like a disjointed marionette. But the moans coming from him were so human, so terribly human...he was in pain.

"You could have damn well _tried_," Sue snarled.

And here I thought she had been close to defeat.

Alex almost fell over, the loud voice startling him out of his vigil over his dying brother. She was talking to Jacob, who had to make the call and hated it but would stand by it. I knew she was talking to Jacob. I still felt like she was talking to me.

"There's something," I offered quietly. "I don't know if it'll work but…"

"What do you need?" Jacob asked briskly.

They made Alex volunteer (the others had to be up to full strength…just in case), so I took what I could from him and from Emily's perfectly stocked cupboard of herbs and concentrated on Nathan, on the brown eye that was pleading for help. I couldn't heal the way Rina could but Nathan wasn't the humans she worked to save, either. I didn't need to fix him—I had to get him to fix himself.

After the only healing ritual I could perform without better ingredients (a spell meant for small bruises, like the ones Embry could give just by being a little too excited), I closed my eyes and reached out to touch his aura, all the blinding colours that usually scared me. I didn't know how to activate familiar magic; the Coven didn't even know how to do that. I just knew their power could do things we didn't understand if I could just figure out how to push it in the right direction.

I was clinging to Alex's hand for balance and the strength to reach Nathan's magic. I hadn't realized that I was creating a bridge between them, though it worked out better than I ever imagined. One second Alex was supporting me. The next—

Alex hit the floor.

Embry was too quick, so I didn't join him, just collapsed against my boyfriend. On the table, something was happening. Something…

"Seth, break his arm. It's setting wrong." Nathan's body was healing itself—too fast. Sue and Seth were scrambling to keep up as the boy cried out in pain. Meanwhile, Jacob was checking Alex's pulse. I think both of us exhaled when he nodded. He was alive.

"Out," Leah ordered us, her family still looking panicked at what was happening in front of him. There was a reason for the rules I kept ignoring (but how could I not at least _try_ to help?) He was in pain, so much pain, and they might not be able to put him back together properly.

Jacob picked up Alex and brought him back into the main room. Embry helped me to follow him, telling me they could handle anything as long as he was alive (I just wished he would stop moaning). Jacob had the others to reassure, so he got to work doing that. It was as I watched him talk to Sam (clutching one twin in either arm as Emily held their third child in hers), that I finally understood why just looking at him made me feel a tiny bit better.

"He's in charge."

"There were too many of them," Embry said. "We needed to co-ordinate. And Sam's pack was kind of losing it after…"

Sam wasn't in the best of shape. He had by far the most bandages of any of the conscious men. I could see why in the heat of the moment he wouldn't have been able to resist Jacob's orders. Now Jacob had to prove it was worth it.

Jacob addressed the crowd.

"Nathan's going to be okay." Okay was one word for it; Embry held me tighter and promised that as long as he was alive, it was all that mattered. "Sam has graciously allowed us all to stay, but we understand if you want to leave. But no one goes home alone. We go in pairs and you let us know when you're going." He continued, voice softer: "I'm going to miss Jared and Zac, too. I'll let you know what you can do for Kim and Gemma soon."

His voice echoed through the tiny house, but it was what they needed to hear. The Coven would have been impressed at their need to help and heal. I was close to tears (it was the exhaustion and the relief and the guilt, too, but also the beauty of the way they just wanted to give and love).

"Be safe," Jacob ordered.

Leah had orders of her own to give.

"Embry, could you and Angela go check on Quil? Talk him out of going to see Claire, will you? I don't want him waking her up so she could see him looking like a zombie."

"Sure thing," my boyfriend promised.

"Thanks, Embry."

He kissed the top of her forehead, pushed her after Jacob and then took me to Quil. Our friend looked like he had been thrown face first into a rock. His nose had been smashed, his cheeks weren't quite the way they had been before and there was blood everywhere.

"I'm going to clean it up soon," Quil said. "There's just a line for the bathroom."

I'll bet.

The three of us just sat against the wall for a while, until I worked up the courage to ask what had happened. Not that I wanted to know but...it was the only thing I could think of to say.

Today there was no back-and-forth-with-action-and-sound-effects. There was only Quil's monotone with Embry's comments to highlight how awful everything had been.

Jared and Nathan had been out on patrol, goofing around—"because there's never been an attack like this, not since the newborn army"—when they had suddenly been attacked from all sides. A howl for help had gone up; Sam and Collin got there; then Ryan and Paul; the vampires fled.

The hunt was on.

They realized immediately that Jared was gone, though they left the injured Collin and Ryan to help Nathan back. The howling had gotten Jacob on the scene and the second pack joined the first, sending Paul back to guard La Push with Max and Dave, the youngest boys they didn't want dying for anyone.

The vampires were tricky; they took advantage of the chaos Jared's death had caused in the pack. In their grief, it took the wolves a while to get organized. But when they did…

They still weren't sure how Zac was careless enough to have been bitten, but they figured that believing his cousin was dying back in La Push was reason for his distraction.

Alex tried to drain out the poison and when the fight was over Seth helped, but it wasn't quite like snake venom; it killed him. They carried him back as well. Thankfully I had been so involved with the distraught Kim that I hadn't noticed.

"What now?" I asked when they finished. Embry clutched my hand tighter, the way Kim had. One of these day's I was never going to recover my circulation.

"We find Jacob and Leah," Quil said. They rose together, always so loyal, though Embry helped me to my feet. I didn't understand, but saw that they had to do this, so I stayed as close to my boyfriend as I could.

Jacob and Leah had retreated to the kitchen to give Nathan some more morphine. He was going through their supply at an alarming rate. At least he looked human, now.

"We're going to need more, soon," she said as they watched Sue stick the needle into the younger boy. Leah's face was soft, her smile beautiful; she kissed the bloody cheek and begged him to be strong. Jacob did not beg, but his silence was an order—be well.

The five of us moved away, leaving Sue with the patient (still in pain, still disjointed, but alive). Jacob nodded once at each of the men, but he addressed himself to Leah.

"I'll send Seth soon," Jacob said. "After Paul gets Rachel home."

"Good. Once he's gone and Tom heads out we should be okay to get Dr. Cullen."

"As soon as Ashley's checked on Kim, Tom's going to take her home," Quil reported.

Jacob nodded. "There's still Sam. I can't take a guy's pack and invite a vampire into his house all in the same day."

"He'll understand," Leah insisted. "He's glad you united the packs."

Jacob came up to her, forcing her chin upwards so he could gaze down at her, his expression fearful and defiant all at once. I think he had forgotten we were there.

"And you?"

"I've been telling you to do that for years." But she didn't sound as teasing as she probably wanted to, for she took a deep breath and tried to make it more convincing, "As long as I'm still the beta."

"Always," Jacob promised.

Her expression faltered; her gaze travelled downwards. "You just have to teach Seth to guard his left flank better."

"He's got years to get through his thick skull," Embry said. Both of them jumped apart, though Leah was nodding.

"True."

I don't think either of them believed it.

Quil went and grabbed Seth, somehow sensing what Jacob wanted to do next. Seth had been trying to get some of the blood off him and he hadn't quite succeeded, spots of Nathan's blood still on his arms and chest and pants. It was so pervasive I didn't believe he could ever be clean again.

"Yeah?"

"We need you to go get Carlisle," Jacob explained.

"You want me to get any of the others? Edward—"

"Absolutely not," Jacob hissed. "Think, Seth. Think about all those people in the other room—and think how they'll react when a mindreading vampire comes walking through the door. Unless you want to get Edward killed, let him stay home."

"What about Rosalie? She's not much of a fighter. No one will see her as a threat. She could help."

Quil rolled his eyes. "We don't need more doctors."

Seth ignored him. "Jake, Mom just threw bandages on everybody. If someone's seriously hurt...she might have missed it."

"It isn't safe for any vamp that isn't Carlisle. And even he..."

"No one left here will hurt Carlisle," Leah said. "I don't…we can protect one of them. But the rest stay off our land."

"And whatever you have to do, or say," Jacob continued to Seth, "Make sure that Jasper doesn't come back. Not before he was supposed to."

"He's not going to like that."

"You sure he'll try to come back?" Embry asked. "Maybe he won't think it's necessary."

"I would. He'll want to protect his family. Seth? He can't come back. They'll see it as a sign the Cullens are planning an attack."

"Go it. Jasper's just really not going to like that."

"He doesn't have to like it. He just has to not come here."

"What about Nessie?" Leah said quietly.

Jacob sounded honestly confused: "What about her?"

"She's going to want to see you. And…you should probably see her." Leah must have noticed the way everyone in the other room was coupling off. It was helping her boys; she wanted Jacob to have it.

"Are you—? I am not rubbing it in everyone's face that I'm bound body and soul to a vampire right now."

"Half-vampire," Seth said without thinking. It just got him glared at, but all four of them were united again, so I don't think he minded. He nodded and left for the Cullens.

"We should send someone with him," Leah said. Her unease was obvious; I wouldn't want anyone running out there by themselves either.

"He'll hear them coming; he wouldn't be stupid enough to fight, not tonight. Besides, who'd go with him?"

The silence echoed, made louder by the noise from the other room. Finally, Embry said, "I guess I could..."

"As touching as it is that you want to prove to your girlfriend that you don't hate Bella," Leah said, "Shut up, Embry. We can't afford any more mistakes tonight."

"I don't hate Bella," Embry said.

"But one sniff and..." Quil trailed off. They all knew. Their instincts were too close to the surface tonight (except for when I had done the spell, I don't think Embry had stopped touching me since he got back). They were made to kill vampires, they said. There would be no civilized talks with vampires tonight.

"We leave Seth by himself," Leah concluded.

"I could go," Jacob said.

"You can't leave; we need you here. I could go, I guess."

"You can't leave; I need you here." Leah didn't look up. He continued: "There is something, though."

He went back out to the living room, the four of us following behind him. Max was still there—he was recruited to stay transformed, hooked into Seth's thoughts. "Tell him," Jacob said, "If he smells anything remotely out of the ordinary he's to get his ass back here as fast as he can. Got it?"

The wolf in the living room nodded.

Jacob looked at me, finally. "Embry, take her home."

He said thank you, too. They all did. Leah even kissed my cheek.

I was too exhausted to care much.

But I was glad I could help.

* * *

They gave us a day to recover (we all had work, in any case—vampire attack was not a legitimate excuse in the human world). When work was over I just curled up with Embry as he and Quil watched _Jeopardy!_ reruns (and called all my friends in Forks during commercials). The next day I woke up to a ringing phone.

Embry's arm was longer; it was also his phone. I stayed lying down while he reached over me and picked it up. He wasn't on long. Then he hung up and started nuzzling my neck.

"How are you feeling?" I asked.

His lecherous smile didn't quite work. Instead he sighed and pulled my closer. I closed my eyes and enjoyed how warm he was as he stroked my hair. I knew why I wanted to cry, but I didn't let the tears fall. This morning I was too tired to explain that I was just so happy he was okay.

"We're having a meeting. First with the pack, then with the Cullens...today is not going to be a fun day. And that's ignoring how we have to bury Jared and Zac."

"I'm going to go see Kim again, if that's all right?"

"I think she'd like that. As much as she'd like anything, right now."

When he kissed me this time it was as if he was trying to pour his soul into me, sharing everything, all the love and fear and anger and friendship coursing through him at that moment. I closed my eyes and tried to accept everything he gave.

"I could be a little late for the meeting," he murmured against my lips.

I was going to refuse—possibly—but the point was moot because Quil banged on the door just then.

"I'm not listening to the two of you and then listening to Jake yell at me for letting you miss the meeting. So get your ass out of here, Embry."

"I think that means you have to go."

He rolled his eyes and got out of bed. As he went to grab his clothes I finally noticed the time. One in the afternoon? How did that happen?

"You want me to drive you home?" he asked.

"The meeting," I reminded him.

"Take my truck then." He snorted. "If that piece of crap breaks down today..."

It would have been the last straw.

* * *

Embry's car didn't break down. It got me to Kim's just fine. Someone had brought Gemma over too, today, so I got to offer my condolences to both women at the same time. With the weekend here, there were more mourners than the day before. I stayed well into the afternoon, mostly listening to Gemma cry and Kim try not to cry. Rachel couldn't come; Emily and Kim's mother were having a silent battle over who should direct the crowd of supporters. It was all they could do, so they wanted to do it as best they could.

When there too many people in the small house, I said goodbye and got into Embry's truck.

He was still busy so I should have gone home and taken a shower. Hopefully the pack meeting had gone well and the meeting with the Cullens had gone well enough. Embry hadn't told me where it was going to be held, but I figured it out pretty quickly.

Neutral territory.

Poor Charlie Swan. Poor Sue. We should offer to clean their house for them, since we seemed to treat it as public property.

But it wasn't as if the vampires could come near La Push; nor could I see the werewolves going onto vampire land right now. Not without risking some serious harm to someone.

I drove to Sue's. It wasn't any of my business, of course, but I was worried. And I wanted to see Bella. I hadn't seen her since I had told the werewolves about myself. It would strange not having her know about me, but telling a vampire wouldn't just be bending they rules. It would be shattering them. The familiars of La Push were few in number and mostly isolated from the rest of the world; the vampires were organized and numerous. And much more dangerous.

They were dead magic. That's what the Coven said, though I didn't understand until I met Bella and Edward again. They just felt…wrong. They were the antithesis of everything we tried to be. They delighted in pain and death (some exceptions were made for the amber-eyed ones—the Coven appreciated those who tried, whatever their nature). The Coven couldn't eradicate the red-eyed ones, of course, without risking imbalance, but they didn't have to like them and they certainly did not have to risk open war (that was the only result they saw of the vampires knowing what we could do) against a species who would enjoy it.

Our secret was a living entity, the Coven said; nothing dead could pluck it from our minds no matter what powers those with dead magic thought they had (it would make sense if I joined the higher orders, they said; trust and patience was something the Coven demanded at all times). I still wished I could tell my friend the truth.

I think Bella was happy to see me, the way I was happy to see her. After last night, I just wanted to be near the people I loved. She was sitting on the porch outside with her daughter and Quil and Dave; the conversation seemed to have stalled.

"Are you all right?" Bella asked me as we embraced.

"Maybe. How is everything going?"

"Just going over possibilities."

"It's our fault but Jacob won't let us leave," Nessie snapped. She had been pacing when I drove up and now she started moving even more furiously.

"We don't know that it's our fault," Bella reminded her daughter. "Even Sam admits they can't tell if the vampires came because of us."

That did not appease the girl; she stomped her foot, like a child throwing a tantrum. Which might not have been as inaccurate as it looked. Quil rolled his eyes at me.

"We're leaving soon anyways," Bella reminded her daughter. It was so easy to tell, now that I knew, that her every word was designed to comfort and help her little girl. Not that Nessie let herself be comforted.

"Not soon enough. We're putting them in danger."

"They'll figure out some new security measures and that will be that."

I nodded like I understood. Then I sighed: "I need a distraction."

It was Bella who provided one, though the word's came from Nessie, after her mother nudged her in the side.

"Angela," she said formally, "Would you like to come to my birthday party? I'm turning eighteen the second week of September and I would be honoured if you were there."


	30. Ch 29: Party At a Rich Dude's House

A/N: So I read the Twilight Guidebook and, well, I like the half-vampires in my head better. They're older. And if Joham is going to be a crazy mad scientist I don't want him unironically having a daughter named Jennifer. Let's have some bad guys already. So that's why my hybrids are the ones that get cameos. In fact, this chapter is about seeing how many characters I can reference in passing without having the story completely collapse.

Chapter 29: Party At a Rich Dude's House

Nessie's eighteenth birthday party should have been over-shadowed by the two funerals only two weeks before hand. It wasn't. The party Alice Cullen had planned was so ostentatious that nothing (as we found out all too well) could dim its brilliance.

Embry came to my door wearing the clothing he had worn to the funerals—the nicest clothing he owned. He looked handsome in the carefully tailored suit and he gave me half a crooked smile when he saw the red dress. Jessica would have been proud; slinky and tight had been her recommendation when I told her I was going to fancy dinner.

"I like your hair up like that," he whispered as he kissed my pulse point gently. Then he pressed our foreheads together and the two of us just enjoyed being alive for a second. We had become sentimental teenagers in the past two weeks.

"Hurry up," Quil called from our transportation. "I'm starving."

Embry hadn't brought his truck. Instead there was a very nice Volvo in front of my house. And Quil wasn't driving it.

"Seth owns a car?" Somehow that seemed like the most ridiculous thing I had ever heard. I still wasn't clear on where Seth lived, let alone…How did he get a car? And a Volvo? Really?

"Edward lent it to him. Because he asked. The kid—we stopped asking a long time ago."

"You coming, Ang?" Seth called.

I shrugged and went to the car. Quil and Embry, despite their size, crowded into the back. All three of them insisted I sit in the passenger seat. Then they wolf-whistled and Embry growled and they got on with life.

They were brothers, so I thought the loss of two of their own would have devastated them. It had—and it hadn't. They were much the way they always were. A little more protective, a little more affectionate, but still laughing and teasing and joking. I was starting to understand why they were considered a breed apart. I didn't doubt their grief, just like I knew suddenly that it would never consume them.

"This is going to be so awesome," Seth declared as he drove. He was practically bouncing in his seat, strangely immature for someone who looked in his mid-twenties, strangely hyper for someone who wasn't high.

"The party?"

"Oh yeah. Alice has been planning this for years—she promised us a buffet. I have been challenged to try to eat all of it. It's going to be so great."

"So that's why I'm going," Quil said.

"I'm just going for the Ferris wheel," Embry said.

"The Ferris wheel is going to be cool," Seth agreed. "It's a shame she didn't get a bouncy castle, too. Those things are awesome."

"Is there seriously going to be a Ferris wheel?" Then I remembered Alice. "Just a Ferris wheel?"

"I'm sure there will be other surprises." My boyfriend sighed.

Too many surprises for my liking.

* * *

When the Volvo turned down the Cullen driveway, I couldn't believe it. I thought we had magically transferred to some other dimension. One with a lot of glitter. Everywhere I could see there were dazzling lights and golden ribbons. Alice had created her very own fairy land. It made me rather scared of to see the house.

Between us and the house were a line of cars. Seth parked and we decided to walk. I think Alice had seen the heels coming (I finally had a boyfriend I could wear heels around—I was going to take advantage of that fact as often as I could).

The house had been transformed from the last time I had seen it. It had always been a little intimidating, a little out of place in the natural landscape, but beautiful nonetheless. Now it glowed. It seemed like the house shared Seth's enthusiasm, calling for everyone to come inside and be merry.

Just in front of the porch Jacob and Leah were waiting, a small crowd from La Push around them. Leah was also wearing heels, which made her even more intimidating than usual, though she was still shorter than Jacob who had his arm around her waist. If asked, I'm sure she'd say he just couldn't get enough of touching the sequins on her dress; he'd say he just couldn't get enough of touching her.

The blue of her dress matched the blue of his shirt—we had all been forbidden from wearing green. Alice had found the perfect dress for her niece and none of us could ruin that.

We waited together for the rest of them. All around me, everyone was so dressed up I could barely recognize them (only Leah had left her hair down, though I loved the braids Rachel used to pull up her hair). From the expressions on people's faces I suspected that if Jacob hadn't been in charge...but he was, and everyone was here and looking beautiful.

"Who are we still waiting for?" Embry asked.

"And can we go in yet?" Seth demanded.

"Wait," his sister said. Then she laughed. "Come on, guys. Tuxedo jackets just this once won't kill you."

Seth tugged at the blue sleeves around his wrists, clearly uncomfortable with even that. Embry and Quil just shrugged, having purposely left their jackets in the car. None of them seemed very comfortable playing dress up, though I shouldn't talk. I would never have worn my dress in front of my father and if Alice hadn't called me up while I was in the store to hint that I should buy whatever I was wearing just that second, I never would have bought it.

"Jake can look whipped enough for the rest of us," Quil said with a grin.

Jacob responded by punching his arm; it made all of them laugh. "I look damn good," he announced.

"You're all right," Leah teased.

I think he was moving to kiss her, when she turned to her brother.

"Try not to hang around too many mass murders tonight, okay?"

"Mass what?" I had to ask.

"No one in there is a mass murderer," Seth defended the guests. The whole group of them turned to glare, so he added, "It's true. Not that I was paying a lot of attention, but I think Nessie's point was that they didn't kill frequently enough to qualify as mass murderers. I'm sure she has a chart or something to prove it."

"Okay, could you all stop freaking out my girlfriend?"

But Embry's really dumb girlfriend decided to ask something she probably should have asked a long time ago.

"Who exactly is coming to this party?"

None of them seemed very comfortable answering. It was Sam, standing beside Jacob with his wife at his side, who answered.

"I hope you like vampires as much as we do, Angela."

The definitely wouldn't have been there if Jacob wasn't in charge.

"They won't all be vampires," Embry explained as we started following Jacob and Leah inside, since Brady and Melody had arrived. "There's us, of course, a few other humans and the hybrids."

"There are more like her?"

The Coven would be excited to hear it.

The implications of all that would have to wait, however, because Alice was welcoming all of us through the door. "Nessie will be down as soon as everyone gets here," she promised. "Now come right in and help yourself."

The younger boys raced to the food. I was stuck staring at the room.

Senior year I had visited the Cullens' house. It had been the nicest house I had ever seen, but it had been a house, sort of related to things I actually knew. Now it was palace, something right out of a dream. We were in an enormous room with a gorgeous wood floor, like a ballroom out of blockbuster movie or a fairytale, mirrors surrounded by gold frames hanging on the white walls, magnifying the brilliance of everything. The light was almost too bright. It was impossible to believe this was all real.

"They demolished the walls," Leah said. "I can't believe...they demolished the inside of the house _for a party_."

"Looks nice." Seth shrugged. "Hey, is that Annie Hamilton with Peter and Charlotte?"

"I'll be right back," Jacob said.

The girl from the reservation was sitting at table with a couple with red eyes. The tables lined the outside of the room, all topped with crisp white linen and more cutlery than I had ever seen. There were no name tags—Alice was going to seat us as she saw fit. I would have to catch up with her later, when she wasn't so busy.

As Jacob rescued the girl from the vampires, I was left to look around. It was like a UN meeting of beautiful people. People from all over the world, with their various accents and various styles, were floating around the room, in clothes I could never hope to afford (and looking better than I ever could in them), mingling throughout the ballroom. Some of them glanced at us with curiosity, others with hostility.

"Those are the hybrids," Embry gesturing to a table off in the a corner. Three women sat there, all impossibly beautiful, all distinct from each other, dark, darker and darkest of all. They were spoiling the viewer for choice. "They have a brother, but hopefully Nahuel couldn't come."

"Hopefully?"

"He's a dick," Seth explained.

I was a little taken aback by the blunt answer, but the hybrids had seen us staring. One of them stood up and waved wildly across the room. Her eagerness surprised me, pleasantly, though the woman beside her quickly made her stop.

"You want to come meet them?" Seth asked. I should have known. He seemed to get along wonderfully with half-vampires. "The youngest is hilarious, the middle one is a sweetheart and the eldest...well, she kind of reminds me of my mother, so she's all right by me."

"I think I need to ease into meeting strangers tonight," I admitted.

Seth understood. "Say hi to Alice for me."

Then he looped off to say hello to the trio of beautiful women. Embry provided his own commentary: "The youngest is missing a screw or six, the middle one is just looking for someone to screw and the older one is just trying to stop them from screwing up. But she scowls a lot, so Seth is hoping she'll screw with him."

I watched as one of them (the one who had waved) launched herself at Seth, legs wrapped around his waist as she greeted him. "That one?"

"No, Shelia's just…eccentric. She's going to cut off his air if she's not careful. The one who is pulling her back."

She was beautiful, of course, though she did look a bit young in comparison to Seth—later I would learn she was twenty times older than him, so what did I know? At the time I just thought she and Seth would make a handsome couple. And that she had very sad eyes.

I was also more interested in the third member of her party. Even across the room I could feel how this one wasn't quite like the other two. The magic coming off of her was stronger, the way it was with Nessie (the other two I think I could have resisted, if only just a little). The other two were thoroughbreds; she was Secretariat. She would be the one the Coven would want to talk to, if they needed their curiosity satisfied. I wasn't sure why; Embry had called them sisters. So why was the magic more concentrated in her?

I asked what made her different; my boyfriend just shrugged. Ask Seth was the only answer I was given. The werewolves disliked the half-vampires the way they disliked all vampires. Since we were trespassing on the kindness of vampires, I felt like I should go apologize to someone.

"Can you put that tracking nose to good use?" I asked Embry. "And hunt down the hostess of the hour?"

"Alice will find us. At the perfect moment. Come on; let's get something to eat."

We went to the food, where the werewolves were helping themselves liberally. They had also decided to take advantage of the open bar even if the alcohol couldn't do anything to them.

Bella appeared out of the crowd, Edward at her side.

"It's good to see you," she said as she hugged me. "What do you think?"

"It's very special. I'm sure Nessie is thrilled."

"Deep down inside," Bella said with a laugh.

Suddenly, appearing like the manic pixie was, Alice Cullen was beside Bella. With her short cropped dark hair and tight black dress, she looked beautiful, but I felt like she was an escaped prisoner from some sort of asylum. The gleam in her eye probably was the reason for my impression. The party seemed to be filling her with an unholy delight.

"She'll love it," Alice declared. "Angela, good to see you. We need to get away for a weekend to catch up."

"Continental United States," Bella reminded her.

Alice looked disappointed but recovered quickly. "They have this great tea shop in Boston."

"Sounds lovely." While I couldn't tell if Alice was serious, I learned long ago it was better to assume she was. "But I think I'd just like to come back here one day. Maybe I could help you clean up?"

Alice was scandalized; Bella was more diplomatic. "We couldn't ask you to do that. Besides, Esme's going to redesign the house, so we won't be able to stay here for a while."

"Have you seen the backyard?" Alice interrupted. "If you like carnival themes."

"I love them," I promised.

So I let Alice show me the backyard.

I think it was her way of giving something to her niece. Since Alice seemed to have an overflow of love, we got an overflow of decorations as a result.

When she said carnival theme...she just meant carnival. There were acrobats performing death defying stunts above our heads and clowns on stilts walking through the crowd. Along the side there was a fire-eater, his breath reflecting off the pale skin of most of the guests. It was getting dark now, so the lights she had placed stood out even more clearly.

And there really was a Ferris wheel, standing so tall I thought the riders could touch the sky.

"Alice...we're in wonderland."

"I thought of going with that theme, actually. But I decided it was a little too whimsy for Nessie."

* * *

Alice timed our tour perfectly. We arrived back inside just in time for her to dash upstairs so she could announce Nessie properly. Bella went to Edward and I was left to make my way over to Quil and Jacob, who welcomed me warmly (though they didn't offer me any of the peanuts they had smuggled from the elephant trainer). My boyfriend was lost in the large room.

"Could I have everyone's attention, please?" Alice commanded. Though she was a small person, she had a loud voice. A hush descended over the large crowd. Everyone from outside had been herded in by her husband and brother-in-law. I would have said hello to them since I did remember them from high school, but frankly they sort of scared me.

"Let's all wish a very happy s—eighteenth birthday to Renesmee."

"Who?"

Jacob just sighed.

Music began to play. I assumed it was a tape coming from the speakers, but it wouldn't have surprised me to learn Alice had the New York Symphony Orchestra in one of the few rooms that remained upstairs.

As we began singing happy birthday, Nessie appeared at the top of the steps. She looked older than usual today. Her hair was up, in some elaborate style that seemed like it must have taken a roomful of slaves to do, with a few ringlets framing her face, and a thick braid crowning her head. With her hair up, it made it obvious how her neck was bared to the room.

Her dress was a rich, dark green silk number that Alice had designed herself, the rouched fabric hugged the young girl in a way that was not immature at all. Her figure had always been older than she was. It was floor length, skin tight until the knee, where it flared out so she could manage to walk...somehow. I would have been on the floor. It hung on only one shoulder, again emphasising her collar and her neck. Surrounded by vampires as I was, I had to wonder at the wisdom of that. But surely Alice knew what she was doing.

Everyone was staring at her, but she kept her eyes down, or on her father, just enhancing how fetching she looked. Most of the room was staring. The rest of it was drooling.

"You punch Seth tonight and he'll hit you back," Quil muttered to Jacob. "I'm just saying."

"What?"

I think Jacob hadn't been listening. At all. It was hard to blame him.

"Whatever he's thinking, he'll know you're thinking it too. Hell, we're all thinking it right now."

"Shut up," Jacob muttered back.

The birthday song finished just as she reached her parents. Bella and Edward kissed their daughter, she called her thanks to Alice and her aunt announced that it was now time for everyone to be seated. Though we were of course welcome to spend more time outside, if we wished.

"About freaking time," Embry said, coming out of nowhere. "I'm starved."

"Have you been outside?"

"They have a snake charmer."

His voice was a little abrupt.

"Are you okay, Embry?"

"I just almost got eaten by a reptile. Not really."

"He'll stop being an hysterical woman as soon as he eats," Quil promised.

From nowhere (how did they do that?) Leah appeared. As she took the plate Jacob had prepared for her, she said, "Have you seen the kid? Damn. Baby's going to end up in a dark corner for sure, now."

Jacob growled. She seemed a little taken aback and almost started moving away, but he stopped her by grabbing hold of her wrist. "Seven," he said.

Apparently that was the magic number because Leah stayed. She even sat beside him at our table. Sam and Emily joined us, as did Rachel and Paul, so Quil was left to complain, "Where's my date?"

"Here." Seth was grinning as he sat down in the last chair. "Alice's making me give other people a chance to ride the Ferris wheel."

"What happened to your little harem?" Leah asked.

"Elmira wanted to meet Vlad and Stef, so I introduced her. Sakhet apparently didn't like that. She was...disappointed. I figured it was safest to get out of there."

All the werewolves sighed melodramatically as one. Jacob was growling, "I thought I told you to stay away from Dracula One and Two?"

"Have you ever heard their story of how the Volturi attacked them? It's epic, Jake."

"Sounds cool," Rachel said. Mostly so her husband and brother would growl in unison, I think. "What? You can't tell me that doesn't sound cool."

"You're not going near them," Paul snarled. When she glared, he backed off. A little. "Even if you would look hot as a bloodsucking bride of Dracula."

"Aw. Thank you."

"Look at them dance," Emily said. "Aren't they sweet?"

Nessie was in her father's arms and Emily was right, the two of them were too sweet. It was a little strange, watching them together, since they could have passed as twins, but the love they felt for each other was obvious. Her father could not stop staring at her like she was precious and she was humbled by his love. They were beautiful together.

"Looks like fun," Leah said.

"Is that your not at all subtle way of telling me to ask you to dance?" Jacob asked her.

She was already standing up, walking to the dance floor. "Smart boy."

The danced together the way I expected them to, as if they were once person, gliding effortless through everyone, moving together so seamlessly they looked otherworldly. Just like Nessie and her father, they looked like they belonged together, two people cut from the same cloth.

Embry wouldn't make eye contact with me. I guess that was a no.

So I set about talking to Emily and Sam (their daughter had said her first real complex sentence the other day—"Daddy make Franny fly?" and they were ecstatic). Sam was warming up to me, even if we were careful not to talk about what the Coven might find in their archives. I think he was overwhelmed with his own loss lately, too concerned about losing Jared to care what the witches were up to. I hated that we were benefitting from death, but it was the truth. Losing two of their own meant the men of La Push cared for nothing beyond themselves at the moment.

Leah came back, snagging food off my boyfriend's plate until he tried to stab her with a fork. Out on the dance floor Jacob had Bella in his arms.

They had been best friends a long time, I had been told, but the funny thing about seeing together was that they made each other more unnatural. When Nessie stood beside Jacob she looked petit and pale and he looked big and dark, but they had a vaguely similar grace about them. Neither Bella nor Jacob was anything less than perfectly graceful, but together they highlighted how different they were. Bella was as pale as a corpse and as still as one too, despite her perfect steps. Jacob looked as if he would fly apart and there was something feral about him that the dress shirt could not hide.

I didn't doubt they loved each other very much. But I could see why Leah felt no jealousy, watching them together. They could never belong to one another.

Still, I said, "The dancing look so wonderful."

This time Embry looked at me, even if he sighed.

"I don't want to dance if you don't want to," I told him before giving him a light peck on the cheek.

"That translates to ask me or die," Paul said.

"More like ask me or sleep on the couch tonight," Sam corrected.

Since Embry really was a good dancer, if a little shy, he didn't hesitate any longer in asking me to dance.

* * *

The dancing was both a good and bad idea. Ever since Jared's death we had been a little over-eager to prove our own existence. Being together meant we were alive; we were together and everything was wonderful.

So being held in Embry's very nice arms gave me some ideas I probably shouldn't be having in a crowd full of people and he was kind of obvious about sharing those ideas.

"You need to stop being so warm," I complained lightly as he held me closer.

"You need to stop being so beautiful." His breath was too hot on my ear; I shivered. He took that as his cue to say, "You wanna me to give you a tour of what's left of the house?"

"Sounds good."

We held hands, trying not to look like we were running out of the room, trying not to make each other laugh as we escaped. Passing through the dancing couples took some time, but once we got up the stairs, out of sight from the people below us, Embry pushed me against the wall and kissed me until the world started spinning. It was heavenly.

After we pulled apart, he seemed a little distracted.

"Room," I muttered.

That snapped him out of it. He pulled me down the hall; he seemed to know where he was going and that was enough for me.

I couldn't believe I was doing this. At someone's eighteen birthday party, too. Two weeks ago I never would have considered it. But now it seemed imperative.

Embry finally grabbed hold of a door knob and opened it.

The room wasn't empty.

In the center of the room, in her designer dress, Nessie was standing in the arms of an impossibly tall dark-haired man, his lips on hers.

Oh my.


	31. Ch 30: The Weakness in Me

A/N: So this chapter was thrown up in a bit of a rush job. If something is kind of confusing, let me know. I'll do my best to re-edit.

Chapter 30: The Weakness in Me

Before my eyes could even adjust to the light, Embry had shut the door in my face. Then he was pulling me down the hall so fast I was jogging to keep up with him. Sensing an empty room, I pulled him inside. The shaking was making me nervous and he looked like he needed a minute to collect himself.

I admit I was just as surprised. I hadn't expected to see Jacob and Nessie kissing. It wasn't something I needed to see, either. For all the public displays of affection I couldn't help witnessing around the werewolves, the girl was Bella's daughter and I couldn't quite help feeling a little maternal towards my old classmate's child.

And she was already grown up and kissing someone. I felt very old just then—or I would have, if Embry wasn't making me so very nervous.

"Embry? Are you okay?"

"What the hell, Angela? What the..." he gazed at me miserably. "Do you have any idea what this is going to do to the pack?"

I could guess—it wouldn't be pleasant. When Jacob told me he loved Leah, I had believed him. The woman herself probably believed the same, whether she liked admitting it or not. When she found about this and wanted to go cry in a corner...he'd be in her head. It would be the break up from hell; they were stuck together forever even if they started to hate each other.

Everyone thought he was in love with her. His old pack was used to him being in love with her, used to having the two of them as partners. They would take his betrayal of her the way Embry was taking it—as a betrayal of himself.

"I'm sorry."

He didn't seem to hear. "This is going to...not _now_. We can't deal with this now."

"Maybe...we don't even know what we really saw, Embry. Maybe they were just..."

"His tongue was in her throat."

Well, at least in her mouth.

"But we could be wrong. Or maybe...maybe...I don't know. Maybe it won't be so bad."

"We cannot be angry with each other right now. Jake has to be in charge, no question, no _nothing_. Who knows what's happening with the vampires? If we're distracted who knows who else we could lose?"

"Your pack might not be the most mature people around, but if it's so important I'm sure Jacob and Leah will try to be civil about everything. And if they're okay then…"

"Yeah, Leah's going to be so civil when Jacob tries to kill her little brother." Embry snorted. "Maybe she'll say excuse me before she tries to behead Jake afterwards."

"Why would Jacob kill Seth?" I asked.

Embry looked at me like I was the crazy one.

"Because Seth gave Jacob's imprint a tonsil exam."

For a second I just didn't follow at all. Then: "Seth?"

"With Nessie." Now it sounded like Embry was asking a question; we had officially confused each other. I felt I should go first.

"That wasn't…"

"…yeah. Yes. It was Seth."

"That was Jacob."

"No, it wasn't."

"Yes, it was."

We had started sounding like a bad comedy routine.

"You're the one who has trouble telling them apart, Angela. Not me."

"Jacob had a tuxedo jacket on."

"He took it off to dance."

"He—" He had, I remembered belatedly. When I watched him and Leah enjoying themselves on the dance floor, he had been in a blue dress shirt. I tried to recall what shade of blue Nessie's paramour had been wearing and couldn't for the life of me recall it. Embry had moved so quickly.

"It was Seth."

I frowned. I had been so sure...but so was Embry and he would know. He would have seen more than I had in the split second we had stood in the doorway—he might even have been able to pick up a scent, while I hadn't had time to notice anyone's aura. Jacob and Seth did look remarkably alike to me.

I had noticed that Seth was overly friendly with Nessie and that she didn't seem to mind at all.

I guess I misread the situation.

"I...I thought I was getting better at telling them apart."

"Oh, Ang…You were close. At least you didn't think it was me."

"You would never do something like that to me." Like that? Since it wasn't Jacob in that room, the situation was not what I had thought. "Embry, it's not like Seth has a girlfriend. While it might not be something you expected, I don't see why he and Nessie can't be—"

"She's Jacob's imprint."

"_So_? Jacob brought another woman to her birthday. Whatever you all want to call it, Leah is his date. I think that's a sign he doesn't want to be romantically involved with Nessie. She should be free to kiss whoever she wants."

"Maybe," Embry muttered. "But it can't be Seth. Especially not now. You don't—he's already been running his mouth, saying we need to protect the Cullens even though Jared—" He had to take a few deep breaths to steady himself. "Sam's—the new members of the pack are pissed at him. They're just looking for an excuse. If he's been sticking up for the vampires because of a hot piece of ass..."

I didn't quite like that. Still, he was under stress, as the rather impressive swearing indicated. I didn't know you could do that—I didn't know why you would want to.

"It is none of our business. You don't have to say anything..."

"I can't hide things from the others. The second I phase everyone is going to know. Then they're going to try to tear the kid apart. Leah won't stand for that and...it's going to be a mess. Unless…"

I wrapped my arms around him; he needed it and I needed the time to think. I suspected I knew what he was asking. What he couldn't remember couldn't hurt anyone. With his head on my shoulder I rubbed his back, trying to get him to calm down. His world kept reorganizing itself. I suppose I understood how he was taking it badly that things just seemed to be getting worse.

And then—as if someone had read my mind—the door opened and Nessie peered inside.

Her expression was one of relief; Embry put as much space as possible between us, shaking violently. She didn't seem to notice.

"I couldn't help overhear," she said. "You're the ones..."

"Yes." I had to answer because Embry couldn't. She was a threat and he wanted to deal with that the only way they seemed to know how.

"I'm so glad I found you. You have to—you can't—it was just—" She huffed, annoyed with herself. "So, you can fix it, right? Your friends said that was your way; what could cause harm will be forgotten. Seth was telling me your family is famous for it—" I guess it hadn't just been a business line, _Rina_ "—you can make us all forget. Right? You can make it go away…please?"

She gazed at me imploringly, her brown eyes seductive, her power overwhelming as always. Could I? She needed my help, but this time I wasn't sure I wanted to help. We were supposed to heal, not hide mistakes.

While we weren't sure we had caused their imprinting, we suspected. Our magic didn't mix well with theirs. Removing a memory from Embry could leave his entire pack mind wiped, possibly for lot longer than I intended. And while Grandmother and her ancestors might have been famous of their ability to cause amnesia, I was still only an acolyte. Even if I wanted to I didn't think I could risk it.

I explained as best I could, but the idea of accidentally erasing all their memories just made her look curious (I suspected she wanted to conduct an experiment). Embry growled at her as I came to a decision.

"I'm afraid I can't Nessie. You're just going to have to explain everything to Jacob and hope he understands. And can make the others understand."

I had a feeling Jacob wouldn't be a problem; if she told him she wanted to run off with Leah, I thought Jacob would just nod and help her out. If it made her happy, he would help her. And then he would make the other werewolves understand. Hopefully.

She looked unhappy, but Embry would support my decision however much he didn't agree and she seemed to understand that she couldn't change my mind. She was already trying to come up with a new plan. Eventually, she nodded.

"I'll—I can handle it. I can—"

For the second time that night, she was interrupted by a couple.

Rosalie Hale, now Cullen (though I wondered which name, if either, was actually her real one) looked just as beautiful as she had in high school, which is to say that she was the most stunning woman I had ever seen in my life. Even though the parade of beautiful people downstairs that should have desensitized me to such things, seeing her up close made me blink a couple of times. She must have been an angel or a fallen star—she could not have come from this world.

"There you are," she said to Nessie. "Alice was starting to worry. She wants to take a few more hundred photos."

"I need a minute," the girl said.

"Of course. We can send everyone home, if you'd prefer?"

"No. I want everyone to stay. I just need twenty minutes, that's all. There's something I have to do."

"What happened to you?" Embry asked Rosalie's companion.

He was as tall as perhaps even Jacob, a good half a foot taller than me, though I hadn't immediately noticed him beside his wife. Emmett Cullen looked exactly the same as he had in high school, too, just making it obvious how unnatural all of them were.

Though tonight was the first time I had seen him look less than perfectly composed. In fact, his hair was a mess and he had stripped down to an undershirt which had a couple of tears in it, even if he was still wearing his dress pants. The broad smile was unfamiliar, too, though that, at least, looked natural. The severe expression he had worn around our high school had probably been the mask.

"I beat Seth to the top of the Ferris wheel." Emmett's booming laughter rang through the tiny room. "So I got shot out of the cannon first."

Rosalie sighed, but couldn't quite keep the smile off her face. Her niece turned paler; her agitation replaced by something else.

"When?"

"What?"

"When did the two of you get shot out of a cannon?"

"Just a few minutes ago. You just missed him disappearing into the woods," Emmett said. Her gaze must have made him uncomfortable, because he kept talking. "We can redo the obstacle course, if you want. I beat him once, I can beat him again."

"Wait," Embry said. "Seth was with you?"

Nessie stamped her foot and rushed from the room. Rosalie glared at all of us (I couldn't help trembling, a little, which was perhaps the point) before she hurried after her niece. I had never seen anyone stamp their foot before. It was like wringing your hands—I had read about it in novels and assumed someone, somewhere must have done it at some point or another because it wouldn't be a trope, otherwise, but I had never witnessed it before. Though I was beginning to suspect what was going on.

_"Good because I am damn confused right now."_

_"Try living through it." I couldn't help sighing. It had given me a headache._

_"Which one of them was it really?"_

_Not to brag but… "It really was Jacob. But Embry saw what he needed to see and Nessie went with it."_

_"Wouldn't the guys be able to clear up pretty quickly which one of them was kissing her?"_

_"I think she was hoping erasing Embry's memories would affect all the werewolves. And she did have another plan if that didn't work.__"_

"I'm missing something," Emmett realized.

"She heard us. Me saying it was Seth," Embry said. "She must have lied."

At the time, I just raised an eyebrow at my boyfriend, who I didn't think had a right to be calling anyone a liar. But it wouldn't have worked if he had been lying (or conscious about lying, I should say). To convince the others of what he had seen he had to convince himself—so he had.

Then Embry started cursing again, far worse than before. Before he had been worried; now he was furious. This wasn't just a betrayal of his species (though later I understood that they saw it as that, first and foremost); this was a betrayal of himself. And he was reacting the way I had been afraid he would.

He didn't even say anything as he left the room; I knew he was going to find Jacob.

"So…" Emmett said as we looked at one another. "Uh, I'm Emmett, by the way. Nice to meet you."

"Angela Weber. We went to high school together," I said as we shook hands. "I was a year younger than you."

"Cool," he said, having absolutely no idea who I was. "Well…see you downstairs, Angela."

Alone, I tried to figure out what I was supposed to do next. Find Embry and stop him from yelling at Jacob (or maybe doing something far worse)? Find Nessie and make sure she had recovered from her temper tantrum? Find Seth and make sure he hadn't suffered too badly from being shot out of a cannon?

Embry had always made it clear that he didn't want me around when he was upset. If the night at the cliffs (and the night Jared died) had taught me anything, it was that Jacob Black could handle himself. And werewolves healed quickly.

I didn't know about half-vampires—but I did know how terribly confusing boys could be when you were just eighteen.

* * *

I found Nessie back in the room I had first found her in; this time, I had time to notice the decor. She was curled up on a giant four poster bed straight out of the Disney Princess catalogue, with pink hangings on white-painted wood. The initials_ RC_ were painted in gold along the top. I would have just assumed gold paint, normally, but it was awfully shiny and knowing Alice…

Nessie had her head in Rosalie's lap as she tried not to cry, as her aunt ran a hand along her arm. Her expression was gentle, loving—until she saw me. I would only have a moment and if I upset Nessie further it would be my last moment.

"I just wanted to make sure you were all right," I said to the girl.

"I don't…" She sat up. "You could still...Please?"

At least she hadn't told my secret, even in her distress. The Coven swore our secret, living magic at its finest, was immune to the vampires, but I wasn't sure how well that would hold and if she said it out loud I would have to do a whole lot of mind wiping that I simply wasn't powerful enough to do."

"You made it seem like you didn't need my help."

"That was when I assumed Seth was curled up in a corner with Elmira at the time."

"What could you do?"

It wasn't any of my business, of course, but after a moment she beckoned me over. She held out her hand to me. "Do you want me to show you?"

I nodded and I took her hand.

We were outside, walking through the party. In front of us, her parents were holding each others hands, happily oblivious to the rest of the world. Laughter rang through the air as people brushed past. Quil dropped cotton candy on my shirt, but Embry scooped it up and shoved it in his mouth, winking as he raced past.

_It was Uncle Jasper's idea_, she explained as we walked through the crowd. _In a fight, he says, you have to be able to use all the abilities that are available to you._

And suddenly I was standing in front of her. She released my hand and explained: "I can't replace memories, but I can create new ones. Enough new ones to confuse the werewolves. If they don't know for sure what's real then…well, they'd probably do what Embry did. The pack can't doubt their alpha—and they seem to be looking for a reason to blame Seth."

My brain was still trying to recover itself, so I stuck with simple questions. "Jacob would remember."

"But he'd be so busy yelling at Seth he would dismiss what happened as mere fantasy. It could have worked. Maybe..." The composure shattered all at once as she realized there was no way it would work now that werewolves, vampires and humans alike could vouch it hadn't been Seth with her; again I found myself feeling sorry for her as she tried to explain. "I just thought…since he was kissing me, I thought…I just thought I might as well see if it was nice or not. I didn't want to cause trouble. I didn't want anyone to get hurt. I just wanted to see what it would be like."

"It's not your fault," Rosalie said. She swallowed down a few choice curses, I was sure. "It's all that dog's fault. And the next time someone kisses you and you don't want them too, you do what Jasper taught you to do and light them on fire. Understand?"

She sounded like she was going to cry and so Nessie turned and wrapped her arms around the waist of the other woman, who melted at the touch.

"I didn't know if I wanted to kiss him or not. I still don't…but I would sacrifice everyone for him, all the others who risked so much for me. Everyone is meaningless compared to him. And he would do the same for me, no matter how many people are counting on him because he needs me like the air he breathes and he can't…even when he wants to do something else he _can't_ because he _needs_ me."

She looked older than eighteen; it might have been the grace with which she held herself. But she sounded like a child at that moment and not just because she was throwing a bit of a tantrum. She was in love, I think, and she could not handle it. Not at all. She was just too young for the feelings coursing through her, the selfless desire to be everything to someone else, no matter what the risks.

It was me she talked to next. "You really believed I was with Seth?"

"They all sort of look the same to me," I admitted, embarrassed. The feeling grew as she seemed to find this bit of information unbelievable.

"You shouldn't have kept inviting Seth over," she said. Not to me. "They're too willing to think…"

"Emmett needed a wrestling partner who doesn't have fleas."

There was no guilt on Rosalie's face (too little, in fact; she may not have felt guilty but I was suddenly sure her actions had not been innocent). Nessie didn't seem to accept this explanation.

So I said, "Seth makes whatever friends he wants. I should know. Even if you always thought he was being a bad friend to me."

Her cheeks suddenly matched her aunt's red dress. "He was quite angry with me, after. He doesn't want to hurt you. I shouldn't have implied he did. And I'm sorry if I hurt you by telling you what will happen."

It wasn't the kind of apology I wanted, but she seemed to be doing a good job beating herself up so I didn't bother saying anything. I also couldn't help thinking that maybe (just maybe) she knew what she was talking about. Yesterday I would have said Jacob would never look at a woman who wasn't Leah, that he would never want a happy family with Nessie. And now…

I left her with her aunt.

* * *

I followed the music and ended up back on the steps. The party was still going full swing, even if the birthday girl was absent. Alice was in the arms of her husband, Jasper twirling her so quickly I didn't see her until she was back in his arms.

Edward and Bella were dancing together now, but their eyes kept going to the stairs. The worried looks on their faces assured me they knew something was going on even if they didn't want to interfere until they were called.

By the door, Embry and Quil were talking quietly. I went over to join them.

"Leah is in the middle of learning how to breathe fire, so she's still in the back," Embry said to me. "Jacob's out front."

Neither of them looked very happy with their best friend; I was glad I had missed that conversation.

Quil said, "He's going to tell her when they run home so…"

"If you hear howling tonight, just know it's Jacob's funeral," my boyfriend concluded.

"So much for hoping the night would be drama free." Quil sighed. "It's a good thing I managed to get a little buzzed."

"Seriously?"

In spite of everything, Embry sounded impressed.

"Yeah. Open bars are the way to go."

"Coming, Ang?" Embry asked me.

"Do you think…would Jacob mind if talk to him?"

"You really don't want to listen to him sulk," Quil warned me. "Not when there's still a buffet."

But Embry kissed my forehead, called me an angel, and told me to be careful.

It's not that I thought Jacob deserved comfort right this second. I just…I did not understand. And I needed to, because the idea that Nessie was right, that one day I would be the woman who didn't matter because _she_ was there…I just needed to talk to Jacob.

Rachel and Paul were sitting on the step when I went outside; I almost fell right over them. As I apologized for my clumsiness they blamed themselves for being in my way. I still felt terrible; they looked like they were in the middle of something rather serious and their auras suggested the topic was something painful (now that I thought about it, Sam's old pack had been far more subdued than the werewolves I knew best). Fortunately, Paul pointed me in the direction Jacob had gone and I was on my way.

The drive was ridiculously long, so luckily he hadn't gone that far. Instead, Jacob had made his way to the garage, leaning against the wall and staring at the trees. He raised an eyebrow when he saw me coming and managed a barking sort of laugh.

"What can I do for you?"

He leaned his head back against the garage and waited for the other foot to drop.

"You look like you could use someone to talk to."

"No offence, Angela, but what I really need is a drink."

"Maybe you shouldn't have had so many before," I suggested.

It just made him laugh. "We can't get drunk. Can't use that excuse. Even if it was true, Leah wouldn't care. She's knows she deserves better than this kind of crap."

"Nessie suggested I just make everyone forget…"

He reacted the way I needed him too. It wasn't that he stopped caring about her, no matter where his lips went. "I'm not going to lie to her on top of everything. I might be a bastard, but I'm not a coward. If Sam's boys think this is reason enough to challenge me, then I'll show them how very wrong they are."

Pack politics, despite how Nessie and Embry seemed to feel, were not that important to me.

"You sound like you still love Leah."

"Of course, I do."

"Then, why did you do it?" I admit I was a little exasperated.

"I love them both. I can't help that; I wouldn't want to. But it's different. But Nessie just…she surprised me, today. She isn't a kid anymore." He growled. "And she just wouldn't shut up about the damn hybrids."

"The boy?"

"The girls." He laughed again; I wished he would start sounding like he found something funny. "She's jealous. I don't think she even knows it, but she is. She's…you know what's really funny, Angela? I trust the kid with my life. I trust him with everything. He's annoying, sometimes, but there's nothing on earth that can make him do what he doesn't want to do. He wouldn't hurt me for anything. I trust him—but Nessie? I don't know if I trust Nessie. She's my other fucking half and I think she'd cheat on me in a heartbeat if she could figure out how to go about doing it."

"It wouldn't be cheating since you aren't in a relationship."

And while I agreed with him, that Seth would never betray him, would never do anything he didn't want to do, I also thought that Seth would agree with me—it wouldn't be a betrayal because Nessie was _not_ Jacob's girlfriend. No matter how territorial he acted.

Jacob had the grace to look ashamed. "It's just…habit. It doesn't mean anything."

"Well, it means something to Nessie and something to Leah, so maybe you should stop being so careless."

"Angela—"

"Jacob, I'm sorry, but…you keep talking about her like she's this adult and, I don't know, maybe she is. Or maybe, just maybe, she's a child. And the only people she thinks might actually like her, the only friends she has, they're all playing a game she doesn't understand. Of course she's jealous. But it doesn't have anything to do with you. It might not even have anything to do with them. It just means she's terribly lonely because you have her on this pedestal that you don't seem to want to let her get down from."

"Leah always used to say I had to let her get out more."

"You should have listened to Leah."

"Yeah." He sighed. "I'm an idiot."

When I didn't say anything, he muttered, "You don't have to disagree so loudly."

"What are you going to do now?"

"I'll tell Leah when I take her home; I can't do it around the vamps. She'd never forgive me for that. I'll apologize to Nessie tomorrow, if I can get around Blondie. If Leah doesn't kill me." He sounded like he was rather hoping she would. "Then I'll tell Sam's pack they can bitch about it all they want, but she's my imprint and she's going away to school anyway, so they better not complain."

It was only then I realized that it wasn't just about Nessie and Leah, hurting one of their own for an outsider. Nessie was leaving (she'd already technically left). Would Jacob follow? No one would like that the answer now seemed to be an unequivical yes.

Before I could comfort him—I couldn't not offer hope, even if it was only a fool's hope—something distracted us.

"Jake!"

Seth was tearing down the stairs, totally focused, for once not even the faintest trace of a smile on his face. "Good," I heard Jacob growl beside me. Not good, I wanted to correct. While it might make him feel better, fighting wasn't going to fix anything.

But before Jacob could begin feeling less guilty because he had a black eye or two, Seth pulled up abruptly.

"Alice can't see what the Volturi are going to do anymore."


	32. Ch 31: I Wanna Dance With Somebody

Chapter 31: I Wanna Dance With Somebody

Seth's announcement had a startling effect on Jacob. One second he was leaning against the garage and the next he had snapped to attention. He had already taken off towards the house, Seth beside him, before I realized what was happening; I had to run to keep up with them.

"How much time does Alice give us?"

"She's going blind, Jake. That's the whole point. She has no idea."

Jacob motioned for Paul to join them as he kept up the interrogation.

"If they're flying from Italy—"

"They're closer than that. They're doing a tour of North America right now, visiting—anyway, she stopped being able to see them."

"I want everything with a heartbeat out of that house. Now. Tell the others. Keep everyone calm."

"Got it."

And then they split up, leaving me alone by the door. The men from La Push were moving through the crowd, telling everyone who didn't have red eyes that it was time to go. Explanations would have taken too long, I guess, because they weren't very clear. But the sharp orders were working. People began filing past me, a few agitated, a few puzzled, but all heading towards the exit. Alice managed to get Nessie to stand by the door so she could wave goodbye as everyone left. The vampires were buzzing around the hall in clumps, spreading the news.

Eventually, Leah was hooking her arm through mine.

"You're blocking the exit, Angela. Come on. The birthday girl will understand."

"I don't understand."

"The Volturi are bad. They're coming near us—Alice's powers goes on the fritz whenever we're involved—so we need to go protect the rez. And that means we need to make sure we aren't distracted by thinking of people over here, surrounded by vampires. Got it?"

"That was surprisingly helpful, actually."

"Good." She was staring at the cars driving away, everyone leaving in an orderly fashion as Sam directed traffic. "Helps there weren't that many of us here in the first place. We should be back on the rez in half an hour."

"That's good."

"Yeah. I can't believe the little pixie bitch didn't tell us they were nearby."

I was used to Leah insulting everyone by now, but right then it was obvious she wasn't putting her best effort into it. So I asked gently, "What's wrong?"

"You'd think someone would have mentioned the big, bad vamps were on our continent."

Then she let out some rather impressive cursing. But once she got it off her chest, she seemed to feel better. She let go of me and headed off Jacob as he came out the door.

"All clear?"

"Yeah. Everyone taken off?"

"Just the wolves and the imprints left."

"Good."

The urgency left her: "Less good is the fact Seth is leaving the Volvo here. We have to get six in the Rabbit."

"Hilarious, Leah."

Then he realized she was serious and groaned. "This is going to suck. Let's get going."

"Where is Seth?" Quil asked.

Jacob wolf-whistled and Seth soon appeared from around the back, having finished the last sweep. He was saying, "I couldn't get the hybrids to come with us. They said they weren't going to run from the Volturi."

"Not our problem," Leah said as she held open the door. The car was a rather sad excuse for a vehicle, but if it had gotten them there I trusted it would get us back. I said a little prayer, just in case.

"Would you want to hang around someone responsible for dad's death?"

"You already do, dweeb," Leah said as she sat down on top of her brother who pinched her in response; I was on Embry's lap but we were having far fewer difficulties than the Clearwaters. Neither of us was complaining about getting elbowed or having to eat hair or smelling body odour. The benefits of not being related, I guess.

"Why did Quil get the passenger seat?" Embry asked when their fight for more room ended up almost giving him a black eye.

"Because I'm better looking."

"And he called shotgun," Jacob replied.

"That's a stupid rule," Leah complained, having managed to carve out some room for herself.

That unfortunately launched them into an argument over the various ways to call dibs and which of them were valid and which of them were just stupid and which trumped other versions. The threat of killer vampires seemed to have been forgotten completely.

Or not. When the conversation lulled, Leah turned to her brother: "The next time you know evil vampires are near us, you tell us. You _idiot_."

"I didn't know. We told Jasper and Alice not to come back until two days ago," he reminded her. "I got the tour stuff from Elmira. Two hours ago. I thought I'd have time to tell you later."

"Did the Cullens know?" Jacob asked from the front.

Seth shrugged—and I don't think it was accidental that he avoided answering the question. All he said was, "Alice had no idea; she's been so focused on the party, lately. I don't think she would have even noticed they were coming towards us at all if the Romanians hadn't wanted an update."

Quil cursed. "I never did get to go on that Ferris wheel."

"You thinking that's why the vamps have been jumpy lately?" Jacob glanced in the mirror so he could watch Leah. She shrugged; I think she was trying to be diplomatic. It was kind of amusing.

"Maybe—other vamps either fleeing the Voturi because they were too psycho even for the psychos or trying to impress them by taking us out. Could be. Depends how long they've been around, or how long they've been planning this." She couldn't keep it back anymore. "Please tell me our boys are dead because the Europeans wanted to go on vacation?"

I asked them to explain with a little more detail, please.

The Volturi, Leah said, were based in Italy and they were essentially the vampire equivalent to the Coven, only with a lot more executions and fewer regulations. None of the shapeshifters were overly fond of these vampires because they had tried to kill everyone back when Nessie was born for reasons Leah didn't bother to explain but insisted were ridiculous. They were bad; that was what she wanted me to take away from the conversation.

They were trying to figure out if they could maybe get a copy of where the Volturi were going and then figure out if there were any vamps that were going to be roused by the incoming mob of royalty when they broke off so suddenly I thought I must have cast something on them. I don't think I had ever heard them all silent at the same time.

On the other side of the road a parade of black SUVs was driving past us.

"Happy Birthday, Nessie," Leah muttered.

Her voice was quiet, as if they might hear her. Maybe they could.

"Bet you Aro just wanted to crash the party," Jacob muttered.

"You can't really blame the guy. Alice's parties rock," Seth said. Leah punched her brother and then wondered: "Why are we slowing down?"

The car stopped and Jacob ordered them out of the car. Without question they obeyed, piling out with the same efficiency they had used to corral the guests out of the mansion.

"Seth, I think the Cullens could use a heads up."

The younger man shrugged and then stripped before I could blink, disappearing into the forest.

"I'm faster," Leah complained. The whine didn't quite mask her fear; her brother might be slower but he was also a much better fighter—she would know Jacob's reasoning better than anyone. Heck, even I had figured it out.

"I need you to do something else," he said. He didn't look happy, but he faced her. That much he owed her. "And I need to tell you something before I have you phase."

"Not really the time for the personal stuff," Embry reminded him.

So Jacob hurried up.

"I kissed her. I'm exactly sure why and we don't have time for me to figure it out. So I need you to not care about that right now. Punch me later. I need you to get Sam and to get the rest of them and make sure there are enough of us standing in that forest to make sure the Volturi can't just take an evening stroll down to La Push. Okay?"

As he spoke her face just seemed to get stiller and stiller, until he finished and she looked more like a statue than a woman. For a second she just stared at him with her big, dark, accusing eyes. Then she spun around, walking towards the trees as if to disappear forever.

When she turned around, she was saying, "There's no way they're here for a fight, but if they change their minds we'll be ready. I'll get the boys into the forest if I have to drag them by their collars myself."

"Tell Sam I want you in charge."

"Like hell I'm letting you go off with the Cullens without me. You'll piss off the crazy evil vampires and get us all killed."

"Will not. Besides, if something goes wrong then you need to take care of things."

"If you die for her, so help me, Jake," Leah snarled. "There will be no afterlife big enough for you to hide from me."

He laughed, like it was the time for that. Then Jacob turned to Embry and Quil: "So are you two coming with me or not?"

They swore, but Quil and Embry had been peeling off their clothes while he talked to Leah, so their nakedness betrayed them. They would go wherever he asked them to, no matter how stupid they thought he had acted.

"I just want it remembered," Quil said, "That I am far too pretty to die."

"What about Angela?" Embry asked.

"I can drive myself home."

"Leave the damn Rabbit," Jacob said dismissively. "Teleport yourself home and find something exciting on TV. Okay, let's move."

"If you do manage not to piss them off while you talk to them, ask them why the hell they're letting packs of nomads come and kill us," Leah called after him. "And good luck!"

It wasn't so much as a well-wish as an order to come back alive. The men disappeared with their pants in their teeth, taking off at speeds I couldn't follow. They could run faster than the car could drive.

"I'm sorry," I murmured. Dwelling on her problems made me slightly less worried about the supposedly very evil vampires my boyfriend was sure to accidentally offend (he just couldn't help…hopefully they would understand he didn't mean to indult anyone).

"For?"

I didn't say anything.

"Can't blame him for wanting to make sure she's okay. I didn't expect anything less. Wanting to risk his life for people who don't deserve it is par on course for him." Leah burst into bitter laughter. "Don't you love it when guys are punctual? I mean, she stopped growing, what, two hours ago? He sure didn't waste any time."

"Do you want to talk—?"

"Don't."

"Right."

"Stop looking like that, Angela," she said with half a grin. "I'm sure if we ask Alice will tone it down for their wedding."

"Leah—"

"I wish he hadn't; she's still too young. But he…he was free to kiss her. Despite what the pack would like to think, to make their small pathetic lives more interesting, we aren't together. We never were. Even if—at least he didn't go from kissing her mom to kissing her. Someone had to help with that. Now," she said, "Like Embry said before, this isn't the time. So get yourself out of here so I can go rustle us up an army."

And somehow, because she said so, I did what I was told.

Even as I did I knew I couldn't simply go home and wait for word that everything was okay. Not again. Not after…I couldn't sit around and wait again. So as I teleported away I reached out and borrowed a bit of the strength flowing from the female werewolf (after the power I had borrowed from Alex, I knew that the shapeshifters had more than enough to spare). It wouldn't hurt her; they regenerated quickly. But it allowed me to reach my house feeling more refreshed than I ever had before.

Once I was home, I picked up Didi, cuddling her to me as I sat down my couch and concentrated back on the house in the woods.

I managed to focus just in time to see Alice berating Seth for coming. She was complaining that he was making her useless—and that she was pretty sure they didn't need the werewolves around because the Volturi were just paying a social visit to their old friends. Seth apologized, adjusted the forgotten tuxedo jacket he was using as an impromptu skirt and slipped away.

Well, that was anticlimactic.

I almost stopped watching, debating whether I should try to see if I could find Jacob, even if I couldn't hear what he was saying when transformed, when Nessie slipped out of the main room and followed Seth.

No one seemed to notice she was gone, though most of them continued to evoke her name. She was at the center of the arguments, but she wasn't involved, the eye of the storm, the girl the rest of the revolved around but who had no say in anything.

It was none of my business, so—

"_It's is so your business," Jessica whined._

"_You have no idea."_

So I started trying to cut the connection. But the first thing Nessie said to Seth stopped me.

"Did Rina tell you what they did to me?"

Rina was my business; I watched as Seth stopped leaving and let her come close (far too close, really, but I suppose I should be grateful that they were talking so quietly no one else could hear instead of casting aspersions on their behaviour). Even with magic I could barely hear them, as he asked why it mattered and she repeated the question so he could admit he didn't really know.

"They said it was a mental block. Do you think that means it'll block tactile extraction as well?"

"What?"

"Aro."

The way he frowned made me nervous, even if I didn't understand what in the world they were saying. When it came to magic and Nessie, I never did. She was just so different, alive but like the vampires, in between everything we knew.

"Well," Seth said slowly, "Why don't you just not touch him, to be on the safe side?"

"Say no to the most powerful vampire alive?"

"Why not? It must be boring to have people agree with you for thousands of years. Maybe he'll die of shock or something."

"Too bad he's already dead."

"Sucker punch him then. That's Leah's solution when people don't take no for an answer."

"And what's your solution?"

Seth shrugged. "Distract them with balloon animals?"

"And I'm the child?" But no sooner had the words left her mouth than she grinned at him. "You're kind of brilliant, you know. Now if only I could…what if I can't get away from him?"

"You'll do great. That's sort of what you do."

"You should go. It wouldn't do for them to find you here." For the Volturi to find a werewolf by himself? Somehow, I didn't think that's what she meant. "I—I really need you not to be my friend right now, Seth."

"Not anything you can do about that."

The seconds ticked away, but they just regarded each other steadily as Nessie reached out and took the hand that wasn't holding up the tuxedo jacket. She must have been using her powers to communicate, because it was clear they were having some kind of conversation even if only Seth was talking.

"I'm not…okay, yeah I am but that doesn't mean—I don't get to—thanks, but—we should have—he had to—I'm not blaming you—or _me_—exactly—we shouldn't have—yeah."

She withdrew her hands and while neither seemed particularly happy they seemed to have come to some sort of agreement. They didn't move away, at least.

"Is Leah all right?" Nessie asked quietly.

"I think…she's a little too happy about being right. That's all she's letting herself think about right now. Actually, she kind of sounded like you usually do."

"I…I didn't want to be right this time."

"Liar," he said. It didn't quite out particularly teasing, though I understood that had been the intention. He gave up trying to pretend entirely as he asked, "Why do you never remember you don't have to protect him?"

"Maybe I've been friends with you too—what's wrong?"

He had frozen rather abruptly; he was still listening as she figured out what it meant. "Phase," she ordered. "At least then you'll amuse them."

"Some girls get ponies for their birthday—you want a werewolf? I feel kind of cheap." She rolled her eyes, but he wasn't paying much attention, listening to the world around them; they slipped apart so smoothly I didn't notice until she was on the other side of the room. "Jake's here. He'll tell me how he wants to play this."

"Is he okay?"

"As long as no one tries to kill you again," Jacob said as he came through the kitchen door. He had put on the dress pants but hadn't bothered with his shirt; breathless as he was he made quite the imposing picture (though my boyfriend looked pretty scrumptious behind him). "You okay, Nessie?"

"What are you all doing here?"

"I need to talk to the crazy vamps. Not 'cuz I want to, believe me. But if they don't want a fight, then they shouldn't mind having a conversation, right?"

"Now you want to be diplomatic?" But after she sighed, she said she'd go tell Alice.

"Here," Jacob said to Seth, handing the younger man a pair of pants. "Go be friendly."

"I can do that," Seth agreed.

Jacob grabbed the younger man by the shoulder, turning him around and spoke almost as quietly as Seth and Nessie had been speaking before.

"But don't make friends. Understand?"

"Jake—"

"Don't get too close. Okay?" Seth nodded, but Jacob kept staring him down. Jacob gave in first, sighing. "Can't you listen to me just this once? What happens if I'm not there to protect you? Repeat after me: Evil vampires."

"Evil vampires," Seth said, but his voice lacked conviction. It made Jacob laugh, at least, before the Alpha wolf continued, "Anything happens, you get Nessie out of there. And tell your sister—"

"You're an idiot and you love her," Seth muttered. "I know, I know."

Embry finally spoke up: "I think that if Leah doesn't know that by now, she's got to officially be brain dead."

"Good thing Jake left her in charge then," Quil said.

Jacob took the lead and the three of them feel into formation around him as they headed into the hall. They made it just in time. The grand entrance was happening. Figures in long black cloaks wafted through the door. There were quite a few of them—fifteen or sixteen, perhaps, and the number made me nervous, though they didn't outnumber the guests. It helped me believe that Alice was right (of course Alice was right), that they were just paying a social visit.

Three men emerged from the crowd of black—Aro, Casius and Marcus, Carlisle greeted them by name. I had just been at a party which had more vampires than humans at it, but these vampires did not look like the others. Where the Cullens and their friends were marble statues, these men absurdly reminded me of Casper the friendly ghost. Their skin seemed translucent; they looked like a strong breeze would obliterate them.

I doubted that was the case, but a girl could dream.

Though their eyes were red like most of the other vampires, the colour was hazy. It was an apt metaphor since they seemed unable to see the way their presence was not wanted. I felt the smallest touch of pity. It must be very hard to go through a world that was changing all around you at a rate you couldn't even imagine while you just stayed static. It seemed rather lonely to me.

"Carlisle," the one in the middle greeted the head of the Cullen clan. "I apologize, old friend. I hope our little surprise didn't disturb your festivities too much."

Maybe it was Alice's theme, but he made me think of a ringleader, shouting out attractions to the audience, occasionally forgetting to be objective in his own enthusiasm for the death defying stunts around him.

"Not at all, Aro. You're always welcome here."

The expression on everyone's face gave lie to Carlisle's words. Perhaps that was the point. Aro didn't seem to notice.

"Bella!" he cooed. "Did you enjoy my latest gift?"

"As much as I enjoyed your previous gifts," Bella said diplomatically. I was sure she hated being fawned over by such a man. He was making me uncomfortable and I wasn't even around him. "Thank you very much, Aro."

"And where is your daughter?"

The Cullens only very reluctantly shifted so that Nessie was visible. She was still a vision in Alice's dress and when she smiled at Aro, I don't think he was faking how charmed he was. He seemed genuinely fascinated by her.

He would have to join the very long line.

"It has been a long time, Renesmee. Do you remember the last time we met?"

"Yes," she said so quietly it was hard to hear her. A slight flush appeared on her cheeks, but she drew herself up taller. "Yes, Aro. I remember our last meeting very clearly."

Even if she had been a child, I doubted anyone would forget the people who had come to murder her family.

"You've grown much since then," he observed. Then he smiled a terrifying sort of smile, a smile I felt he had used at both ballet recitals and genocides, a smile that was as dangerous as it was mysterious. He extended his hand towards her: "Come."

It was not a request.

She moved, but not towards him.

Instead, she stamped her foot like she had hours (was it really only a few hours? It felt like a lifetime ago) before and just like then her eyes filled with tears. "It's my birthday. Why did you have to ruin my birthday?"

Never had she sounded so childlike, half a second away from bursting into tears. The vampire in front of her might have been a thousand years old but it seems that Nessie had found a weakness—he did not know how to deal with a hormonal teenage girl.

"Pardon?"

Nessie lowered her eyes and pouted her red lips. "You scared off most of my guests. There—there was this boy and he—he never got to ask me to dance."

She was trying to make herself into a lovesick, hormonal teenager who was not refusing to play along with the most powerful vampire because she resented the way he kept threatening her family for the crime of loving her but because she was disappointed her crush didn't like her back. I don't know how long she could have kept it up for (she had never struck me as an actress) but I think she knew her limitations. As soon as she had finished talking she turned around and, covering her face with her hands, raced upstairs to her room. The sobs didn't sound false to me—it had been a long night. I hoped she really was all right.

The Volturi seemed…puzzled.

It was not an emotional state the guests wanted them in. Bella stepped forward and I was reminded that a mother's love was boundless.

"Aro," she said, "Would you like to dance?"

I don't know how Alice managed to get the music on that quickly, but I wasn't surprised. The ancient vampire slowly stopped frowning. With a rather maniacal grin, he took Bella's hand and led her onto the dance floor.


	33. Ch 32: You're the Reason I'm Leaving

Chapter 32: You're the Reason I'm Leaving

Nessie's eighteenth birthday party lasted long after she had abandoned it. Vampires, it seemed, never got tired. With perfect memories and no need to breathe, they could reminisce for a long, long time. Bella later told me the Volturi only left just before daybreak. Still, they left peacefully to everyone's everlasting relief (Nessie never came out of her room to my relief).

Once it seemed like everyone was dancing and pretending to get along, I let myself fall asleep. Knowing I could just check in if I woke up nervous helped me sleep right through the night. It was only when the knocking began the next morning that I woke up.

Leah was on the other side of the door—and the first words out of her mouth told me what kind of morning it was going to be:

"I need coffee."

I let her in and began making her some as I asked, "Did you get _any_ sleep last night?"

"Do you want those boneheads pissed the Volturi around and then without supervision?" Leah laughed. "Please. If Jared—but there was just me and Sam. They'll listen to Paul, too, but Paul doesn't always remember to listen to Paul. It's harder for Collin and Brady to demand respect and I frankly don't trust the other guys to listen to me at all. So...I may need you to inject coffee into me this morning."

"I'm happy to help as always."

"I thought you would be." But that time I was sure she meant it as a compliment. "Once I wake up, I want us to head over to the Cullens'."

"You want me to come with you? Not that—I'm glad you want me there."

"Like hell I'm going to be alone with baby vamp right now."

It made her uncomfortable, but I was touched she felt comfortable enough to share. "Why don't we just not head over?"

"Or not. I'm not sure what Jake's going to decide to do, but we definitely need to have a conversation with the vampires. We should have known the bad guys were coming."

"The Volturi didn't seem all that awful."

"And we have to keep pretending that's true. All right, I'm awake enough. Let's get going."

When I asked her how we were getting there, Leah just looked at me expectantly—she knew the risks. I teleported us both over and while she might have been a little unsteady for the first few steps, she was as straight as a column by the time she rang the bell.

It was Nessie who opened the door for us, though she didn't give Leah time to feel awkward. In fact, after the girl told us to come in she practically sprinted away. It was only over her shoulder she called: "They're meeting in the kitchen!"

"That was weird." Leah frowned.

"Guilt, maybe."

Leah shook her head, but had other things to worry about. She said to me, "The kitchen's going to be boring. Could you…?"

"Make sure she's all right?"

"I was going to go with sane, but sure. Check on her."

I nodded and headed up the steps. I didn't even need magic to find Nessie. Her voice—far too cheerful for how early it was—was prattling away.

"So that's another 500 mL of water. And how would you describe the intensity of your headache?"

From Seth's response, I assumed his head was bothering him a great deal.

When I reached the doorway of the bathroom I saw why.

He looked like death. Seth was sitting on the bathroom floor in front of the large ceramic toilet, head against the wall, looking like he more like a zombie than a familiar. Also, he seemed a little yellow.

"I take it you lost the fight," I said.

He just winced. "He's hung over," Nessie informed me. There was a pen stuck in her hair and a clipboard on the vanity. "Isn't it fascinating?"

"Nessie, what did I say about the volume?" he snapped. I jumped; she was still grinning fit to burst.

"Sorry," she whispered. "Nothing about 35 decibels."

"I thought alcohol didn't affect you," I whispered as well.

"They've been lying to me," he complained.

Nessie just picked up her clipboard and flipped through the pages. "Look," she said at her normal volume, "We had assumed they couldn't become properly intoxicated, never mind actually hung over. The sheer quantity of liquor needed...I assume his liver failed at some point, but Seth said exploratory surgery was out of the question."

Ignoring the way she was pouting, I glanced at her clipboard. It read like an an inventory of a small liquor store. Three-quarters of the way down, in curly cursive, she had made a note: _Patient cannot recall consuming more than the above but witnesses also remember seeing him consume the following._ Then the list continued.

"How are you not dead?"

"Nessie, please, no biology lesson right now," he begged.

"You might learn something," she snapped at him.

"For the last time, Marcus doesn't care that you're scared of horror movies."

"I am not scared—" When he winced she remembered the decibel level and lowered her voice. "I can't believe you did that! It would be like telling the President I'm afraid of voting. It makes me look ridiculous."

"He thought it was cute."

Slowly I began to understand what had happened to Seth the night before. "You got drunk with one of the Volturi?"

"Vampires can't get drunk. They just like mixing drinks for idiotic werewolves."

"I didn't think there would be quite that many," he admitted. When she handed him another 500 mL of water, he drank it gratefully, ignoring how she was recording even that. "This is so an experience I could have lived forever without having."

Since he wasn't going to get any sympathy from the half-vampire, I offered him some old war stories and then promised him some hope. Then I recommended she try giving him coffee and aspirin. Or not. I left her to it.

"Did you have fun, at least?"

"Until I woke up," he admitted. "Marcus is a pretty cool guy. It took him a while to get talking, but he got there eventually. Even told me all about his wife."

"Only Aro and Caius have wives," she corrected.

"Well, Marcus had one once. Her name was Didyme and she had hair like water at night, he said, so dark you could get lost looking at it for hours, and eyes like freshly sacrificed...anyway, he said being with her made you feel like everything in the world made sense. Hell, he said she made even Casius giggle once, though I wasn't supposed to tell anyone that."

Once he had finished, Seth leaned against the wall with a groan, head apparently unable to take long speeches, even his own. Nessie's voice was gentle when she spoke.

"Don't fall in love with a woman who has been dead for a millennium."

Without opening his eyes, he said: "Marcus said she wouldn't have liked horror movies, either."

She blushed, but busied herself with her clipboard and talking to me, asking me if I knew whether the Coven's power could counter Aro's. I had to admit I didn't know.

"We should see if they could stop you," I said. "If they can, then I bet they could stop him."

"He's more than a hundred times my age and a full vampire. Just because you can stop me doesn't mean you can stop him."

"Well, thank you for not testing anything last night."

"Oh. It was nothing. I...I kind of liked it, actually. Aro always—he scares me. So...I'm glad I could help you."

"If you need any help," I offered, "Or just someone to talk to..."

I never got the chance to complete the thought because Seth suddenly rose to his feet. And just as suddenly he was bent double over the toilet, proving that moving that quickly was out of the question this morning. Nessie stepped closer, but he waved her away. Not just away, we were both quick to realize, but downstairs. Seth kept pointing down as he choked up...I stopped looking, just let Nessie grab my arm and hurry us along.

"I'm not allowed downstairs they said. But if you're with—oh."

She almost pulled my arm out of my socket as she raced down the stairs. Soon I was let in on the secret because little care was being put into keeping down the voices. Now that the Volturi were gone, there was no need for everyone to appear to be on the same side.

"You can't banish us," Edward shouted at Jacob.

"You were going anyway," Leah complained.

"You should have told us," Jacob said and I could tell by the expression on everyone's faces that this had been the common theme of the morning. "You should have warned us and you didn't so I don't understand how you can stand there and pretend to be our allies."

"We were afraid you might let your temper run away with you," Carlisle said.

"You haven't seen me angry, Doc. The vamps that killed my brothers? The vamps we didn't know were coming? They saw me angry."

"We can't know everything," Edward countered.

"Actually," Alice muttered. Then she pouted. "Except there's nothing to see, if the wolves are involved."

"Good thing you're leaving then," Jacob said coldly.

"We're leaving?" Nessie asked. No one had noticed us slip into the room (well, I wasn't sure Jacob hadn't noticed so much as needed to focus on other things right that second). "When?"

"Today," Jacob said, though his voice wasn't as cold as it had been. "Like we had all agreed on before. And then you can go to Dartmouth just like you always wanted."

"But I—I've already started school in Seattle."

"I guess it's a good thing your parents can pull a few strings then."

"But I—I can come back, right? I can..."

"Of course," Jacob said. There was no doubt about that. He couldn't cut her out of his life if he wanted to (I don't think he wanted to, though I wasn't sure he would extend the sentiment to the rest of her family just then).

"Jacob, they are the foundation of our society," Carlisle said. "To tell you their location would be a betrayal."

"We wouldn't have gone after them. We didn't go after them last night."

Leah's tired face this morning suggested that the others had wanted to; remembering Nathan (and Kim, who still burst into tears every time her husband's name was mentioned) I couldn't help but understand the impulse. Forgiveness was very difficult, after all. I would have been impressed that Jacob had managed to forgive where his friends couldn't, but he was clear that he hadn't—he knew his men couldn't win that fight (it would be a declaration of war against the entire vampire world, Leah later told me, if they went after the Volturi) and so he would keep his friends out of it, however much he wanted revenge.

"You're wondering about going after them right now," Edward said.

"Someone should," Embry muttered.

"Do you ever wonder how many people they kill each year?" Leah said.

"You're not strong enough to go after them yourselves," Jasper Hale said. There was something in his cold eyes that made me believe him.

Leah grinned, barring her teeth. "Just because all of you are too scared to go after them, doesn't mean we are."

"It would be anarchy," Carlisle cautioned. "Without them, vampires would stop hiding."

"And it's not like you would step up; it might interfering with your fucking," Leah said. But she let Jacob continue, "So you'll leave it to someone else because you're more concerned with your own. You have to protect them. I get it. I really do. But you should have told us they were playing tourist. You should have let us prepare."

"We're very sorry Jared and Zac are dead," Esme Cullen said. I think she might have been the only one who could say that to the werewolves without getting snapped at. "If we had known other vampires were on the move, we would have told you. We simply..."

"Alice didn't see them coming," Leah observed. "And you don't actually know how to function if you haven't already been told how you're going to react."

"I think," Edward said, "You're misdirecting your anger this morning."

Jacob grabbed her by the arm before she could go tear Edward to pieces. "Enough. I want us to stay friends, even if you are leaving today."

"Jacob, we are your friends," Bella said. "We'll always be your friends."

"I know, Bells. But my pack won't, so you have until sundown. Then you better be gone and you better not come back. I don't think all of us can fit in one state."

"Charlie—"

"Can get on a plane to visit whenever he wants. Try keeping in touch. He'll like that."

Nessie interrupted. "Why am I going to Dartmouth?"

"Because you've always wanted to. And because I don't want your family visiting you in Seattle."

"But, Jacob, New Hampshire is on the other side of the country."

"Then you better not miss your plane."

She was stunned, but Carlisle rallied his family. They had been planning to leave that night, after all. I had wanted to help them clean up after the party—instead I ended up saying goodbye to Bella and Alice (well, they promised to come over that afternoon so we could have one final goodbye). Embry came to me afterwards and pulled me from the room. There were technical details everyone had to go over and I think he just wanted to say hello to me.

"I missed you last night," Embry sighed as he wrapped his arms around me. It was wonderful, relaxing into the heat of him. "Way too much craziness, not enough Angela."

"Do they really have to leave?"

"They want to," he said as he ran his fingers through my hair. "They've wanted to leave for years. They would have only come back for Nessie's sake, anyway."

"I'll miss Bella."

"She won't—well, maybe Alice will fly you out to Boston for tea."

"Thank you for trying to pretend you'll miss them," I said before he kissed me good morning. That was nice. And the way he buried his face in my neck was nicer.

"If the Cullens come through with travel plans I might actually miss them myself. Well, probably just Emmett. Guy was always up for a fight without the actual murderous rage that is Jasper."

And that was the best he could do; I would let it be enough.

Footsteps on the stairs behind us demanded our attention; Seth was moving slowly but surely down the stairs and Embry took one look at his face and sighed. I guess he didn't need precognition to know that it did not bode well. Quil realized that too, because he hustled Seth outside (fresh air would help him, Quil promised) before anyone else noticed the younger werewolf. Not that it stopped anything, just delayed it.

"Can we stop shouting?" Seth asked as he sat on the steps.

"I can't believe you've never been hung over before." Embry laughed. I think it was the boisterous sound that made Seth snap back.

"The joys of phasing when I was kid."

Quil and Embry just cackled together as Seth buried his head his hands. Quil turned to Embry and said, "I think we're going to have too much fun with this one."

"Oh yeah."

"Vamps were helpful this time," Leah said as she came out of house. "Too little, too late, but at least it's something. We'll go over the travel plans and prepare."

I'm not sure Seth even heard her.

"You're sending them away?" he demanded of Jacob. As unsteady on his feet as he was, he still managed to face the older man.

"They were leaving anyway."

"They didn't have to leave like this. They're our friends—"

"Then they damn well should have warned us."

"You can't believe that." It was easier to blame the vampires than themselves and blame was always easier when everyone was hurting. "Are we really pretending that this is about the Volturi?"

"What else is it about?"

The three other werewolves were circling around the two men, Embry keeping me behind him. I'm not sure if they were waiting for a fight or just instinctively encircling their own, but it made me nervous in the way Jacob and Seth didn't.

"Do you really think sending them away is going to make a shred of difference to my sister? Do you think it matters to her where they are and not what you did with them?"

"I wish this was just about Leah," Jacob snarled. "My decisions don't get to be that simple."

"This seems pretty simple to me. Can't you at least admit what you're doing? You're punishing the vampires for your mistakes. It's so messed up. You're punishing Nessie because you kissed her. Jake, don't do this. It's not fair."

I think that if Leah hadn't flinched, Jacob wouldn't have said anything. Seth wasn't wrong, exactly, no matter how his own feelings were coloring his perceptions, but there was much more going into Jacob's decisions than simply making up with his (not) girlfriend. I thought, anyway. Jacob could have explained that and probably would have. But Leah flinched (underneath the exhaustion and the anger and the coffee, Leah was hurt) and that made him so unthinkably angry at Seth for bringing it up that, well, he didn't think.

"She kissed me back."

Leah slipped between the two men though she seemed rather puzzled about which she was going to have to defend.

Seth said, "You can finally tell when someone kisses you back?"

Leah made up her mind. Pushing at his chest, she told her brother: "Get in the damn car, kid. Shut up and get in the car."

But she didn't have to worry about what Jacob would do. The moment where he might have torn Seth to pieces passed. He burst out laughing instead (which was retaliation enough; the noise made Seth cringe).

"Fair enough. What am I going to do with you?" Jacob wondered, stepping forward, hugging the other man. Seth told him to shut up, but returned the embrace, before saying, "Banishment isn't the answer."

"Well, it's all I've got for now. We've got time. They've got even more of it. Give the rest of us time to catch up."

"I don't get to say goodbye?" Seth asked quietly.

"They talk you into going with them," Leah said, "And I will have Jake kill them. Just so you know."

"You heard her," Jacob said. "Go home, sleep it off, come back around dinner. Try not to let the others know. Okay?"

Seth nodded and got in the car. Somehow, their conversation meant that he got shotgun, not that it stopped Quil from complaining. Leah squished herself between Quil and Embry in the back seat and I was told to just lay on top of the three of them.

"Have we made fun of Seth for asking Jane to dance yet?" Quil asked once we were all inside. And just like that, the tension disappeared.

There was muffled laughter as Seth groaned. Still, he managed to say, "She might not be so evil if people were nicer to her."

"Bleeding heart." Leah sighed.

"At least Alec said no," Quil said. "I don't think I could have handled seeing him with both twins."

Jacob asked: "How much do you not remember?"

"Um...well, up until Marcus started using the tequila I can remember pretty much everything. I think. But after that...it starts getting...black-ish. I...how did I end up in Esme's room?"

"Marcus put you to bed eventually," Leah rolled her eyes. "He seemed rather fond of you by the end there."

"A little too fond," Embry leered.

Quil said, "We were a little worried he was going to try to adopt you."

Embry said, "Okay, now I totally want to see Sue fight Marcus. Fifty bucks on the mortal woman."

Quil and Embry continued teasing Seth (they said they needed to immortalize his first hangover—they were thinking they needed pictures when they got back to the house) and if Leah and Jacob weren't quite as cheerful, well, no one said anything.


	34. Ch 33: I Only Want to be with You

Chapter 33: I Only Want to be with You

Bella and Alice took me out for coffee that they didn't drink one more time before they left. Alice kept up the conversation, of course, but I enjoyed sitting with Bella one last time. I didn't ask if she would keep in touch this time—eternal love didn't leave a lot of time for other things.

So I hugged them goodbye and that was that.

_"Actually this time?" Jessica asked._

_"Actually." I had seen Bella since her daughter's eighteenth birthday, but not in Forks. She never came back here. Out of respect for Jacob, I'm sure, but also because she didn't really care to come back. _

_"It would have been less anti-climatic if she had just left when she got married."_

_"But then it would have ruined the story."_

_"Well, now I know there was a good reason for her lurking around and refusing to talk to me, it's all good."_

_"Jess..."_

_"Just continue."_

Nessie left without a word to me. At the time I was a little disappointed (and a little relieved) though even then I knew she wouldn't be able to stay away forever.

From what Embry told me, her parents had been able to get her into Dartmouth even though the semester had already started. She waited until the end of the month, then gave in and called Jacob. They talked once a week though not for long. She was still upset with him and he wouldn't push her.

Jacob was a big boy; his relationships weren't my business. Leah made sure everyone knew Jacob's private life was his business. If things between the two familiars weren't as they had been, well, they had always been volatile. And werewolves were nothing if not able to adapt. Instead of each other, they focused on integrating the packs properly. And that was that was that, they insisted. Then they growled, so everyone agreed.

Integrating the packs _properly_, Embry said, went better than they had expected even though he never told me what properly meant. Once the vampires were gone and Jacob wasn't, Sam and the others stopped hesitating about following Jacob. They really were a perfectly coordinated small army now.

It made the Coven nervous.

Grandmother never said that, of course. It would be impolite. More than that, it would imply that the familiars were a threat. That wasn't the sort of word anyone wanted thrown around since we were all trying to get along.

It was a smaller gathering in September, just Jacob, Leah, Sam and Emily (and Sue, of course). The Coven still sent three representatives, though this time Grandmother and Hilda were accompanied by Hilda's partner, Zelda, instead of Rina.

Later, when I called Rina to make sure she was all right with being replaced, her response was clipped and scripted. She was unhappy but she didn't have permission to tell me why. I tried to understand; I had broken enough rules already.

The Coven gave Rina the credit with heading up the research, however, saying she had found a story when we had interfered with a pack of shapeshifting leopards. Our magic had become imbedded inside them, taking on a life of its own. When it felt that its host was in danger, it could react unpredictably. We couldn't be more certain than that. But it had been passed along the generations until they died out.

All we could do was accept blame and offer compensation.

Jacob spoke for all of them; they had been expecting this. The Coven wouldn't have brought up the possibility in the first place if it hadn't been likely. I had been expecting them to refuse out of hand; our magic had changed them once. Why would they risk it again? I should have known better. There was little they weren't willing to risk.

"We want some sort of magical security system. So what happens to Jared won't happen to anyone else."

And maybe if the Volturi stopped by again, they would be prepared.

"Preferably with as little interference from us as possible?" Grandmother asked.

"Well, since you've mentioned it..." Leah said.

"You could once astral project," Hilda said. "It should be possible for Zelda to reteach you."

Jacob glanced at Leah for a moment; whatever he saw in her face decided him. He stuck out his hand and my Grandmother shook it. The deal was binding.

So we were allies and friends now, the past wiped clean, officially. The familiars sent Seth and two of the younger boys up to Seattle for lessons and while it was slow going Zelda was confident they could do it, eventually. I sometimes wondered if my sisters in Seattle told the werewolves that our sisters in Hanover were making sure a young half-vampire wasn't lonely. I didn't ask, just told Bella to keep an eye on her daughter. Not that anyone viewed Nessie as a threat, just as a remarkable fluke. Maybe if they understood her they could understand how the familiars could embed our magic inside themselves in ways even we couldn't manage.

How could you be friends if you didn't understand one another?

* * *

It was October when Embry and I headed up to Port Angeles. We hadn't been in a while, so I didn't think anything of the change of scenery. It was a cool, clear day, almost catalogue-ordered. The rain that had been threatening the better part of the week had fallen the day before, so that day the sun warmed the air. And since I travelled with my own personal heating blanket, I was enjoying the fall weather.

We strolled arm-in-arm and just enjoyed each other's company for a while. To this day, I'm not sure what sparked his comment, but for whatever reason, Embry said: "You don't regret meeting me too much, do you?"

I admit it; I laughed. He had rubbed off on me in all sorts of ways, some of which I liked better than others. But he would understand I didn't mean to be rude.

"Don't be silly, Embry. I don't regret it at all. In fact—" I took a step closer, until he had to stop walking and wrap his arms around me "—I'm kind of glad."

"Kind of?"

But he smirked. It was a good look on him.

I might have melted, a tiny bit.

"Well…maybe more than kind of. Maybe I'm really glad."

"Good," he murmured right before he kissed me. We were in the middle of the street, but he made my stomach flip. "It sounds bad that I'm glad you broke your ankle, doesn't it?"

"Yes." But like most things about my lovably awkward boyfriend, it didn't matter what other people thought. I understood. "I'm glad I sprained my ankle, too. And that I got my very own super hero to rescue me."

"We've come a long way, haven't we?"

"I'm finally pretty sure you're into me."

"Pretty sure?" he asked. It wasn't fair. I couldn't help shivering (mostly at the promise in his eyes). There really had never been any doubt, once he decided. He loved me completely.

"I'm glad Seth can't mind his own business," my boyfriend said.

"I'm glad you decided to ignore Leah."

"And I'm glad you stopped hiding your secret powers."

"You started it."

Embry stuck out his tongue. "I'm going to say you did."

"Well, I suppose, as long as we finish together…"

He laughed at me and we started walking again, hand in hand. Most of what he did was physical, but I didn't mind the way he had to always be touching me. On the contrary, I loved that he always wanted us to be closer. When we were alone together, he couldn't seem to get enough of me. Which wasn't the kind of reminiscing I wanted to do on a crowded street. Bad Angela.

We had barely gone ten feet down the street when Embry stopped me again. Nervousness settled over his features. "Hey, Ang, do you ever go window shopping?"

"Of course. What girl doesn't?"

"Yeah, but do you do it the way we do?"

"How is that?"

"We know we can't buy anything. Not right now. But we're very detailed. So when we have the money or…when the time is right," I'm pretty sure he blushed, "We can get exactly what we once picked out. It's important that you know that you're eventually going to buy it."

"I...sure. I do that." What was the point?

Well, I figured that out pretty quickly.

The store right behind me turned out to be a jewellery store.

Embry had never been good at subtlety; it was part of the reason I loved him. He might occasionally make no sense, but that was simply because he was so bad at deceiving me. When he lied, I knew something wasn't quite right. I just knew enough to know if he wasn't telling me it was necessary he not tell (the secret didn't just belong to him). I always knew where I stood with him.

So as he led me through the door, he didn't try to hide his thoughts.

He said, "Just window shopping, remember. Otherwise I'd have to come up with a speech about how perfect you are and how I can't imagine my life without you in it and I don't think now is really the time for all that even if I've got it all written out. I'm mean, just sketched out, really, because I know all the important points, but I'm not exactly sure what order I'd say them in yet but I have a pretty good idea of the key points and that's not the important part anyway. The important part is that you're okay with this and that you don't want to run screaming even if it's only window shopping and—"

I interrupted. I had to. He had superpowered lungs. He could talk over me all day without noticing. In his fear, he might have done just that.

"Embry?" He snapped out of it immediately. "I'm not running. Or screaming. It's hard for me to run in heels."

Like every time I thought about it, the thought that I got to wear heels and he didn't have to hurt his neck craning his head up at me made me smile. Also, you know, my boyfriend had brought me to a jewellery store and if I was reading the situation correctly…well, I couldn't have stopped smiling, if I wanted to. Which I didn't. Ever.

"You're cute," he murmured, giving me a quick kiss.

"You're not so bad yourself. So what is it you wanted us to look at?"

I don't know why we hadn't been accosted by salespeople yet. Not that I thought about it at the time, but looking back...I guess they understood that a couple wrapped together in the middle of their store needed a moment to themselves. I should have thanked them. I don't think I did.

"I thought...since you haven't run screaming and since most people would have..." He kissed my nose, still easily distracted. But he said it. "I just want to make sure I get you a ring you like when I ask you to marry me."

"Oh."

I think that's what I said. I'm not quite sure I managed words that could be heard by human beings in my happiness, but then, my boyfriend wasn't quite human so I guess everything worked out perfectly.

"Okay." He was grinning again. "So what do you say we start looking?"

_The words faded as I stared at Jessica's face. There was no more eagerness to hear the next part of the story, anymore. My oldest, best friend looked like her ankle had started to hurt again._

"_He proposed?"_

"_Not really. It wasn't official or anything, he just wanted to make sure we were on the same page so that I wasn't really surprised when he really asked me..." I trailed off._

"_Oh, Ang, why didn't you tell me he proposed then?"_

"_Not officially," I repeated. Then: "It just…it made everything worse. It was all I could think about."_

"_I'm sorry. You don't have to—"_

"_I made you wait years to hear the whole story. I owe you the rest."_

"_Only if you really want to tell me."_

_Now that I had started, now that I was caught up in the memories, I couldn't do much else besides continue._

So we started looking.

We ended up with something traditional looking, rather like my mother's ring. A plain gold band with a simply cut diamond was all it was. It could have been anyone's ring, really, but it was going to be mine and it was perfect.

Of course, we didn't buy it. Like Embry said, it was just so he would know for later. I'm not sure if he went back for it later on that week or just kept the idea of it in mind. We didn't talk of the ring—it was incidental. Instead, we talked about where we would live when we got married. Since I shouldn't stay in La Push and he could run the distance between the two places in less time than it took me to walk to the grocery store we would stay in Forks. My father would need us to be married in the Church, so the engagement would have to be a little long. I would see if the Coven could do anything to ensure my power remained limited, so I would never hurt him. He wanted us to see Dr. Cullen, just to make sure that there wouldn't be any problems if (when) we decided to have children.

The fantasy world we created, where reality did not intrude, was perfect. It was all a girl could ask for.

I knew better than to believe you could have everything. I really did. But it was nice to pretend, just for a little while.

* * *

Emily invited us over one night a few weeks later (so the adults could take care of Kim, Leah translated) but because everyone worked at strange times, Rachel came to pick me up and Embry said he'd meet me there. I was glad for the opportunity to see Kim; our weekly coffees didn't always reassure me. Holding it together for an hour didn't mean she was doing well. And being with the older werewolves meant there would be less teenage groping (and maybe, just maybe, some adult conversation).

Sam greeted me politely when he opened the door, proving that time could help adjust even the most inflexible of people as long as long as someone they loved was involved.

"You're in a good mood," I observed.

"The better halves are more punctual, so aside from Quil the company is great. And Emily made pie."

"Have you tried getting her to take a break?"

"I think I saw her rest for five minutes once. But I was on morphine at the time, so I'm not quite sure."

We were eating indoors for once; after excepting some of the appetizers Emily had made, I settled beside Kim at the table. It was better for her to be around me and Embry (the others could be a little...too much, sometimes). Our tentative plans were still just tentative; I think Embry was waiting until Kim was a little bit better before we moved forward.

Rachel was entertaining the children as Emily cooked—holding Emily's youngest while she tried to keep the other three playing quietly. Emily had found the cutest little outfit for her daughter; Little Francy was in the sweetest dress, white with little roses on it. It was a little depressing how at two and half she was better dressed than I was.

Well, she was better dressed until Rachel's son took a marker to her back. The girl grabbed a weapon of her own, her twin brother joined in and soon all the children were covered in scribbles. Rachel laughed and Sam scowled and I was reminded once again why I loved little children.

"You look exhausted," I said to Quil when he sat down across from me at the table.

"You've been hanging around Embry too long. You used to start off with the lies about how good-looking you found me." Once he got me laughing he told me about the long day he had working with the children. Parents who hadn't picked up their kids on time and wondered why that was a problem and why wasn't he paying more attention to their precious little angel?

When Leah showed up, Quil naturally gravitated towards her and I turned to Kim, who finally seemed ready to talk. We stuck mostly to her plans for the baby, though she eventually opened up about how she was worried about how she was going to afford everything. Already, with the baby due at the end of December, it was getting hard for her to work (she was so tiny, the baby seemed to have doubled her size).

"Though Emily's already promised to babysit when I go back to work," she said gratefully.

"And you must know that if you need anything else, you only have to ask."

Kim nodded. "I just wish..."

But since we both knew what she wanted more than anything, she just rested her head on my shoulder. All of La Push seemed to be clamouring to help Kim. Thankfully, she wouldn't be alone through this and maybe one day she'd feel that it was true again.

Paul showed up eventually and was put to work as a pony for the children. He was exhausted by the time Sam demanded: "Where are they?"

Seth hadn't been invited (though if he had shown up no one had been surprised) but Jacob and Embry should have been here already. Embry didn't bother returning my phone calls so I had no answer to give the others.

"Try phasing," Leah ordered. Sam disappeared in the other room.

"I'm sure they're fine," Emily said as she tried to save the meat that had been broiling for far too long.

"They'd have howled if they were dying," Rachel said.

"Dying?" Sam's son asked.

"No one's dying, sweetie," Emily reassured her son.

"Jacob and Embry," Rachel's son chirped.

"Okay, buddy," Paul said as he sat down at the table. "What have we said about saying everything that pops into your head?"

The boy didn't seem impressed but Sam's voice cut into the conversation.

"Embry got tied up with work. It'll take him some time. But Jacob will be here soon. He said to start without him."

"Why the hell didn't they call then?" Leah demanded. Now was not the time for them to behave strangely; not with Jared's widow at the table. Jacob would hear words after, I was sure. We set about eating. After all, it's not like our lives revolved around Jacob, right?

But he came eventually. Sam managed to keep everyone oblivious until then. Following orders came naturally to them.

"Took you long enough," Leah complained, but she shut up quickly. He looked fine to me physically (his aura was swirling, violent, terrifying). Maybe she could smell the blood. It was only when Emily tried to hug him and he could only use one arm that I realized he was injured.

"Leah, could you go outside and wait for Embry?"

"What?"

"Now."

I almost jumped up to follow his order; Leah nodded almost immediately and took off. Jacob gestured to Quil and the other man followed her out the door, curious but trusting. Then Jacob turned to his sister and said…something.

I had known they spoke their own language, but except for a few curses Embry never bothered to translate I had never heard them use it before. I barely heard them then; outside, the sound of a wolf howling burst through the night. Leah was furious. I found myself hoping Quil was all right.

Rachel and her brother spoke for a minute; Paul stopped eating the more he heard. And then Paul and Rachel—who seemed to argue about everything—picked up their son without a word and heading for the door. Kim followed after them hesitantly when they ordered her to come with them (my reassuring smile didn't seem to help her). Then Sam announced he and Emily would be taking their children to the park.

Jacob waited until the door shut behind them before he looked at me. It was the first time since he walked through the door that he looked at me.

"Where's Embry?"

"He's not coming, Angela."

I might not have been a werewolf and I might not have understood Quileute but they had spent months warning me. I knew what was coming.

Jacob took my hand. His hands were warm, warm the way Embry's hands always were. I couldn't help the way I started to cry (when Jacob hugged me, so big and strong and not Embry, it just made it worse).

Maybe he whispered it into my hair. Maybe he told me later after I stopped crying. I'm sure Jacob said the words. Because that's what the Alpha did, because he was Embry's friend, because he wanted to protect us all. I just don't remember hearing them. Which is funny, because they echoed in my head for days.

"Embry imprinted."


	35. Ch 34: Where Were You When I Needed You

Chapter 34: Where Were You When I Needed You

Back when we first started seeing each other—so long ago now remembering back to the beginning felt like remembering back before I even existed—Embry had made a promise. It was a strange promise, but then everything about him was a little odd. I hadn't thought much of it. What did it matter that he promised never to come back to me if he found someone else?

Now, Jacob explained why it mattered in his deep voice that allowed for no argument. Embry wasn't coming. And it was over.

Jacob brought me home. No one else had returned to the house and so it was left to him to take care of me. I'm not sure why they didn't come. Leah, the part of me that was still thinking rationally knew, was too angry at the world to resume human form but the rest of them could have come back to say goodbye. But…well, what would they have said?

Sam would be too polite to say I told you so (maybe he was already worrying about how much I knew and how little reason I had to keep silent). Rachel and Paul could barely survive their own difficulties. Sympathy from Kim would have been impossible to tolerate; I still wasn't that selfish. He was alive, at least. At the very least I didn't have to deal with losing him forever.

If I was fair, I knew they didn't come to see me because there was nothing they could say.

Embry had left me. Through no fault of his own, he was leaving and never coming back. He would be happy with her and so he would never again bother to be by my side (Jacob said it was a kindness, that he wanted to spare me in the only way left; for the moment I accepted that, to shocked to argue that I didn't care how much it would hurt as long as I got to see him again).

I wished he had never existed. I wished I had never met him. I wished Seth had minded his own business.

They didn't come back because they didn't want to admit, so close to Jared's death, that the half-vampire had been right all along.

Embry broke my heart.

He didn't mean to...but he did.

Jacob made sure I arrived home; he even set me down on the couch and regarded me like I could break apart any second. I had stopped crying on the drive over, but I couldn't yet muster the energy to be polite. I let him stare and then asked him to leave. It was too painful. Maybe they couldn't pass as twins but they still looked far too much alike for my heart to take right then. Jacob nodded and was gone.

I just wanted to sleep, to pretend the day was some sort of nightmare.

I couldn't.

The wolves howled all night long.

* * *

Work was a blessing. With all the children demanding every bit of my concentration, I couldn't focus on the abrupt evaporation of all my dreams and expectations. The little sweethearts were wonderful that way.

But when I arrived home to an empty house (Didi was there, but I couldn't even look at my darling, snug in her beautiful dog house, without tearing up) it was intolerable. After everything, I couldn't stand remembering how alone I was all of a sudden.

My feet saved me. They walked the streets to Jessica's house without me even consciously planning to go there. I guess they knew I needed her.

She didn't answer on the first knock, though I was sure she was home. I could hear her on the phone, talking away. When I knocked a second time she sighed and said goodbye, finally coming to the door. When she saw me there her face brightened. "Sorry about that. I thought you were Mike and were just too lazy to get your key out."

"Sorry."

"You okay, Ang?" The answer was obviously no, so she herded me over to the table. "Okay, spill."

"Embry left me."

I was crying again. I didn't mean to, but I couldn't seem to help myself. It was a long while before I could explain the story to my bewildered friend. The tissues Jessica rushed to get me helped. More than that, having her there, eyes blinking furiously as she tried to work out just what was going on, made a world of difference.

I wasn't alone.

"He did _what_? Really?"

I couldn't tell her the whole truth, of course. It wasn't my truth to tell. I had already played far too loose with secrets in the past months. Maybe I was being punished for that (no, I realized, rationally, this was not a divine sign that I was to blame for anything, but I couldn't quite make myself believe it).

Instead, I told Jessica that Embry had met someone else and left me.

I eventually realized it was the truth.

"Oh, honey," Jessica said as she handed me another tissue. I just cried as she held my hand. "I'm so sorry."

Insulting him would come later.

_"Oh, I already started that. Just in my head. I wasn't sure you could handle hearing him insulted just then."_

_"Thanks, Jess."_

_I needed to thank her for being there all over again because...because I don't know what I would have done if she hadn't been there._

Dabbing the tissue to my eyes I tried to stem the flow the tears. "I just…" It wasn't supposed to end this way. It wasn't supposed to end. "I just…I miss him."

Jessica got up and sat on the chair beside me, wrapping her arms around me. Even sitting down her head barely reached my shoulder, but she tried.

"Well," she said, "I always loved you better than he did anyway."

This time when I started sobbing, at least I was laughing at the same time. I held to her tightly and she hugged me back. We were still holding each other when there was a knock on the door. "I didn't even lock it," she muttered. "It's open!"

The door creaked open, as if he didn't believe it was going to work. A sheepish looking blonde head peered around. But Mike stopped smiling when he saw us there.

"Ang? What's—"

"We need Rocky Road and Heavenly Hash, honey. As soon as possible."

"That's really not—"

Mike held up his hand and cut me off. "Give me ten minutes."

And then he was gone. I felt worse than ever. He had just come home from work and I was forcing him out of his house. Jessica didn't let me feel sorry for myself. "Stop it. You'd just feel bad if you cried all over him and you are not going to feel worse right now on our account. So, deep breaths, Ang, and when he gets back we'll tell him what happened and get to eat ice cream. Okay?"

"Yeah."

"Hey, he's glad to help. We're glad to help. Whatever you need, Ang. Anything at all."

"Thank you."

So I threw myself completely into the capable hands of Jessica Newton.

* * *

Mike drove me home because I didn't have a car, even though I begged to them to let me take a cab. They insisted that I wasn't fit for travel—consuming two litres of ice cream made me rather sluggish but not an invalid I tried to argue, but they didn't listen.

"Is there something I can do?" Mike asked when we stopped in front of my house. "I just feel sort of useless."

Jessica really shouldn't have laughed at his offer to beat up Embry, even if his agreement that maybe he couldn't quite take my boyfriend had made me giggle.

"You're the best, Mike. You and Jess—thank her again for me. Thank you. The two of you are the best friends a girl could ask for."

"We're just trying to return the favor." Mike smiled. "Call us if you need anything."

"Thanks," I whispered again and then climbed out of the car. I really was blessed, having so many people who loved me. I tried to remember that.

But—

_"Hold up," Jessica ordered. _

_"What?"_

_"I just realized...did I miss the part where he actually broke up with you?"_

_"I just went over that."_

_"No...you keep saying his name but he hasn't actually, you know, been there. Where does he sit you down and break up with you?"_

_"That's what Jacob did at Emily's, Jess."_

_"Wait. So..." Jessica frowned. "Let me get this straight. He had his best friend break up you for him? What is this, junior high? No, even guys in middle school aren't that lame. Well, except for Eric, but he matured later."_

_I giggled (thank goodness Eric had matured) and then returned to the still painful subject at hand. "Later, he explained that he had been...too happy about finding her. He didn't want to hurt me by showing up ecstatic that we needed to break up."_

_"Still lame."_

_And Jessica stared me down until I admitted that, just maybe, mystical powers aside, it was just a tiny bit lame. _

But it was another long night.

* * *

In the weeks that followed I clung to my friends, who proved once and for all that they were the best a girl could ask for. They didn't ask for more details, or push, though I was vague about what had happened. They must have just assumed I was too hurt to discuss it and left it at that. Lauren suddenly had no one to spend lunch with, Samantha desperately needed someone to round out her dinner party, Katie could no longer go shopping alone, Tyler had to have another opinion on his new car, Connor required a gym buddy or he might suddenly die of a heart attack at any moment and Eric discovered ten years worth of household chores that needed to be done just that second so _someone_ had to help him. Ben didn't bother with excuses, just picked me up from work most days.

Mike and Jessica stopped just short of ordering me to move in with them. All I had to do was think I wanted someone and suddenly they were both there.

I was so, so blessed.

I just…

I did my best. I went to work and laughed with my kids. I joined my parents for Saturday night dinner (I told them, but I didn't dare look up to see their expressions—they kissed me goodbye and told me they loved me). I went out with my friends. I fed Didi. I fed myself. I kept going.

It just wasn't the same.

I wanted someone to share everything with.

There were no more giant men stopping at my house at every moment. After the disastrous dinner at Emily's, I didn't see any of the men of La Push. Perhaps they thought it would be too difficult for me. Perhaps Embry would take it badly (he would come first, of course, I understood that). Perhaps they didn't want the bother of still being my friend. Whatever the reason, I didn't just lose Embry. I lost the entire world he had given me.

The Cullens were long gone; Bella was sorry to hear what had happened, but she was too far away to offer much comfort. When she offered to talk to Jacob, I knew nothing good could come of it. I wished she was here. Selfish, I know, but I just wanted someone I could tell the whole story to. Someone who would understand.

* * *

Jessica and I met up at her work so that we could walk to her house together. They had invited me over on Friday night again and I really should have said no because I was eroding all their newlywed time together. But I didn't want to be alone so when Jessica insisted I caved despite myself.

On the way we had to pass by the police station. Even knowing Bella's father worked there, I had never given the building much thought. Unfortunately, just because I hadn't thought about the police station didn't mean I could ignore it.

Not when the Clearwater siblings were walking out of the building.

They saw me. Forks isn't crowded enough for anyone to hide, really, and Jessica and I were the only two on the street. I knew they saw me because they both abruptly stopped moving and started staring (subtle as always). Beside me, Jessica took one look and guessed: "Embry's friends?"

It was painful to look at them, with their dark hair and dark skin, with the cheekbones and the muscles and the grace that were just like his. But it was the differences that were the worse—it just made it obvious how he wasn't coming back to me.

"Yeah."

"We'll walk quickly."

She hooked her arm in mine and started pulling me along. I just followed along, watching them back. They would know how he was, if he was happy, if she was pretty, if…

When Seth took a step towards us I think I flinched. Or maybe they just understood that I couldn't talk to Seth just then, no matter how much I wanted to know. They had always seemed to understand. Leah came over instead.

With her long legs, she headed us off before Jessica realized she was coming after us.

Planting herself right in the middle of the sidewalk, Leah looked me over carefully.

"You're not catatonic."

"Sorry?"

"Don't apologize," she ordered. "We should be the ones..."

But she didn't finish the thought. To apologize for what had happened meant apologizing for what they were and Leah couldn't bring herself to do that. Besides, she wasn't one for apologizing.

"We need to get going," Jessica said. I don't think she could work out if I wanted Leah to stay or not (I couldn't work out what I wanted Leah to do) so she was giving me an out. Jessica didn't know it wasn't Leah's fault (Leah who said it wouldn't work, who had tried to get me to leave, who hated that she hadn't been able to change my mind, who knew they would ruin my life).

"It's fine, Jess," I said, remembering the way Leah had been miserable in the book store, seeing this moment coming.

It was probably instinct; flushed with victory, Leah smirked, upper lip pulled back, teeth flashing. It made Jessica jump, even if she didn't understand why. There was something unsettling about the female werewolf. There always had been.

Still, Jessica asked, "You sure?"

"I don't bite," Leah promised. Except she did and even Jessica who didn't know better, knew that it was a lie. My old friend looked to me for help.

"Why don't you go on ahead?"

"Are you sure?"

Leah put her hands on her hips and Jessica ended up shrinking back, eyes wide. Leah towered over her and Leah wasn't one to give up on the advantages that she had.

"I'll be right there," I promised.

Jessica nodded and fairly fled from the scene.

_"I wasn't scared of her."_

_"I know."_

_"I wouldn't have left you if I was scared of her."_

_That I definitely knew._

_"I just…"_

_"She's…"_

_"Yeah."_

"How are you?" I asked Leah when we were alone.

"How am—how are you?" Leah demanded.

"I...I really don't want to talk about it."

"Have you gotten to the calling him names stage? Because I'm great at that."

She was Embry's friend, but not quite the way Quil and Jacob were. She hadn't gone out of her way to adopt me and just told me to mind my own business when she was heartbroken. My friends were still refraining from telling me what they really thought of Embry, but though I knew they would be unflattering when I finally said it was okay, I'm sure Leah could do it better.

"Maybe next weekend."

It was the best I could do right then.

"Okay. Angela? I...I'm really sorry."

"Me too."

"The guys are too, but...I'm really sorry it had to happen to you."

She didn't say 'too.' She didn't have to. I saw understanding in her eyes.

"Thank you."

"If you need anything..." She gave me her phone number in Seattle, though she warned me that she rarely picked up. But she always checked her voicemail and she was the fastest person in the state, so I should just leave a message, okay?

"Okay." This time I'm sure she would have left, but I stopped her. "What's her name?"

Her mouth opened but no sound came out. Then the familiar barking laughter rang out. "You know, I made Emily let me help her with every single detail of her damn wedding."

"Yeah? Even the dress?"

"Especially the dress." Leah wasn't laughing anymore, but something about her expression helped. "Her name's Marian. Her Dad was born in La Push, so she thought she'd move back to the area since she couldn't find a job where she was. She's cute, I guess. Kind of boring."

"That's your way of saying she's nice, right?"

"She's okay."

"I'm glad." If Leah hadn't been a shapeshifter, she might not have heard me, but I managed to say it. I was glad for him. I was. I just wished…

Her arms were around me before I realized she was moving. The power that flowed off her (that flowed off them) was always seductive but right that second I didn't even notice. All that mattered was that there was someone who finally understood that it was awful and terrible...and the best thing that had ever happened to him. How could I begrudge him that? I couldn't, not if I loved him and I loved him _so_ much.

"If you need anything…" she promised.

It was all they could give me, any more.

* * *

After Embry dumped me (I forced myself to think the words, so that maybe one day I would be okay with them) Rina took it as a sign we could renew our friendship properly. Something had happened with her and the Coven (I could gather that much from Grandmother's quiet disapproval when I mentioned my old mentor) but they weren't talking to me about it. Anyway, I had bigger problems.

"You were getting too reliant on him," she said as I made us tea. Struggling to light my stove did not mean...

"You make it sound like I was addicted."

"I wouldn't have blamed you if had gotten addicted. It's something else, casting when they're around. Zelda and Seth managed to astral project clean across the country their second go of it."

"Impressive." Even though I had yet to work up the courage to face Seth when he came around, I still worried about him. "Is he all right?"

"He's learning quickly. And is quite happy to continue talking to me despite their disapproval."

"The treaty—"

"Oh, don't worry about that. Our little friendship won't upset the treaty. Nothing will upset the treaty. The Coven takes responsibility for its own."

The bite in her voice unsettled me, mostly because I couldn't put my finger on its cause. When we first met the familiars, she had been afraid for my sake (and desperate to obey the Coven for her own). Now, I didn't understand why she would be willing to become friends with a familiar in spite of the Coven. Was she upset they hadn't stopped me before I got hurt?

When I asked as much, she frowned.

"I can't...even if you are the reason we got back in touch, you're still just an acolyte. Seth and the others are something else. Something..." She broke off, cursing. Her silence was more than a guilty conscience; something magical had her tongue. "You getting used to being less powerful again?"

"I was never big on being powerful. Since I don't need to teleport to La Push now, I really don't have much need for powerful magic."

"That's because you don't know how powerful you could be." They had inducted her only a few years before, but Rina had always had grander visions than I did. "You should think about all the good you could do, if you were stronger."

"It's a lot of responsibility."

"True. And look what we managed to do to you."

"It's not your fault."

"It's our fault," she declared. It had been done before Rina's parents had been born, done long before even Grandmother had been a small hope in a young couple. But the Coven was like the werewolves in that the problems of one were the problems of all. "Bonding gone haywire is our fault. And you were hurt because of it."

The sympathy was something I did not deserve. Rina had suffered because of magic; I had just stumbled across a great mystical misunderstanding.

"I will get better." It was a promise to myself as much as her. "I promise."

"That's not—" Sabrina sighed. "I'm supposed to wait until they reach a decision, so I can't—but someone had to come and tell you how sorry we were."

"I know you all care."

She sighed again. Soon, she had to leave. But she left me with a promise.

"We'll make it up to you."

I didn't understand then. I probably would have protested—they didn't have to make it up to me at all. I knew it wasn't anyone's fault. But the Coven would take responsibility for itself and I suddenly felt tired of not blaming anyone for what had happened.

* * *

After Rina came over, I finally decided it was time. The Friday was supposed to be a girl's night out, but Jessica, Lauren and Katie didn't mind that I wanted to change plans (Samantha had been busy, but she thought the change in plans was a good one, too). The three of them didn't even mind when I asked if I could invite other people.

None of them minded that I was monopolizing all of their time lately, for which I was eternally grateful. They never made me feel like it was inconvenient that they were rearranging their lives around my shattered heart. They were so wonderful.

We started with dinner; Katie and I cooked while Jessica entertained us and Lauren tried to recover from her stressful day. The four of us had a good time in the kitchen Embry had rebuilt (I tried not to remember the way he had grinned when he saw how much I appreciated everything, or the way he looked, struggling under the sink, muscles straining...or how he been unable to stay away from my fridge, even if he was just stopping in for a few minutes). The food ended up delicious and we were just polishing off the last few potatoes when there was a knock on the door.

Jessica looked nervous as she got the door for Leah and invited her in...until Leah introduced herself.

"I'm the expert on hating Embry."

Tonight I was finally going to blame Embry for leaving me. Rina would come by soon afterwards and they could all show me how to do blame someone properly. We could even call my boyfriend all sorts of unflattering names (call my _ex-_boyfriend names).

"What's in the bag?" Katie asked as Lauren and Jessica grinned.

"I'm glad you asked." There was no happiness in the smile Leah gave, just the same grim determination that always seemed to hover around her. From inside the bag, she began pulling out bottles. Lots of bottles. "I wasn't sure what you'd prefer, since it's not the time for those girly fruity drink you usually like, so I got you a little bit of everything."

"Wow," Jessica said as Lauren hurried to get glasses.

"I can't accept all this," I realized. Even though I had invited her because I knew she would know how to do this properly, I didn't want her wasting her money on me.

"Oh, I made the guys buy it. Since they're too cowardly to come see you themselves." She didn't bring up the way her brother had come over, almost daily, easily able to hear how I just couldn't see him. "Besides, most of it's for me, anyway."

I gave a small smile.

I just needed my friends, who didn't understand, and Leah, who did all too well.

And Embry.

God, I needed Embry.


	36. Ch 35: What Becomes Of The Brokenhearted

Chapter 35: What Becomes Of The Brokenhearted

"So he's a dog," Lauren declared.

Rina shrugged. "Man. Dog. Same difference."

"True," Leah agreed. Too true. When she winked at me I couldn't stop giggling.

"He was such a cute dog though…"

All spotted and sleek, with fur you just wanted to sink your hands into…

"Think of the drool," Leah reminded me.

"And the leaving you for another woman," Jessica said.

"Dog," I agreed. "Bad dog."

"Why can't they help it?" Lauren demanded from the world at large. She was over the breakup, except when lots of alcohol was involved. "How hard is it to keep it in your pants? I mean, sometimes I want something a little different, but I then I just pull out a vibrator and problem solved. Why can't guys do that?"

"They're made for betrayal," Rina said. At first, she had been uncomfortable (I should have remembered she and Leah hadn't met under the best circumstances). Then, as the night wore on, she had turned bitter. She and Lauren were having a contest over who could hate men more.

"Why do other women sleep with guys with girlfriends?" Katie said. "Because they can."

"He's downgraded," Jessica assured me. "Stupid whore."

"If he even told her," Lauren said.

I bet he did; he could be honest with her.

"It only took her four hours not to care you existed," Leah said. "Bitch."

"What does she care about someone she's never met when she can have him?"

The five of them groaned. Lauren even tossed a napkin at me. I think I was missing the point of the exercise. I just...she hadn't asked for him. She was just a lot luckier than I was.

"At least Emily made him wait a while before she jumped his bones," Leah said. Out-drinking the rest of us put together she was still probably the most sober.

"Embry told me the story, once. After our first night together." I had to have another sip of whatever it was Jessica kept giving me. It had stopped burning long ago and now just made the world spin pleasantly. "Said you were like sisters, once. Before she took you boyfriend."

"Still are," Leah said. "I was even her Maid of Honor."

"Boo," Lauren said.

"Hiss," agreed Jessica.

"Did she make you wear an ugly dress?" Katie asked.

"Nope. Well, yes, but I still looked damn good."

"Angela," Jessica said. Trying to focus on me, she repeated the word a couple times. Then: "If you _ever_ decide to stand up at Embry's wedding I will beat you with a frying pan."

"And then we'll tie you up in your trunk and drive away," Katie said.

"And then beat you with a frying pan some more," Lauren said. "Until we fix your brain damage."

"Hey," Leah snapped. "I had good reasons."

"No, honey," Jessica said. "You didn't."

"You don't even know the story."

"It's a sad story," I murmured. I didn't want to hear it. But Leah seemed to need to tell it so I let her talk. She was like her brother; her voice drew me in. I could only hope that this time I wouldn't get my heart broken into a million tiny pieces.

The story started with two girls, close for cousins, proud of the blood they shared. When the boy entered the story it wasn't a problem, just a part of growing up. The future Leah described then was beautiful, the kind of future I had wanted with Embry. And then one day, a not very special day, Leah had gone to school and Sam wasn't there.

Sam was always there.

They couldn't find him for weeks. It was Emily who sat with her cousin, until Leah couldn't cry anymore, worried about the boy she loved. It was Emily who told her not to give up hope and promised that whatever happened, everything would be okay. When Sam came back I rejoiced with her, though I knew how the story ended. At least he was safe.

"We had one night together," she told us, her mind very far away, back in his arms, "And then Emily came over the next day. I suppose the one good thing was that I didn't know it was the beginning of the end at the time."

Emily made him stay away, at first, you see (Leah said) because she had seen how much her cousin loved the handsome boy from La Push and Emily was always a loyal friend. But Sam needed someone to talk to and it couldn't be Leah, it had to be Emily, so—

"Why couldn't he tell you?" Katie demanded. "You were his girlfriend."

Leah looked to me, looking for an answer. I had none to give.

"Antiquated traditions?" Rina offered.

It was just a Quileute thing. How I hated those words!

Leah nodded and continued.

Still, Emily refused him. Even after Leah realized Sam didn't want to be with her anymore and promptly dumped him, Emily refused him. She stood by her own, Emily, no matter what, because she loved them so much. So when Sam wanted her she refused him. She was cruel in her speech, cruel the way she had learned to be from her cousin, and maybe that's why Sam...

"She got hurt," Leah said. "Really badly. She could have died and I thought she deserved it because I'm such a—Sam was the one who was devastated. More than devastated. Suicidal, terrified out of his mind that he would lose her. She had to go to him, to save him. Neither of us could live without him, you see. So they lived happily ever after. The end."

"But maid of honor?" Jessica repeated.

"I lost him. I wasn't about to lose her, too."

I stood up; well, maybe crawled was the better word. But somehow I got across the carpet and to Leah's side to hug her. It wasn't much, but it was something.

"Stupid story if you ask me," Lauren said. "You should have never spoken to either of them again."

"Not speaking doesn't really work for me," Leah admitted.

"And it wasn't their fault," I said. Again there was a volley of napkins, but this time I didn't care. It wasn't their fault—it was a Quileute thing, or maybe a witch thing, but it was not Emily's fault and it wasn't Sam's fault and it wasn't Leah's fault. It wasn't Seth's fault. It wasn't Embry's fault.

It wasn't even Marian's fault.

"You fail at hating him," Jessica said sadly.

"It's the world's fault," I declared. "For being the way it is."

"You can't change the world," Rina said.

The drink she gave me certainly helped change my perspective.

Ouch.

"But as pathetic as that was—" Rina hadn't forgotten their first meeting yet "—let me tell you the story of how I was dumped the day before my wedding. The bastard lit my dress on fire, too, and I'd still—they make us absolutely pathetic."

"So true," Lauren agreed. "There is a very sad, sad tale of how I took him back even though he cheated on me—three freaking times."

It was a tough competition, but Rina had secrets she couldn't tell, so Lauren ended up winning. I think. I don't quite remember.

* * *

"Tell me about Jacob."

The others were asleep. I don't know how I was still awake at that point; I know I was only still upright because Leah had a very pointy shoulder.

"What about Jacob?" she asked as she took another swing of something.

"What about Jacob?"

She snorted, but told me. Maybe I really was that pathetic. Maybe she just wanted someone to tell.

"Well, after Seth went to Seattle and my mother started doing unspeakable things with Bella's dad I told Jake I was going to move in with him. It made sense," she said defensively. "We worked together, we organized patrols together, we got along...if he needed to spend the day with Nessie I could watch Billy. It made sense."

"Complete sense."

"It was good. Really good. Great. I just…I spent so much time with him that I didn't really have time to find a guy. I don't like being alone—I blame my mother. We ran together, we fought together, we cooked together...we did everything together. So one day, I said it would make sense if we started sleeping together. It made sense."

"Complete sense."

But I only said that because I was drunk.

Leah knew; she wouldn't look at me anymore.

"He was a guy. Of course he said yes. Only…" Leah rested her head on top of my head. "Even then we both knew it wasn't just about the sex. He was the Alpha—you don't even know what that means to us. And he was like boss and my best friend and gorgeous...but we told ourselves that it didn't really matter."

"I'm sure that's what he told himself."

Just thinking about him made her laugh. "Yeah. He wanted...from the beginning he wanted it to mean more than it ever could. She just kept growing and he kept saying it didn't matter and I told him of course it didn't matter. We weren't together. He wasn't anything to me. I had to move to Seattle to make him believe me for half a second, but even then…he should have listened to me when we had the chance."

"You're sorry?"

"No. That's saddest thing of all. If I could do it again I'd…the only thing I'd do differently is…" her voice cracked a little as she fought down tears, "I'd stay in La Push and we'd have more time together. How sad is that?"

"It's not, Leah," I promised as she cried. "It's not. It's just love and it hurts sometimes."

"That's stupid."

And since Embry was with her and not with me, I had to agree.

* * *

I woke up the next morning with a terrible headache made all the worse by the arrival of people on my doorstep. Taking down the wards took more effort than usual, but I didn't want to borrow any power from my guests, so I woke Rina enough so she could take them down before she fell back asleep. Then I went to get a glass of water because I needed something.

Jacob and Quil could wait.

They didn't even knock; thankfully, they knew that I knew they were there. I was coming. After the water, I went to open the door. Slowly, because if I went quickly I might trip and I didn't want to wake my sleeping guests.

The morning light was _not_ my friend.

"Sorry," Jacob said. He even kept his voice down. I didn't ask him what the apology was for. "Leah here?"

"She's still sleeping."

"Can we grab her and go? Sue wants to see her."

I gestured to the couch and moved aside so Jacob could slip past me into the room. For such a large man, he made no noise at all as he headed towards Leah. It was disconcerting.

"How's Embry?" I asked Quil.

"Okay. Claire misses you. We all miss you."

It was the best he could do.

"Thank you."

"Yeah." He scratched the back of his head. "Hey, Ang? I know you don't really want to be doing us favors, but if you could just talk to the kid…he feels really shitty about what happened."

"I'll talk to him," I agreed. I wouldn't have been able to the other day, but despite the way my stomach was clenching, I felt better today. The poison had been sucked out. I couldn't hate life, but I wasn't going to hate anyone, either. It was no one's fault.

"Thanks."

"She's going to talk to Seth?" Jacob asked as he came back, Leah cradled in his arms. For such a big woman, she looked awfully delicate resting there. "Thank you."

"He's been a little bitch since the love of his life up and left him," Leah muttered, burying her head further into Jacob's chest, trying to block out the light.

"He hasn't been that bad," Jacob said, egging her on.

"Please. He almost started crying when their stupid song came on the radio."

"He did," Quil said. "It was embarrassing."

"He and Edward had a song?" Jacob sighed.

"They had three," Quil said.

"Watch her legs when you go through the door," I warned Jacob as they moved to head out.

"I've got her."

Leah groaned. "I hate you."

"I know," he said tenderly. "I can't wait to spend the day with you, now that you haven't gotten your beauty rest."

She said some things that I couldn't repeat and then the three of them left. I hurried to put on some tea. Something had to be done about my head.

* * *

Word must have spread around the reservation that I was now up to seeing visitors. As I was working at my table during the afternoon (or, more accurately, waiting for my headache to subside), there was a knock on the door, one far more timid than the one this morning. And then there was another knock, this one sure and demanding. The door was going to be opened, one way or another.

It made me smile, a little, the way the werewolves were predictable.

Kim and Rachel stood at my door.

A little behind them Paul hovered awkwardly. I _knew_ it was Paul (they didn't look much alike, really) but still my heart leapt. The pain that followed, as I stuffed the foolish hope away, at least made my hangover a little more bearable.

"Hi," Kim said. "We were hoping…"

Her brown eyes gazed at me beseechingly. I think she was looking for forgiveness. Since there was nothing to forgive, I just hugged her hello.

"We're going for coffee," Rachel said. "You should come."

"Please," Kim said.

"You'll never be able to work after what Leah gave you to drink if you don't have caffeine," Rachel explained.

So I agreed.

Paul and Rachel kept up most of the conversation. I had noticed Rachel was getting better, but that day was the first time I think I really got to meet Rachel Lahote. There was still the sharpness I had seen at the cliff and the gentleness I had seen when she played with her son, but now there wasn't the drift between the two. There was a woman who argued with her husband in public more than I think I had ever disagreed with anyone in my entire lifetime, but they both seemed to enjoy the banter and whenever I ventured to take sides, the other immediately pointed out how utterly wrong I was.

It was because I had dared tease Paul that she told me that no man was worth wearing sneakers for. I hadn't thought they'd dare talk about Embry and I was glad to be proven wrong.

"I like them," Kim said loyally. "And I'm wearing sneakers too."

"Angela can get out of a chair without help." And Rachel smiled at the obviously pregnant Kim and while her aura hummed with pain, it didn't overwhelm her. "So while you could get away with wearing slippers in public, Angela needs to get cuter shoes."

"Barefoot is where it's at," Paul said.

"That's why I can't take you anywhere."

"Aw, babe, you're glad for the excuse to leave me behind."

"True."

And while I think they were joking, I couldn't help asking, "Why did you come? Not that...I'm glad you came." I was, too. It was nice to have a werewolf around, even if he wasn't mine. "It's just...you're not the first I would have expected."

"I'm the only one who's too scared of his wife to not come."

"I'm a biter," Rachel told me. "And Paul's a wimp."

"We didn't want to overwhelm you," Kim said. "And Paul was pretty insistent that it be him."

I think the werewolf blushed. Rachel just said plainly, "We owe you. We like you. Now that they're decently sure you're not going to rain fire and brimstone on us, we're going to stay you're friends. If you don't mind."

But I didn't really get the impression it was up to me; it made me laugh.

"I would never hurt you."

"We know," Kim assured me. Even Paul nodded. But it hadn't been their decision, I understood. Someone higher up (Jacob? Leah? Sam, most likely) had wanted to talk to the Coven before they resumed contact with me. "So, friends, still?"

"One condition," I heard myself say. "I want to know how he is."

The three of them stared at each other; even if they didn't have telepathy on their side, humans could pick up visual cues. Especially since Paul's shrug and Rachel's nod were pretty obvious clues.

"He misses you," Kim said. "But he's happy. Very happy."

"He's whining like a little bitch," Paul said.

"Babe."

"He's troubled by the thought that you're unhappy," Paul said. "That better?"

"He can be taught," Rachel said as she took his hand. He kissed the back of hers—I was thankful they didn't feel the need to hide their happiness from me. Just because I was unhappy didn't mean I couldn't stand to see happiness in others. On the contrary, I liked the reminder that there was still happiness somewhere. I would find it again.

"He doesn't have to worry," I said. But I couldn't help being glad—no. I couldn't get over him if I thought like that. How he felt about me couldn't matter to me. Not for a while yet. Embry had given up the right to be worried about me.

"Whining like a little bitch is what Embry does," Paul said cheerfully. "Don't take it personally."

Rachel sighed, loudly, so her husband called her melodramatic. I turned my attention to Kim, who reluctantly told me about Marian.

She was sweet and kind and soft-spoken, with dark hair and beautiful green eyes. She was still a little unsure of her place in La Push, but the pack was working on getting her to feel comfortable and Embry was confident that within the month she would be completely at ease with the idea.

So that was that.

* * *

The Coven came for me that night.

They would make up for hurting one of their own.

"It is time," Grandmother said as she greeted me. The other women said nothing, but I knew many of them, and even disoriented as I was at their sudden arrival, I could feel their power. These were the members of the highest orders, a dozen women who were the most powerful in the country, maybe in the world. All standing in my living room.

"Time for what?"

Grandmother kissed my cheek and left Hilda to explain. "You have been hurt, yet you have not demanded vengeance. It was always the final test. Power only to those who would not abuse it."

"I'm too young to be inducted."

So was Rina. There were exceptions made, for those from old families, those who could be more powerful than the others could dream (so they could learn to handle the power while they were still young and flexible enough to be moulded). But I had always thought, because of my mother, they would never accept me. Or at least not show me this kind of favoritism. It made me uncomfortable.

Perhaps they wouldn't have, if they hadn't felt so guilty.

"I can't accept the honour you are offering me."

"We would ask you to reconsider," Hilda said. Grandmother's grip on my arm tightened. They weren't women who liked to repeat themselves.

They had come too soon. I was still upset and hurt and slightly hung over. I couldn't make this kind of decision right now.

I thought of Embry, then. I couldn't not think of him, even now. He had been young (Seth had been younger, the other boys younger still) when he had been given more power and knowledge than he had ever wanted. They had accepted it and done the best they could with it.

Who was I to turn down new responsibilities?

"Then I accept," I murmured. "I will join you, if you want me."

The thirteen of us joined hands. They would take me somewhere, somewhere only they knew. I had no idea what would happen then, but I was not scared. They would not hurt me. I closed my eyes and teleported with them into the night.

* * *

They brought me back to my doorstep, my head pounding at the way I could feel everything, the energy of every blade of grass and every drop of water, the way no one should ever feel them. I could barely stand under the power of it all.

"I am so proud of you, Angela," Grandmother said to me.

Then she kissed my cheek and left me clinging to my door.

I was still in shock from the ceremony, but in the half-light Embry came to me. He was taller than ever, with dark hair and dark eyes that melted into the night, but he was still mine. I couldn't read his expression, but he caught me as I stumbled towards him, caught me in impossibly strong arms and held me like he wasn't ever going to let me go.

He had come back to me.

Before I knew it, I pressed my lips against his. Maybe, just maybe, we could go back. Maybe things could be good again.

"Angela..."

I closed my eyes, but I couldn't block his voice out.

"I'm sorry," I cried. "It's just...it's just…you look so much like him."

Seth brushed the hair from my face, holding my face up to his. With sad, dark eyes he gave me a small smile that told me we were still friends. Whatever happened, we were friends.

"Yeah," he said. "I get that a lot."


	37. Ch 36: Just A Little Bit Better

A/N: The response for the last chapter made me so happy, I couldn't help editing this one instead of working like I should. Hope you enjoy!

**twilighter: **Thanks! Kara is younger than Levi…but Jacob doesn't have children in this story. Neither does Embry. So while other couples are having the children they're supposed to, they aren't. That means Levi just doesn't exist in this world, even though some of the other members of his pack do. As for Seth and Nessie...

Everyone! I wrote what could be an excerpt for Chapter 28. The Space Between. Since Angela can't be everywhere at once, it's a look at Seth and Nessie alone if you'd like.

* * *

Chapter 36: Just A Little Bit Better

The blankets were cool on my skin; it was the one benefit of not having a boyfriend anymore. I didn't wake up sweating, hair plastered to my neck, in desperate need of a shower. I could open my eyes slowly, enjoying the smoothness of the sheets.

Not having to listen to him snore should have been another benefit, but someone's breathing was forcing me to wake up.

Seth had made himself comfortable in a chair by the side of my bed (it looked positively uncomfortable, but then, he was sleeping so peacefully he must have been all right). It was astonishing, the difference it made, seeing him asleep. He was just twenty-two and finally the innocence that must have disappeared when he first rushed into battle against a vampire had rediscovered him as he slept. I wanted to bring him a stuffed animal as he sat curled in the chair (as much of his body as he could fit on it), or at least comb his messed hair into some semblance of order.

I got up to get him breakfast instead.

The smell of eggs woke him up and he found me in the kitchen, trying to work out whether he would need two or three dozen scrambled eggs (actually, he only ate nine eggs; Embry used to eat eight, but I needed to forget things like that).

"You don't have to do that," he said.

"You didn't have to stay the night."

"I thought you might be sick. In case something happened…you okay, Ang?"

"Just really tired this morning. It's just a witch thing."

It felt mean, taking revenge on Seth for something that wasn't his fault. He didn't seem to notice, though, so I didn't feel too badly about the dig.

He continued, "Sorry about confusing you last night."

"You didn't do anything but stand there. I just wanted…" to believe Embry was there. So badly. If I had all this power, why couldn't he be there? "I'm sorry I kissed you."

"I tend not to get too upset when beautiful women throw themselves at me." I'm not sure if he was trying to change the topic to something less embarrassing or was just distracted by a new thought. Either way, I was glad he moved on. "Did I tell you Rina and I went out last week?"

"Seth…"

"It was a friends thing. But she's a wicked paintballer, so it was great."

"I bet you're not bad yourself."

"We made an epic team."

"I'm glad."

"She okay? She..." Seth shook his head, trying to shake everything up so it would fall into place properly when he stopped. "I was talking about work and something really seemed to bother her. She..."

"She's a healer. She's seen...you should ask her, Seth."

_"Well," Jessica said. "I can't. What was up with her?"_

_"She told you." Jessica wasn't impressed. I continued, "Her fiancé called off the wedding and he...she just didn't mention she was in the dress when he set it on fire."_

_"What?"_

_"Burn the witch."_

_"You're joking." Jessica, who accepted my heritage without blinking, couldn't comprehend that someone who claimed to love you wouldn't care that you weren't human. She just didn't understand; I didn't understand myself. I just knew too well it could happen to those I loved._

_"It was kind of...a rushed wedding. But she wanted to tell him before they got married. Only the Coven takes their time about deciding things, so she got impatient and told him before they gave their approval. There was no one around when he didn't take it well. He...he really didn't take it well."_

_"Oh."_

_"It was hard for her to trust people after that. Very hard. It's also why they had inducted her so young. They were desperate to help her."_

_Even after they cured her body, they knew they had to do more. They gave her the power so she would feel safe, knowing it could never happen to her again._

_"So...she would have beat Lauren for crappiest ex ever."_

_"Yeah. Pretty much."_

He nodded and resolved to talk to her himself. It was that easy with Seth.

"Here. Eat up."

"You're the best, Ang."

He devoured it, the way they always devoured food. Well, there was one good thing about not being with Embry anymore. I would save a fortune on food. The thought was enough to cheer me (only a little, but I was taking what I could get lately) and I went to get Seth more orange juice.

"Have you talked to Bella lately?" he asked.

"It's been a few weeks. Last I heard they were in Australia. They sounded happy. Have you been in touch Edward?"

"Yeah. He said I could come with Charlie, if he ever decides to take a vacation. It would be fun."

"Have you heard from Nessie?" I hadn't heard anything about her and I was curious. I didn't dare ask Bella, just in case the doting mother picked up on what I was trying to hide (it was so shameful). I was angry with Nessie; I was more angry with her now that she right than I had been at the time.

"Your witchy friends have been keeping in touch with her."

"I know. She's helping them immensely." But I hadn't abandoned Bella's daughter for my new family. "I told Bella to remind her to be on her guard. They mean no harm but when you deal with that kind of power...I hope she remembers."

"Nessie is like a thousand times smarter than anybody I've ever met. She's smarter than _Edward_. She'll be great," Seth promised me.

"Careful, Seth." I tried to keep my voice light, even if I meant the warning. "You sound half in love with her."

He shrugged. "Everyone's in love with Nessie."

Probably not the response Jacob would have wanted to hear.

My expression must have said as much because he felt the urge to continue.

"I know she didn't really hit it off with you, but…most people love her. Hell, the only reason we were able to face down the Volturi the first time was because the Cullens managed to assemble a whole army to swear they loved Nessie."

"They loved an innocent little girl, Seth."

"She's still really..." He was starting to look uncomfortable, which was all the more startling because I don't think I had ever seen him look anything less than perfectly at ease. He regained his composure remarkably quickly, however. Seth held my gaze and refused to be embarrassed by what he was saying or how he felt. "When she's not being...she really is amazing. When she stops focusing on the craziness and just _gets it,_when she knows she is as special as people keep saying...I think am in love with her, then."

He considered the words for a moment, mentally testing them to see if they were true. "Yeah," he said, shoveling more eggs into his mouth. "I am. But that's only half the time, so I guess you were right. Half in love with her."

I didn't really know what to say to that. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"There's nothing to talk about."

"Seth."

"She's been banished across the country; I'm not going to see her in person again. Jake actually might keep her away. I thought if he loved Leah enough...but apparently guilt works a whole lot better. Kind of depressing if you think about it. Or maybe it's some sort of wolf thing..."

I knew this conversation might get him in trouble with the others later. What had Embry said? Seth was already too close to the Cullens as it was. But the idea that he felt the way he did and wouldn't do anything made the romantic in me (the romantic that had been kicked down and repeatedly punched in the head, lately) want to cry.

"Seth, have you ever thought about, maybe, talking to Nessie about any of this?"

"No."

He made it sound like I was the one missing the obvious.

"You don't you think she might like to know you're half in love with her?"

He burst out laughing. "For someone who's only half-vampire, Nessie doesn't really get fractions. Besides, she deserves better than that. Half in love with you? It sounds lame."

"I suppose."

"Besides," Seth said with some finality (it occurred to me then that if a pack of wolves and a werewolf alpha and beta he adored couldn't get Seth to change his mind, I wasn't going to succeed), "I'm half in love with everyone."

"No, you're not."

"Yes, I am. They all say so. I'm half in love with you."

He winked at me and I found myself turning bright red.

"You've got egg on your chin."

He laughed, giving me an eyeful of the half-masticated food in his mouth, and wiped his chin before guzzling some orange juice. I wasn't clear how much he meant it (I think he did mean it, even if our definitions of what "half in love" meant might have been different), but I was still too embarrassed by my behavior last night to continue this conversation.

We ate in silence for a while. It wasn't uncomfortable, though I suppose it should have been. Ever since we first had coffee together, Seth and I had been friends. No matter how intimate the conversation got, I suspected we would stay that way. If he wanted more from me, I didn't doubt he'd just ask. I knew I didn't want any more from him (not when he looked...it was far too painful).

"You know, I think I need to get you a girlfriend," I decided. "One you can be more than half in love with."

It made him laugh, which was my intention and helped release the last of my awkwardness.

"Didn't I already date one of your friends?"

"And Katie still seems to like you, so that shouldn't be too much of a problem. Maybe Sam."

"Uh, he's married. And we'd kind of suck together. Both of us are pretty stubborn."

It made me laugh, though I think he was giving me a serious answer.

"Samantha. My friend. Who is a girl. A little sarcastic, but you can handle it. And she has no opinion on your legends one way or another so that would work out nicely."

"For a while."

"That's terribly cynical of you."

"It's just something to keep in mind if you are serious about setting me up with your friends. When we break up it's going to suck for you."

I was all too aware how much break ups sucked, but I was a little offended on Sam's behalf that she was being written off so quickly. Not that they would have been great together, but it was the principle of the thing.

"Maybe you wouldn't." Right then I had to keep believing in romance. I think he understood that because he nodded. "Yeah. Maybe."

"You know, I always thought you would be a romantic. I don't know why." Not that I had really given that much thought, but I think I would have pictured Seth as a romantic. He was too cheerful to be cynical about love.

"Let's not do this," he said as he picked up the plates to help me wash them. "You just broke up with your boyfriend. You don't want to talk about love and relationships."

"I guess not. Not when I don't have anything anymore."

"Hey, at least it was good while it lasted, right?"

"Really good," I admitted.

"Then what more do you want?"

"Eternity?"

He laughed. "That's reserved for the vampires, I'm afraid. The rest of us...you think you've found someone and eventually...you don't have them anymore."

"That is the worst thing I've ever heard."

"I said you weren't going to want to talk about it."

"I wish I could think about anything other than Embry." It felt like failing to admit I couldn't leave him behind, but Seth didn't judge. "Sometimes I just wish I could forget him."

"Isn't forgetting your main witchy power?" The teasing tone faded instantly. It was a little terrifying how serious he could get, so unlike the self I believed he was. "The memories are why it's worth it, Ang. Eventually relationships end. The stuff in the middle is the whole point."

"Love should last forever."

"But it doesn't." He shrugged again. "If it makes you feel better, you'll get over losing him pretty fast. Most people get over their broken hearts a lot faster than you'd think they would."

"Now _that _is the worst thing I've ever heard."

"It's just what happens. People are great at moving on." Seth kissed my forehead gently, before heading out the door. "You'll get there, Ang."

But it didn't feel that way.

* * *

December began flying past and while I didn't wake up one morning and find that my broken heart had never been, I did wake up and think of things other than how much I missed Embry. So there was that.

Whatever he had intended to do that morning, I think the problem Seth left me was inadvertent. It wasn't his fault he couldn't stop joking about everything. Yet the idea crept upon me in my darkest moments...

I could forget Embry.

They had given me power, power I was still afraid to use. But I could do this for myself if I wanted. I could make myself forget—I could make everyone forget. The friends I made in La Push would no longer have to feel guilty for splitting their time between the two of us; they wouldn't know they knew me. My friends would stop worrying about me. The Coven could go back to thinking they had never interfered in the first place.

It could be as if it never was.

Only in my darkest moments did I consider it. At those times it was all I could think about. The temptation to forget was almost overpowering. If I forgot, I wouldn't hurt.

And then I'd go about my day and it wasn't too terrible. Or I'd go to Church and feel almost a little guilty for bemoaning my own suffering in the face of what Christ had faced. Or I'd see Kim or Leah or Emily or Rachel (or Seth or Jacob or Quil or Paul or the younger men and their girls or even Sam) and I'd know I could never seriously give them up.

But it was tempting, sometimes.

Like the day I went to Emily's (I'd promised to babysit that night, to give the couple some time together) and found that the family wasn't alone.

Embry was there.

A warning would have been nice, though I didn't think Sam or Emily had invited him over, just hadn't had the heart to kick him out when he appeared. They would know how to deal with the girl no one wanted, so when Sam offered to make him leave I shook my head and noticed that the couple seemed to melt into the shadows with all three children to give us some privacy.

Embry looked just the same as ever. His hair was sleek and dark, his eyes loving (it wasn't for me, anymore) and his hands still graceful. When he approached it was with the same elegance he had always possessed. There was even some of the hesitance I remembered from the very beginning of our relationship.

"Hi."

Embry spoke first. I wasn't sure I could.

"Hi."

Well, wasn't I loquacious?

"It's good to see you again," he said. I didn't need to hear that; he wasn't allowed to say that. He really wasn't allowed to say that while looking more adorable than ever.

"You too."

"How have you been?"

I couldn't handle this; I could not handle this. But I didn't really have a choice, so I pulled myself together.

"I'm surviving. I hear you're doing well. That you're happy."

"I—" What could he say to that? I was being rude. I didn't much care; I enjoyed the way he struggled to find the right thing to say. "I just..."

"Embry—"

"I miss you. I worry about you."

"You don't get to do that, anymore."

"I...I know." He sighed and he looked so lost I wanted to give him a hug; that right had been taken from me. "I just...I want you to know I'm sorry. I never wanted to hurt you."

That I could accept.

He continued: "I love you and I'm really, really sorry that everything had to work out this way."

"Thank you. Me too." I managed a shaky breath. "Okay, could you leave now? I'm supposed to be babysitting."

He hesitated, like he wanted to come to me, but thankfully nodded instead and was gone.

"Are you all right?" Emily asked, creeping through her own house. I was such a bad guest.

"Fine," I promised, taking her youngest son from her. Tiny hands on my face helped calm me a little bit. It stopped the shaking, anyway; I didn't want to hurt little Baxter.

"The sooner you have closure the sooner you can move on," Sam said as he deposited his twins on the ground. And if he took special care with his daughter, well, they were big men. They had to be careful with delicate things (the way they weren't delicate with people's hearts). "We can only ever adapt to what happens to us."

"Phasing by himself turned Sam into a bit of a fatalist," Emily said, sensing that wasn't the kind of lecture I could stand hearing just then. "Are sure you're all right? Because we can stay home if—"

"No," I insisted. "I promised. And right now I could use some playtime with little people."

Baxter just blinked his big brown eyes at me. There was no promise in there for him to break, just an uncomplicated love for anyone who held him. If I cried later on tonight thinking about seeing Embry again, he wouldn't judge.

"Thank you, then," Sam said as he wrapped an arm around his wife's waist and headed for the door. "We'll be home before midnight."

"Though if you're late, I won't turn your children into pumpkins," I promised.

He flinched.

Maybe that's what gave me the idea. Sam was still uncomfortable with what I was. He saw me as a witch first, Angela second. After all this time, I still didn't. But Sam flinched and I was strangely angry (_I love you, _Embry said to me that day) and that might be where it started

* * *

When I got home that night, for the first time in a month, I went home, lay down on my bed and cried. The tears were hot, but this time it wasn't sadness that overcame me. After all my time with Embry, I finally understood the anger that tore at the men of La Push, that all my friends had expected me to feel towards him.

He told me he loved me.

After breaking my heart, after leaving me, after…after everything, he told me he loved me. But the worst part, the part that forced the tears out from where I had locked them away in my heart, was that he meant it. He was such a bad liar—he had such an open face.

Embry still loved me.

I couldn't do it alone, so after dinner the next night I headed over to the Newton's.

Jessica burst out laughing when she saw me at their doorstep, dragging me inside before I could even say hello. "We're looking at old high school yearbooks. You have been warned."

"Where I have braces?"

"You should not be embarrassed," Jessica said. "Not when you see Lauren's hair."

"Or mine," Mike complained. "I can't believe I thought this looked cool."

"You were always a dork," Jessica said as she flopped back down on the couch, pulling me down beside her and then pulling the yearbook from Mike so it was on her lap. "Wow, that's bad. Almost eighties hair bad."

"I remember someone liked it at the time."

"Yes," I said, "But Jessica was weird and liked everything about you."

"I don't know what I was thinking," she said, nestling closer under his arm. "Aw, aren't we adorable at prom?"

"We are."

"How long did we search for that dress?" I remembered.

"Forever," Jessica agreed. "Way, way too long. Almost as long as it took Mike to ask me to prom."

Ouch

_"He deserved it."_

"I—I have no defence against that," Mike said. Smart boy. "Except that I'm very glad you did not give up on my very dumb self."

"Very, very dumb self."

"Very, very, _very_ dumb self."

"Well…maybe I will forgive you for making me do all the work in our relationship. Maybe."

"Hey! Who asked who to prom?"

"Because she-you-shall-not-be-named turned you down." Jessica narrowed her eyes. "Oh yes, I know. I figured it out."

"Connor told her," I piped up.

Mike muttered something about traitors as he blushed. "Well, I…I accepted when you suggested we get back together."

"You were just scared of what I would do if you said no."

"She would have locked you in the basement," I agreed. "Until you said yes." By that time, Jessica had been fed up with her on-again, off-again crush/boyfriend/ex-boyfriend/true love. They were getting together—or else.

"I could have taken the dwarf woman," Mike teased.

"That's dwarf woman in love," Jessica corrected. "And so I would have beaten you into submission."

"Any time you want," Mike said.

"Stuff I didn't need to know about the two of you," I said, pretending to be engrossed in the yearbook as Jessica giggled. But I smiled a little to myself as they snuck a kiss or two. I had the yearbook to distract me.

There I was, in all my awkward seventeen year old glory, with hair that was straight that I desperately wished was curly, towering over everyone while I desperately wished to be shorter, miserably in love with a boy I never believed would like me back. But he had wanted me back—what would have happened if Ben hadn't been brave enough to ask me out? I would have missed out on one of the most important relationships in my life.

I was still a year away from learning I wasn't as human as the friends that I had grown up with, the friends that shared every delight of my childhood, the friends I wouldn't change for anything (though Mike's impressions of our high school teachers left a lot to be desired). Even now, meeting a pack of werewolves and getting inducted into the highest levels of a coven of witches, I still felt like I belonged to them.

_"You did." Jessica frowned, displeased with her words. "You do. You always will."_

_"I know."_

_"You know," she said as we grinned at each other, "I don't remember that night at all."_

_"It was just a regular night. Why would you?"_

_"I'm guessing there's a point to it."_

_"A small one." I couldn't quite keep the grin off my face. "Hey, Jess? Did you ever know that you're my hero? Everything I wish I could be?"_

_"Continue," she demanded. But I made her laugh. I could so be funny. Sometimes. _

I still felt like I belonged to them.

I still felt human.

I still felt like an acolyte.

I wasn't.

* * *

I found Rina at my kitchen table. "Impressive wards once again," she said with a smile. "Tea?"

"Thank you," I said after I had hugged her hello. She'd been down to visit several times since I had been inducted, once again taking on the role of mentor. "It's good to see you again. I heard you went paintballing with a familiar."

"Is that what the children are calling it these days?"

At my shocked expression, she laughed.

"I'm kidding, Angela. We're not sleeping together." Rina gave me a wicked looking smirk over the edge of her tea cup. "Though the combined experience of sixteen men in a muscled package is pretty tempting."

"You're terrible." It made me smile, though. Seth had been right about something—the memories were good ones. "It might be good for you. Seth would be happy to help."

"It's not going to happen. I'm still getting grief for just being friends with him. It's ridiculous. Hilda is days away from trying to adopt that mythological creature you found, but I'm the problem. If _she's_ not dangerous, I can't see why I can't be around whoever I want."

"They're just worried what happened to me will happen to you."

"It won't. Seth's good company partially because he's sworn off the opposite sex, too."

"Really?"

"I have to hand it to you, Angela, these familiars are like a living soap opera. It's great." Her face fell. "Not that...except the part where you get dumped."

"Thanks."

"Don't look so upset with me. I always feel like I've kicked a puppy when you look sad."

"Sorry." But my mind had drifted off to the idea that had been nagging at my mind for the past week. Not the chance to forget, but something much more…something I dared to say aloud? I wasn't sure.

"Angela?"

Rina's voice called me back to reality. She was supposed to be my teacher. If I couldn't just ask her, just ask if it was possible, just to know, then who could I ask?

"You told me once I didn't know how powerful I could be."

"You don't," she said easily. "You're not the most imaginative person, Angela. You're more accepting than anyone I've ever met—Seth excluded—but you're not...no offence. I'm not either."

"I'm not offended. I like the way things are most of the time. Except when I like the way things used to be more."

"You're talking to the girl who lived in the archives for a month. If anyone appreciates the past...What is it?"

"I want Embry back."

The words came out before I could stop them, the truth of them forcing them out before I was ready. So much for my carefully prepared speech. This wasn't something that could be rushed. The werewolves had not asked us to attempt to undo to their imprinting. They hadn't even asked us if such a thing was possible. They accepted things as they were, adapted and moved on.

I was not a werewolf. I was a witch and more powerful than I knew. So…

Sabrina knew what I meant, all that I hadn't said. I could feel it; we were connected now, more than we had ever been before, my sister and I. My simple statement of fact meant much more to her. It was all the questions that came with it—is it possible? Am I powerful enough? What was the cost?

There was always a cost with magic.

Rina knew that better than most (the tattoos were supposed to hid the scars the Coven couldn't heal).

All she said was:

"That took longer than I expected."


	38. Ch 37: I Feel a Sin Coming On

Chapter 37: I Feel a Sin Coming On

"I think we could do it," Rina said. "I'll double check—it would suck to be wrong—but I think the ritual I cooked up should work."

"That was...fast." Not that I wasn't grateful, of course. But I had expected her to at least glance down at a notebook or something.

Rina winced; she knew her explanation wouldn't make me happy. She was right.

The Coven had wanted a way to neutralize the familiars.

Just in case, they had insisted, but when they sent Rina down to the archives they didn't just want proof that they were responsible for altering the Quileutes. They wanted a solution in case their new friends proved to be a problem.

"It's tradition. A back-up plan. They have plans to neutralize each other too. Don't take it personally."

"I'm not taking it personally. I'm—" Had I put them in danger? Were they, even now as I sat talking, moving closer and closer to annihilation?

"Stop it," she ordered. "They don't attack us, we don't attack them. That's the way it works."

"That's why you let Seth get close."

"Yes, yes, I'm a horrible person. But, Angela, I'm also very good at my job. Which I wouldn't have been able to do if Seth didn't talk so damn much, so...oh, stop looking at me like that. It was after his sister gave me the lecture from hell. Before I found out he looked his mortal enemy in the eye and decided to love them instead. I didn't—and it's not like I came up with anything that would hurt them. They _hated_ everything I came up with; said it would make them more powerful."

"Well, good." I allowed myself to relax a fraction. "So we can undo Embry's bond?"

"Yup." She had a right to be proud; undoing something that old would be difficult. "We do this right and it'll get wiped right out of his DNA."

"Why didn't you tell me this before?"

"You have to ask. Besides," she said, "There's a catch."

Of course.

"Do you remember their stories?"

"Vaguely."

"Then it's a good thing one of us likes listening to Seth," she teased.

It boiled down to this: They were all descended from the same man. They all accessed the same power. They were all intertwined in ways we simply did not have the power to divide. What we did to one would be done to all.

"The Coven won't approve of that kind of interference."

Of course they wouldn't. I didn't approve of that kind of interference. Changing the ancient traditions of a whole group just for the sake of one man...it shouldn't be done.

Rina hurried to explain, "We're just going to have to be careful about how we tell the Coven about it. After the fact. Also, I think the two of us aren't powerful enough. Something this big usually requires a triad."

"You're going perform it with me?"

"No, I spent months researching this to improve my eyesight."

"You didn't like Embry."

"He caught me off guard; made you suffer an injured ankle a lot longer than you had to. But I may have overreacted." Her face softened. "You really do look like a kicked puppy when you're hurt. And Seth _is_ an overgrown puppy. Seeing how this spell can hurt people makes me want to hit something. I'll settle for undoing it."

"Thank you." I took a sip of tea. "You aren't the Coven's favorite person, either."

"We do this right and there's no way they kick me out of meetings anymore, no matter who my damn friends are."

"Undo a hereditary species wide spell."

"Sounds cool, right?"

"I can't quite see my grandmother responding that way."

"Well, it means we need their leader's permission. Before or after, but as long as he signs off eventually, we say we were just proving fellowship or something."

"It's not just going to affect Jacob. We'll need to convince them all."

"You really didn't listen to the stories, did you?"

"They were just stories, I thought."

"They weren't familiars, once upon a time. They were spirit warriors. But once Taki Aki magically took the form of a wolf—"

"Tacky Acky?"

Rina blushed. "That was supposed to stay in my head. You spend three months trying to read ancient Quileute transcribed by a quill that had no idea what it was listening to and then you can judge."

"I'm not judging. I was just, Tacky Acky?"

"Anyway, once _Taha Aki_ became a wolf, he ordered the rest of the spirit warriors to die off. And they did." It was frightening to think about, the way we all sometimes fell into the habit of doing what we were told without thinking of what the consequences would be. "If the Coven helped convince them to follow their chief there is no proof I could find. No mind rape involved this time."

As much as she now liked Seth, Rina did not like Sam Uley.

"Not by us, at any rate," she continued. "The genocide of the spirit warriors of the west was entirely self-inflicted. Today, the Quileutes are familiars with this untapped power for mental projection, but they aren't spirit warriors anymore. All we need is the leader to agree. The rest will fall in line."

"Jacob won't."

"From what Seth says, he's in love with a woman he isn't bound to. Best reason for getting rid of the spell that I can think of. I think it'll be easy to convince him."

"Then you're underestimating their loyalty to each other."

How could she not know, if she talked to Seth? I thought of Jacob and Leah, stuck in their masochistic dance but forced to behave the way they always had so as not to upset the others. Jacob wouldn't help us—no matter how he felt—if it would hurt the rest of them.

"I think it wouldn't hurt to ask."

"Can we even do it without a third?" I rather doubted anyone else in the Coven would help us. I didn't know anyone else well enough to ask; Rina wasn't the most popular.

"The spellwork we can manage; it's the power that's the problem. Good thing we want to perform this spell on _familiars._"

"Because you needed a triad if you're going to try to hurt _everyone."_

"My speciality is healing. I came up with this ritual based on my knowledge of _healing._ Okay? Think of it that way."

"Just heal my broken heart instead?" And leave the rest out of it.

"We _can__. _If we do this. Embry loves you, Angela. He didn't flinch when you told him what you were. Are you just going to let him get away?"

"It's not that simple."

"That's why it's fun. Sorry." Her hand snaked around mine. "Angela, they say no, we forget it. I promise. But what's the harm in just _asking_ if we can?"

I...well, she was right. What harm could come from just asking?

* * *

Getting a word alone with my ex-boyfriend's best friend was a little complicated, but not too bad. Since he was now the Alpha of the entire pack, Jacob Black was also the default leader of La Push (unofficially, of course, because how would they explain that to the outside world?). But it meant he had an office now and since his friends had to work…

I made sure to pick a day when I knew the others would be too busy to just drop in. There was no guarantee about the younger boys but between Leah and Emily's knowledge, I was sure the older men were all accounted for. Jacob and I would have time to talk.

I wasn't sure if I wanted him to listen to me or not. I knew I loved Embry, wanted him back but this wasn't my place. Every cell in my brain knew it. I was interfering where I had no right to interfere. It was not my place; Jacob had not requested the Coven undo the spell. The familiars had accepted the situation. Who was I to demand they change it?

But if I could have Embry back...I was just asking.

The big man tried to put me at ease, greeting me warmly, getting me a chair to sit on, giving me his undivided attention (eager for the distraction, I thought). It just made everything worse.

"Are you all right, Angela?" he asked me.

"People keep asking me that. Maybe I should get a new haircut or something"

"Aw, you look great." When you looked at him, taller than a human being had a right to be, more graceful than anyone I had seen, it was easy to forget how gentle he could be. I felt ashamed as he smiled at me. "What can I do for you?"

I should have left.

I didn't.

"My friend—" I couldn't do. I looked up at him and he...he looked like Embry just then. "She thinks she found a way to undo what we did to you. The bonding. Or what was once bonding but...anyway, we just need one of you to perform part of the ritual with us. And it would be undone completely. But, I mean, only if you wanted."

His face seemed to shut down as he listened and by the time I had finished he had stood up and walked to the window. There was something deliberate about the way he turned from me; whatever he was thinking, he wanted to keep it private. I could respect that. Looking back at my lap—when did my finger nails become this fascinating?—I kept my eyes down.

"You're talking about stopping imprinting," he said finally. "Forever."

Even though it hadn't been a question, I said, "Yes. If you..."

"If I wanted," he finished.

Silence filled the room, but I didn't dare break it. He deserved time to think it over. In fact...

"Why don't you talk to the others and I'll come back—"

"Stay." I dropped back to the chair. "You can't leave. You have to make me forget you asked. I...I can't. I'm sorry, Angela."

"It's okay."

"No." He turned around and came over to me, kneeling beside the chair. "Angela, I know it hurts right now. I know it's my fault—"

"You didn't—"

"It was two against two; it was my call. I'm sorry I made the wrong one. I'm sorry you had to suffer. But Embry is happy now, Angela. He's happy and I can't ruin that."

"I don't...I want him happy, too."

Just with me. Happy the way he had been before.

Jacob took my hands in his. "If it was just Embry...but it's not, Angela. Not to me. It's Sam who phased too close and Paul who can't stop phasing and Brady who should have known to use a condom but didn't and Tom who fell in love with the town gossip. And Ryan and Alex and Dave—hell, it's the others, too, the guys who grew up thinking it was the only good thing that came out of becoming a man when you were still excited about hitting the double digits. It's all of them, so it can't matter to me that I would like nothing more than to hit Embry on the head and order him back to you."

"Didn't you already try that?" He had shown up at Emily's with a hurt arm and from his blush, I guessed I wasn't too far from the mark.

"I'm sorry, Angela."

"It's okay. Really." The disappointment was bitter on my tongue, but he looked sincere in his apology. I had been asking too much.

"If it was just me..."

"But it's not. And if they don't trust you, you can't lead them. And you were born to lead them so you have to be trustworthy. I understand. I always listened when Embry talked. I listened to everyone."

"Yeah. You did. Hell, you got Nessie talking to you the second time you met her and it took _Seth_ months before she started talking back properly. We always knew you had powers."

"I'm sorry I bothered you with this."

He wasn't paying attention to my apology. Jacob stood up and went back to the window.

"When Nessie was little, she once told me that I let Leah bully people for me. You know, in that way little kids have of saying the truth because they don't know better? Except Nessie always knows better but..." He sighed. "It's kind of true. Before I was Alpha, I took off when I wanted, I said what I wanted, I got into fights whenever people didn't like the way I wanted to do things. Once I was in charge—no one told me I couldn't do that stuff anymore until it was too late.

"It might be one of the reasons I fell for Leah. She can still do whatever the hell she wants to do. When I want to get mad but I can't, she's there and she's fucking beautiful when she's pissed. Hell, it's practically her job, to say what I can't, do what I can't. And in return, I protect her. That's the way it has to be since I'm in charge.

"I always hoped Seth would want the job," he said suddenly. "Part of me, at least. A small part because I couldn't do that to the kid, but…I didn't want this. Most days I feel like I'm protecting the pack from its own stupidity. You ever miss being human?"

"I think we all do. It was...simpler, then."

"_I resent this conversation. It's complicated being human, too."_

_I forgot, sometimes. I was glad she reminded me._

"_Sorry, Jess."_

"Yeah." Jacob turned back to face me, unsure. As always, he made up his mind remarkably quickly. "Let's get to the forgetting, okay? It would make everyone nervous if they thought the Wicked Witch could do that to us."

"Hey!"

He laughed. "Sorry, Glinda. But you get it, right?"

Yes. I understood. That we could tap into the fundamental part of them—of course they might see it as a threat (especially those inclined to see me that way in the first place). Rina had discovered what we could do because it was supposed to be a threat. It wasn't the time for misunderstandings.

What I had once been too afraid to do came to me easily now. It might be different if they were phased, but in his human form, I could isolate Jacob's thoughts enough that he would forget I was ever there. I took our conversation.

Afterwards, we talked of the success Seth and Brady and Dave were having learning from Zelda. Limited success, for the most part, but it was slowly coming along. He was proud of his boys; it brought joy to my heart seeing him so proud.

Then I left him in his office and went to find Leah.

* * *

Leah listened to me just as silently as Jacob had; she even turned her back to me the same way he had. Since I had practice, the explanation came out with far fewer awkward pauses.

"And you're sure it would work?" she demanded.

"Yes. We're sure."

I had driven Rina nuts with my demands that she be certain; I didn't doubt that she had verified to the full extent of her abilities that the ritual would work.

"It would just affect the imprinting? Nothing else? Because the Volturi know we're here. We can't afford not to be able to fight them."

"Yes."

How powerful had they once been? Perhaps it hinted in the old treaties. Would spirit warriors be as efficient against vampires as the familiars were? What did it matter? The spirit warriors had let themselves die off. It made me shiver, though I didn't think the familiars would ever let that happen (whatever Jacob might order). They had internalized too much of the wolf-forms they became—they would survive.

Even if I kept interfering where I had no right.

I was just asking.

She growled at something I couldn't see. It wasn't loud enough to startle me, but it was enough that I knew she was unhappy. With me? Probably.

"What would you need me to do?" she asked, finally.

"You'd have to be with us when we performed the spell. And we'd need your blood."

"That's it?"

"What did you expect?"

"Fingers. Toes."

"That's a barbaric. We don't—"

That's why the mental disciplines were my favorite and even healing was a little risqué for me. I liked the human body intact. Rina hadn't just been humoring me when she said the ritual was a bit like a healing spell—it was mostly made of herbs. No bones or flesh were required.

"All we need is your blood and your presence," I said. And then we would cross our fingers and hope I had understood correctly when I thought that Jacob would protect anyone dumb enough to help.

"I need to think about it," she said finally. "I need...I need to think."

"Of course."

"I'll come by tomorrow. Longer than twenty-four hours and I'll just phase for sure. It's not a good idea for the guys to find out you can do this."

I wondered if their shared ideas were a product of mindreading for so long, or the reason they worked so well together.

"Thank you."

"I'm not doing it for you. I wish I was—" She sounded tired just then, so I gave her a hug (her arms were almost too tight, as she hugged me back), and went on my way.

I left Leah to her decision.

* * *

A/N: So my version of _Eclipse_ has Taha Aki spelt Taka Aki at one point. Which proved a problem when I just quickly checked the name and looked at Taka Aki (I can't even remember if I went back and fixed it once I realized I was using both spellings). Not that I'm whining. But if modern books can't get that right, I imagine handwritten documents would be...not fun.


	39. Ch 38: Shut Up and Let Me Go

Chapter 38: Shut Up and Let Me Go

Leah took the full twenty-four hours and showed up at my house shaking. I wasn't allowed near her, she said, as she ordered me to the other side of the kitchen table. Didi took one look at the female shapeshifter and raced for the safety that was the abyss under my bed.

"I went to see Jake last night."

"I see."

"He's still in love with me. Not to brag, but I think he's always going to be in love with me. It's kind of a wolf thing; since I can out run him, he's always going to be a little bit in love with me. Not many people can beat him."

I didn't think it was how fast she ran, but then, what did I know? Well, I knew it wasn't the time to interrupt her.

Leah continued: "I hate him and I hate how I feel about him but I still….no one fights like Jacob, you know?"

"I saw."

"You haven't really seen him. You've seen him when he's goofing off. You haven't seen him in a real fight. He's something else, then. Nothing can touch him. He'd be invincible if he didn't lose concentration, wasting time worrying about the rest of us."

"I don't think I'd be brave enough to see him in a real fight."

"He fights dirtier than I do," she bragged. For all her bitter tongue and Jacob's hearty laughter, I believed her. I believed that Leah would stab you in the front if you hurt her and Jacob would stab you in the back if he thought it had to be done. I believed she'd firebomb you with the truth and he'd do it with lies—and she'd stop before he did. I believed Leah was the reasonable one (and that, more than her sex, more than her size, was why she could never lead the others). Where did that leave me?

"We...we talked, last night." Her lips were still swollen. I didn't comment on the bruises on her arms. Embry had always been so gentle with me. I wondered what they could do if they didn't have to hold back. "It was…it was good. It's always good. Everything would be great if he wasn't still in love with her, too."

I nodded.

Leah Clearwater smiled at me. I had always felt like she was a kindred spirit, but never more so than at that moment, when I could feel her heartache and her love.

"No."

Somehow, I had known that would be her answer. But I was still too heartbroken to figure out why.

"What?"

"I can't believe it either. It's all I've wanted for a while, now. If she wasn't in his life...you don't know how many times I've thought that. And now..."

Leah let out a sigh and released the anger that had been choking her.

"I love him." The words were light. Confession was good for the soul—I wondered how long that truth had been rattling around inside her, denied release. "I love him and he loves her and I can't take that away from him. Does that make any sense?"

_"No," Jessica said._

_"It makes perfect sense," I said. Though I had to admit… "At the time, I thought the way you did. I thought she was crazy."_

_"She was always weird when it came to guys."_

"Besides," Leah continued. "I really have got to stop being the other woman."

"You're not..."

"Just because I got there first," she said as she waved her hand, dismissing everything. "Magically bound soul mates trumps whatever dibs I called._"_

"Leah..."

"Besides, how can I call Emily an evil homewrecking slut if I'm the other woman too?"

_"Leah."_

"Not that I do. Anymore. There maybe have been an Alpha order involved but..." Leah laughed at my suffering. "Hey, if you can't insult your family, you'd be stuck being nice all the time. And I'd find being you boring."

"Yes, the magic powers and the strange creatures are mind-numbingly boring. I don't know how I survive."

"By learning sarcasm from the best." She studied me, the way she had been since she refused, and finally seemed satisfied. "I'm glad you asked me. I'm glad I know I...yeah. I'm glad you asked."

I probably didn't manage to keep the disappointment off my face, for she was prompted to continue: "Of course, now I have to forget you did. There's the pack to think of."

It felt like when Embry had first told me to stay off the reservation. It was a warning.

"The pack can't know. Make me forget."

"Of course."

I erased her memories and let her on her way. There it was then—I had my answer. Jacob couldn't act. Leah wouldn't. The pack and the Coven would be furious if I acted without the Alpha's consent. It was over.

But...

There was still Seth.

It felt wrong to ask him, even worse than asking Jacob and Leah. Maybe because I knew he would say yes—even if it hadn't been what he wanted (half wanted, I corrected myself) I doubted Seth could say no to anyone who asked for his help.

Seth would say yes.

Damn the consequences.

Did I dare ask him, knowing that?

* * *

I put off asking Seth as long as I could. I put off asking Seth for so long I sometimes convinced myself that I had conquered myself. After all, was it really worth putting my friend in danger, just to risk my own standing with both the Coven and the men of La Push, all for a man who no longer wanted me? It sounded ridiculous when I thought about it that way. Hardly tempting at all.

I sucked at convincing myself. It was tempting. It was very tempting. Even if it sounded irrational. Was I really that desperate? Plenty of other people had lost loved ones before—Kim had survived the permanent loss of her soul mate. Surely I could be, if not that strong, than strong enough?

But it's not like Kim could have brought Jared back. The dead stay dead. Meanwhile, I was suffering, but I didn't have to be. I could fix this. I could heal myself.

And all it would take was the annihilation of one tiny tradition in one tiny tribe.

Who would miss it?

As embarrassing as it is to recall, those were my thoughts. Even then they embarrassed me. I could not ignore that I would be interfering where I shouldn't. Jacob and Leah had both said no and I had preyed on them because I thought they would be the ones who would help. But my help wasn't wanted. I had to make peace with that.

And as I debated with myself—and lived my life, really, because time was not thoughtful and didn't stop just because I was confused—the days passed.

Christmas was coming. Christmas was practically here. All I could think about was Didi's beautiful dollhouse and the stupid, silly key chains Embry had bought me.

I had to get out of my house. It had never felt more confining. Grabbing Didi's leash, I went to take my dog for a walk. She was even more eager than I was to leave, so I let her set the pace, leading us through the streets I knew so well.

The Coven had given me the power I had now with the understanding that it was not to be abused. The power was not just for myself; to use it for selfish purposes was to go against its very nature. But we were the ones who did this to them. It was not supposed to be this way. The power was also about keeping balance.

Balance as it was, or as I wanted it to be?

And as I was struggling with what I could and could not do, I saw them.

They were arm in arm, though she was so much shorter than him that it looked a little odd. She was pretty in an unassuming way and there was something kind in her face. Her aura was beautiful. She was the kind of woman I could have been friends with, I think. A kind, useful sort of person (I was that kind of person, wasn't I? What was wrong with me that their magic didn't pick me?), the way all their women were.

Rina had started me thinking about their old stories more and more nowadays. When the men would leave their bodies behind, the women would watch over them. Did they have powers, those women? Or was it only their courage that kept their men safe? Emily had twins, a boy and a girl, beautiful children both of them. Was only one magical? It seemed strange to think. But they would both grow up surrounded by it. One day, if she was lucky, she might be the woman tucked under a strong arm, smiling adoringly up at a tired face, the way her brother would tuck a shorter woman against him, engrossed by her every breath.

The way Embry was engrossed with Marian.

They were talking quietly and you didn't need magical powers to see they were very much in love. They were so much in love, they didn't even see me.

Didi betrayed me. My darling saw Embry and took advantage of the way my aching heart was distracting me and raced off to see him. The leash flew out of my hands and then my dog flew down the street, barking excitedly at seeing her long lost master.

He crouched down to see her, let her lick his hand and then his cheek. It brought a smile to my face despite myself, witnessing their joyous reunion. Embry was laughing too (when did he not laugh?) kissing her back as he petted her just the way she loved.

He was still smiling when I came to apologize.

"It's fine," he said. "She's gotten even more beautiful, haven't you girl? Yes, you have."

Didi barked contentedly, snuggling against him. If they were cats, they would have been purring. As it was, I didn't want to pull her away from him just yet. She looked too happy, pressed to his chest.

"She's going to get snow all over you."

"I dry fast."

"Show off."

For a second I almost forgot because when we smiled at each other, it was just like before. But I couldn't forget. I forced myself to turn to Marian instead.

"I'm Angela."

She introduced herself in a distracted way; Didi seemed to be making her nervous.

_"Good."_

_"It wasn't her fault."_

_"You keep saying that. Still serves her right."_

"Do you like dogs?" I asked her as I took Didi from Embry, trying not to think about how close he was just then. Or how warm his hands were when they brushed my arms. Or—I thought about how pretty his girlfriend's eyes were, instead.

"I'm more of a cat person," she said quietly. I think she did a lot of things quietly. Like Kim, she seemed shy around strangers.

"Traitor," he said, wrapping an arm around her. It made her laugh. He wasn't doing it to rub his happiness in my face; he just couldn't not touch her. When they looked at each other, I felt like I couldn't breathe. It was just too perfect.

She apologized and then they remembered I was there. Embry said, "You just out for a walk?"

"Yeah. Didi was getting bored, indoors. What about you?"

"Christmas shopping. Quil's a pain to shop for. All he wants nowadays is stuff for Claire—but Marian won't let me buy him another Barbie."

"He just has so many," she explained, looking for an ally.

I could do this. I had to. "It's very true."

"You can never have too many Barbies." Embry frowned. "I mean—"

But the two of us laughed at him.

"Well, you have fun not Barbie shopping," I said to them as I placed Didi back on the ground. "Just get Quil something to eat. Or better yet, make him homemade pumpkin pie. You know he loves it."

"You're brilliant, Ang," Embry said to me.

"I try."

"See you around?" He shouldn't have looked hopefully; wasn't he perfectly happy with her? I guess for these five seconds I had her attention, I had his.

"Yeah."

Marian let herself be tucked back under his arm; he couldn't resist kissing her forehead. They looked so perfectly happy together even petting Didi didn't make me feel better.

I understood Leah now.

I loved him and he loved her and how could I ruin such happiness?

Nessie had been right, much more right than I (and maybe she) could have ever imagined. I didn't hate Marian, not even a little bit (I was jealous, but I did not hate her). She made him happy. She made him ecstatic. I said I loved Embry and I meant it. If I loved him, how could I deny him the perfect happiness that she represented?

After all, I did have my new power to hide behind. I could be content.

Mostly.

I would leave them alone.


	40. Ch 39: Butterflies and Hurricanes

A/N: I'm loving the reviews I've been getting for this. I just hope that even if you think the characters are wrong, you can see why they would think that way. We've got another six or so chapters to go. Onwards!

Chapter 39: Butterflies and Hurricanes

Rina accepted the news we wouldn't be performing the spell with grace (well, she snorted and said, "Maybe I will sleep with him after all" and glared afterwards), though she showed up at my house one day with a garbage bag full of books. All the reading she had done for my sake that I had thrown away. I left it there as penance—and perhaps as temptation. I would be stronger than this.

The holidays were a trying time, but I was slowly conquering myself. One day, I even decided I was brave enough to bring Charlie and Sue their Christmas present. If Seth was there, then he was there. I would not be afraid of myself.

I forgot neutral territory was named that for a reason.

It was stupid. I really should have expected it. It's not like Jacob had permanently exiled Nessie along with the rest of her family.

I found her sitting primly beside Charlie Swan, book in hand as he watched the television. In the months she had been gone she hadn't changed at all physically, but she still looked different. Her clothing was just as pristine but a little more ordinary (Alice was in Milan, last I heard) and her hair wasn't quite as elegant (Rosalie was in Hanover with her, but couldn't come with her to Washington). She also looked tired—proof of what I would never dare tell Bella, that the girl was probably not as immortal as she seemed.

She still radiated power. It was even worse than before.

Seth stopped hugging me hello and brought me into the room with them. We talked for a few moments and then he said, "Mom is losing the battle against the steamer, so I need to help her take down the wallpaper first. We're almost done, though. They'll entertain you and we'll be down in a second, okay?"

"Sounds great."

"Hello, Angela," Charlie Swan greeted me. "Have a seat."

We made polite conversation; Charlie had invited Seth over today, since her son could help Sue when other mortals could not. "Besides," Charlie said, "It's all just wallpaper."

"Alice likes the new stuff better," Nessie murmured. "I showed her."

"Well," Charlie said, "I guess Alice would know."

Every time he glanced at the young girl beside him, Charlie beamed. He started telling me how well she was doing in school and she seemed pleased by the attention for once, curling her legs under her and leaning against her grandfather. She let him do most of the talking, the way she always let others talk, but she did answer my questions with more detail than I would have expected her to give.

It was Charlie who told me to help myself to the fridge if I wanted anything. A cold drink sounded perfect, so I went to help myself (there was something nice about neutral territory that way—you were never intruding because everyone belonged).

When I turned around from the cold refrigerator air, I found Nessie standing in the doorway.

"You startled me."

"I've never seen anyone that awkward with Seth before," she said in her light, hypnotic voice. "Charlie noticed. Even I noticed, so it must be true. Are you—How have you been since Embry left?"

"I'm fine, Nessie, thank you. Or, at least, getting to fine."

"You're not allowed to wallow in Sue's house." Nessie gave me a tiny smile; maybe she didn't want me to admit she had been right. Maybe she just wanted to check on me. I let myself relax. "Not while you have a working body, she says. There. Now I've warned you."

"She really that bad?"

"I think she was lonely for half a second once. And then she beat the feeling into submission and it never dared return."

I laughed; she didn't. I guess it wasn't a joke.

"Sit down at least," she said and with a grace I shouldn't have been surprised at, she pulled me to a chair by the kitchen table. "Are you sure there's nothing I can do? I—at least let me call Seth. The two of you can talk it out."

"No," I said firmly. Her eyes widened just a bit; maybe it came out firmer than I intended. "No, please don't. I just...I wanted to do something with him that I'm not very proud of and I guess seeing him reminds me of that. I'm sorry I made you uncomfortable."

"Oh," was all she said. "It's a witch thing?"

"What?"

"Your friend wanted the same thing." She clarified, "The not very pretty blonde one."

While Rina might not have been conventionally attractive, to hear her so quietly and firmly dismissed helped clue me in more than any words had.

"_That slut," Jessica said before she laughed. "Did he?"_

_"Would he have told her that's what Rina suggested if he had gone through with it?" Then I remembered who I was talking about. "He didn't. Though I find that out later. Right then I was a little too busy being mortified that the girl thought that's what I was talking about."_

_Jessica cackled. "I can't believe she thought you wanted to use Seth for comfort sex."_

"_Yes, well, apparently she thought I was the slut."_

_Jessica just continued laughing._

"That's not—it's not—no. Just no. That's not what I was talking about at all."

Even if my speech wasn't all that convincing, the red colour I had turned seemed to do the trick. I was burning up.

"Angela—"

So I told her. Not because I needed to talk it over with someone or because I thought she had the right to know or even because I thought telling her might allow her to come up with a way to protect them without alarming anyone (those were the way I justified it, afterwards). I told Nessie I had figured out how to stop imprinting just so she wouldn't think I had slept with Seth, or even wanted to (and so that my conscience would stop bothering me when I thought about how I had kissed him).

As I spoke she turned as pale as her mother, but she said nothing. There were no questions from her pink lips, no accusations. All she did was listen as I told her Jacob refused to let her go, as Leah gave their union a strange blessing (but a blessing nonetheless). All she did was listen. And when I was finished she said something that really shouldn't have surprised me.

"You're...so wrong."

"Excuse me?"

"You went about it all wrong and you're wrong about—really, Angela. Sue would be furious. Not only are you wallowing, you're doing it for the wrong reasons."

"What?"

"Leah said no?"

"Yes."

"Well, then." When I clearly didn't understand, she sat up a little straighter. "Seth!"

"Nessie," I hissed, but she shook off my concern, with a breezy, "He'll say no. Then you can stop worrying about being around him."

"You're sure he'll say no?"

"Of course." Of course. "You could stop me," she observed. "You're powerful enough and you want to, you just...Uncle Jasper would disapprove, Angela."

"I don't like it," I murmured instead of telling her how little her uncle's disapproval meant to me.

When she called, he came; of course to that to. Seth walked through the kitchen, covered in a faint layer of sweat and smelling like glue, promising, "We're almost done, I swear. We're just...how come no one ever told me that wallpaper's evil?"

"This won't take long," she promised. Their fingers brushed together and his eyes glazed over as she told him...I'm not sure what she told him, but it really did only take seconds. When she pulled away he was watching me very carefully.

"Wow," he said to buy himself some time. "Cool. You must be pretty powerful, huh, Ang?"

"A little bit."

Not that he paid any attention; Seth walked to the fridge and got a beer. A drink didn't help him anymore than it had helped me. He came back and stood above both of us, though he turned to the half-vampire.

"What do you think?"

"Does it matter?"

"Changes how I feel about it." Even that he said easily.

"With the treaty already in shambles—"

"Whatever happens," he interrupted, "We won't hurt you. Or your family. Jake won't let that happen. No matter what."

"What reason would they have to stay friends with us?"

"What reason would there be to turn on our old allies? Time passes; we heal. We're not looking for someone to blame for what we lost anymore. The treaty will hold."

"You can't know that."

"I know them." He spoke quietly next. "What would you do if the treaty wasn't important?"

"That's not—" Slowly, she dragged her eyes from the table. Perhaps it was the tiny pout made him laugh, as he reached out to touch her cheek.

Did you know that Sue Clearwater kept an impeccably clean kitchen? Everything seemed to gleam and the backsplash was a fascinating pattern of white and green, squares spaced perfectly apart, a green one in the midst of the white every seven tiles. It was—

"_You fail forever, Angela."_

"_Thank you, Jessica."_

It was beautiful. Though someone had mislabeled part of her spice rack as "Time" instead of "Thyme." Perhaps she got tired of explaining how thyme was supposed to be pronounced. No matter how you spelt it, it was the same spice in the container.

"Angela?" Seth's voice called me back to him; it was rougher than normal as he knelt down in front of me, just like Jacob had done. It could have been from a memory. They really did look extraordinarily alike. "I can talk to them for you."

That wasn't the agreement I had been expecting.

"You'll talk to them?"

"Yeah. We have pack meetings all the time. Occasionally Sam lets someone other than himself talk. I'll tell them what you can do and I'll try to convince them that it's a good idea."

I could see the sense in that. Of course, I could. That way they would all have to agree—the only problem was that they would all have to agree (Sam and Paul and all the others who just _wouldn't_). If they found out what I could do, didn't want me to do it and then asked Jacob to complain to the Coven about it I would be in more trouble than I wanted to think about.

Seth said, "They don't like that we hurt you. And they still feel like they owe Leah for the Sam-thing. Rachel might even—we might be able to convince them."

"You really think they could be convinced?"

"I have no idea," he admitted. "We don't really sit around talking about imprinting all that much. It would be like talking about why we phased. There's just no point. Nothing we can do about any of it. Could do, I guess."

"But they're not the same. The Coven is responsible for one."

"Says them. Rina isn't nearly as sure as you all made it sound." I guess it went both ways, telling each other too much. "And they already sounded pretty unsure."

"The Coven is always sure. That's just their way."

"Sounds familiar." He snorted. "That's why we might have a bit of trouble with the guys. I mean, to them it's like...it's like you asking them to jump out of heaven just because not everyone gets to go. It'll take them a while to get why you would even want to stop it. But maybe...it's a long shot, but we can try asking if you want."

All my worrying for nothing; I couldn't have done the spell if I wanted to.

"Close your eyes, Seth." It had been such a brief conversation; erasing it took no time at all. When he opened his eyes, Nessie just said, "Your mother's getting impatient."

"Yikes," he said, looking down at the beer in his hand and assuming he had snuck off for a break. "Hold that thought, Angela. I'll be right back."

And then he was gone.

"He tells them when he comes to visit me," she explained. "It makes them all so angry; Jacob's worried...and a little unhappy himself. It won't end well. But he can't not tell them."

"You've been living across the country."

"Your friends." Zelda. I remembered Rina's amusement at how far Seth could project himself. "Since I'm...whatever I am, he can astral project further out than normal if it's to see me. We've been talking. I was lonely there and he...he likes to talk. It bothers them."

"Seth would be incorporeal when he projects. Surely..."

"They don't tend to use logic much, if they can get away with it."

She pressed her finger into her incisor until the blood welled up and then she licked it off her finger. Maybe she had forgotten I was there. It made her look more childish than ever, the way she was sucking the blood off her thumb.

"It's all a big misunderstanding," she said. I guess I wasn't the only one who needed a confidant. "They assume too much. We—he told me he wasn't going to fall in love with me."

"What?"

"He was very drunk and I don't think he remembers, actually, but he said—they misunderstand if they think we're anything more than friends."

"You can't just make up your mind not to...love doesn't work that way."

Her cheeks had moved past pink to red as she hurried to say, "He didn't say love. In fact, he mumbled quite a bit, so I'm not exactly sure what he said. He just...he made me promise we'd always be friends. And then he said...we're just going to be friends."

"It doesn't work like that."

If I hadn't made up my mind to be happy for Embry, I don't think I could have slowly made my way along the path, however much I seemed to stumble along the way. But the idea that you could just make up your mind not to love with someone—even if you were a stubborn werewolf—well, you would have to be very drunk to think that, wouldn't you?

She just shrugged, convinced, as always, that I was wrong; it was almost childish, the faith she seemed to have in them all. Or perhaps it wasn't childish at all, just simple and stronger than anything I could manage.

"I don't have very many friends," was all she said in response. "I'd like to keep the one I do have."

"You might have more than you think. I do feel better having talked to Seth. Thank you for that."

"Why didn't you ask me to help?"

At my puzzled expression she said, "They are a pack. A single entity. All for one and one—but you could have asked me. Or any of the others. It works both ways. I do everything Jacob asks and he does the same for me. With a word I could make him help you."

"You'd undermine him like that?"

"Well, no," she admitted quickly. "I wouldn't do that to Jacob. But I really think Rachel would do it. She hates it here. She'll tell anyone who will listen. And if she agreed with you, Paul would give you what you need, no questions. If he was afraid of magic...if they agreed first I'd help. I'd have to help; I have a responsibility towards Jacob's pack."

"Nessie—"

"Or there's Kim. Jared's dead and she's your friend. She could ask any of the others. They'd do whatever she asked. I know you don't know many of the younger girls well, but Seth says Gabby's pretty impulsive and Dave's girlfriend thinks he's too young for her. Or there's Claire! Just ask Claire. Her parents would be thrilled to help you, I'm sure."

"Nessie—"

"Why didn't you even think to ask them?"

"Nessie, what right do we have to come in and change them? Especially behind their backs."

"It didn't stop your ancestors," she said petulantly.

"My ancestors wiped out more supernatural races than you can imagine. It took them a long time, but they learned—you are _not_ supposed to interfere. It's not our place."

"I would have been dead before I was a year old if people just did what they were required to do," she said. "I may not even have been born if Jacob couldn't see their traditional animosities were holding them back from helping people. That's the only tradition that _really_ matters."

"To Seth."

"To Jacob," she snapped. "That's why he's in charge—because he's not like Sam. He's the best of them. No one adapted to the transformation as fast as Jacob. Sometimes he needs Leah to mock him, but he always...I only wish I could help him the way she does, but—if Jacob wanted to perform a spell, he'd think of anything and everything so he could. That's why he's—he's Jacob."

The words didn't mean as much to me as they did her. How could they? They represented her whole world.

By the time Seth came down, Nessie was curled up beside her grandfather, quiet as ever. I feigned a headache and left.

* * *

No more.

That's what I had told myself and that's what I stuck to, even as I found myself wondering if it was so very selfish if I wanted to help a young girl who was so very confused and unhappy. But I was too unsure about whether I was using her as an excuse to help myself, so I let the matter drop.

Embry was happy. I would be happy with that.

Christmas with my family was wonderful (if lacking—but I did not think that). Even my mother didn't bring up the absence of Embry, not even to say 'I'd told you so.' The twins were as sneaky as always and my father called me his Angel and made me feel beloved again.

And the Newton family threw the best New Year's Eve party ever. From what I remember.

"_Which is probably more than I do."_

"_I remember the red party hats. And that's about it."_

"_I'm pretty sure Eric sang at some point."_

_The two of us gave up trying to remember after that. It would probably just embarrass us if we did._

While I was still recovering—two days later—there was a frantic knock on the door. I hurried to greet Emily (it was freezing outside and she had left her coat undone in her rush to spread the news).

"Kim had the baby!" she exclaimed. We hugged in celebration and then laughed in our joy for our friend.

"Boy? Girl? And what's the name?"

"It's a girl. Seven pounds. Kim's decided to name her Kara Lorraine. Lorraine is an old family name on his side and Jared used to do this whole _cara mia _thing. I don't know, but she said he'd like it and her mother convinced her to spell it with a 'K' so it's like she has something from both her parents."

Poor darling Kim. It should have been the happiest day of her life, but I knew she would be fixated on the man who wasn't there.

"Is she doing all right?" I asked as I hustled Emily inside. She needed a cup of tea before she left for her next stop.

"She's doing great. It was an easy delivery and everyone's healthy." Emily beamed, still too happy to stay still. "Sam's a little jealous that Francine's not the only girl anymore, but even he can't stop smiling. Kara's such an adorable baby."

"I'm sure. Do you have pictures?"

I was talking to Emily Uley. It was a waste of my breath.

The woman whipped out her phone and showed me half a dozen images of the tiniest, darlingest baby girl I had ever seen. Some of the pictures were a little blurry (the result of sneaking the photos, I thought) but I still couldn't stop cooing.

Emily said, "The doctor said she could go home in a few days, so we have to do something to make sure she doesn't feel alone. I was thinking a welcome home party and then I can stay the night."

"We can take turns after that. At least until she's settled."

"Exactly," Emily said. "Some of the younger girls have volunteered as well, so I should be able to make a schedule that isn't too demanding for anyone."

"I have another week before I go back to work. I don't mind taking extra shifts right now."

"Thank you, Angela." Emily stood up, mug half empty. "I should go. I still have seventeen more houses to visit and I don't want to bother anyone once it gets dark."

"At least finish the cup."

"Thank you," she said. The desire to be polite won out; she sat back down. "Actually, I suppose I should ask your opinion. No one else has any idea. Do you think the half-vampire would like to know?"

"I...I have no idea."

"It just feels like I'm leaving her out. And sitting up in that house all by herself at the holidays can't be good for her. Her family must be worried sick."

"Bella and Edward understand." From what I understood, after they had restrained his sister from starting a war just to spend time with her niece, their holidays had been very enjoyable.

"Really?"

"They have forever," I explained. "If she wants a month to herself to figure out what she wants to do, then to them it's barely a second."

She'd told everyone she was dropping out of Dartmouth to go to Bologna with her aunt next year. The pack was not taking it well; Italy, they thought, was too far for Jacob. Leah was already planning his goodbye party, though Bella said the girl was still trying to decide (something about the allure of the oldest university in the world versus the nearness of the Volturi; Bella didn't know the girl was stronger now, perhaps curious to test how strong).

"I don't suppose she's helping you with that spell you told Leah you wanted to do?"

"Excuse me?"

"Wasn't the girl learning magic from your friends?"

I didn't think Nessie could perform herself—too much dead magic in her. She was more like a supernatural battery with a mind of its own (and whatever magic her vampire heritage gave her). And right now she wasn't the problem.

"Well, yes, but—she doesn't have anything to do with Leah."

Emily shrugged. "I just thought maybe all the magic was connected."

"What did Leah tell you?"

"Not much. She said she couldn't. But when she didn't even remember coming over the next day, I figured you were involved. I was just curious. That's all. If you don't want to tell me..."

"I didn't think she had gone to talk to you."

"Coming up with synonyms for boyfriend stealing hag takes time," Emily said. "So occasionally Leah tells me things while she thinks."

What could I say to that? "From what I understand, they had already broken up."

"Maybe that's why she sometimes pauses for breath." Emily continued, "Whatever it was, it seemed to upset her."

I didn't have enough practice to try to erase a single strand of thought from Emily's mind from over a long period of time. It seemed best to tell her everything and then trust her to be silent. The women of La Push were made to keep secrets, after all. And Emily could have been the town mascot. Maybe it wouldn't seem like such a dream; and maybe I would be strong enough to do the right thing if I told someone else (the right thing? I didn't know. I would follow Emily's example and do what had to be done).

"I...I figured out a way to undo imprinting. Back when I—knowing I could get Embry back made it easier to get over losing him. But I changed my mind about performing the spell. I'm not going to do it."

Emily blinked.

"You can undo it?"

"But I won't."

Emily nodded and picked up our mugs to bring them to the sink. "Why tell Leah if you weren't going to go through with it? It seems...unkind."

"I needed a familiar. I thought she would help. But she's the one who helped convince me it wasn't my business."

"Yes," Emily agreed briskly. "It isn't. So what did we decide? Am I telling the half-vampire about the baby or not?"

"Only if you have time."

She nodded, then hugged me goodbye. "I'll pass on your congratulations to Kim."

"I'll be over to see her as soon as I can."

"I'll call you about the homecoming party!"

Emily disappeared into the snow, off to spread the good news.

Kim's baby was just as adorable as promised, big dark eyes and already a swatch of dark hair. And seeing Kara's mother so happy and proud made me feel truly happy in a way I hadn't felt in a long time.

Three days later, Sam Uley came to see me.

He was...Sam.


	41. Ch 40: God, Please Let Me Go Back Again

A/N: I decided not to split this one in half, though it's too long by half. Oh well.

* * *

Chapter 40: God, Please Let Me Go Back

When he appeared on my doorstep Sam Uley was wearing jeans, a polo shirt _and_ shoes, dressed fully the way I had rarely seen the shapeshifters. From the moment I opened my door I was unnerved by his appearance. Maybe he was counting on that. Maybe he just felt more comfortable dressed. Either way, he came in and sat on my couch and waited for me to sit across from him.

"Emily told me what you threatened to do."

But I wasn't frightened yet. Once upon a time I couldn't have defended myself from an angry familiar. Time had passed. Things were different. If Sam wanted a fight, it would not be easy for him. I could teleport out of harm's way faster than he could attack (as long as he stayed on the other side of the room). Offensive magic was not beyond me either if it came to that. I was really hoping it wouldn't.

"It wasn't a threat."

"You can undo imprinting."

If it was a fact, it was a threat.

I thought about denying it; I thought about agreeing and then erasing his memory. But if Emily had told...well, then, it was better to explain that it wasn't a threat. It was something _I_ had thought of (not my sisters) when I had a broken heart, but something I would never do.

"Yes, I can. But I won't."

"You won't?"

The questions stung, but I shouldn't have been surprised. As polite as he was, Sam did not see me as a friend. I was the outsider, the interloper, the witch.

"Promise. I would never hurt any of you. Please believe me, Sam. Let's have tea."

He was uncomfortable, but agreed. My house was silent as I put the kettle on, as we waited for the water to boil, as I poured out the cups. As I handed over his, I asked, "Can we forget this ever happened? I don't want to endanger my friendship with you all for the just the _potential_ danger I could put you in. If I hurt you all, it would be an accident. Never deliberate."

Unlike the others, Sam didn't rise and head to the window. He might have felt better pacing, but convention demanded he remained seated, so he did. It took some effort (his knuckles, on the hand that was clutching the couch seats, were white) but he stayed across from me. He didn't move an inch.

"We don't know much about each other, do we?" he said at last.

"You seemed to prefer it that way."

"Emily likes you. My wife has good taste." A small smile crossed his face. "Leah likes you, which means you must be something else. She's rather...picky."

"I hadn't noticed." We laughed quietly together.

"They all like you. Even Paul likes you. More than that, they trust you." He wasn't as tall as Jacob or Seth, but there was something reassuring about Sam's calm presence. "I trust them. So you're not going to perform the spell?"

"That's right. I can destroy it, if you'd like."

"And you would."

"Yes," I promised. Oh, Rina was going to kill me.

"Emily said you needed a familiar. Was that right?"

"Yes."

"What for? I thought we couldn't perform...spells." The disdain in his voice he couldn't help, I suppose. I tried not to take it personally.

"We would need blood to tap into your power before we could change it."

"How much?"

"Excuse me?"

"How much do you need?" His expression was gentle. "I don't want to bleed out."

"I—" I felt like I had missed part of the conversation, but as I ran through what had been said in my head, I still couldn't make sense of what Sam was proposing now. "You want me to do the spell?"

"How much do you need?"

"Is this intellectual curiosity?"

My thick-headedness must have annoyed him because he spoke slowly, unsure that I would understand otherwise.

"This is me agreeing to help you; how much blood do you need?"

"I'm afraid I need an explanation first, Sam. Otherwise...is this a trick? A trap? A..."

"I'm sincere. I've discussed it with my wife. She's a very convincing woman." He counted off on his fingers. "First of all, I may have defended imprinting in the past, but that was when I believed it was a natural part of our heritage. Now that it turns out it's an unfortunate side effect of your ancestors' incompetence, it seems wrong to cling to it out of tradition."

I wanted to defend the Coven, but it would have derailed the conversation. It hadn't been their fault the familiars were unpredictable.

"Second," Sam continued, "Despite what others may have suggested, I'm not afraid of losing my wife. I love Emily. We've had our problems, but that's in the past. If magic is the only thing holding us together than I would have her leave.

"Third, if you undo what was done, it means Jacob would no longer be connected to the half-vampire. A new treaty will be made and this time if the Cullens break it they _will_ be held accountable."

"What treaty did they break?"

"They killed Bella."

I knew she was a vampire, but I had never thought of it that way before. She was still Bella, in some infinitely more beautiful way. Killed made it seem so bleak, so black and white.

"It was her choice."

"They broke our treaty and then demanded our alliance." His voice was stern. Now I was frightened, though not for myself. "And when we agreed, they demanded more of our children. We could have disappeared—and for what? They saw the treaty only as leverage to demand our help and not something that bound them in turn. The girl is proof that they broke faith with us. Instead, we protected her, unnatural though she is. I will not be sorry to never deal with them again."

"I see."

"And finally," he said, "We hope that it might make things easier for Kim if she's not bound to Jared's memory. I want to make this easier for her, if that's at all possible."

"She'll still love him; she'll still miss him."

"You don't think it will help?"

"It may ease her grief a little."

"If it helps only a little, then it will be worth it." He shifted, ever so slightly in his seat. "I'm not entirely comfortable having you do this."

"I can see that; I'm not entirely comfortable doing it."

"It isn't your place," he said firmly. "But since we can't do it for ourselves and it must be done, it seems you're the only way. So, please, would you perform this spell for us?"

He knew that some things had to be done officially, no matter how he didn't like it.

"You were right," I said to him slowly as I tried to connect my thoughts. I had said I wouldn't do this. Where in the world did I start trying to convince Sam of all people that I had no right to meddle in their traditions? "They were very convincing arguments. Which one worked best?"

He must have thought of some himself, after the fact, because I couldn't see all of them (most of them) springing from Emily's lips. She loved her traditions and stayed away from the cold ones to please her husband, but she didn't strike me as a hard woman. There was boundless forgiveness and kindness in her (she even tried to help the half-vampire when Sam wasn't looking).

Sam held my eyes. I was starting to realize none of them flinched. Ever. It's what made them so reassuring. And so foreign.

"We have a daughter."

I realized than that his careful bullet points meant nothing. He agreed with them intellectually, but they had not swayed the temperamental werewolves. His daughter...

"She'll look like her mother one day." It was his great hope and his great fear that she would grow up to be as beautiful as Emily had been before she met her husband—it was so clear on his face I didn't even need his swirling aura to tell me. "I have to protect her."

"You do protect her. You protect them all."

"Not all the time," he admitted. "She had a hammer thrown at her head the other day."

"A plastic hammer," I corrected. I almost laughed at him, though he looked so stern. "She wasn't hurt. And three old boys can't be held accountable for what they do when they think they aren't getting enough attention."

"And when he grow us?" Sam growled. "Brady found out they're having a boy—when _he_ grows up? It's unlikely Rachel can have more children. Jacob's children may be...he might never have children. My daughter will be necessary for the survival of our kind. It's almost guaranteed someone will imprint on her."

"Is it really so awful?"

"No." Again he spoke so firmly I didn't dare doubt him. "But it's a sacrifice. Our way of life is a sacrifice. I can't spare my sons; is it so wrong to want to spare my daughter?"

My mother had asked my grandmother not to tell me I was a witch—the only time she ever tried to question the powerful woman who had given her life. My mother had not wanted me to know what I could do. To stay with my father, she had given up that power (she had been happier without the responsibility). But she had been so frightened of what it could do to me she had tried to put her foot down that one and only time.

With how complicated everything had gotten since my eighteenth birthday, I couldn't say she had been wrong to worry. I received power in compensation—the girls received the love of a familiar (but no power to protect themselves, only love that sometimes left scars down their faces and arms and hands). Was that a fair bargain?

"I..."

"Jared would have wanted me to protect his daughter, too. I failed him; I won't do it again." Sam looked at me with his certain eyes. "So, how much blood do you need?"

I told him.

Sam went to the kitchen and grabbed a knife; the cut was efficient, brutal. The cut was disappearing before my eyes when he finally left. For a long while I stared at the container filled with blood on my kitchen table.

Nessie was seven years old—seven and eighteen. Confused as she was, confused as she made me, I always felt like she could defend herself if she had to (it was the power she gave off, power that might have been deceptive; at least there were enough people willing to defend her).

But Francine Uley was two. And Kara Cameron was five days old and if I could help her mother a fraction, I would.

This was not for me. I would gladly move the world to find a way to bind Marian and Embry together again when this was all done (well, not gladly, but I would do it with a smile on my face). The Coven would understand this.

* * *

First, I called Rina.

"What ritual?" she asked.

I ignored her teasing. "How fast can you get here?"

"You're serious?" For the first time since I had called, I had her attention. "This is a thing? This is a thing that's actually finally happening?"

"If I can find a witch willing to perform it with me. Soon, too," I added. "Because he hasn't phased in a while." Not since Emily had told him and I'm not sure how long it would have taken them to come to an agreement. "So he'll phase soon and I'm not sure how the others will react."

Sam had a lot of clout in the pack, but I wasn't sure if Jacob would defend Sam the way he would defend Leah (if Sam even needed defending). Or maybe Sam's old position meant his choices would anger Jacob more than the choices of anyone else. They were unpredictable.

"Give me three hours then."

"Sabrina."

"I won't get a ticket. It's perfectly safe. Start going over the ritual with the familiar."

"There's a little wrinkle with that."

"What?"

"Well, Sam's the one who gave me the blood. Uh, mind rape guy." Rina didn't say anything (though her silence said a few impolite things, I'm sure). "But he wasn't really comfortable with the idea of performing the spell with us. He doesn't like us much."

"Angela—"

"I'll take care of it. Don't worry." Well, I did have a tiny worry. "You didn't actually sleep with Seth Clearwater, did you?"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"I'm just curious."

"Angela, I haven't—I haven't had sex in close to seven years. Hence the barely repressed frustration. Obviously."

"I just had to ask. Goodbye."

After I hung up, I called—I realized I didn't have Nessie's number. No one was at Charlie's, so I spent the next half hour calling all over the globe, trying to reach someone who had the girl's phone number. It was ridiculous; it would have been faster to drive over. I eventually reached Alice in some place in East Asia, overseeing the creation of the special fabric she just had to have. With a bit of shouting, I got the number.

My conversation with Nessie after that was a lot shorter.

"Sam? Really?"

"I know. But that's why we need a third. He couldn't really handle performing a spell on top of everything."

"But _Sam_? It—Emily's so—she's the one who helps the others make peace with it."

"Maybe she found that tiring, after a while. Are you helping or not?"

"Well, Jacob would want to help him as much as anyone, I guess. Call me when your friend comes."

She hung up then, still sounding confused.

Then I was alone with my thoughts.

But there was no more debating, no more soul searching. I'm not even sure I thought much about Embry as I watched the clock and gathered up the materials I would need. All I thought about was how terrifying it must have been for my mother, seeing me turn eighteen and knowing what could happen (all the power and all the pain). I thought of her fear when she saw me with Embry, a creature out of a book to her, one she had never learned to understand. So I called my mother and told her I loved her as I waited.

* * *

It took Rina more than the three hours she had promised, but she showed up beaming. Everything could fail spectacularly—she loved the adrenaline.

"Do you have the vervain?" she asked me, yet again as we waited for Nessie to arrive.

"It's in the bag. We're ready."

We were going to perform the spell in the woods (almost where I had first met Embry). Rina had guessed at the place where the treaties were made; it was best to get as close to there as possible. There was a small part of me that worried about being on their land while we attacked everything they were, but I didn't think they would do much. After all, Sam might not have been Alpha now, but he still had their respect.

Nessie came by as we were repacking the bag (again). It made Rina pause. "Does this make me the Crone?"

"You are the oldest," I teased.

"You put his blood in tupperware?" Nessie demanded. But she took the bag from Rina, who hadn't been able to lift it easily. Watching the slight teenager do something someone bigger than her couldn't do easily made me slightly nervous. I needed to be better about judging people by their appearance.

"You have a Corvette?" Rina demanded when we got outside. Laughter burst past her lips. "You have a Corvette and you think he bothered to sleep with _me_?"

Nessie chose not to respond.

"We're taking the Corvette," Rina called.

"It seats two," I pointed out. "And where are we supposed to put the bag?"

"I'll sit on your lap then," Rina said as she moved to the trunk of the car. Nessie glanced at me, but when I didn't argue, dutifully opened a trunk. It wasn't a big trunk (it didn't help the girl had a large black duffel bag in there already, but both bags ended up fitting, if slightly flatter than they started).

Then we climbed in the car, which was a little flashy for my taste but since they were both doing me a favor I didn't say anything. It was a beautiful car and the girl drove it well (I wasn't really surprised there was no jerky stops or unwieldy corners).

With the top down, we heard it immediately when the wolves started to howl.

"What's that?" Rina demanded.

There was another howl, this one higher pitched. Nessie answered, "That means they're calling an immediate pack meeting."

"They know?" Rina asked.

"Or will know very soon," I murmured. "Last chance to back out."

"As long as they aren't fire-breathing werewolves, I'm all good." Rina patted my knee. "I owe them this one."

"Why?" Nessie asked as she increased the speed. "What did you do?"

"I listened to those stupid stories a billion and one times and then I made Seth pout when I told him if I heard how Taha Aki managed to magically become a wolf one more time, I was going to kill myself. He looks just miserable when he pouts."

Nessie's response was cut off by another howl. An angrier howl.

"You should go faster," I said. It was a mistake.

The Corvette went fast.

Two hundred miles an hour fast.

Oh my good Lord.

I couldn't stare out the window without getting sick. Human beings were not meant to travel like this. But my panic was abruptly cut off.

The shriek that pierced the air was harrowing in its pain. I didn't need Nessie to tell me who that was—I had heard that scream before. When Jacob told me about Embry, Leah had screamed at the night. I could tell it was her just then, even over the sound of the howling wind.

"It ends," Rina decided. "Park the car and hope you're as powerful as they say."

Nessie did as she was told and we all hurried out of the car to grab both bags.

"What's in that one?" I asked. "Are those...rifles?"

The Newton's had owned the town outdoors store for longer than I can remember, so I knew a few things about hunting. I also knew that guns killed.

"Charlie never knew what to do with me," Nessie said. "It was Sue's idea. She made him teach me to shoot; now we go hunting together sometimes. He even bought me a set. Aren't they pretty?"

"You can't shoot Sue's children."

Even if I hated them, which I didn't, not even remotely, I wouldn't have dared hurt a hair on Sue Clearwater's children. It didn't seem safe.

"Of course not," Nessie said. "It's just to scare them. They're stronger than I am, transformed. Especially since they attack as a group. I'm still as fast as most of them, though, so if worse comes to worse we can slow them down. Clip them. Scare them. I'll be careful. It's just math, Angela. Angles and velocity and little bit of planning. I'm good at all that. I wouldn't hurt them."

"We need to stop this," I said. "We need to—"

"Too late," Rina told me, taking my hand. "We're going into the woods. Now."

"Leave the guns," I begged Nessie.

"It'll be safer with them." But she did as I asked and took our hands. I let Rina cast (it was easier for her). And she knew where in the middle of the forest we needed to end up.

Once we got there, Rina gave herself a minute to recover while I hurried to set up. We didn't have a lot of time, I knew. I could only hope that once it was done, they would have no choice but to accept it. They would stop fighting once fighting would accomplish nothing. I could only hope.

I said a silent prayer for Leah's safety (and the safety of all of them) and then finished taking out the containers. Rina went along behind me, readjusting the location of the herbs I was placing around the circle, while Nessie climbed a tree to keep lookout.

"They're searching for something. Us. One of them will be on us in two minutes," she called down. "Then they'll know where we are."

I called her down and she stepped into the circle, our pretty little battery. The power rolled off her in waves so strong they threatened to knock me over. She was saying, "Someone's close enough for me to hear."

"Don't rush her," Rina snapped as she opened up the container of blood. "Rather inconsiderate of him to tell his friends. What can you expect?"

"They don't always have a choice about transforming."

"Stop defending them and start chanting."

"Less than a minute," Nessie warned.

So I started chanting. There wasn't much else for me to do.

The words helped relax me; tapping into the strange, awesome power of the strange girl near me helped give me strength. So too did hearing my words echoed back to me in counterpoint as Rina helped guide my magic the way she always had.

Nessie's magic was unlike the girl herself—when I touched the magic inside her it made perfect sense that she would be destined for Jacob. Everything was too strong and too chaotic. There was nothing deceptively simple about the power in her. The magic of the living and the magic of the dead were locked in a fearsome struggle within her and it was terrifying to behold.

They were close enough for me to hear without magic. I made myself forget the growling.

I concentrated on the words.

On the power.

* * *

I was standing in the front of a Church, the way my father did every Sunday, looking down at my congregation. It was a strange looking congregation—the men of La Push wouldn't have been allowed inside a Church without clothing.

"Seriously?" Leah snapped at the world. "Why the hell am I naked?"

Emily shrugged off her sweater and gave it to her cousin, creating a dangerously short dress. The women were here too—Kim who should have been in bed and the young girls who didn't speak to me. Marian was there, curled against Embry, legs strategically placed to cover him. All the wolves and their imprints were in front of me.

Rina was cursing behind me, trying to figure out what was happening to the ritual; she ended up cross-legged on the altar (where all our supplies were, so that was something) as Nessie stood beside her, trying to avoid looking at anyone.

"A church isn't going to make this easier," she murmured. Rina ignored her. "Well, this is definitely something Angela's subconscious pulled up. At least we know that. Their mental bond must be stronger than I thought; it's trying to stop us, somehow." Then she cursed some more and frantically started going through the materials we had.

Someone growled, so I turned around to face the angry congregation. They were too busy arguing with one another to care about the three of us.

"Dave, you are so dead," Leah said. "If Sam isn't totally fine, you're dead. I'm going to rip out your throat with my teeth. And if you're lucky, I'll have phased first."

"Sweet as always," Jacob said proudly.

"Why do I even care about Sam?" she pouted.

"Because you're a good person, Lee-lee," her ex-boyfriend said. I think if anyone else in the room had said it, they would have lost a hand or a head or something even more valuable to them. Sam's sincerity just left Leah growling.

"The best and don't you forget it."

"Why is my husband injured?" Emily interrupted.

He didn't look injured, but then everyone looked slightly different than normal. They were whole and full and beautiful. The way I imagined them to be, I guess. The sanctuary I had provided us might have made them uncomfortable, but it was helping to calm me. So when the turned to face me I explained the situation, as best I could.

Then Jacob explained their reaction. "Some of us don't think before we act."

"They attacked us first," Paul complained. Then he said a few things that made me really wish I hadn't conjured a church for our little meeting. Well, if Rina was going to hell, she would have company.

Rachel snapped, "What have I told you about trying to kill our friends?"

"She's going to—"

"Don't you trust me?" Rachel said. She features softened, as did her voice. She could be surprisingly gentle. "Paul, I'm not going to run away the first chance I get. Okay?"

"That's what you say now."

He wouldn't look at her after that. It annoyed her to no end, but she didn't say anything. Maybe she thought it was the truth, too.

"Sam committed mutiny," Alex said. There were murmurs as the other boys agreed (even if Dave made sure to do so after Leah looked away).

"That's the line you're going to take?" Leah demanded.

"He's not Alpha anymore," Brady said, standing up. "He doesn't just get to make decisions for all of us. Acting like he does is a challenge. So yeah, it's mutiny."

"Oh, Sam." Jacob sighed. "You rebel."

The older werewolves—even Brady and Collin—couldn't quite stop themselves from smiling. Still, Brady continued, "He's not allowed to do that. If we punished him, he deserved it. He'd do it to us; he _did_ do it to us."

"Five on one isn't a punishment, it's—" But Leah choked on what she was about to say.

"Carrying out orders I haven't given is also mutiny," Jacob said. "So I'm going to say you're all even. Sam shouldn't have gone behind our backs; the rest of you shouldn't have tried to _kill him_. It's over."

"Except we can stop her now," Tom (I think) said.

I backed up, just a little. I never wanted to have to fight them.

"You touch Angela," Leah snapped, "And you're in a world of trouble."

"It's none of your business," Alex said.

"We know," Seth said. "My sister's saying you can ask them to call it off if you want and we'll support you. But if you even think about hurting Angela, we'll tear you into such tiny pieces your mother's won't be able to recognize you. Right, Leah?"

"Something along those lines, yeah."

"And the other two?" someone sneered.

Seth just laughed. "They'll destroy you before we could stop them. But we'll feel real bad about it, promise."

But now everyone was staring at us. Blonde, brunette, redhead. The three of us were so different from each other, but all of us were decidedly not familiars.

Brady looked to Jacob. "You really want the three of them to come in and decide for us that they know better?"

A Church hadn't been the best idea. They all had to look up to take us in and it made me uncomfortable, standing before them, looking down at dark eyes and dark faces angry and hurt and but mostly just tired of being told that _this_ time someone else was going to swoop in and finally make everything right.

"Well," Jacob said, growling at me, "It would have been nice to have been asked. But overreacting is our thing; which means I have to say I kind of get it."

"Idiots," Leah snapped at the boys.

"Besides," Jacob continued, "They'll stop if we ask them to, right?"

I glanced back at Rina, who was calmer now. "This is their last defence; fight us in the spirit world. I think I know how to get around it. Or not, if you wanted."

"If you ask us to," I said to Jacob (it's what I had to say to their Alpha if I ever wanted to speak to them again). "If _you_ ask us to, we can stop. No harm done. Friends, still?"

Jacob winked at me as he rose, turning to lean against the front of the pew so he could look at them all, all the people who looked to him.

"Okay. I guess it is debate time. How do we get out of this one, boys?"

Leah began, "Since—"

"This doesn't concern you," Alex reminded her.

"Maybe it does," Rachel said. "Maybe the Clearwaters and Collin and Max are the only ones who should get to decide."

"What's the opposite of sense?" someone muttered. Paul, I think, but he was glaring at everything just then so it didn't seem like the moment to point it out.

"What changes if they do this?" Rachel asked. "We know who the Imprint Fairy picked for us. The only people it's going to affect are the ones who haven't imprinted."

"Are we sure that's all it's going to change?" the obviously pregnant Melody asked. Brady was just twenty; she was just nineteen. I could see why she would be worried—if there was no magic to hold everything together, how quickly would it fall apart? He was quick to kiss her hand after she asked, though.

"They said it was originally supposed to be for keeping people quiet," Rachel continued. "So they undo it, the only thing that changes is someone could blab."

"If someone talks, who'll believe them?" Tom said. I was sure that time because I remembered his girlfriend was the one with the mouth.

"I'd rather not have to worry about people wondering why a bunch of us have a shared delusion about werewolves," Jacob said. "So how about we just don't talk and leave it at that?"

"That's assuming the witches knew what they were doing. Which we probably shouldn't," Alex said. Today, I had to give him that. "Who knows what undoing it could do to us?"

The arguments continued over each other, everyone competing for the chance to convince Jacob. There was a bit of name calling and some bodily threats, but they kept it surprisingly civil. Sure, there was the occasional fist-fight but those broke up quickly.

Embry caught my eye. He had such beautiful eyes.

His voice cut above the din. "We could vote on it. Everyone gets a say. Angela will respect the results."

There was love in his voice and in his face.

I hated how it still mattered so much to me.

"We could do that," Jacob said. "You know I hate ordering you all around. So we'll have a vote. The result is final. All right?"

"No."

Emily stood up, flattening her dress down, prim and proper as ever. In this world, there were no scars on her face. She had never looked more beautiful—her beauty made the soft-spoken woman from the reservation terrifying.

"I've heard your stories more than anyone here," she began. "I listened carefully and then I wrote them out for each of you, over and over again. And I lived them, had them written down my body in blood. I know them like I know myself. Voting is not our way."

"It's fair—"

"Fair isn't part of the stories either." It wasn't an accusation. She was far too mild to be angry. But it was the truth; no one else interrupted. "To enter the spirit world was agony. The fate of the third wife was death. None of that is fair. But it is our way. Voting is not. It never has been. So there will be no vote today.

"If Jacob sees fit, Angela will complete the ceremony. Or not. He may banish us if he wishes. But my husband and I stand by what we have asked of her. You protect the tribe; we only wish to protect our daughter. If we have done wrong, then the Chief will judge us. _That_ is our way."

She dared them to complain; no one could do it. Not to her perfect face.

Rachel stood up, ruffling her husband's hair as she went. "I'm not leaving you, you idiot." Then she took Emily's arm. "Any questions?"

For too long the men had left their imprints to Emily's care—everyone one of them turned towards her now. If there was a vote now the women would side with her (Rachel was helpfully reminding them of that) and they would lose. A vote would be a waste of time. Emily wanted this done; they wanted what Emily wanted.

Whether it was because of the Coven or because of magic or because of something entirely innate in them, they were a pack. Even those among them that didn't turn into wolves.

Leah looked at Jacob, who grinned back (he seemed to enjoy mutiny, whatever form it took). It made her role her eyes, but she smiled at me when she caught me watching them.

"All right then," Leah said as she stood up. "What are we doing, Chief?"

"Don't call me that," he whined, leaning back against the pew. He glanced over their faces (it was easy to see because they all lowered their gazes as he looked—only Sam held out for long). With a sigh, he walked out of the pew and down the aisle to stand in front of me.

Jacob was not embarrassed in the slightest (for very obvious reasons), though I was a little red as I walked down the steps to meet him. I stopped one step above him, but he was still taller.

"I'd rather not have to banish Sam and his family. I'd rather not lose you as a friend." His dark eyes were hard; I stared at his collar bone instead. "I do a lot of things I'd rather not, nowadays."

"Should I stop, then?"

"Hell no," he murmured. One large hand came to cup my face, tilting my chin so I had no choice but to look him in the eye. "The story of the third wife always freaked me out a little. I'm the one who makes the stupid sacrifices; no one gets to take that away from me."

It made me giggle (maybe because he was still very, very naked and standing way, way too close to me).

"I think it'll make things harder for us. When can you tell your girlfriend? What happens when she wants to leave but knows too much and hates us all just that much more? Well," Jacob said, "I guess we'll figure it out. No one's ever said we were afraid of a fight. They aren't going start now.

"Whatever happened and whatever will happen, all I've got is now. If we're going to die out, then we do it on our own terms. With our own powers. Nothing more."

"Though it wouldn't kill us to wear pants to the end of the world," Leah muttered.

He laughed, easily, as always, gesturing for me to retrace my steps and return to the altar. Permission granted.

I couldn't help it; I looked to Embry. He looked beautiful here, too, practically glowing. His eyes were still so familiar. And that grin...

He gave me a nod.

"Hocus pocus," Jacob muttered as I walked.

I couldn't help it; I laughed. Then:

"Abracadabra."


	42. Ch 41: A Little Too Not Over You

Chapter 41: A Little Too Not Over You

Seth was crouched over me when I woke up, just like that time so long ago when we first met. For a moment, I thought all of it had been a dream, that the wolves I knew and the Embry I loved were just figments of my imagination as I dealt with the pain of a broken ankle. Maybe I just hoped it was a dream, so when I woke up everything would be simple again. But behind Seth stood Embry and he looked too worried about me for us to be strangers. And when Seth announced I was all right, his face lit up and I couldn't help smiling back, even if it exhausting. Though this time it was Seth who wrapped an arm around me and helped me to stand.

It was just the three of us.

"Where is everyone?"

"We needed a doctor for Sam," Seth explained. "Come on. They might need help."

With Embry on one side and Seth on the other, we started moving through the forest. I was too tired for this; every bone in my body was screaming at me to just fall asleep. The air was colder than I remembered; I don't really remember much of the journey, except it took too long and Embry was beside me.

We found the others standing in a circle among the trees, waiting, most if not all of them covered in blood (even though their scratches were long healed). I wasn't sure where to put my eyes; I guess it was a good thing they didn't have a problem with nudity. Still, as embarrassed as I was, I didn't have time to be concerned with what everyone was or was not wearing.

They were watching the three figures lying on the ground; if it hadn't been for the blood that covered the three of them, it could have been almost idyllic. Leah and Rina looked like they could have been asleep on either side of Sam (whose chest looked like someone had tried to scrape the color right off—and then used blood to try to stain the color back afterwards). There was blood on Nessie's hands (Alex's, too), the result of what minimal first aid they could provide before Rina decided magic was the best (maybe only) option. The werewolves were silent as they watched the trio—Nessie was crying into Jacob's chest, saying she tried to help but Leah insisted it be her and they wouldn't listen and she was so sorry...

I had thought they had been exaggerating in my vision, the way they always did. When Jacob said they had tried to kill Sam I never actually thought...

Leah stirred. Her brother knelt down beside her, let her grab his hand. Embry was the only one holding me up now, but the large hand at my waist was just as it should have been. "Did it work?" she mumbled. "How is he?"

"He's fine, Leah," I answered. I was so tired the words slurred, but I got them out. "Sam will be fine."

"We only hear one heartbeat," Jacob said. If he wanted to panic or cry or scream, it was crushed under the responsibility. "I'm sorry."

"But I can feel them, see their auras. They're fine."

"I couldn't find a pulse," Nessie whimpered. "I listened and I couldn't..."

Leaning my head on Embry's shoulder, I explained, "We're tired. She must have—to heal him, she put him to sleep. He'll wake up in a week or two and he'll be fine."

"Like a medically induced coma?" Seth asked, tracing the lines that now decorated Sam's neck, before feeling for a pulse himself.

"Sort of. More like...hibernation, really. Stasis. You won't have to feed him or anything. His body will just heal itself and when he wakes up he won't even know time has passed."

"You didn't do that when you fixed Nathan," Jacob said.

"I didn't fix Nathan. He fixed himself. I just increased his ability to heal." I didn't know enough about healing to do what Rina had just done; then, I wouldn't have had the power to even try.

"The vamp had to break my chest open three times to put everything in the right place," Nathan said. "And my leg hasn't been right since."

"You're alive," Embry snapped. "So shut up."

"Both of you be quiet," Jacob said. "Can you wake him up, Angela?"

"Maybe. But it would just undo...he can heal like this. He won't be able to if I wake him up. She...she would know what she was doing. This way minimizes what can go wrong."

Like scarring. Sam could use help with the scarring (how deep did you have to scratch a werewolf before he scarred?).

"Got something," Seth said finally. "Definitely a pulse. It's like one beat every thirty seconds, but it's there."

"That's impossible," Nessie said. "His brain wouldn't be getting enough oxygen. He should be dead."

"It's impossible, said the half-vampire," Seth said as he checked Rina, too. "I think they _are_ alive."

"Good," Leah growled, tugging at her brother. "Okay, we're too related for you to be this close that naked, so move your ass out of my face and someone either get me clothes or get me off the ground."

I had a winter coat on but Embry grabbed my hands when I tried to undo it. Nessie shrugged off her coat and handed it to Leah ("she can handle the cold," Embry whispered, his breath hot on my ear), who tugged it around herself and then let her brother pull her to her feet.

"Thanks, kid," Leah murmured, even as she swayed dangerously even with her brother to hold her. Still, her mind was sharp even if her body wasn't listening to her. "What's in your hair?"

The girl had nowhere to run, stuck in Jacob's arms, and he was quick to hold her in place as he looked. "She's right. What the hell's in your hair? Is it...it's white."

Nessie quickly pulled the two strands from her head; they were lost to the forest floor. "It's not free. That's the first thing they told me. It's not free and you never know what will happen. That's why there's so many rules. Because they want to have the answers and they don't. But I have forever Jacob. What's a tiny bit of forever?"

"Nessie...are you _nuts_? All that to get away from me?"

"No," she murmured, heart-broken. "Of course not. Never. I just wanted to help. Sam and Emily and you...I wanted to help you because you always help me and...and they love you so I just wanted..."

Jacob hushed her and hugged her and didn't look like he would ever let go.

"So, did it work?" one of the younger boys asked.

How would I know?

"My Jacob?" Nessie glanced up, looking so impossibly young just then, standing in the arms of the impossibly tall werewolf Alpha. If it had worked, they would know.

"Hey, Nessie."

Then he leaned down and kissed her gently.

She had a wicked right hook.

"It's not okay," she cried. Then she slapped him. "That was for my birthday! And for flaunting Leah! And for interfering with Nahuel! " She slapped him again. "And that was for kissing my _mother_! You—you—"

She weakly slapped his chest. "You...you motherfucker."

Oh.

Well.

Nessie's eyes went wider than I thought eyes could go and she slapped her hands over her mouth almost comically. Jacob seemed so utterly baffled he couldn't begin to formulate a response, while the rest of them stood and stared and wondered what on earth had gotten into the girl?

"Technically, he only _wanted_ to—" Embry said, but he hushed when I poked him in the belly. His head rested against mine and it felt so right I didn't even tease him.

He also broke the tension.

Jacob (and his pack) burst into laughter and he opened his arms, his expression still loving.

"I'm sorry," she cried. Then she threw her arms around his neck and he picked her right off the ground as she clung to him. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I love you, I'm sorry. I—"

"It's okay, Nessie," he murmured into her hair. "I love you too and it's okay."

"But it wasn't," she said as she sank back to the earth. "It wasn't okay. I couldn't make you happy the way they could."

"Oh, baby girl." He sighed. "Just because you were different doesn't mean I loved you any less."

"Just not enough."

"Just...I loved them, too. And...well, I can't do everything."

"Yes, you can," she said. "You can do anything, Jacob."

"Think I could have made you happy?"

"You always do," she promised, stepping closer, kissing his cheek.

"So did it work or not?" Brady growled.

Jacob and Nessie regarded each other wearily. It could have been stress, after all, the blood on her hands and the exhaustion from the spell and the adrenaline of everything we had done that afternoon.

"Jacob," she murmured eventually, "If you were trapped in a burning building with someone I'm not a thousand percent sure I'd save you first."

"If you go to Italy," he responded, "I don't think I'm going to feel like someone's ripping my guts out and making me eat them."

"That's disgusting." But when she continued, her voice was brighter. "You think I should go to Italy? Emmett's pretty sure they won't be able to resist moving to Paris if we're that close by. But I don't..."

"I think you should go if you want to. I think you'd be amazing on your own."

"Really?"

"Really." He looked stern. "Though you better send me a postcard or something."

"Of course."

She took a step away from him and when he looked like he would survive the separation she turned right around and threw her arms around him again. She murmured her thanks against his chest and he thanked her in turn, for being the best imprint ever.

It made her snort, but when she pulled away she seemed calmer. He was no longer the centre of her world but I think she'd find her sense of balance soon enough. Metaphorically. Physically, she took a step away from him and almost fell into a tree.

"Right, let's get you someplace where you can lie down first," Jacob said as he lifted her up. "Max, take Nessie. Leah, you going to be okay to walk back on your own?"

"As long as no one cares that I'm walking like a drunk."

"Keep it classy." She flipped him off and they were good. "Alright. Seth, take the witch, Collin help me with Sam. The rest of you—" Jacob glanced imperiously around the clearing. "It worked. What's done is done. Go home. Make sure our secrets stay safe. Go. Now."

They went. It went both ways. He listened to them, tried to do right by them—but they listened to him. Absolutely (I wondered if Rina was right, that they'd die out if he ordered it—I knew she was).

The rest of us started walking back. Leah may have used her brother's arm to steady herself a couple times, but she was still moving under her own power a lot faster than I could. All their magic was inside of them. Eventually, Embry and I fell behind. At first, I didn't even notice, too concerned with putting one foot in front of the other. But eventually I looked up and...

I was finally alone with Embry after all that time.

The euphoria forced me to stop to catch my breath. His hair was shorter than it had been when we'd broken up (a new haircut for a new girlfriend?) but other than that he looked remarkably the same. The cold wasn't doing him any favours, but the tentative smile still made my stomach jump.

"You must be freezing," he said finally. "Come here."

He wrapped his arms around me and I melted against him (how could I not?). I don't know how long we stood there, just holding one another, but I was nice and toasty by the time I finally pulled back.

"I feel better now."

"That was some pretty crazy stunt you just pulled." It just made him laugh. His pride was obvious. "How do you get yourself into those kinds of messes?"

"I told you—the forest doesn't like me. The outdoors never does."

"Well, this wolf does."

There was a growl at the end, so I was sure he meant it.

Because I was tired the going was slow, but Embry didn't rush me. I could have asked him to carry me, but my legs were still working and I kind of liked us walking together again. Besides, there was still a problem.

What was he going to do about Marian?

I could have just asked, but at least this way I could pretend. So we walked out of the forest hand in hand—I was telling him about what I had to do to finally get to perform the spell, while he told me about the fight the wolves had when they realized what Sam had done.

The younger boys had attacked instinctively at the perceived betrayal ("yeah, it's part of us, but it didn't help at all that Sam made it look like a challenge to Jake. We finally managed to integrate the packs properly so they...didn't like that"). While Paul got them off Sam eventually ("I know he's a jackass, but if it wasn't for Sam Paul would be a whole lot worse and he knows it. Besides, after Jared...well, Paul wasn't about to let anything happen to Sam no matter how pissed he was"), he also had the presence of mind to redirect them ("it's going to ruin all our jokes if Paul turns out to be any good at planning"). He sent them to my home and to the forest—instinctively, they knew enough about magic to go to the forest. That's when Leah had phased; she had _not _been happy and her cry had roused Jacob's old pack.

"Quil and I...we took off after you. The idea that you could...I'm so sorry for thinking you'd hurt us."

"You didn't hurt me."

"It took me a minute, but...Jacob was talking about how it wouldn't go well with your friends if we hurt you and Leah was furious about what they had done to Sam and Seth...I've never seen the kid that mad. You should have seen what he did to Dave. Just laid him out. Apparently, he likes you."

"Half likes me." Half loves me.

"What's with the..." Embry decided against asking about my smile. Instead, he continued, "Seeing them worried about you...I couldn't have hurt you."

"I know."

"I know you do. You were always unbelievable that way."

He smiled at me we both tried to ignore how he was making me blush. The trees were getting sparser. I had learned enough about the forest in our too brief time together to know that we were getting close to the edge.

"Do you want me to take you home?" Embry asked as we emerged from the woods.

"I need to figure out what I'm going to do with Rina. She'll be out for a few days herself."

That meant I would have to be the one to explain everything to the Coven (and my grandmother). They would rush a tribunal. There were no point in waiting since the effects of today on the familiars might not be noticeable for generations. With Sam asleep, I would need Jacob to go before them and swear my interference was welcome more than ever.

"I'm sure Emily won't mind looking after her, too. One unconscious person, two conscious people...what's the difference?"

"I'd feel better if I was with her."

"Okay. They'll have taken them both to Emily's."

There hadn't been a discussion, but it didn't surprise me that Embry turned out to be right. Embry walked me right up to the door and then said, "You have no idea how much I missed you."

"I have a pretty good idea, actually. I...you weren't there anymore."

"I'm so sorry. So sorry," he repeated.

His hand was on my waist, his body hard against mine, his fingers tracing along my cheek. And he was leaning over me and I knew he was going to kiss me, but I didn't want to stop him (I didn't want him to ever stop) so I just tilted my head back and welcomed Embry home.

It was everything it should have been, having him back. The uncertainty, the heartbreak, the pain of the last months faded as his lips moved against mine, as I melded myself to his toned body. Everything was so perfectly all right I knew I never had to worry again.

And then he pulled away, his dark eyes still so loving.

"You need to get back to Marian, now," I found myself saying.

What kind of girl kisses another girl's boyfriend? It wasn't anyone's fault. I had changed the world, but only a little bit. He was still hers and I shouldn't—I had to let him go.

"I..."

He tucked a few strands behind my ear again, letting his fingers linger.

"I'll see you soon?" he asked.

"If you want."

"See you soon, then."

Something in me rejoiced, but I crushed it down. He was still hers. For now. For..._now_, he was hers. So I needed to take a step back. I had taken a step back. I swear I had. But if he really was leaving, if he really was going, then I needed to say goodbye this time. This time, Jacob wouldn't have to do his dirty work.

Embry and I met somewhere in the middle of the doorway to kiss goodbye.

Then he went back to her.

* * *

A/N: Now I have to figure out how everyone's going to react. Which traditions change? How much power do I want to give people? How many relationships do I want to destroy? Bwhahahaha. Kidding. Sort of. But I'm going to be busy for the next two weeks or so. Don't expect updates until after Christmas, I think.

Happy holidays!


	43. Ch 42: The Pursuit of Happiness

A/N: I could not figure out what to put in this chapter. The rest are mostly completed, so they should be up without such a delay.

Chapter 42: The Pursuit of Happiness

The werewolves at Emily's house might have appreciated my knowledge, but they did not require my help. As always, they had everything under control. By the time I arrived inside, even Rina had been carefully tucked away in the spare bedroom and Emily was waiting patiently for me, so she could make sure the care plan she had thought of covered every possible contingency (it did). Since we didn't really want to move anyone more than we had to, I agreed to stay with Emily. The Coven would be able to contact me anywhere. Someone had to help her.

Or at least try to stop her from running herself into the ground. I was supposed to be helping her, but she was the one who offered me a plate of cookies.

"It's not much," she admitted, "But you look like you need to keep your strength up."

"Thank you."

"No. You never have to—I should thank you."

Jacob and the rest were at her kitchen table, trying to figure out what needed to be done, her punishment and mine. But since we were alone she hugged me. Whatever happened, she wanted to give me thanks. "I should go check on the children."

I made peace with the consequences then, seeing the gratitude and relief in her eyes. The pale lines on her face contorted as she smiled—it was a shock to see the scars again, but I tried not to let her see. With the same calm acceptance that Emily had wrapped around herself all those years, I decided I would face the Coven.

So when I joined the others in the kitchen and Jacob asked me what would happen, I wasn't terrified when I explained they would drag me before a tribunal.

"So what do we tell them?" he asked simply.

"The truth, of course." We couldn't have lied if we wanted to.

"You won't get in trouble, will you?"

"You shouldn't worry about me."

He just laughed. Jacob did that a lot. "Angela, do you remember when I asked you if you were in?"

"What...when you were pretending to be a stripper?"

After all that time, he still cackled at the memory. "Exactly. You said you were in. Which means I should be looking out for you too. Let me."

"Worrying about you comes with the job," Leah said. "Besides, you're too nice for us to leave you to fend for yourself."

I blamed the very stressful day for how quickly the tears came to my eyes, but I like to think I would have been touched no matter what.

"Though it would be nice," Jacob said, "If we knew exactly what you did to us."

"It should just mean no one will imprint again. I think. Side-effects won't appear for a while. I'm sorry."

"Worst case scenario?"

"Taha Aki magically became a wolf," Nessie murmured from the couch. I had forgotten she was still there, as the rest of them had crowded around the kitchen table. Collin had gone, but the others didn't look like they were going to leave (Max and Seth had already broken out the cards and Emily was whipping up dinner).

Not even bothering to look up from the poker game, Seth shook his head. "Rina made it sound like they were two separate spells, stopping imprinting and stopping, well, everything. We should still be able to phase."

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"She said since we aren't really werewolves you guys might be able to stop us from shifting. But she seemed kind of guilty about it so...and you wouldn't have agreed to _that_."

"Agreed to what?"

"See?" Seth said in a maddeningly calm voice. "Angela wouldn't let us be werewolves who couldn't be wolves."

"Dude," Max said, "It already makes no sense. Don't help it along."

A back-up plan: a way to neutralize the familiars, not just remove some of their traditions and devastate them (a wounded enemy is the worst of all). But I could see why the Coven would quickly reject such a plan. Who knew what powers they might have if they weren't restricted to the canine forms? It wouldn't do for a back-up plan to make them more powerful. Not to mention, the whole point would be to take them unawares, not to have Seth calmly inform me that the Coven thought they could stop them from being werewolves.

"Have we...?" But Leah didn't even bother asking the question. No sooner had she wondered than they all seemed to realize they _hadn't_ phased. Instead, Leah started shrugging off the clothes Emily had just given her. Then—

Then nothing.

She just stood there in front of us, hidden by the counter and crossed arms. The panic on her face was distracting from the nudity, anyway. The men were already standing up, panic spreading. What were they, if they couldn't phase?

"Got you." Leah laughed. Then she disappeared behind the counter, a sleek grey wolf coming out in her place.

"Not funny," Jacob growled. But he scratched her behind the ears, anyway. He explained to me, "I needed to know what you all could do to if it came to it."

We could take away the weapons they were used to using, but we couldn't figure out how to make them powerless. The Coven could neutralize many threats through skill and tradition—but the power inside...no, they couldn't touch that.

"I'll come with you to Seattle," Jacob promised. But I wasn't really one of his, just like I had never quite been Grandmother's...I was stuck in between, like Embry always felt. Still, I thanked Jacob for his kindness.

They let me slip outside so I could call my grandmother then. The conversation was brief (she had to begin organizing everything and I hated listening to the worry in her voice). The sun set sometime during our discussion and the temperature had dropped, so I didn't mind when Seth came to sit beside me on the porch. It wasn't just the heat of him that made me grateful. The sheer volume of muscles was reassuring in their physicality the way nothing today had been. I rested my head on his shoulder.

"You okay?" he asked.

"She forgives me. She's more worried for me than...it will hurt her, if they kick me out. I don't want that."

"But you're not just doing this witch thing to make her happy, right?"

"Right." It confused me and scared me, but it was my heritage. And I was finally starting to understand, really understand (or perhaps I had finally realized that I wasn't supposed to understand, I was just supposed to _know_ deep in my gut) that it was who I was. "Though I am sorry I didn't warn you the Coven could..."

"You didn't know."

And he had.

"Did you become her friend just so she'd tell you?"

He laughed. "Naw. She looked like she needed a friend." In a much quieter voice he added, "But I could tell she didn't just like hanging out. What does it matter? We're friends now."

I wondered how much of it he planned, getting people to underestimate him. Seth had always been my friend so I was inclined to say he didn't mean for it to happen, it just did. It was what made him so dangerous, I realized, the way it had made me a threat to them in the end. I just wanted to help—and look what I had done. He was just interested in what she had to say—it wasn't his fault that caring could sometimes be the cruellest thing you could do to another person.

Even I wasn't optimistic enough to think that Jacob wouldn't use Seth's friendliness however he could. For the good of the tribe. Still guilty over the way I—who called myself their friend—had gone behind their back, I couldn't really blame Jacob for doing what he felt he had to.

"You don't mind she used you?"

"She did just perform a complicated spell for my packmate. I figure that makes us even."

Dare I say anything more? Should I? At this point, the idea of not interfering was ludicrous. I was too far gone.

"And for you, too."

"Nah. I happen to like my traditions. Not that she ever really got how I could be okay with...she thought it made me kind of powerless. Phasing, imprinting, all this," he said, gesturing around, pointing out his whole life. "It bugged her."

I made some noncommittal noise and he continued.

"She just wanted to get back at...whoever told her she was powerful before she wasn't when she needed it to be." When the fire started and she couldn't do anything but scream. "And I don't think she liked how you didn't know how to fight back."

"There was no one to fight."

It had been a long day. We were tired. I let him ramble—I needed to sit there as his words (I had always loved his voice; it was the most magical part about him) washed over me.

"That's not...I always thought it made sense that it had to be us, you know. When I thought about it. You couldn't just pick a bunch of guys off the street and have them do what we do. You need to have needed help before you can help someone, been powerless before you can really get what it means to be powerful. We've had a lot of shitty things happen to us." He laughed. "We know—we're not scared of vampires because we know there are worse things out there. Things that are a lot harder to fight. Death doesn't always have pointy teeth. It had to be us. Had to be Jake in charge. Can't win until you've lost."

"I thought Jacob was invincible."

"He wasn't always. Was just like everyone else, once. And then he fell in love with Bella—and I'm happy for her and Edward. I think they're a great couple. But she's dead now, so Jake lost. He lost big time. And now when he gets into a fight, he thinks about the girl who isn't alive anymore and says not this time. Not again."

"So logically you'd be attracted to the girl who has everything."

"It's getting late," was all he said. "I still have to tell Mom what happened."

"Are you all right?"

"You're the one who looks—

_"Oh my goodness," I said. I was tempted to say a few other things, too. I couldn't believe how silly I'd been._

_"What?" Jessica demanded. "Did you forget something? We can go back in time. At this point, time travel wouldn't really surprise me."_

_"I'm such a bad friend." Seeing as Jessica hadn't noticed my mistake (it had taken me twenty years to realize what I had done, so I couldn't blame her) I explained. "He left because they could hear us."_

_"Who?"_

_"Everyone in the house." To be fair, how was I supposed to remember everyone around me had magic ears? And it had been vague...well, no. How many other quasi-princesses did I know? "They would have heard me."_

_"Ang, if they hadn't figured it out by then—stop beating yourself up about something you can't change. I'm sure it's all worked itself out by now."_

_"True." Still... "Superhearing is my least favorite super power ever."_

_"X-ray vision kind of freaks me out more but..." Jessica shook her head. "Sorry. Continue."_

"You're the one who looks exhausted. Don't stress yourself out," Seth warned me as he rose off the steps. "Everything'll be fine, Ang."

It was nothing but blind faith.

But seeing Seth's easy belief was exactly what I needed just then.

If you loved and helped your neighbor, if your intentions were good...surely, everything wouldn't end up too badly.

* * *

And Seth was right.

In a way.

Grandmother summoned me two days later and I left Emily to go face them. Grandmother didn't have much to say, just kissed me on the cheek and told me it would be all right. Jacob came to see them for me; Leah and Nessie both came with him. Leah paced the waiting room, tried to talk to me even though it had been forbidden and watched the exits with anxious eyes. Nessie read without pause; they asked her to come in too, as she had done the spell with us, but they only kept her for a few minutes. She didn't bother to look at me when she left. The Coven delivered their verdict and I returned to the Uley's. Nothing would be official until Rina woke.

I was taking the children for a walk when she finally did, so by the time I got back Emily already had my friend propped up in bed. But Emily hadn't said anything, if Rina's annoyance was anything to go by. It wasn't Emily's fault. I hadn't wanted to go into Rina's punishment with any of the others.

"Well?" she demanded as I sat on the edge of the bed. She looked rested, though I knew she would be anxious to re-dye her hair again as soon as possible. The bleach made it hard to tell what was blonde and what was white, but she'd like to make sure.

"Well, they started by laying out how terrible I was. They'll give you the lecture when you report back in, but the gist was that we really should have talked it over with someone more important first."

"But you stressed that you were emotionally distraught and barely know all their stupid rules anyway?"

I ignored the implication that I should have just thrown her under the bus. It couldn't have made things worse for her, but I hadn't known it at the time and I was glad I didn't have _that_ on my conscience too.

"Anyway, they only made me cry twice, so it wasn't too bad."

"And the verdict?"

We were too valuable to kick out in the end. With Jacob claiming we had done him a favor, there wasn't much they could charge us with. And so they punished us by rewarding us.

"They're giving me a new teacher," I told my old one.

Even at the time, I knew Morgana's reputation enough to know this was not a blessing. She was was...a hard woman. She was much older than Rina was (they didn't want me to befriend another one) and had little patience for how much I had missed not growing up with them (which wasn't too different from Sabrina, really). But I learned from her and she was never too rude even if she was more of a parole officer than a mentor. It was so much less than I had expected that I had no right to complain.

"_She was a psycho bitch who never let you do anything ever again, right?" _

"_That's my incredibly powerful sister you're insulting, Jess."_

"_But I'm right, right?"_

"_She's not a bitch. Just...she likes things her way. And makes me fill out reports sometimes."_

"_So, she's a freak?"_

"_Moving on…"_

Morgana was also made the official liaison between the Coven and the Familiars, which meant even tea with Emily had to be run through her. That day at Emily's, I only knew enough to be nervous (and that I just had to accept this). The way Rina cringed when I named my new teacher didn't help, either, but we didn't discuss it. My Grandmother almost smiled when she finally drove me home—it was the best result I could have expected.

And I was too busy telling Rina that she was being sent to teach others in Arizona to worry about myself. They described it as a wonderful opportunity for her, since she had displayed such ingenuity in regard to the 'familiar situation.' No one used the word exile, though that's what it was. The Washington Coven would have no more dealings with Sabrina Stephens.

Her family was in Massachusetts, anyway (not that she would return there, either). She shrugged. The benefit of trying to block out the world was that she wasn't the type to be too attached to anything. Even then I knew she would be fine, relocating once more.

"So no ordeal by water," she observed. "Did you mind wipe them?"

"I couldn't."

"Your Grandmother…?" But it had been an independent tribunal for that reason; my grandmother knew too many of the witches in Seattle. Others had been brought in.

"Jacob said they would defend us."

"You think they listened to a familiar?" Rina was sceptical, but intrigued. "They are powerful; the Coven likes power. But would he risk a fight for us?"

I almost laughed. "Jacob would risk anything for anyone. The question is would they believe him."

They obviously had.

Rina nodded slowly, mind elsewhere. I took her hand in mine, trying to reassure her it wouldn't be so bad. "It's okay to have a few regrets," I promised. "But just think of the little girls who might not be put in danger because of us."

The ones who could have ended up like Emily and the ones that could have ended up like Leah. All those girls who might not have to suffer quite so much.

"What would you have done if you hadn't gotten powers?" she asked me.

"I don't know."

"Dumb question. You'd still be living in Forks with the same job and same friends, right?"

Well, I did have good friends.

"_Suck up."_

"Probably. Though I might have broken up with Embry before he broke up with me."

It was a little bit of a lie. Knowing there was something magical about him made the stories easier to swallow, but it wasn't the only reason I had allowed him to deceive me for so long.

"I'm not sure what I would have done. Been a doctor instead, probably, but the rest of my life...I don't know."

"They'll figure it out," I promised.

"And the boys?"

"What?"

"We helped the girls, you said. So what about the boys? We just let them transform? Where the best case scenario is getting to risk your life the next day and the worst...well, death makes it a little less horrible that the girls might cry themselves to sleep once and a while?"

"Rina," I hushed her. The door was opened; this wasn't something Emily needed to think about. Not when this was her husband's life—and legacy. "They're needed."

"Kill a vampire here, kill a vampire there...kill too many and the vampires will wipe them off the face of the earth. They aren't allowed to win. What kind of life is that?"

"They kill even one vampire, they save countless lives. It's not easy, of course not, I'm not saying it is but...it's a necessary evil." Wasn't it? "Anyway, it's not our place to stop them. They would never allow us to go that far. Not the werewolves, not the Coven, not...not me. We just don't have the right to interfere."

"Now that you might get laid, we don't have the right?"

"Where in the world is this coming from?"

I thought the spell had been a challenge to her, something she took a little too personally out of guilt and affection for Seth (who you couldn't help wanting to adopt). I hadn't thought she would decide everything about the Quileutes was unacceptable.

"I'm not wrong. June Cleaver there said it was a sacrifice. Why let them keep making it?"

"They won't agree to stop."

"That didn't stop us before."

"We still don't know the consequences of the spell we just did. Who knows what trying to undo thousands of years of magic—no, of what you are guessing is magic—in the first place could do?"

"Hundreds," she corrected. "And it _is_ magic, whether it's ours or theirs. And whoever started it, it's not _fair__._ We can fix that."

"We can't," I said as firmly as I could while trying to comprehend the pandora's box I had opened. It was terrifyingly easy to apply some of the flimsy justifications I had used to ease my conscience to Rina's new argument. When I performed the spell I had been motivated by guilt and more motivated by the desire to help those girls but, also, I had to admit, I performed the spell because Sam had surprised me and after months of being unsure I had followed his simple request (that came out as a bit of an order), relieved the decision was no longer mine (glad to have finally gotten the answer I wanted).

"Why not? At least the army gives benefits. Tell me what they get, Angela? Because right now I think we just took away the only thing that was even remotely positive about their situation and I...we're not supposed to make it worse. Do no harm."

But if my broken heart had taught me anything, it was that the best of intentions could have catastrophic results.

"They don't complain."

"No," she agreed, "They don't. They didn't complain about imprinting much, either."

"Please," I said. "This Jacob will never forgive. He was made to be a wolf, to help people. You attack his ability to do that and I don't know what will happen."

"Arizona is a little far," she said after a moment, dropping her eyes to Emily's beautiful quilt. "And there's no way Morgana will let you contact me for years."

"Oh. No."

Just because I disliked what she was saying just then didn't mean I never wanted to hear from her again.

"You better make me goodbye cake or something."

"I will. And thank you."

Rina rolled her eyes. I wondered which one of us was right—had we gone too far or not far enough? I still wonder. I wish I had an answer.

So Seth was right, but only in a way. Everything seemed all right to me, but I was never going to be completely certain that my belief was the right one. I tried my best to believe it—I couldn't have done nothing, otherwise—but some nights I find myself wondering.

There was always a price. The value of peace of mind is grossly underestimated until it's gone.

* * *

They didn't want send anyone on Quileute land so Jacob came to drive us back to my house, where Morgana and Hilda were waiting. Hilda was going to escort Rina back to Seattle where she would be officially barred from coming back. At least Jacob was delighted by our news, glad we hadn't been kicked out of the Coven entirely.

Jacob, who could never be anything but he was, helped put me back at ease.

"Thanks again," he said to her in front of the others. Formal witnesses. "For everything. And Sam wouldn't forgive me if I didn't ask where he can contact you to thank you himself when he wakes up."

"He already thanked me," she promised. Unconscious and linked together and with no one else to talk to for three days, I had still assumed Rina would try to ignore him out of spite. Forgiveness was not one of her talents. But I had underestimated the power of sheer boredom. And revenge. "And I made him talk about healing most of the time."

The witches frowned, but Jacob just laughed. "I bet he liked that."

"Exactly as much as you think he did," she promised. "Though once I explained the basics, he followed along better than Angela ever did."

"Hey!"

"Maybe I'll ask him to learn the projection stuff," Jacob mused.

From what I understood, in the end Jacob just forced Sam to take a greater role with some of the younger pack members (which Sam was quite capable and willing to do). There was some talk about demoting him within the pack, but for whatever reason, possibly because Jacob didn't feel betrayed on the instinctive level where the power of the werewolves was, it never came to pass.

After Hilda and Rina went inside (so they could leave in peace), I turned to Jacob. "Be nice to Sam."

"I'm always nice. I even told Emily she didn't have to host Kim's party. Do people really have party's for two week old babies?"

"If Emily says they do."

"Right." Even an Alpha wolf had to bend sometimes. "Come to that."

"No one's going to want me there."

"Too bad for them. And you're wrong. I'll get Leah to tell you the details. She's going to want to call you anyway. She has to complain about what an ass I am to someone."

"What did you do?"

"She's the one being stubborn," he said. It would have been more convincing if he hadn't looked pretty stubborn himself just then.

"Jacob."

"Just let her vent a little, okay?"

"Sure thing."

"Hey," he murmured, talking quietly so we at least could pretend this conversation was private, that Morgana wasn't hovering just beside me. "Thanks."

"Really?"

"The others will get there, but I figure I should start. Thank you. I never liked—anyway, I just wanted to make sure you knew that."

"Thank you. And thank you for talking to the Coven for me. It means a lot."

He shrugged. "I'm not sure how much of a difference I made. Thank Nessie if you want to thank anyone."

"What could she say?"

"She's picked up a few tricks." He laughed at some private joke of his own. "Having everything gets boring. I'll see you at Kim's party, Angela."

He headed back to La Push. I went inside to call Leah; Morgana wouldn't let me go to the party unless I could give her more details than Jacob had provided.

And I wondered what exactly I had done.


	44. Ch 43: Come Back When You Can

Chapter 43: Come Back When You Can

For the next week the only communication I had with the pack was over the phone. Emily called me once to ask me to whip up another desert for the party. Both of us were too wary of upsetting anyone else to talk much. Leah was the only one who dared call me without the pack's full approval. And, as she explained, the rest of my friends were trying to navigate marital problems they had never really learned how to handle.

"Billy took the kid because we didn't want him going deaf. Paul and Rachel never got the whole volume control thing."

"Oh."

"In happier news, Nessie is officially moving to Italy."

"Bella told me. They're a bit nervous about that." Rosalie and her husband were moving to Paris to be closer, but they didn't dare move to Italy. The whole family was a little unsure, though Carlisle had gotten an ecstatic phone call from Aro ("I didn't know Aro could use a phone," Bella admitted, "Or squeal like that. It was weird").

"Yeah, Jake's not too thrilled either. Though thoughts of Ferraris, Lamborghinis, Maseratis and Ducatis ease his troubled mind."

"Okay."

"They make them nearby. And the fact that I know that is pathetic."

The reason Leah kept calling was fairly obvious, so obvious even I couldn't resist pointing it out sometimes. Jacob was not one for waiting around when he could do something. Leah's ego would not allow her to forgive him so easily even though he wasn't the type to take no for an answer.

"Knowing your friend's hobbies is not pathetic."

"He is not my friend."

"Okay."

"Who knew you could do innuendo? Angela, I disapprove of that tone of voice."

"I'm sorry, Leah, but really...if he's not your friend, then maybe he's right that he's—"

"I'm hanging up on you now."

"You were never dating, so it's not like he cheated."

Not that he needed me to say it. Leah made it clear that Jacob had been making a similar argument for days. He would also say her argument that they couldn't date because he had an imprint wouldn't work anymore. Arguing with Leah went as well for him as it did for me.

"I hate you."

She did hang up then.

Before Emily's party, I went to say goodbye to Nessie. She was leaving the next day and I hadn't seen her since Seattle. The New Hampshire Coven was sorry to see her go—our sisters in Emilia-Romagna wanted me to tell her they were eager to see her. I wasn't sure I would tell her that. It would be good for her to know someone in the foreign country, but they wouldn't care that sometimes she got a little tired letting everyone use her.

She wasn't at the house though she was close enough that I found her easily. There was an entirely different building, deep on their property, a fairy tale cottage that I thought I must have conjured from my imagination. The door was ajar, so I found myself wandering inside, following Seth's voice.

I found them in a cavernous bedroom that had clothing absolutely everywhere (Nessie was not a neat packer). She was folding clothes on the floor while Seth lay sprawled on the bed, talking about the vending machine at work that he had to outwit. They must have known I was there the whole time because as soon as the package of chocolates was in his hand, the story ended.

"Hey, Ang," Seth greeted me. "Watch where you step."

"I wanted to talk to you before I left," I explained. "How much stuff do you have?"

"This is the stuff they left behind," he said, moving over so I could sit beside him. The bed seemed to be the only safe place left.

"Take whatever you'd like," Nessie said as she rose and headed to the white double doors (that led to one of the most spacious closets I had ever seen I would learn years later). "Everything on the right is for Rosalie's charity, the left for La Push, but anything I want I'm keeping in the closet, so if you wanted to start a pile for Forks and your friends, you can. Just grab anything from out there."

"Thank you," I called as she disappeared back in the closet. Seth just laughed.

"So, how are you, Ang?"

"Good." There wasn't a bruise on him; it had been days, after all. Or maybe they were hidden by the shirt he had finally decided to wear. "How have you been?"

"Good. Patrol this morning was almost fun."

"How is everyone else doing?"

"They're a mess," he said. Anticipating my next thought, his voice was stern. "It's not your fault."

"Then whose fault is it?"

"No one's. We adapt. That's what we do. Either the girls will figure out they want to stay or they'll go. The guys will accept what they pick and that'll be that. What else is everyone going to do?"

"Do you think you'll have to wipe anyone's memory?" Nessie said. I had forgotten she could easily hear us, though all I could hear was indistinct rustling.

"If Jacob asks me to." I didn't think it would be necessary, but only time would tell, I suppose. Those women knew far too many secrets to just be left to blow away with the wind. The Coven would have to be petitioned first, but I thought they would agree (and it would please them to see I was already remembering the rules). "Have you seen Jacob?"

"He came over last night. We spent most of the night talking. It was like it always was."

"That's good."

"I think he's excited about coming to visit sometimes, actually," she said as she stepped out of the doors, wearing a gorgeous flowery sleeveless dress, one that swirled around her legs as she glided out. She examined herself in the mirror, seeming to forget us as she held different belts to her waist.

"Sit down and talk to Angela for a second," Seth called. "The clothes aren't going to run away."

"You never know with Alice," she said primly, but joined us, pulling off her shoes before she did. It gave me an excellent view of them.

"Those really are Louboutins, aren't they?"

She shrugged. "Would you like them? I've only worn them...four times including today. I'm a size six."

Of course she had tiny feet.

_"Do you know who else is a size six?"_

_"My mother."_

_Jessica stopped narrowing her eyes at me. "True. Fine. I hate you, perfect daughter."_

"Thank you."

"Does this mean my feet are twice as big as yours?" Seth asked.

"You know," she said, "I don't know anything about shoe sizes." They solved the question quickly, putting their feet together as she measured. His foot was about six inches longer, but not twice her size.

"Hey! Stop wiggling your toes. That tickles."

She stopped (she didn't even say anything when he started playing with her toes) and asked me, "What is it you wanted to talk about?"

"What did you say to the Coven?"

"I thought we were sworn to secrecy." But she shrugged and answered anyway. "What Jacob said. That you were their friend and that he had given you permission to help them even if he hadn't asked for your help in the first place."

"I didn't think it would work for Jacob, let alone you."

"Well, I'm prettier than he is. Maybe they just used me as an excuse to reconsider what he said."

There was too much knowing when she said prettier; I wanted to defend them but couldn't. He was a familiar, a man, rough around the edges where she was smooth and feminine and magical the way we were (sort of). Yes, maybe she had said nothing differently after all. Sometimes our willingness to hear the truth depended on who was telling it to us.

"That's all?" Seth prodded for me.

"I told them the truth. I told them that I had helped you since, as one of only five half-vampires in existence, I was excessively useful to any witch who wanted to perform a powerful spell."

"The hybrids aren't interested in the witches?" Seth asked, surprised.

"Not if I ask them not to be." Nessie swatted his hand away from her calf and then removed the loose thread on his t-shirt.

"You threatened them?" I asked. "Is that why the meeting was so short?"

"No. I just had to hurry. I had to pack. The Volturi want me to visit before I head to Bologna."

"You...mentioned the Volturi?"

"The Volturi aren't supposed to be the bad guys; they exist, like the Coven exists, to control the uncontrollable. Both are necessary. Sometimes extreme, always terrifying in the absolute control they need, but...they have their uses. If they want to protect you, they will."

"You...threatened them," I realized.

"Of course not. People just find me useful. So they give me what I want. They always have."

"It's her curse," Seth told me. It made her smile; she was so light, that day. It almost made me believe she had done nothing but speak the truth and be miraculously lovable.

"Leah's still hasn't quite forgiven Jacob even though I keep asking her to," she said to Seth.

"He was an ass," Seth said plainly. "And she will. Especially if you get him to take her to Italy."

"You'd think he'd let me pay for it?"

"He did banish your family. After he kissed you. Which brings us back to Jacob being an ass."

"He treated Leah the way she demanded to be treated, Seth. It's not his fault."

"If he really loved her he wouldn't have pushed her into a relationship in the first place."

"That she always denied was a relationship. So now she can't get mad over a single kiss that their arrangement allowed."

"Their _arrangement_ wasn't permission for him to ignore her feelings."

"Well, I'm not saying he's totally blameless," she muttered. "He shouldn't have done it. But even though she's your sister and you'll never admit it, Leah wasn't totally blameless either. The two of them seem to prefer to be in perpetual conflict."

Seth laughed. "They'll be fine soon enough. Italian food will help."

"And the Italian sun," I suggested.

"Oh! That reminds me," she said. "You will come visit too, won't you, Angela?"

"Oh. Uh, that's really generous but—please, you don't ever owe me anything."

"If you don't want to come by yourself, you can come with Jacob and Leah. No. Wait. Don't. But come...come with Seth. That way you won't be alone. Please, you must."

When she looked at us with those big brown eyes, of course we had to say yes.

_"She's the reason you went to Italy?"_

_"Jess! You're ruining my story."_

_Now that Jessica saw the end in sight, she allowed herself some time to tease me. "Well, apparently you ruined their date, so I can ruin your story. How could you not get out of going with him?"_

_"Did you not hear how she invited me first?"_

_"Uh huh. Please. You're not the one whose meatballs—"_

_"Jess."_

_All she did was whisper: "Cockblocker."_

_"I've been called a lot of things—" "No you haven't." "—but never that. It wasn't my fault I couldn't get out of it."_

_"Oh well." __Jessica couldn't stop smirking. "So, how did Seth like _Italy_?"_

_"If by Italy you're referring to a country in Europe—"_

_"You know I'm not."_

_"Then that's none of my business. Besides, Seth never ended up going to the country. To this day I don't think he's ever been to Italy. Which is really a shame because it's quite beautiful and—"_

_"What? All that and he didn't even go? Why didn't he go?"_

_"He had his reasons. I'm getting there. Don't worry."_

_"Boo. I like my stories with a bit more happily ever after."_

_"Moving on as fast as possible then."_

* * *

I arrived at Sam's thirty minutes late (I had been hoping I could get all the accusatory stares out of the way at once) to find that I was one of the first people there. Most people were arriving slowly—if at all.

"It's good to see you," Emily greeted me. "Thank you for the cupcakes."

"You're welcome." But it was just ingrained politeness. I was too worried about how the rest of them were doing. I did not like this; helping, not hurting. If they were upset…

"Why don't you go sit with Kim?" Sam suggested. He was up and about as if he had never been asleep; he looked the same as always, even if the long-sleeves were unusual. "She's by the window."

It was a command. He knew just as well as I did that it was best to get me out of the way. I was not the most popular person at this gathering (neither were they—I wasn't the only reason people weren't coming).

By Kim, I would be relatively safe. No one could yell at me in front of a child; their protective instincts wouldn't let them. Unfortunately, before I could make it to the couch, Paul intercepted me in the middle of the room.

The tall man was _not_ happy with me.

Or life, really.

"Rachel left this morning. I hope you're happy."

"Of course not," I murmured. What could I say? "Oh, Paul, I'm so so—"

"Save it." He was shaking. "She took _my son_ with her."

I think I was very lucky that he had started with an explanation and hadn't skipped right to the part where he beat me into the ground.

"Paul?" Even if they didn't like me, Alex wasn't going to let his packmate kill me. A calming hand was placed on his shoulder. "She's not worth it."

Gabby wasn't here either.

Paul stormed off and I quickly hurried over to Kim. She at least managed a tentative smile; her daughter was with her. I'm not sure she could have stopped smiling if she wanted to. We cooed over little Kara in her bassinet for a while, letting the house fill up behind us.

The tension that was there when I walked in slowly evaporated the more food was put out (it was buffet style, today). It was remarkable. Sure, there were still a few men sulking (I couldn't blame them; I wondered if Rachel would even tell him where she ended up) but for the most part, once they started to eat, everyone remembered how much they had in common. They called out their thanks to Emily and they patted Sam on the back.

Most of the woman had decided not to come (only Rachel had left permanently it sounded like, but no one else was in a partying mood, still thinking everything over) and the werewolves still laughed like they had the day before.

Quil was the first to seek me out (Embry wasn't here yet; I wondered if he was bringing a date or not). He, at least, had a smile for me.

"This must be fun for you," he said as he collapsed into the seat beside me. "How's being a pariah?"

"Are you sure you want to sit there? You might catch something."

He laughed and threw his arm over my shoulder. Looking a little sheepish, he said, "I may have overreacted the other day. Trying to kill you and all."

"You still mad?" I asked tentatively.

"She's still Claire—and I'm still her favorite babysitter. So why would I be mad?" He grinned at me. "I might even get a free night now, since I don't have to babysit all the damn time. It might be nice."

He seemed unsure, so I kissed his cheek. "It'll be great. I can help you ease into it, if you want."

_"So that's how he ended up—"_

_"Spoilers," I hissed._

_Jessica laughed and relented._

"Thanks, Ang," Quil said to me that night at Emily's. "I might just take you up on that one day."

We were interrupted by Leah, who had stayed with Emily for most of the night, helping with the cooking. Now she looked angry, which didn't really worry any of us. I was finally immune.

"Where's Jake?" she asked Quil.

"He said he'd come."

"It looks bad that he's not here yet."

"People understand," Kim said quietly. "Everyone's a little uncertain. But he'll get here."

"Jacob's not uncertain," Leah almost sneered at the thought. She did have a point—I don't think I had met anyone quite so self-assured (even when he had no idea what he was supposed to do). "He's just not here."

"He had a few errands to run," Quil said.

Leah narrowed her eyes. "You know."

"I do," he said. Then he shrugged. "Emily won't let you torture the guests, so you're just going to have to wait to find out."

She stormed off in a huff. When I asked Quil what that was about he just shook his head. "I can read their minds and I don't understand. There's no way I can explain."

I accepted that.

Slowly but surely the rest of the men came over to me to apologize for not saying hello sooner. Some came with prompting from their girlfriends, some because Leah kept hitting them, some of their own free will...but they came. They were sorry they wanted to stop me from doing what Sam had asked of me. They wished me luck on the new semester.

And to them, it was over.

The Coven had never learned to heal like this. This was the forgiveness my father preached, forgiveness that was divine, forgiveness they reached for as quickly as they reached for their other forms. It was over. It was done. I was welcomed back.

But I liked my spot by Kim, so I was still by the window when Jacob finally showed up. Quil was too (he had been waiting this whole time) and he called across the room to tell Leah, informing her like she would want. When she stormed off to yell at him outside, the three of us had front row seats.

I could have used a spell to listen, but I didn't need to hear them to understand what was happening.

Jacob went down on one knee.

"Oh my."

Kim squealed beside me as we both turned right around to see better (they really did have no concept of privacy—I was just adapting). Jacob had pulled something out of his pocket and was offering it to her. Quil was laughing beside me, probably amused by the way Leah was opening and closing her mouth, more like a fish than a wolf.

One second there was a blue box being offered towards her, the next second Jacob was clutching his cheek (who knew where the box ended up?) and Leah had most definitely regained her ability to speak.

Quil burst out laughing. "I told him it wasn't a good idea."

_"Tell me you eavesdropped."_

One little bit of concentrating later and Leah's voice was echoing through my head.

"You jackass! You—" It took her a little while before she managed to get beyond the name calling. "Your soul mate left, like, _last week_—"

"So how long am I supposed to wait?"

"You're not supposed to wait! You're not supposed to—after everything you have put me through, did you really think I was going to say yes?"

"I figured it couldn't hurt to ask." The bruise on his cheek suggested that it _had_ hurt, though I trusted he had plan. "I'll make it up to you."

"You don't—since we weren't—aren't!— dating you don't get to ask me to marry you. There's rules and—did you actually think I would say yes?"

Jacob laughed. "Nah, but it's not like rings go bad. Right?"

"That is the _dumbest_, _stupidest..._really _dumb_ thing I've ever heard, Jake. And I've talked to the love of your life."

"Could you stop calling Bella that? Please?" He sighed. "Sometime within the next decade?"

"Could you stop..._you_?"

"Being ridiculously charming?"

"That's not cute. Not at all."

"That's just because someone bruised my face."

"You deserved that. Who—I can't believe you."

"You weren't going to forgive me if you didn't get the chance to throw anything at me first. I figured a diamond could probably survive the impact. Hopefully it survived. It was kind of expensive, Leah."

"Kind of?"

"Come here and I'll tell you all about it."

"You make it sound like I've already forgiven you."

She kissed him then. I guess the she had. I would explain why, but I never did figure out what changed her mind (if you could even call it that, like she hadn't been set on him for years). Even Jacob didn't seem to expect that because she knocked him right to the ground. Not that either one of them let that stop them. They just kept kissing and kissing and...

"They are going to stop, right?" Kim wondered.

Quil just snorted.

I had been working on my telepathy. It wasn't very good, but I could send simple messages. _We can see you._

I only knew it worked because they both flipped the window off at the same time (and didn't let me slow them down any).

"Okay then," I said as I turned around. Kim was looking a little pink. Quil kept watching, until I elbowed him. It wasn't any body's business but their own. So we left them to it.

Quil went to get some food for us, while I listened to Kim. Even if no one wanted to come to Emily's party, they had followed her schedule. It was hard to do everything for a newborn by yourself—Kim didn't have to. But it just wasn't the same.

"The drain clogged yesterday," she said quietly. "And I know it's silly, but Jared—he would always—" She blinked away the tears as she checked her daughter yet again. "Anyway, Julie did it, no problem. She didn't get why I just...I just couldn't."

If I had ever known what to say to her, I certainly couldn't remember that day. I just took her hand instead. Kim smiled and opened her mouth, but we were cut off by the door opening.

"Why is my brother making out with Leah on the front lawn?" Rachel asked as she struggled to take off her coat while balancing her son and a shopping bag in her arms. "Can't we hose them down or something?"

Kim and I weren't the only ones who found we didn't dare continue the conversation. The rest of the house went silent as well.

"What?" Rachel snapped. Paul had disappeared out back almost right after I had arrived, but I'm sure someone was getting him. No one dared to say anything in the meantime. "I brought you chocolate so no complaining I'm late. You wouldn't believe the traffic getting out of Seattle."

"What the hell are you doing here?"

I flinched. I couldn't help it; I would have thought Paul would have sounded a little happier. Instead, he just sounded furious.

"We were invited," she said. Though her voice was calm, she handed Will off, like she knew this was an argument that was going to require passionate hand gesturing.

"Then where the hell have you been?"

"I went to visit some school friends. What's your problem?"

"You didn't think that maybe I would like to know where the hell you were?"

"You want to stick a GPS chip in my neck?"

"It's common courtesy!"

"So is not trying to kill my friends!" Sam was trying to pull the shaking man away from his wife, but no one dared go near Rachel. She was so angry I thought she just might phase herself. "Did you check the refrigerator?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Big white box. Where the food—"

"I know what a fridge is! Why the f—?"

"There's a note on ours. It says, 'Hey Paul, I'm going to show Will off to Sandra. I'll meet you at the party. Don't worry if I'm late. X. O. X! O!'"

He stared at her. There wasn't much else he could do, since he couldn't quite believe what she was saying. There was no doubting she was telling the truth though; she was too furious to lie convincingly.

"Really?" he asked quietly.

"Yes! Of course! You think I'd just sneak off…" She was starting to look a little nervous now. At least she started remembering her indoor voice (too late for Emily; one of her children started to cry). "I'd at least leave you a list of everything I thought was wrong with you."

"Pretty long list, huh?"

"Shut up." But her anger had disappeared even if her voice was still rough. "I wouldn't have been able to get out of bed some days if I hadn't had you. How do you not know how much it meant to see you fighting for me even though I just wanted to give up? Paul, you idiot. I needed you and you were _there_ and—and I love you."

"Even when I make you want to strangle me?"

"Especially then." She made a sound that could have been a giggle (and might have been a sob), as he wrapped his arms around her waist. "And if I have to live in this godforsaken town to be with you, then that's what I'm going to do."

"I told you, I'd leave if—"

"Don't tell anyone," she whispered, "But it's not as bad as I make it out to be. It drives me nuts sometimes, but I wouldn't want to live without—there's something charming under—I didn't notice at first but it—it grows on you. It means everything to me now."

"Yeah?"

"Yes, and if you ever forget that again I'm going to—" But he brushed his nose against hers and she decided that death threats were unnecessary. Instead, she leaned up and said against his lips, "You can use your imagination."

"I have a pretty good imagination," he agreed before he kissed her. And if he buried his head in her neck and held her a little too tightly, well, she didn't mind and the rest of us were trying to mind our own business.

Paul came by soon afterwards; Rachel was going around the room, essentially ordering the familiars to man up and talk to (and _listen _to) their wives/girlfriends/imprints before the situation got worse and they ended up doing something permanently stupid so Paul had his son in one arm. I think he was hoping the sight of the boy would make me forgiving (it worked; I was a sucker for children). Also, Will was digging away at Paul's ear in a way that was probably not comfortable, so maybe there was a little bit of schadenfreude going on too when I smiled at them both.

Once again, Paul didn't attempt to be charming. I don't think he had it in him. But the rough apology worked for him. "I was wrong. Sorry about trying to kill you. It won't happen again."

"I'm glad to hear it."

"Nothing personal." He just couldn't help himself, I think. "The witch stuff is just freaky."

"Thank you, Paul."

He nodded, like we had reached an agreement (maybe we had; I felt like we had made our peace). Then he glanced out the window.

"They're still going at it?"

Sam came over (I think Paul smiled at him for the first time today), took one look out the window and sighed.

"The neighbours are going to hate me."

"He's going to get frostbite in some really uncomfortable places," Paul said cheerfully.

Sam said, "Maybe Embry can get them to stop."

"As long as he remembers he's not allowed to join in."

I had to turn around. Sure enough, Embry was coming up the walkway, a little taken aback by the scene in front of him, but also not that surprised. He was also walking by himself, but I was not thinking about that. Instead, I had to stifle a gasp as he kicked Jacob none too gently in the side. It worked—the Alpha wolf finally rolled off Leah for a second.

"What?" he asked.

Embry just rolled his eyes and kept walking.

Later, I heard Emily went and offered them some cupcakes. The prospect of desert had a much greater effect than knowing people were watching—they stopped then. And from then on we could call Jacob Leah's boyfriend.

But at the time, Embry was walking through the door. He said hello to everyone, but eventually he came over to see us (he didn't bother to pretend he was there to see Quil). He just asked if he could talk to me for a minute.

We headed out the back, where the snow covered backyard stretched out before us and the few boys out there headed inside to give us a semblance of privacy. I shoved my hands into my coat pockets. It helped stifle the urge to reach out and touch him. Some.

"Marian and I had a long talk," he said.

I did the only thing I could; I waited for him to finish.

"She's still freaking out right now—she asked for some time."

"Sometimes that's all you need."

"And sometimes you need a whole lot more than that." When I glanced up, he just gave me half a smile. "After everything..."

"Yes?"

"We can't risk Marian talking, so..." He hadn't broken up with her. He had the decency to look embarrassed. Then he shrugged. That's what they needed him to do, so that's what he would do. "I haven't decided what I'm going to say to her when she finally decides how we're handling this...I still care about her, you know. I don't know if I have it in me to hurt two people I love in one year."

To my shame, my response was:

"It's a New Year."

He laughed; he always laughed. It was infuriating.

"Would you even take me back?"

"I just risked a war between two different species to try to get you back."

He laughed some more. "As awesome as I like to think I am, I don't think it was me you were risking everything for. Or just me."

"I would have."

"Not the way we would. Sam tried to kill himself after he hurt Emily; trying to keep Nessie away from here felt...Jacob would have preferred suicide. But that's what we do."

"Are you trying to say I don't love you because I decided not to kill myself?"

"No," he said quickly. "Never. It's not you. I just—"

"We've always been different, you and I. But we made it work."

"We did, didn't we?" His grin was so carefree I returned it, even though now wasn't the time. "Take me back, Angela?"

He said it so simply I almost believed it was that simple. Maybe to him it was (the way his friends had forgiven me, so quickly). I wanted to have that. I admired it about them so much, after all.

"You're still with your girlfriend."

"And when I'm not?"

I wanted to kiss him again, throw my arms around him and knock him to the earth like Leah had done. After everything that had happened, I wanted to go to him and have him hold me and tell me everything was going to be okay. I wanted all of that. My father spoke of forgiveness often.

Maybe I had become too much my grandmother's.

I loved him still. But the forgiveness stuck in my throat.

Or maybe it wasn't forgiveness. I could forgive him for hurting me. For wanting to hurt me, I forgave Paul and Quil and all the rest. I could forgive Embry. Maybe. But I could not risk having it happen to me again. Ever.

"I don't know."

It was the truth. He didn't seem to mind. He nodded, like he had expected that.

"Well," he said, "Since the pack has decided to keep you, we really won't be able to get too far away from each other. We'll see what happens?"

"I'd like that."

Again, the truth. I was feeling lighter and lighter as I spoke.

It was just a gentle kiss, this time—a fairy kiss, I would have told my children. It was uncertainty and unease and more than a hint of hope. We would see what happened. We still loved each other, after all.

Embry held open the door for me as I walked back into Emily's house.


	45. Ch 44: You're the Best Thing

Chapter 44: You're the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me

My friends recovered from what I had done to them, even if they couldn't completely shrug it off. Many of the younger girls were gone within a couple of months; some of the girls wanted their freedom and frankly some of the boys wanted to try that too. They were young. They moved on. I suppose that might be what saved us all in the end.

That and their superhuman ability to become what they had to in order to better help others.

Brady and Melody had a son named Daniel. As my mother would have said, they were simply too young. They tried their best; it wasn't their fault they couldn't manage.

In a strange way, I think Rachel and Paul had it the easiest. They were used to talking (well, shouting). But of all of the werewolves and imprints they had the benefits of age, experience and years of telling each other exactly what they thought. They had to work a bit at clarifying that just because you meant something in the middle of an argument didn't mean you _necessarily _meant it all the time, but they got there remarkably quickly. Mutual pigheadedness to prove people wrong, Leah always said—Rachel would roll her eyes and say, "Obviously. We even made a pact."

Emily and Sam didn't need a pact. The people of La Push didn't make bets about how quickly they would fall apart because of course they wouldn't. They were Sam and Emily and whatever I had done to the werewolves, they behaved the same way they always had.

Two years later they quietly announced that they were separating. It caught everyone off guard, but the only thing we could do was accept it.

Well, maybe not everyone was caught off guard. Leah was never quite as surprised as she pretended to be; she never looked anyone in the eye when it was brought up. I had once wondered if Leah would fit into the life Emily and Sam had created for themselves—I forgot to wonder how much they fit into it. Strangely enough, the only other people who didn't find the news completely unexpected were Paul and Kim; I never expected to see similarities between them so it struck me all the harder. We all have something in common if you look long enough.

Neither Sam nor Emily talked about what had happened between them and everyone respected that (okay, Sam may have put up with some prodding from his pack brothers, but he could be determined when he wanted to be; they got nothing from him he didn't want to give). The only hint about whose idea it might have been came from the way Emily took the three children and went back to the reservation in Makah. We all understood Sam would never have allowed it unless...what did it matter? It was their business. I've seen couples married twenty years who never managed the level of friendship that those two maintained to this day for the sake of their children and I always admired them for it. I never expected anything less.

Jacob and Leah remained Jacob and Leah.

They controlled the pack and they killed vampires and now they sometimes played bodyguard for different witches when they thought the pay was worth it. They were the same as they had always been except that Leah was happy now. They were always my friends; they were the sort of people you had to be friends with, really, once they decided to befriend you. It was hard not to enjoy yourself around them, even if I never adapted to the violence the way I had adapted to the anger.

Still, when Leah was regretting agreeing to go to Italy to see Nessie, I was one of the people she complained to.

"I can't just let him go. And if he has to go, it can't be with me."

"He won't go without you," I said gently as she paced across my living room in early February.

"With Sam demoted and Seth doing who knows what—Jake can't be going to Volturi country just for the hell of it." She collapsed beside me on the couch and admitted: "Yes, I'm jealous. I'm always going to be, but if she can try to make it work, then I can—I refuse to out matured by a seven year old. I just can't justify having the two of us go there without at least testing the waters."

"I'm surprised Seth hasn't offered to move up our trip to test them for you."

A pillow ended up in my face. "We don't put other people at risk."

"I'm not exactly helpless, you know. I'd be honoured to be used as a guinea pig."

Leah growled. I don't think she had come over to ask me to go; but it did make sense. If she didn't want to risk her Alpha, she should send Seth—and I was happy to go with Seth. So I held her eye and kept smiling until she grabbed the pillow back swatted herself with it.

"Your friends could protect you, right?"

"Yes. And I can teleport away quickly enough. Besides, you're worrying too much. Nessie's been there for almost two months now and she hasn't run into any problems."

"Edward might have stupid hair, but the Cullens can fight when they have to." Grabbing my hands in hers, she said, "You don't. If something happens, you get as far as you can as fast as you can. I'd like it if you took my brother with you, but if you can't—you get out. He'll be okay."

"You want me to leave your brother to die?"

"No. I trained him myself. Vampires attack him, vampires die." The bravado didn't disguise the worry in her voice, but this was what the job called for.

"Then I couldn't ask for a better bodyguard."

"No," she agreed. "You couldn't. You sure you're okay with this?"

"I have to go. If I don't go, Nessie will end up thinking I don't like her. Not to mention I'll have to be mad at myself for the rest of my life for turning down a free trip to Europe. I'll be fine. Even if I am a guinea pig."

"A brilliantly beautiful guinea pig."

"It's weird seeing you suck up," I observed. "Please stop."

"She broke up with him."

"Your guinea pigs?" But something about Leah's expression made my heart start to pound.

"Marian _finally_ broke up with Embry. And neither one of them are guinea pigs, as far as I know, though sometimes I think Embry's brain—"

"This is not on topic."

"You told me to stop sucking up," she explained. "So I decide that meant I could rub it in your face."

"This information that is none of my business?"

Leah laughed at me. "You're cute. Don't be too mad at him, 'kay? She was clingy and found his inability to be charming even when his life depended on it kind of endearing. Who knew?"

"I did."

"Yeah, you have bad taste in guys." She stopped acting quite so nonchalant. "Be mad at him for dumping you and not listening to me in the first place and anything else you want. But the only reason he hasn't been stalking you the past couple of weeks is because I told them they had to get broken up with."

"That doesn't make sense."

"We can't afford to have anyone get spiteful. At this point, I'm practically pimping out Tom. I thought Embry would have an easier time of it, but—well, she needed some help with some stuff, so he helped her first."

"That was nice."

"But now that she's okay, she broke up with him. So, Embry is single."

"Wasn't there this huge favour you wanted me to do?"

"Yes. My brilliantly beautiful guinea pig."

I contacted the Coven; they reached out to our Italian sisters. Nessie was delighted that we were coming to see her so soon and Seth seemed pleased too. With March break, I wouldn't miss too much school. It was just for a week, to make sure everything was safe.

* * *

After everything I had done, Grandmother hadn't thought it wise to be seen in my presence too often. It wasn't that different from most of my life, really, but she felt guilty, so the day before my flight my mother and I drove up to Seattle with Seth's things so we could spend the day with Grandmother. It was awkward, but they were my family. We'd just keep trying until it worked.

Seth was running up—because why drive when you could run almost a hundred and fifty miles just for fun?—so I went through customs by myself and settled down to wait for him. He'd been trying not to let on how nervous he was (because he still didn't think the pack would be very happy about it) so I was passing the time pretending to read my magazine and planning out how I could leave the two of them alone in Italy.

"So, there was a small problem."

I almost dropped my book. Seth was supposed to be here. Not Embry.

"What are you—?"

He settled into the seat beside me, legs spilling out, slightly cramped in the standard-sized chairs that were placed in front of the gate. The heat coming off of him was stronger than it should have been; he'd just come from a long run.

"Since he was going on vacation, some mystical force decided that today would be the best day for Seth to officially become beta."

"Oh."

"Jake wants him to stay close by until we're sure it'll stick."

"Is he okay?"

"Seth's always okay." He saw I wasn't convinced. "Leah's still in charge of the non-fighting stuff, so it's not that big a change. He says he's fine. He usually says what he means, so it'll be okay."

"So what's the problem, then?"

I think he was blushing.

"Leah worries about you."

"She doesn't want me to go by myself?"

"It's paranoia," he said. He was definitely blushing.

"Embry?" It was strange saying his name out loud after all that time, but not unpleasant. "How did you get past security?"

"You aren't the only one who confuses us. Seth Clearwater, nice to meet you."

"You didn't!" I dropped my voice. "Embry, that's a crime, that's—"

"A joke." He laughed, still so quick to laugh. "Nessie snapped her fingers. Apparently airlines just do what she tells them to do, too."

"So, Leah wants you to come with me?" I said slowly.

"To make sure it's safe for Jacob."

"I see."

"And so you'll be safe, too. Sort of like a bodyguard. If you wanted. Only if. Yeah."

"I—I want to know how you got Marian to break up with you."

He just laughed at that. "Without magic, she got the impression I was a tactless social nightmare."

"I can't imagine why she thought that."

His eyes narrowed. "I don't think I approve of you taking sarcasm lessons from Leah."

"Tough," I said gently. "Embry? I don't need a bodyguard."

"It was a long shot, I know, but they really didn't like the idea of you going by yourself so I said, I mean, it was just an idea because I didn't really have anything else to do, work was really easy to get out of, but Nessie'll meet you at the airport and they're still counting on you being able to run away faster than the vamps can catch you so you should still be fine, I know you'll be fine, because if anything happens to you I'm just going to have to go after the Volturi and that won't end well for anyone, so you have to be fine and—"

"Stop," I begged. "Please, don't. Even Seth manages to breath between paragraphs. You'll hurt yourself."

"Sorry," he muttered.

"Embry? I don't need a bodyguard. But—I mean, I could—I'd like it if—well."

We were both so scared of being hurt again; every breath seemed to take a herculean effort. But some time later he had turned to face me and his familiar eyes were staring at me, not looking at me the way they had once upon a time with so much love I thought it would fix everything, but with a quieter adoration mixed with more pain than I could stand and a spark of hope.

"Maybe a friend?" he offered.

"If you wanted," I said softly.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I'd—I'd like that. I'd like it a lot, actually."

"Yeah?" I don't think we could have managed much else; they weren't ones for words when an action would do. A warm hand engulfed mine.

"We have a lot to talk about before…" I couldn't even wrap my mind around it, it was still so painful, the idea that he might be mine to lose all over again. Still, I leaned over and let him wrap his arm around my shoulder. I fit, just like before.

"Well," Embry said, "I hear it's a long flight."

* * *

Italy was magic.

Bella joined us for one afternoon, Alice for another. Rosalie and Emmett took us for dinner three times (I felt terrible for thinking Rosalie had been cold, back in high school; she was just nervous around people she didn't trust and didn't trust strangers easily). Nessie introduced us to some of her friends (the ones who spoke English, the ones who could talk to someone with an IQ below 150) and we all had a nice time together. She showed us around the city…and then slipped away as if she had never been there.

I felt terrible, but when I went to apologize to her one morning over breakfast (Embry was still fast asleep, enjoying his first vacation in a long, long time), she just gave me her Mona Lisa smile.

"I don't mind being the third wheel as long as you're happy. It's actually a step up for me. I'm usually the ninth wheel. Please, if there's anything I can do to make you more comfortable—"

"You've done so much. You're an excellent hostess."

"I did learn from the best."

Maybe it was the European air. Maybe it was the European light. Probably not. Whatever it was, Nessie looked different in her new home. Oh, she was still well-dressed, still perfectly presented. But when she walked down halls in the shoes Alice picked out I could see the slightest sway of her hips. And when I found myself talking to strangers in the city, the half-smile she gave (still shy, still hesitant) was at least real. She was figuring out who she wanted to be without even knowing it—she was loving every second of it.

"I really am sorry we keep—"

"My parents act like teenagers all the time too." She frowned. "My parents are teenagers. Please, just continue enjoying yourself. We're going to see the Eternal City tomorrow. Rome," she added, at my blank expression. "It's my favourite. The forum, especially. It's just rock and ruin now but once—well, you'll see."

She loved the old monuments best even though she was trying to discover another way, something that would last longer than even the crumbling stone. Embry and I graciously left her to her mission.

I was sincerely sorry to say goodbye to her at the end of the week, though she was the one who kept thanking me. It was a little embarrassing; but I was glad could help her. I even promised to pass her thanks on to the rest of the Coven.

"Considering how bossy they are," Embry complained once we were in our seats on the plane, "I don't understand why you still have to suck up to those people."

"Says the man who went on a trip with his ex-girlfriend just because his friend asked him to."

"His friend's psycho girlfriend asked him to."

"I distinctly remember you calling Leah your friend at one point."

"I choose to ignore those moments of insanity." He leaned back in his chair; there was something to be said about first class. Even Embry didn't look too cramped in here. "Ex-girlfriend?"

"I would remember you asking me to be your girlfriend again."

"I thought I had said something about that in between the grovelling and the apologies and the fantastic makeup sex."

"Leah was right. You really can't be charming."

It just made him laugh. He hadn't been able to let go of my hand most of the trip and I wasn't going to discourage him anytime soon. Even though…

"What happens when we get back to Forks?"

"Whatever you want. This could be the end, if you wanted. At least we got to say goodbye this time." The expression on his face—more commonly found on lost four years old in the supermarket—really didn't sit well on him. "Or—or whatever you wanted. I want you back. But I—I know I don't really get a say, anymore."

"It wasn't your fault you were…with her."

"I should have figured out_ something. _Or listened to Leah from the beginning," he admitted (I knew how much that one cost him). "I never should have gone near you while I could—"

"You shouldn't have had to put your life on hold just because—Leah was wrong. I'm glad that Seth bullied you into asking me out."

"More like gently nudged, thank you very much."

"Well, whatever he did, I've always been glad. I'm still glad even if…"

"I still want you. I still love you. We do whatever you want," he assured me. "We can start at the beginning. Hi, I'm Embry. Let me take you to dinner so I can dazzle you with how much food I can make disappear behind my perfect abs."

"And if I don't want to start at the beginning? What if I want to pick up where we left off?"

"Then we might have a small problem. Jake may have decided that when I said, 'get rid of the ring' I meant 'throw it in the Atlantic.' He's done dumber." He kissed me gently. "I want to spend the rest of my life making this up to you. Thanking you. Doing anything you want me to. So you tell me how slow, how fast, how…tell me what you want, Angela, and I will do that."

"I just want you."

It was amazing how such simple words could have such a transformative effect. He gave me a smile that I remembered from the first, a blindingly white, toothy smile that made me think I was being hunted and that it was alright.

It didn't even matter that I was pretty sure marrying him was a violation of my probation. If anything, never having to make a choice like I had in my fantasy Church appealed to me. Grandmother would not be happy, but the Coven probably would be. Having me voluntarily give up my powers would save them the hassle of watching over me, wondering what I would do next.

So I said to Embry:

"If I survive explaining to Jessica that we're back together, then we can talk about getting married."

"Seriously?" He grinned so brightly I had to return it. "You really want to—you want to defend me to Jessica?"

"Well, you're mine to defend."

Anyway, I didn't think it would be that bad.

_"In my defense," Jessica said stiffly, "All I knew was that he randomly dumped you for someone else, broke your heart into thousands of little pieces and then the second you started to move on he just decided to come crawling back. All I was told was 'Italy is _so_ magical.' What does that even mean?"_

_"There was no way you could have understood," I agreed._

_Jessica mulled over what I had just told her: "I still think I wasn't that out of line."_

_"You don't think the intervention was a tad much?"_

_"You should have explained a mystical force made you break up, then. And then told me how you kicked its ass. And maybe I wouldn't have…"_

_"Well, I appreciate you tried to help me. And I'm very glad you eventually decided to trust my judgement."_

_"Do you have any idea how hard it is to argue with you? It's like clubbing baby seals while puppies gaze at you accusingly. I had no choice. Besides, you were so happy it was sickening being around you."_

_"Still…thank you. Thank you even for the intervention."_

_She snorted. "Just continue."_

_"You know most of the rest. The werewolves were happy for us; they didn't even blink. Jacob had actually just returned the ring like Embry had wanted, so that was easy enough. Most of our problems were…"_

_"Me."_

_"Well, and my family."_

Before I tackled Jessica, Lauren and the rest of my friends, I asked my father if I could invite Embry over for our Saturday night dinner. He was unsure, but willing to welcome Embry back if I wanted him to. Then I asked him if I could invite my grandmother (my father thought I was mad, I think) and he agreed to that, too.

When we got to the door, it was the twins, thankfully, who answered. I was suddenly accosted by two walls of muscle; by that time, I was used to it.

"She looks familiar," Joshua said to Isaac.

"Yeah, I think we must know her for somewhere."

"I can't remember where."

"Me neither. Maybe if she came home more often we'd know who she was."

I buried myself against them further.

"Hey, Ang?" I glanced up at Josh, but both twins looked concerned. "You okay?"

"Of course. Why?"

"You've never let us get through the whole routine before. Usually you barely let us get the first line out before you tell us we're not funny."

"You _aren't_ funny," I reminded them.

"She's just jealous," Isaac told Josh.

"And weepy."

"What did you do now?" they demanded of Embry.

My boyfriend—fiancée—was used to very angry people. He just put an arm around my waist and apologized to them softly. "We could use your help today," he said. The twins weren't used to being helpful, but they always did their best.

So when we were sitting around the dinner table, it was the twins I looked at when I told them we had decided to get back together and, more than that, to get married.

"To _him_?" Mom demanded.

My grandmother and my father just stared.

"Yes," I said as firmly as I could. "Please?"

I don't know what I was asking them for, just that I needed something from them. They were my family. I always needed them.

"You can baptize any and all kids," Embry blurted out. "And you can take the girls up for the summer or something."

"It won't matter," Grandmother said slowly, trying to pick her words carefully. "They'll...take after you, not her. Yours are the more dominant…traits."

My father could only stare at her, baffled, trying to understand how any of that could matter. She had made up his mind for him. "If this is what you want, Angel, we're very happy for you."

"It is. It is what I want."

Grandmother was not happy—how could she be happy? First her daughter, then her granddaughter, telling her what she held most dear was nothing to them—but she wouldn't let my father best her.

"Congratulations, then."

_"What did she do to you?"_

_"Nothing, Jess. Her job. On my wedding day, she took my powers from me, made sure I could never cast another spell. It's their way. It wouldn't have been safe for Embry if she hadn't. It wouldn't have been safe for the boys either. I might have been tempted to use them for power. It was better this way."_

"To Angela and Embry," my father said. And though he and Grandmother would never see eye to eye (he had no idea who different their outlook was—or how similar) they both raised their glasses and toasted to my future happiness.

_"Did they mean it?"_

_"In their ways. If I was happy, Dad was happy. Once I proved it to him, he did his best to forgive Embry. Grandmother was never going to be happy I rejected the Coven—and if I married a familiar it was the end of any hope of a successor—but she was my grandmother. She just wanted me happy, too. Plus, I couldn't embarrass her anymore, this way."_

_"And your mom?"_

_"She was the best about it."_

_"But…?"_

_"You were a little bit right. She was always a little bit disappointed the boys don't look exactly like her."_

_Jessica coughed. If it sounded a bit like 'racist' I couldn't be sure._

_"What else?" I wondered. "The Cullens are the ones who bought us those dining sets. They couldn't come to the wedding still looking like teenagers, but Bella and Alice did have a small bridal shower for me one weekend. Rina couldn't come because she wasn't allowed in the state. Uh, Leah was a bridesmaid because Embry asked me to make her one. That's how I got Mike as a groomsman."_

_"You're rushing the ending," Jessica complained._

_"It's three in the morning," I pointed out to her gently. "And you were basically attached to me once I got engaged."_

_"I had to make sure no brainwashing was going on. Are you really going to stop there?"_

_"I really do think you know everything else."_

_"How did the spell turn out? You must know by now." _

_"No one's imprinted since."_

_"So it all worked out, then."_

_"Yeah."_

_"And you're really not going to tell me about the werewolf bachelor party? I'm dying to hear it."_

_"I don't know anything about that."_

_"Liar."_

_"They're blood brothers," I explained. "And they swore each other to secrecy."_

_"That doesn't make you super nervous?"_

_"What am I going to do about it?"_

_"You are way too nice, Angela," Jessica said. "I can't believe you didn't tell me any of that until now."_

_"I wanted to. I just…they're not my secrets to tell. Jess, it's so awful keeping secrets from you."_

_"I know." She frowned. "I hope I've taken enough painkillers that I think you're joking in the morning."_

_"Maybe if you fall asleep soon you'll think it was just a dream."_

_"Maybe."_

_I hugged my darling midget friend, my oldest friend, my best friend, the girl who had walked beside me my whole life (even through the parts she didn't understand). "Good night. Sleep tight."_

_"Love you too, Ang," she called absently as she lay her head down._

* * *

The phone went to voice mail twice before she answered; the conversation was brief. It took her only ten minutes to appear.

"Again?" Rina demanded. The bleach hid more white than ever, though she looked remarkably good for her age; most people would have assumed she was ten years younger than I was. Healers had short lifespans for witches, but they were good with cosmetic spells.

"We met in kindergarten," I explained.

"Then maybe you should not want to risk brain damage," she hissed. The rest of my friends were asleep (I had been talking for a long time), but it wouldn't do to wake them up and have them investigate the forest. We kept our voices down. "This is never going to be my speciality."

But I could remember the lessons, even if I no longer had the magic.

"She was on painkillers. She's asleep now. Less than six hours of memory about a single topic. You can do it. You're not too tired from teleporting over."

She bristled, even though I had only been pointing out the obvious. "Morgana knows I'm in town."

"I'm not saying—"

"And she'd flay you alive if she knew about this. You might have the familiars' protection, but if you endanger the Coven they have every right to—"

"I know. That's why I called you."

"If you knew, you'd stop." Slowly, Rina calmed down. It was too dark to read her expression as she studied me. "The fever hasn't come yet, has it?"

"He's just fourteen."

Imprinting had bound them in ways we hadn't anticipated. The children could walk with the wind without training, could speak to animals without meaning to now. Boys and girls, they could touch magic their parents couldn't—and Jacob could command the boys to transform when he needed them.

The pack decided on fifteen; around the reservation they quietly called it 'serving a tour.' They needed to be young enough to adapt to the idea they could turn into animals—and young enough that by the time they stopped they still had time to go on with their lives. Some did five to ten years and then got out as fast as they could; some made a career out of it. But no one escaped.

"I heard Adam gave the go ahead."

Jacob's son was also fourteen, just like my boy, but he had already persuaded his parents to let him phase. He made all the boys think it would be fun. Just an adventure.

"Adam is fourteen. It doesn't matter what he says. I'm still his mother. I'm still—I'm his mother."

"Okay," Rina agreed. "Okay, Angela. I'll be a few minutes with Jessica and then why don't—we could go for…_tea_ or something?"

"It's high school flashback weekend. I have to stay."

"High school what?"

"Anything that didn't exist in high school is not allowed in the circle."

Rina raised her eyebrows, but said nothing before she slipped into Jessica's tent. By now, she knew Jessica's mind well enough that it didn't take her long. Tomorrow, Jessica would remember falling asleep and nothing more. Chances were Rina wouldn't be able to resist healing her ankle while she was in there, so at least Jessica wouldn't be in pain when she woke up.

I stood by the tent opening until Rina came out. "You want me to drive you home?"

"I'm fine," she said. "I'm not going far. I suppose I'll see you next week, then? Unless you tell her again."

"I promise I—you won't hear from me until the party."

"I better not." She didn't just leave, though. "Angela, they are remarkably tough. And they do remarkably good work."

"I know. I'm...I'm proud of what Embry does. I just..."

"The Coven's sending a delegation next week. Whatever this is, be over it by then."

We'd been planning the party for over a month, but this was the first time I'd heard there was going to yet another group of supernaturals. "Sam's not going to let them."

Rina shrugged. "He'll do what's expected of him."

"They really had to come for his birthday?"

"I have no idea. You're the one married to a familiar. You tell me if there was another party they could have crashed." She softened. "All I know is that I was recalled to play nice."

"I thought everything was fine."

"It is. It won't be if anyone finds out you keep forgetting what side you picked."

"It's not about sides."

"Sure. Just stop talking to Jessica about things you shouldn't."

She didn't even wait for a response before she disappeared. She was right, after all. I needed to stop; I had always been a listener, not a talker. It wasn't like anything was going to change. Still, I defended myself to the night.

"It was just a story."


	46. Epilogue: The Night Before Life Goes On

A/N: So here's the end. Thanks to everyone who put up with my major indecisiveness and especially thanks to those reviewers who got me through the middle chapters where I just kind of wanted to give up.

* * *

Epilogue: The Night Before (Life Goes On)

Our weekend of high school frivolity was over.

Jessica's ankle was better than we had all hoped. She toughed out the next day and we got back to telling old stories. And eventually it was time to go home.

She and Mike dropped me off since it was on their way. My house was no longer the dingy place I had rented my first three and a half years of teaching, but I felt a sudden longing for that old-cramped place. I missed Didi, who had been gone for the past five years, put down after a long life of being the most faithful companion anyone could ask for. Travelling through the past always brought up the little hurts that sometimes got swept under the rug in the chaos of everyday life.

There was shouting coming from my backyard, but I had learned, years ago, how to tell the difference between shouts that meant I should start to laugh and shouts that meant I should start to pray. Embry had the day off and while I knew better than to hope he had taken the boys to Church, I assumed I'd find all my boys playing together out back.

Francine Uley was doing dishes in my kitchen.

"Everyone's fine," she said as our eyes met. They were never where they were supposed to be, but if he couldn't be here I was glad someone could tell me he was alright. I remembered to breathe and she continued: "Jacob had to send a delegation to Seattle. Embry asked me to come over to watch the kids, but he should be back before dinner."

"They're getting a little old for a babysitter," I admitted as I walked over to the sink. We usually had Kim's darling Kara babysit for us nowadays and despite her shyness she had hinted the same; fourteen meant Adam didn't need a babysitter any longer. But Francine wasn't there to make sure they went to bed on time; she was there to make sure that if someone broke an arm, the right people were called.

Still, I was glad there was someone standing beside me, watching over my boys through the kitchen window as they played in the back. My boys weren't alone; someone who looked like a bodybuilder in his mid-twenties was with them.

Levi was fourteen like Adam; they'd been best friends since they were old enough to push each other down the porch steps at pack gatherings. He was a child, but he looked like a man and had powers that made me shiver.

"I reminded them to avoid contact sports," she said. "And Levi seems to have twice the protective instincts most of them have; he's been more careful than I thought he could be."

"Okay."

"I'm sure Mom's told you this, but Brian was the hardest for her." It had been devastating for Emily when her eldest son had phased; there had been some hope, since he lived on the Makah reservation, since he only visited his father on weekends, that maybe he wouldn't phase at all. Her three sons with her second husband were powerless; Sam's two boys were monsters. "The second time was a lot easier."

The second? How could I endure that? And then the third. Gabe was only eight—it was bad enough to think of his brothers towering over me when they should still be struggling to deal with cracking voices. How could I watch my baby come home scratched and bruised?

"I don't think anything in my life has been as hard—"

I stopped myself. Though I had always been a better listener than I was a talker, after the weekend, I was used to the sound of my own voice. Still Francine wasn't yet nineteen—she didn't deserve to have my problems dumped on her. It was just that she looked so much like her mother, just like Sam had wanted and feared, that I sometimes confused myself.

"They were well-behaved?" I asked instead.

"As soon as I got them outdoors. They're having a lot of fun finding out just what Levi can do."

"Good. As long as they're having fun."

"How was your weekend?"

"It was nice. I know it probably doesn't feel like it now, but trust me: when you're my age, you'll miss high school. High school is wonderful. Things are simple then."

"My brothers, my boyfriend and half the people I grew up with turned into giant wolves in high school. If life gets more complicated from here, I think I'm going to need a nap first," she said with a laugh.

"I'm wallowing," I realized.

"Mrs Call, I didn't mean—"

"No, I've been wallowing. I know I've been—I can't stop worrying. Sometimes I manage to push it aside for a few hours and then it just comes rushing back and I'm panicking all over again. I just can't seem to help myself."

"Sort of like phasing, but for mothers?" she suggested.

"I sound almost normal when you say it like that."

How many people had done what I would have to do with more composure? My mother-in-law hadn't even had the benefit of an explanation. At least I knew; my son wouldn't have to sneak out of my house. And I'd know exactly when it was coming, not like the older men, not even like Rachel's son, who'd become a bit of a guinea pig when Jacob discovered he could control when they phased by accidentally ordering his nephew to do just that.

But Rachel hadn't panicked at suddenly having her only child turn into a wolf. She'd helped him through it and even started sending out ridiculous emails with subjects like "Why is the fridge always empty?" and "My son lifted a fridge today, what did yours do?" and "Why does my life suddenly revolve around the fridge?" Not to mention the very important advice: "Always shower after sex. ALWAYS. Kill me please."

Emily had been calmer—and less inclined to turn the experience into a blog of her misadventures—and she had been the one to organize. Overwhelmed at having a husband with a job that you couldn't talk about? Terrified that your children could travel far away, leaving you and their bodies behind? Distraught that your boys would be sent to fight vampires one day? Emily was there.

Leah had gone one step further and voluntarily allowed her son to become a wolf at just fourteen. She wasn't scared; she'd embraced it, the way her son had embraced his heritage (the way Adam would if his mother could forget the red eyes of the Volturi in the middle of a ballroom).

"I'm sorry this ended up putting pressure on you," Leah had told me. They'd gone so far as to order Levi to stop bugging Adam even though Jacob still hated giving orders. "Always remember, it's your call."

It wouldn't always be. At eighteen, he would get to decide for himself and I already knew what his choice would be. He was his father's son (if I wasn't so worried, I think I'd be proud of him). Even now it wasn't totally my decision, not when his reproachful eyes watched me from across the dinner table.

"Embry wants to let him—says it'll be easier if he does it at the same time as Levi," I said to Francine as I watched the boys play in the yard.

"Someone has to stay with Levi," she agreed. "Apparently, he took out a couple of trees the other day trying to race his father." I laughed; I'd learned that it was always better to laugh, after all. She continued, "They're more comfortable if they don't have to do something alone."

"I'm sure they'll remind me during your father's party." As long as Leah didn't catch them, the werewolves would hint that if Adam wanted to do it…it was what he was born to do. Why should I put it off? "I'm sorry the Coven's coming."

"Nothing you could have done about it. At least the witch warned us ahead of time. And there's no vampires coming this year. Rachel isn't even sure Dr Cullen can come anymore."

"Oh no. Why not?"

"Seth wasn't allowed to explain, it sounded like." Nessie had a tendency to place herself in the middle of huge supernatural conflicts (to the consternation of most of the world, since everyone still seemed to love the girl). But she'd be fine—that's what the bodyguards were for. "I didn't know you were so close to her."

"Oh." I was still closer to Bella, who I talked to a few times a year, than I was with her daughter who I heard about but never from. "I've known her a long time, if that's what you mean."

"I just meant she sounded very fond of you." She moved away from the window, saying, "So, we'll see you Saturday then?"

"Of course. Here, let me get my wallet."

"Don't bother. I didn't really do anything."

"I know my kitchen wouldn't be this clean without you."

But it was very hard to argue with someone with werewolf blood as I had discovered over the years. I had to let her go without paying her; she even refused a ride home, promising one of her brothers would come get her as she walked home. It was still bright out, so I let her go. Besides, nothing out there would dare hurt a daughter of La Push (for all that she lived on the Makah reservation).

I went outside to see my boys.

* * *

It wasn't that I couldn't sleep by myself, but I was used to being very warm when I went to bed. Without Embry, even with a blanket, it wasn't quite the same. He was quiet, when he slipped into bed, but I had only been mostly asleep with him gone, so I couldn't help waking up then.

"You're back," I murmured as I snuggled up to his warm chest.

"We kind of went hunting on the way back," he admitted.

"Of course you did."

"I knew you'd be with the kids. How was your weekend?"

"Good."

"You were alone with your friends in the woods all weekend and all you can say is good?" He laughed. "You guys must have been doing something wrong."

"It's late. I'll tell you tomorrow. Why did Jacob send you to Seattle?"

"It's late."

"Rina told me they're sending a delegation to the party."

"When did you talk to Rina?"

"What's going on?"

"She and Sam managed to do whatever it was that they've been trying to do," he said. "Witches are grateful, they wanted to thank him person, Jake didn't want him to go alone. It was kind of fun. They've got great caterers."

I wasn't sure how I felt about a familiar helping my sisters when I couldn't; well, I knew how I felt, I just didn't like what that said about me. I was glad Sam had adapted to the magic around him (if only to help his children). I was more than glad that Rina had become friendly with the right people and gotten permission to work with the familiars again. I was even glad that the two of them had put their collective powers towards trying to find a way to heal even scar tissue. But I felt a little empty thinking about how useless that made me.

"I didn't know they were that close to finishing."

"Well, don't tell Morgana, but maybe they weren't quite sticking to the scheduled visits."

Of course, they would see nothing wrong with bending the rules.

"They aren't sleeping together, are they?"

Embry burst out laughing, belatedly remembering to muffle the sound in my hair. "Since when did you become such a gossip?" he murmured in my ear.

"His daughter always calls Rina a witch."

"I'm so proud she finally noticed."

"Embry. It's a very expressive double u."

But my husband was still laughing in my ear. "Do you really think Sam would risk _ever_ not being a werewolf? Just to get laid? There are easier ways."

"Like high school students?"

"Jake talked to Nathan about that."

They looked so young, it was easy to see why they were drawn to the girls they matched physically. How much they could mature despite their physical appearance was really anyone's guess.

"Even Sam must get lonely."

"Eh. Sam's kind of weird. And he's not desperate."

"Hey. My friend, remember?"

"Yeah, but—well, do you think your rather mad friend would do anything that would jeopardize her quest for ultimate cosmic power?"

I sniffed, just to make it clear I didn't appreciate his joke. It didn't make her crazy that she wanted to be the best at what she did. And if it was crazy to not be afraid, then my husband and his friends were all mad. "At least you managed not to call her a bitch this time."

"I try." At least he stopped laughing. "You worry too much, Ang."

"Someone has to."

"You think I don't?" His very long arm reached over and turned on the light. He looked exactly the same as he had when we first met (aside from a few scars). "Are you going to tell me what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong."

"You're a lousy actor. Are the kids okay? Did something happen this weekend?"

"It was good," I said. But he didn't believe me and he was my husband and he loved me and how could I not tell him? "It's the coming back home that's hard. I come here and Leah's son looks just like you, even though you're my husband and he's a child. How do I—and then I have Francine in my kitchen and Sam asked me to at least help his daughter, help the girls, and I couldn't even do that. She's going to end up exactly like her mother, helping you all no matter what."

"I think you might be projecting a little," he said, still a little too amused for my liking. But he could be surprisingly serious when he saw how much I needed that. "Anyway, you did help them. It means everything that they don't have to wait behind. That they can watch, even help. Angela, there's never been more than twenty of us at a time but the Coven takes us seriously. You think they're coming on Saturday because they find Jake funny? They're coming because we're powerful and they know it's better to play nice than to piss us off."

"Embry…"

"Go ask any of those girls—go ask them and their brothers and lovers and friends if doesn't mean everything that they aren't alone. Go ask Angie if she's glad that when her daddy disappears she can check in on him sometimes, that she'll one day be able to help him. She's eleven and she gets scared sometimes, but she'd say nothing but thank you."

Jacob's littlest, his baby girl who didn't believe anyone who said her father hadn't built the world, was just a gracious child in general. It would have nothing to do with anything I had done.

"I told Jessica," I admitted.

"You told—?"

"Rina took care of it. I just…I tell Jessica the story of us and it's so easy to fall in love with you as I'm talking."

"But," he said flatly.

"But sometimes I'm not even sure why I did things. I can't lie to Jessica but sometimes I'm not sure I'm telling her the truth. And if I can't understand me—well, I never claimed to be able to understand you. But if I can't understand me, how am I supposed to understand…"

"Adam?" Embry offered quietly.

My children were my pride and joy. I'd given up my powers; my power had never been of much help to anybody. But my boys were wonderful and they were worth everything. And he wasn't going to be mine any more. He would be Jacob's (the way they all were Jacob's, Leah and Embry and Quil and Seth and Sam and Paul and all the others, Jacob's the way we all were, Jacob's the way even Nessie was still, where she rarely saw him or spoke to him but would go anywhere he asked her to because he was Jacob and in charge and that was enough for her, no matter what I had supposedly done).

I just buried my head against the crook of his neck. "I can't have my son be a stranger."

"He doesn't have to transform for a while yet. There's enough of us. No one will blink if we wait."

"They'll know it's because of me."

They might not want to share everything, but they did. Everyone on the reservation would know it was my choice, not Embry's.

"I support you, they'll support you." And to them it would over.

"He doesn't want to wait." That was the problem. Jacob wouldn't put him in any danger until he could handle it, but the earlier he started the better control he would have when the danger started. It was what he wanted—and didn't I know that we wanted sometimes didn't make the most sense?

"We're his parents. He'll do what we say," Embry said. He was the disciplinarian; I didn't have it in me. For someone who was so laidback and full of laughter, Embry made sure to teach our children that sometimes you _had_ to listen. Or else. It was that simple.

"I—we should let him. Once school's out. We should let him."

"What?"

It had scared me. There it was. It had scared me being so powerful, trying to figure out if I had the right to act, if I shouldn't have gone further, if I had already gone too far. It had terrified me almost to the point of inaction. I preferred to believe in a higher power; I preferred waiting behind to having to make the life and death decisions. But I wasn't my son.

"If it's what he wants, then we should let him. Make sure he understands before he decides, but if he wants to—"

"Okay," Embry agreed quickly. "I'll talk to him. Hammer home the important stuff. And we'll make him wait until the summer."

"Okay."

"How about we go to sleep now?" he offered with a familiar grin.

I nodded and settled under his arm. "Emily's inviting a third cousin for Kim on Saturday."

"Have you ever considered she's happy being by herself?" I didn't answer and he laughed. "Right, right. Ignore me."

"The boys crushed my flowers again."

"Of course they did."

"I'm not going to give up."

"And I will scold them for you."

"One day they will learn to respect the flowers."

"One day," Embry agreed.

"You're laughing."

"What are you talking about? I believe in miracles. I happen to have this super hot wife who finds me funny."

Warm lips began to nibble on my neck. "You went for a run and it took you this long to start pawing at me? I guess there are such thing as miracles."

"Hey, if you want to see paws, I can show you paws."

"Go to sleep, Embry."

"You have to tell me about your weekend."

"It's late. I'll tell you tomorrow."

"Lauren ended up skinny dipping?"

"Are we that predictable?"

"If you let me paw at you, I'll say you aren't." I turned over at kissed him. "You guys are super spontaneous."

"I'll show you spontaneous."

There was nothing I could do but trust that everything would work out. I could do that. Jessica and everyone always said I was too nice—maybe I was, but it was only because I believed in what Embry had once called the world according to Seth. Everyone really did try to do their best and things worked out more often than not; it might not be in the way you expected, but everything would work out in the end.

When my son needed me, I would be there to help him. After everything I had been through with Embry, having our son turn into a giant wolf was almost anticlimactic. We'd find some way to manage. We always did.


End file.
